Astrid
by Aveza
Summary: After being left behind by her father, Astrid is raised under the caring arms of W&E. Spirited, stubborn & gullible, she's pulled into a life of handsome young men, awful governesses, seafaring lads, and oddly enough, strange dreams of a pirate named Jack
1. Left Behind

**Astrid**

**Part One of the Astrid Series**

_Full Summary: Jack finds himself taking care of a baby girl after finding out that he's her biological father. But after five years, Jack realizes that he will never be able to take care of his daughter well, and he turns to his good friends, Elizabeth and Will, for help. It's only then when Jack realizes that he must make the hardest decision he'll ever make in his life; and that decision is saying good-bye to his daughter. Over time, the girl grows up with a mind of her own and a love for the sea, and her pirate roots will lead her back to where she came from. (Story is shown through the daughter's point of view)_

_Chapter One: Left Behind_

**F**ather woke me early that morning saying that we had a lot to do that day. I was obedient and got out of my hammock as soon as he spoke the orders, for I loved my father very much, and I would never want to disappoint him.

I dressed rather sloppily, for no one ever taught me properly how to dress myself. I brushed my hair as well as I could in my cabin aboard the _Black Pearl_ and headed out.

"Astrid! Ye ready, love?" my father called out as I walked up the stairs to the deck.

"Aye, Daddy!" I yelled back.

I walked on deck surprised to see that the crew was hardly busy at all. Usually by that hour, they were hustling about the deck as my father gave them orders. Today though, not one person was given an order. My father walked up to me and picked me up and started carrying me to the helm. I felt a strong wind pass by and it undid my hair. I scowled, for I had worked hard to get it done, but my father chuckled at me.

"Why are you laughing?" I said.

"C'mon, Astrid. Lemme see what to do about your hair." He set me down on the ground again and fiddled around with my hair. "Oh, it's useless. Your hair is untamable, love," he laughed, and I gave him a frown.

"Where are we going today? Ye won't leave me 'ere with Ana Maria again, will you? I wanna go with you."

"Don't worry. Yer coming with me for sure this time." I grinned at him, and he picked me up yet again.

"Surprises me how I've managed to take care of you for five years, Astrid," he said.

Unaware was I to see that a hint of sadness and pain shone in my father's eyes. "C'mon. We have to get going. I have... a lot to do today." He set me gently on the wooden deck and walked up to captain the helm alone. I watched him, and I called out to him.

"Yer not gonna leave, are ya? You _will_ let me come, aye?"

"Aye," he sighed. "In a way, ye _have_ to come with me."

"Are ye sure? 'Cause before you always lef' me behind, and last time I went with you, ye got mad at me an' said—"

"Astrid, I promise you. You'll come. An' I won't get mad." I sensed the annoyance in his voice.

"Ye promise? No tricks?"

"No tricks."

"Good."

I walked up on the helm and stood beside him as he steered our ship. I was five years old, and I didn't know much about the world of regular people. I only remembered how to live as a pirate. I didn't even know pirates were bad, in a way, and that my father was one of the most ruthless pirates at sea in the Caribbean.

I tugged on his sleeve. "Where are we going?"

"To Port Royal. We're gonna see a couple of my mates, 'kay love?"

"Really? Who are they?"

"Will Turner and his wife, Elizabeth... and their son, Roland."

"Rolan'? What kinda name is Rolan'?"

"What kinda name is Astri'?" He mimicked my inability to pronounce the letter "d" in words.

"You said that you didn't gimme me name!" I laughed. "You told me me mum gave it to me!"

"And she did. If I gave ye a name, I'd name you..."

"Wot?"

"I'd name you Astrid. Wouldn't have it any other way. Now, we're wasting time with our little chat. We gotta get going."

"Can we eat first?"

"Why the hell would ya wanna do that?"

"'Cause I'm hungry. Why else?" I rubbed my belly and smiled.

My father reluctantly fulfilled my wishes, and he called over to a crewmember and ordered him to take over the ship while he went down with me to the captain quarters. But I was rather surprised at my father's response. He hardly ever ate breakfast with me.

By now, I could clearly see this Port Royal that my father had spoke of, but when we dropped anchor, I grew confused.

"Jack?" I asked. I either called him by his first name or called him 'Daddy.' I didn't like calling him 'Father.' Besides, I think he preferred it when I addressed him by 'Jack.'

"Daddy, why are ye stoppin'?" But he didn't hear me. He was busy ordering his crew around, but I managed to grab one of the pirates. "What are we doing?"

"Haven't you seen the signs, little Sparrow? Pirates'll be hanged if they see us."

"Am I a pirate?"

"Aye. You got it in your blood for God's sake." He left me and I stomped over to my father.

"What's going on?" I said, tugging on his sleeve. He shooed me away with his hand. "Daddy, what the bloody hell is going on?" That got his attention, and he looked at me.

"Never say 'bloody hell,' Astrid."

"But ye say it all the time."

"You're little." He squirmed a bit. "And you're a girl. Can't have a girl speak like a pirate. Plus, you need to behave when you meet Will and Elizabeth."

"_Hmmph!_" I crossed my arms and jutted my bottom lip out at him.

"Listen here, love." I could tell he was angry with me. "You act like a good little lady and we'll play a game before we leave, savvy?"

"For how long?"

"As long as you want."

I nodded subtly.

"There. That's a good lassie." He rumpled my hair and I giggled. He laughed back, but walked away before I could give him a 'thank you' hug.

A rowboat was set down from the ship, and my father and I went down with it. He gave his crew orders to keep watch, and with that, we rowed towards the docks. We reached them rather quickly, for my father seemed in a hurry. We walked on a dock, but men in red coats immediately came running to us. "Look, now, Sparrow," a guard said. "We won't send for the Commodore if you leave promptly."

Jack took a step back and grinned at the two gentlemen.

"Now who said that I was staying? I'm just here to visit some old friends."

The guards remained silent, and my father tapped my shoulder, signalling for me to go on walking. But before I knew it, a gun was pointed at my head: a gun held rather clumsily by a seeminly nervous soldier.

"Now, now, you wouldn't shoot an innocent little girl now would you?" my father said.

"She came with you, and that is her crime," a guard replied. His voice was shaking.

"All right. Go ahead. Shoot her." My father picked me up with one arm and snatched the nose of one of the guard's guns and pressed it against my forehead. "Shoot the little bonnie lass." I felt the gun nozzle tremble against my forehead and I closed my eyes tight. I heard the soldier sigh aggravatedly before moving the gun nozzle off my forehead. I breathed a little easier afterwards, as did the guard.

"C'mon, love. Let's get going." Before leaving, he turned back to the cowardly guards. "Oh, and let's keep this between us shall we? If not, then, I can just send my crew out here to—"

"W-we won't tell," they stammered.

"Good." My father lifted me up and he ran into town, not even minding the heads turning our way.

I soon found myself at a large door belonging to a very large house. It was beautiful. Unlike any house I had ever seen. Then again, I hadn't seen many buildings. I was always at sea for the most part.

"This is Elizabeth and Will's house, love," my father said, noticing me gawk at the house.

He knocked on the door, and it was answered by gray haired servant. The already mentioned Will Turner was then summoned. A tall young man came shortly after. His hair was dark and his eyes were brown, and behind him was a lady fair of face, with golden hair.

"Jack?" said the man.

"Aye, it's good ol' Jack here, mate!"

"What are you doing here?" The man's eyes scanned fervently around, almost as if he was expecting trouble.

"Oh, Will, can't I stop by to say 'hullo' to the most beautiful family in the world?" My father walked into the home and I followed him. It was then when I noticed the small, brown haired boy with hazel eyes standing behind the lady. "Is this your son?"

"Yes," said the lady. The boy cowered from my father and hid behind his mother's dress.

"Jack, your visit is rather unexpected. We're not entirely prepared for whatever adventure you bring to our doorstep. What brings you here?" she asked. He looked at me, and then looked back at the lady.

"It's for more than one reason, as you can see, Elizabeth." It was then when Will and Elizabeth looked at me, and their eyes showed amazement yet worry at the same time.

"Jack," Elizabeth said. "A child? You have a child?"

He shrugged, somewhat uncomfortable about the subject and I knew Jack was never much of an uncomfortable man. He was always quite at ease.

Elizabeth stared harder at me, and I grew uncomfortable.

"She looks... nothing like you. Maybe it was a mis—"

"It wasn't, Elizabeth. She's really my own. If you watch her, you'll see that she's a lot like me."

Elizabeth turned to me then, her pretty face smiling and she bent down and asked me what my name was. I told her and she then wanted to know if I was hungry or wanted anything to eat. I said I wasn't. I noticed that the boy hiding behind he dress was casting looks at me, and I was eager to ask him why. But I tired of introductions. I wanted Jack to hurry up so we could play the game that he promised.

After her small chat with me, Elizabeth then gave her attention back to my father and asked:

"Jack, why have you brought her here?"

I was led and then locked in what seemed like a playroom with the boy named Roland and a quiet maid as my father left to speak with his friends. I stared at the closed entryway, waiting for my father to come back and play with me.

"What's your name?" The sound of someone speaking drew me out of my daydream, and I turned to Roland.

"Me name's Astrid."

"What kind of a name is Astrid?" His nose scrunched up. "Doesn't sound very British."

_Well, maybe I'm _not_ British. Ever thought of that? _

I snorted softly and sat my bum in a cushioned chair close to where the maid was sitting. I figured that she was there to mind us.

"You want to play?" asked Roland, picking up a little wooden sword and waving it in front of my nose.

"Ever play pirates?"

"Sure! Lots of times! I play it with my par—"

The door was unlocked and Roland didn't finish his sentence. I had hoped for Jack, but my father was not in the entrance. It was Elizabeth.

"Roland," she said, "Come, darling. Lisa wants you to help her cook dinner. Jack needs to talk to Astrid." Roland left me and went to his mother, and she gently took his hand and they left the room.

My father appeared shortly after.

"Ready to play, Astrid?" he said.

"Am I ever!" I jumped up and we walked out into the gardens of the mansion.

My father started off our game quickly and I was hooked from the first second. We played pirates, and I got to be captain while he was my first mate. We played as though we were in a storm on a search for treasure, and then he made me go overboard, and he played the shark that would eat me. I screamed and laughed as I ran from him. He chased me, and he caught me from behind.

"Ah! I've got you now!" he said.

"No, you haven't!" I drew my pretend sword and I made to "kill" him. He fell on the ground, acting as though he was dead. "C'mon, get up! You're not dead!" I kicked him playfully in the side and he grabbed my leg. I shrilled, and pulled my leg free as he chased me some more.

Our game went on for what seemed like hours until I became so tired that I wanted to game to stop. I fell onto the soft grass and closed my eyes, and before long, I was asleep.

I woke up and found myself on a couch. Jack was not even nearby. I looked out a window and saw that it was early evening. The sun was just setting. I didn't know that I had been asleep for so long, and I woke up confused. Where was my father?

"Daddy?" I called. The room was silent. I bit my lip. He promised me that I'd go on this adventure with him. He promised me that he wouldn't leave me behind.

"Daddy?" I said again, more urgently. I walked out of the room and called his name over and over again, but no one answered.

Then I accidentally ran into the living room where Elizabeth, Will and Roland were.

"Have you seen Jack?" I asked them. Elizabeth's head shot up, and she over looked at Will before turning back to me. "Where is he?"

"Astrid..." she said to me. "Come here and take a seat." She patted the cushion of the sofa she was at. I did as I was told and sat next to her. "Astrid, Jack's... gone away for a while."

I clenched my jaw and my fists. She couldn't have said that me. She couldn't have. I stared long and hard at her until my eyes stung, and I sniveled as I turned around so that my back faced her.

"No, he's not!" I shouted. "He told me he wouldn't leave me behind!"

"Astrid, he's just gone away for a little bit. He told us to tell you—" I stopped listening.

"He's not gone!" I screamed, standing up confused, flustered, and angry. "He promised me! He promised _me_!" I didn't know that I was now crying and sobbing like a baby.

"Astrid, Astrid," said Elizabeth evenly, she took my hand and patted it gently, but I pulled it away. "Calm down, Astrid. It's going to be all right."

"No! He promised me he wouldn't leave me! He said so! Why would he leave me if he loves me!"

I could not take it anymore. I fell against her, trembling as sobs wracked my tiny body. She rubbed my back soothingly, but I was not comforted.

"But he promised!" I wept. "He said he wouldn't leave me..." I felt bad that my snot and tears were falling onto her fine, frilly dress.

"He hasn't. He'll come back for you one day, Astrid. He'll come back."

But I didn't want him to come back ever. I wanted him to stay so that he _wouldn't_ have left, and I wanted to run out into the street and find him there to prove to her that he didn't leave me: that he kept his promise to me. It wasn't right. I knew he loved me. I was his daughter. His own flesh and blood. He had to have loved me. He _did_ love me, but despite it, I could not help but wonder why. If he loved me, then why did he leave me behind?

**A/N: The first few chapters of this story will be rather simple and lacking detail. It is not because I'm a bad writer. Astrid is five when her story begins, and as you can tell, everything is in past tense. So she's probably looking back on this perhaps when she is 7 or 8. However, as the story progresses, you should note the significant change in description as Astrid gets older. Just thought I'd mention that. I didn't want to lose readers because the writing in the first few chapters was purposefully inadequate. **


	2. A New Home

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_Chapter Two: A New Home_

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**I** must have cried myself to sleep because the next thing I knew, I was in a soft bed. I lifted my head off of the pillows and peered around the room. It was large and nicely furnished, with large bay windows to my right. The curtains were a pearly white, and they matched the elegance of the room. There were colorful oriental rugs on the polished wooden floor, and a candle stood beside me resting on a nightstand. The curtains were draped over my windows, so I had no clue what time of day it was, but the weak streams of light seeping through the cracks told me that it wasn't night.

I got out of bed and realized I was still dressed in my pirate clothes. My boots were removed, and I found them standing by the door. I first went to my windows and parted the curtains. I found that it was dawn, and I had a perfect view of the rising sun against the horizon.

I sat on the window seat and looked out. I saw that my room was up high. I wouldn't be able to escape. I sat slumped in the seat and drew the pearly white curtains around me, trapping me inside the window seat; but it also separated me from whoever suddenly came into my room.

"Miss Astrid? You awake?" a voice said. I took it that it was a maid, for it did not sound like Elizabeth. I ignored the call and stayed in my place. "Miss Astrid, come on now. Missus Turner doesn't like to wait. She wants to see you."

"She can see me some other time," I retorted, giving my covert spot away. At once the curtains were grabbed and pulled, and I was hauled out of my spot.

"Come on now, get dressed."

"I _am_ dressed."

"That is no way for a young lady to dress. Come on now, let me show you."

My maid brought me to the dressing area and pulled off my soiled pirate clothes and slipped me into some undergarments. Once I had my stockings on, she slipped on me a very uncomfortable and tight blue dress, embroidered with tiny flowers and ruffles around the hem, neckline and numerous other places.

She then brought me to a dresser with a mirror and sat me down in a chair. My hair was brushed rather aggressively, for my hair was a curly mess. She sighed in relief though, at my naturally curly hair, and just made it up into a tight bun with loose curls hanging out by my ears.

"So you will be staying with the Turner family, Miss Sparrow?"

"I dunno," I replied.

"We'll have to teach you proper speech too. Now, stay still. I'm not done fixing your hair." I was getting annoyed and restless at her rambling about. Her chatter was useless. At last she pulled her fingers out of my auburn hair and I was allowed to leave the room, of course, not without my shoes.

Never before had I felt like a complete fool as I walked down the stairs to the kitchen where Elizabeth and the rest of the Turner family would be waiting for me. The dress was uncomfortable, my hair was uncomfortable, and the shoes were uncomfortable. I wondered what my father would think if he saw me now.

_Maybe he's just off to Tortuga again, _I thought_. He'll come back. He wouldn't want me to live like _this.

At last, I reached the kitchen and Elizabeth smiled as I walked in.

"Good morning, Astrid. You look beautiful."

"Thank you," I mumbled. I guessed they thought being in a hardly movable dress was a good thing.

"You can join us to eat breakfast if you'd like. Are you hungry?" It was only when she mentioned the words did I realize that I was starving.

"Yes. I'll eat."

"All right. Here, you may take a seat beside Roland."

"Yes, but..."

"Yes, Astrid?

"My father is coming back, right? I mean, I'm only staying here for a while, right?"

"O-Of course you are. Jack will come back soon. Meanwhile, we'll make sure you enjoy your stay here with us. In fact, as soon as breakfast is over, you can tell us whatever you want to do."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"All rightey. Thank ye. Me dad must be really good friends with ye for ye to do this."

"Oh, we'd do anything for Jack, Astrid. Anything."

I took a seat next to Roland and my food was placed before me. I immediately grabbed my fork and began eating, eating rather…greedily. I knew that I had shocked them in some way, for no one else was eating. I looked up and swallowed the food in my mouth. "Am I doin' somthin' wrong?" I said quietly.

"No, no, Astrid," the man named Will said. "We all know your reason." I smiled in gratitude and continued to eat, and so did the rest of the Turner family.

When breakfast was over, I told them what I would like to do, and as if they didn't have any other plans, they happily agreed to do them.  
"You mean, you ain't burdened by me?"

"Of course not, Astrid," Elizabeth said. "Why, you're practically part of the Turner family now."

"It's just 'cause my father always said I was a pest when I told him that I wanted to do somethin' an' he didn't wanna do it."

"It's all right. You are far from being a bother to us, Astrid. Now, you said you wanted to go walk around town, right?"

"Yes! I can't believe you remembered! Jack always forgot about things."

"Well, let's get going. We still have to do everything else."

I was convinced in my mind that my father would come back, but I liked how I was actually being listened to this time. Elizabeth and Will were nice. They actually listened to me, but I wondered why my father wasn't like that in the first place.

I walked down the street beside Elizabeth and she pointed out places to me. Sometimes she would make a game out of it, and she had to point to a place and I had to guess what it was. If I was right, then Elizabeth promised to take me down to the beach. I guessed a couple places right, and she fulfilled her promise to me, and we went down to the shore.

I crouched down beside the waves that broke on the shore and placed my fingers in them. I longed to be back on a ship and see the blue ocean around me, but I was actually having fun that day, and I didn't want the happiness to end. In a way, I almost wanted to stay with Elizabeth and Will forever, and my feelings from the night before hardly existed.

By the time we walked back to town, it was mid-afternoon and I was tired _and_ hungry; but it seemed as if Elizabeth and Will had noticed, and before long, Roland was in Elizabeth's arms, and I, in Will's. He held me securely yet gently, and I knew he wouldn't set me down on the ground after a few seconds like Daddy often did.

"Anything else you want to do, Astrid?" Will asked.

"No. I'm tired. I want to go... home," I replied, feeling my eyelids droop.

"All right. Then that's where we're going."

The next time I opened my eyes, I was in the house again. It was early evening and I smelled the aroma of supper. I got up and walked into the next room I passed by, and I saw Mister Turner in there. He was looking at some swords on the wall, and I wondered what he found so interesting in them. "Is supper soon?" I asked, revealing my hunger and position.

"Yes. You can come in if you'd like."

I lingered in my spot in the room entrance before walking in and standing beside him.

"Do you like swords?" He smiled and looked down at me.

"I do. I also make them."

"How can you make one?"

"Do you want me to make one for you?"

"No, well, I dunno. I'd like to have a sword to play with."

"Well, swords are dangerous weapons, Astrid."

"I know, but I don't like using an invisible sword when I'm playing."

"I cannot make you an authentic sword, but perhaps I can make you a wooden one to play with. Would you like that?"

"Oh yes! Really? Ya mean it?"

"Yes. In fact, Roland has been begging for one too. I'll make one for each of you."

"Oh, thank you!"

Without thinking, I hugged him, and he didn't walk away before I could. He hugged me back and picked me up, but there was something in his hug that was different from my father's. There was care.

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By the next week, I felt quite at home with the Turners. What happened to me in the past week seemed so unimportant, and I no longer cared if my father came back or not. I wondered why though.

I had grown to love the place so quickly, and I was afraid of losing my feelings about my father. I knew I loved him still, but now I loved Elizabeth and Will too. Even Roland.

Roland and I shared many of the same interests, and he was kind of like a brother to me, if you look at it that way. We played pirates together, with the play swords Will made for us, and the games we played were some of the best ones I ever had.

I grew acquainted with the servants and helped them out often with Roland. It didn't take me long to fall in love with the whole place or for me to realize that just because Jack was gone, didn't mean that my happiness had to go with him.


	3. Mum and Dad

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_Chapter Three: Mum and Dad_

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"**H**ey, that's not fair!" I scowled. Roland laughed and smirked. "I'll get you, Captain Roland! No pirate is going to leave Astrid Sparrow in the dust!"

I ran after him, and he took off.

"Don't you mean _Captain_ Astrid Sparrow?" he laughed.

"Aye. _Captain_ Astrid Sparrow," I laughed in reply.

I chased him and poked him in the back with my fake sword. He fell to the ground in a rather funny yet dramatic "death."

"All right. All right. You got me," he said, getting up on his feet. "Ready for another game?"

"Sure."

"Roland! Astrid! Come on in now!" Will called from inside the house. Both Roland and I grunted at our short game. He had just started lessons in school, and he didn't come home 'til late afternoon, giving us little playtime.

"All right!" I yelled back.

The door leading into the gardens was opened, and we walked into the house. I had been staying with the Turners for a couple months now, and my father hadn't written to me at all.

Will was waiting by the door as we entered and told Roland to go clean himself up. Roland left me after a quick farewell and walked up the stairs to his room. As soon as he was gone, Will gave me a mock frown.

"Now, why are you dressed in your pirate clothes, Miss?" he said. "That is no way for a young lady to dress."

"Why do I have to wear those dresses? They're itchy. Why can't I wear this?"

"Because you will be educated soon."

"Huh?"

"You are going to have a governess."

"Why can't I go to school with Roland?"

"There are no schools for girls like you, sadly."

"Oh. When do I begin?"

"Tomorrow. Now, come on, let's go help Lisa in the kitchen." Will picked me up and carried me to the kitchen. He set me down on the edge of a counter so that my legs dangled about.

"Mister Turner, that girl should be dressed like a lady, not some dirty old sailor!" Lisa, the cook, exclaimed.

"Oh, Lisa," Will laughed. "Let her dress how she wants to for today. Tomorrow she'll be trapped in a dress all day."

"I'm getting a governess," I said proudly. I grinned and Lisa took a damp cloth and wiped the dirt from my face.

"Of course you are. You are in dire need of one."

She turned her back on me to tend to her cooking and I made a face at her. She gave me plenty of orders each day, and it bothered me, but she was good company nonetheless. I looked at Will to see if he saw me make the face, and he did. I didn't feel bad though. He returned my grin.

"Where's Elizabeth, Will?" I asked.

"She's out in town today."

"Doing what?"

"Getting your governess."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Is my governess going to be nice?"

"I haven't met her, so I don't know."

"Will she come here, or do I have to go to her?"

"She'll come here."

"What will she teach me?" Will looked at me and I smiled at my never-ending amount of questions.

"There are times to ask questions, and times not too." He picked me up off the counter and held me. "And there are times to be a pirate and times to be a lady, and you now have to act like a lady. Come on, go upstairs and clean yourself up." I moaned at the order and slipped out of his arms and onto the ground.

"All right, I'll go. Just one more question."

"Yes, Astrid?"

"Will I still be able to play when I get my governess?"

"Of course you will. Now, go on."

I walked up the stairs and did as I was told. Having a governess somewhat excited me, but little did I know that it wouldn't be as great as I dreamt it up to be.

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It was late at night, and I lay wide-awake in my bed staring out the window. The moon shed its light upon me, and the room was dark in some places and bathed in a silvery blue hue in others. I stared at the round moon with blank eyes. For some reason, I couldn't sleep. I regretted doing so because then I would be in a bad mood the next day, and my governess was coming. I was determined to make a good impression.

Then I realized why I looked at the moon. It reminded me of my father. I missed him still, and I remembered the last time I woke up from a bad dream and found him standing outside on the deck looking at a full moon. I remembered standing right beside him. Neither of us said anything, and he understood why I was out there and picked me up. I looked at the moon with him, until I closed my eyes and fell asleep in his secure arms.

That security and care were broken now. He left me, and I didn't even know if he would come back one day. I always hoped that he would because Elizabeth told me that he loved me. He wasn't like Will, but maybe that's what made him special. Will was a good person and he listened to me when I said something. He never tried to shoo me away, nonetheless leave me behind.

Here, I actually had Elizabeth, a kind of motherly type of person. While as with Jack, I only had Ana Maria who was just as much a pirate as Jack; but I had grown to love the crew of the _Black Pearl_ just as much as I loved the people in the Turner home, and I didn't know what would happen if I lost both of them.

"I miss you, Daddy," I whispered into the night. "I love you, and I want you to come home." I really didn't know what I was saying for I felt suddenly sleepy. I should have known that home to Jack was not with me.

It was with his ship.

My mind blanked out, and I took it that I was asleep. Before long, I was dreaming. I dreamt that I was alone on the _Black Pearl_. The ship was empty, barren, deserted. I could feel a chilling wind whip me in the face and all of a sudden, the moon above me turned dark. I was trapped in darkness, and my vision was very dim. I felt the ship beneath me shake and tilt, and I felt myself rolling around and running into things. I was screaming, screaming out someone's name, but I didn't know whose.

Suddenly, the ship swerved sharply, and I realized that I was dangling over a raging ocean. I looked down and sharks, blood, and dead people were swirling around in the hideous sea ready to capture me if I fell. I screamed harder, and I felt my hands slowly sliding off the pole I was holding on to. It was then when my muffled cries became clear.

"Daddy!" I screamed. "Daddy! Help me!" I heard a reply in the distance amidst the howling of the ocean.

"Astrid! Astrid! I'm coming! Hold on!" it said. I knew it was Jack's voice, but it seemed so far away. I yelled back.

"Daddy! Hurry! Don't let me die! Please!" Again his voice came and it was louder this time. At last, I felt his hand grab my own just as I was about to slip off, but then he let go of me.

"_Daddy_!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "Don't leave me! Please! Don't leave me!"

But it was too late. I fell into Hell's ocean, and at last, I woke up from my dream screaming: "Don't leave me! You said you wouldn't leave me! Why would you leave me if you love me!"

Anger and confusion fueled my actions and I kicked and screamed and wept in my bed. I didn't stop screaming out for my father. In the distance I heard the deep thuds of footsteps and Will and Elizabeth barged into my room.

"Astrid!" Elizabeth said, rushing to my bed.

"He left me! He broke his promise! He doesn't love me anymore!" I wailed. She held me close and my cries were muffled in her arms. Will wrapped his arms around both of us, and they cooed soothing words to me as I continued to cry.

"It's all right, Astrid. It's all right," Elizabeth said softly. "I'm here. Will is here. There's no need to be afraid."

I felt so much comfort in her words, and what I wanted them to be to me was undeniable. I wanted them to take care of me forever. They loved me. They would never leave me. They cared, and they listened. They didn't ignore me. They loved me, and it was then when I realized how lucky Roland was to have such parents.

"He never loved me. That's why he left," I said.

"Shh. Of course he loves you, and we love you too, Astrid." She kissed my head softly and set me back in bed. "Better?" I nodded in reply.

"Good. Now get some rest," Will said. He kissed my forehead, and they were about to leave, when I called them back.

"Elizabeth? Will?"

"Yes," they said.

"May I call you Mum and Dad?" I was waiting for an awkward silence to occur, but it didn't.

"Of course you can, Astrid," Will said.

"We'd love to be your parents," Elizabeth added. I smiled in relief, and they each kissed me on the forehead good night.

"Good night... Mum... Dad," I said.

"Good night, Astrid."


	4. A Witch

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_Chapter Four: A Witch_

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**I**t didn't occur to me that I had woken up late, but minutes away from my first meeting with my governess. I wearily sat up in bed and looked around the room thinking of what I should do. Suddenly, my maid, Margaret, burst into the room, her face flustered and angry. "What are you doing just sitting in bed! Get up for God's sake, child! Your governess will be arriving soon!"

Margaret, or Maggie, as I called her, came up to my bed and hauled me off it (rather aggressively if you ask me). She pushed me into my dressing area and did the usual. First the dress, then the hair, then my face, and then finally the shoes. I spoke not a word to her, seeming a tad bit out of it that day.

"Oh," she sighed. "This will have to do. If you had woken up earlier, you would be more presentable." While she was saying that, I wondered why nobody took the care to wake me earlier.

The gown she chose for me to wear that day was a bright yellow dress, as frilly as the others I had worn. I had gradually grown use to its restrictiveness, but I could tell that this dress was relatively new, for it was terribly tight.

"Go on, now. Go downstairs and tell them you are ready." I obeyed, happy to get away from Maggie.

I was stuck with two relatively annoying women during most of the day. Elizabeth was always out doing business in town, and Will was always at his blacksmith shop, which I had yet to see. Plus, Roland was away at school until mid-afternoon, so I was stuck with Maggie and Lisa, our cook. I did get to know the other servants around the house, particularly the male ones because they were less bothersome than Maggie or Lisa. One of them was Peter, the head butler and doorman. He was old, but less bossy than the others. He was sometimes even funny, but I still felt utterly alone in the house; but that was about to change. I would have a governess.

I walked slowly down the steps trying to delay my arrival, but to my dismay, my feet left the last step too early.

"Good luck today," Roland said, walking up to me. "I hear that your governess is worse than Maggie _and_ Lisa combined."

"And where did you hear that from?"

"Mum told me. Well, not really. She said that your governess' name was Missus Heather Whitman. I told my friend about it as Mum was taking me home, and he said his older sister had Missus Whitman and said she was a witch."

"I don't think they would do that to me."

"They probably don't know her, but it's true."

"Are you trying to scare me?"

"No, Astrid. If I was playing a joke on you, I would tell you that..."

"That she's a witch?" I crossed my arms and peered at him.

"No! I would say that she's a witch from... _hell_."

"Roland William Turner!" Elizabeth, or Mother, yelled as she walked up to us. "Watch your language!"

"Sorry, Mummy," he muttered.

"Come along. I need to take you to school." She turned to me and smiled. "Don't worry. I'll be back before your governess arrives. I'm sure you are very excited."

"I am," I replied.

"Well, you can go ahead and eat breakfast in the kitchen. Missus Whitman won't be coming for a while."

"But Maggie just scolded me for waking up late! She said my governess was coming in a couple of minutes!" Mother laughed at my complaint.

"Oh, Astrid. Maggie is always tense. She expects everything to be prompt. Don't mind it." She took Roland's hand and they walked out of the door. I watched them walk down the pale, cobblestone walkway to a big black box with wheels, feeling rather out of place at the time. I was so caught up in it all that I didn't notice Will, or Father, walking up the street.

"What's so interesting that you're looking at?" he said, disrupting my daydream. I looked up at him with blank eyes, and he picked me up. As soon as I felt him pick me up, I squeaked because he had taken any air within me due to my stiff dress. "Are you sure you can breathe in that thing?" he asked.

"No," I moaned.

"Well, just don't faint because your governess is coming soon."

"I know, I know. I have to be on my best behavior and so on and so forth. Daddy," I said. To my surprise he turned to me with a warm smile. "Roland said my governess is a witch. Is that true?"

"Oh, so Roland said she was a witch, now did he?" he replied.

"Yes. I asked him if he was just trying to scare me, and he said that if he was, he would say that she was a witch from hell."

"That Roland. He's a funny thing, very imaginative. He learns a lot of that stuff from his schoolmates."

"Why don't they have schools for girls?" By now, we were in the kitchen and Will set me down on a counter yet again, and Lisa scolded him for putting me there as always.

"Well, girls are too busy doing chores and other duties around the house, which is why they grow up not really wanting an education."

"I want one. I hate chores. Jack made me do them with the crew all the time."

"Well, you're an exception. I suppose Eliz—Mum, knew that you would not be like other girls and planned to give you a governess."

"Have you met mine?"

"No."

"How old is Roland?"

"Same as you."

"So he just began school?"

"Yes." He picked me up from off the counter and set me on the ground. I walked over to the table and took my seat and Lisa handed me my food. Daddy was about to walk out when I poured out one more question.

"Dad?" I asked. "Do you think Jack will ever come back?" He looked at me with a heartsick countenance and said:

"Don't worry about things like that, Astrid. Leave that to me. It's all right to let go of it right now."

"It is?"

"Absolutely."

"All right. Will I ever see him again?"

"I really can't say, Astrid. I have to go now. Elizabeth should be back soon." He bent down and kissed my head, tousling my hair which Maggie had worked so hard on. "Bye, Astrid."

"Bye, Daddy." He turned back to look at me one last time, and he smiled. I smiled back, and he walked out of the kitchen. The sound of his shoes echoing down the hallway.

¤¤

Elizabeth, I mean Mum, sat nervously next to me on a couch in the living room. We were, of course, waiting for Missus Whitman to arrive. I felt a little nervous, but not as much as Mum was. She fidgeted in her chair and grasped my hand every now and then, making her seem rather childish.

At last, a knock on the door made her jump from her seat, but she quickly sat down again, remembering that Peter would be getting the door. Mum tugged at my hand and whispered: "Come, Astrid. We must greet Missus Whitman." She took my hand and we walked out of the living room and into the main hallway where Peter was escorting Missus Whitman to us.

"Hullo, Missus Whitman!" I said, smiling at her. Her eyes narrowed at me.

"That is not how you greet a lady. You say, 'Good day, Missus.' "

She was an old lady, most likely in her upper fifties. Her hair was a misty gray and looked more wiry than soft. Her face was lined and thin, and her hands were knotty and skinny. Her eyes were a piercing ice blue and her skin was pale. I disliked her from the moment I saw her.

"And to think that you will be my new student. Lord, this will be hard work." I sensed that Mother was wincing at Missus Whitman's harsh remarks towards me, but all I wanted to do was kick the old hag.

Missus Whitman neared me, her eyes looking as if they were trying to find my deepest thoughts. "What is your name, young lady?" she said. Her voice was even hoarse with age.

"My name is, Astrid . . . madam."

"Well, it is obvious that you need a lot of tuning done. Come. We must begin your lessons immediately." My hand slipped reluctantly from Mum's, and before taking me to the study for lessons, I looked back at Mother and pouted. Mother laughed and mouthed, 'Don't worry. You'll get out soon.' Then she left, and I was left alone to suffer with the awful Missus Whitman.

She began by teaching me proper posture. She scolded me for walking rather loosely like a boy, and she told me I had to walk with balance and grace. After poking me in the back to get me to walk upright, she put books on my head to balance my walking. I felt like a complete ass. Her methods were ridiculous and stupid. After she had seen some hint of progress in me, she made me sit and began with my actual learning.

She first introduced to me what I would be learning that month. I would start learning French, History, basic mathematics, and then, of course, writing and language use. She told me tedious tales about the history of Britain, and I had to watch her for she was the only thing entertaining in the room. She spoke of numerous kings and queens that I had no interest in and how they were wonderful rulers and so on and so forth. I did the mistake of yawning and resting my head on the table in front of me, and she became enraged and whipped me to sit upright again.

At last, she stopped jabbering about history and she moved to mathematics. She taught me numbers and I learned how to count to ten. Though, I already knew how to because Jack had made me count with him how many rum bottles he had a day. The most he had in one day was ten, so I knew how to count up to there. She proceeded to teach me the numbers beyond ten and since I didn't know them, she decided to end my math lesson early, but she did say that I would have more to do tomorrow.

"Can you read, Miss Astrid?" she asked as we moved on to English and language.

"I don't know . . . madam."

"Well, can you tell me what this says?" She wrote on my paper in curved letters that flowed harmoniously and presented the paper to me. "What does that say?" I squinted at the paper.

"It says 'bird,' " I said.

"So you _can_ read. Recite the alphabet." I knew what the alphabet was because I found an old book of Roland's. I remembered that whenever I bothered Jack, he would send me to Ana Maria, and she would read to me sometimes from books left on board. I often looked at the pages while she read, and somehow I learned to read that way; but it was Roland's book that told me what the actual letters were.

"A," I began.

"Good. Continue."

"B," I said.

"Good, good, but pick up the pace, Miss Turner."

"All right, fine," I muttered, thankful that her old ears didn't hear me. I said the rest of the alphabet and for the first time, she seemed somewhat impressed with me.

"Now, I want to see if you can write. Here, take this." She handed me a quill and inkwell and set them down on the table next to a couple sheets of paper. "Write your name." She dipped the quill in ink and shoved it into my right hand. It took me a while to grip it comfortably, but I felt awkward as I pressed the tip of the quill on the paper. It occurred to me then that I was struggling. Of course, Missus Whitman noticed it as well.

"You're left handed," she sighed. She snatched the quill out of my hand and shoved it into my left. I held it easier in that one and I began to write my name on the paper. I did my best with my penmanship, but it seemed that I would be the only one able to read it. Missus Whitman took my paper and brought it up very close to her face. "Well," she sighed after a couple of minutes. "At least you can write. Not well, but you can write nonetheless."

She took away my paper, ink well, and quill and then dropped a book in front of me. I read the title. I let out a heavy sigh.

"Open your book. I will teach you French." I did as I was told and she told me to repeat words after her. After repeating them, she said what the word meant in French.

I recited more French for about an hour, and at last I heard a faint jingling bell.

"Well, it seems that you are done with your academics today. But I must have tea with you," Missus Whitman said, gathering up her supplies.

_Great,_ I thought. We walked into the parlor and Elizabeth was waiting for us. Tea was on a dark table and I sat beside Mother. I was about to bring my cup to my lips, when Missus Whitman shrilled.

"That is not how you drink your tea, young lady!" she yelled. "I will have to teach you proper etiquette too." Thanks to Mum, I was let off easy, but I still glared at Missus Whitman over the rim of my teacup. Finally, she left. I was so angry with her that I did not even notice Daddy and Roland walking in only moments after Missus Whitman left. I was halfway up the stairs when they arrived, and Roland called after me.

"So, what'd you think of your new governess?" I turned around and looked at him.

"She's a witch," I growled.

"Well, I told you so."

"She's the worst old hag that I have ever seen! She shows little respect for anyone!"

"I told you so," Roland sang. I glared at him.

"Go ahead and say that again," I threatened.

"_I . . . told . . . you . . . so_."

Realizing the danger he put himself in, he took off flying down the stairs, and I sprinted after him. He ran out of the door, past Mum and Dad, and out into the cobblestone walkway. I chased him with pleasure after being locked up for most of the day inside the house. I reached out and grabbed the collar of his shirt and yanked.

"Ah!" he yelled. I only laughed.

"Ha! Got you!" Roland fell back from my yank and got up and dusted himself off.

"Lucky try. I was feeling sorry for you because you had to spend a whole day with Missus _Witch_man. I mean Whitman."

"No matter. The name fits her." We laughed and began to head up the street back to the house. "Oh," I said, realizing something. "Did I tell you I'm part of your family now?"

"You are? No wonder I've heard you saying 'Mum' and 'Dad' to my parents. Wait . . . does that mean you're going to be my sister?"

"I guess so," I replied.

"All right. Sounds good to me. I'll race you back," he said. "First one to the door gets a sweet from Lisa. I saw her make some this morning while you were getting ready."

"All right. Ready?"

"Set!"

"Go!"

We raced again, and it was called a tie. Both of us snuck some of Lisa's sweets and relished our not-really-deserved rewards out in the garden. I saw Mum and Dad watching us, smiling, and it felt as if all my memories with Jack had gone missing.


	5. Pirates Are Bad

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_Chapter Five: Pirates Are Bad_

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**I** had survived an excruciating week of learning with Missus Whitman, and I was very thankful that the weekend had arrived. I was even happy to get up, which surprised Maggie. Of course, after having spent that treacherous week with Missus Whitman, the weekend seemed so peaceful to me. I wouldn't have to do any work. I could spend the whole day playing and eating. Because it was the weekend, I was permitted to wear my pirate clothes, which seemed comfortable fit after wearing suffocating dresses for a while. As long as I didn't have to go out into town, I could where them about the house.

I skipped from my room to the stairs and slid down the smooth railing only to collide into Roland who was waiting at the bottom.

"OW!" he yelled, rubbing his head.

"Sorry," I said, helping him up.

"Watch where you're going next time!"

"Well someone is in a bad mood today," said I with a cross of my arms.

"What do you know about it? Matthew Stanbury is coming," Roland replied angrily.

"Who's Matthew?" I asked.

"An acquaintance from my school. His mum knows ours and he's coming over to play."

"So? What can be so bad about him?" I had never heard of someone so horrible, and I was moved to be skeptical.

"You haven't met Matthew, Astrid. He's a simpleton. Nobody likes him at school. He's a spoiled little prissy brat."

"Hey, but it's us two against him. You won't suffer alone."

"He won't like you. He hates girls, but you know what _I_ think?" He leaned in close and whispered in my ear. "I think he's afraid of them." I started to laugh.

"You're right. He does seem like a prissy spoiled brat." For indeed, he did.

"Exactly; and Mum is going out to town with his mum and Dad is going to his shop. We'll be left here."

"Hmm..." I thought for a moment about our problem and paced around the wooden floor, rubbing my chin. "Is there any way we can go with him?"

"I don't know, but we don't have long to think of a plan."

"All right, but I'm gonna eat breakfast first. I'm starving."

"Fine. I'll think of a plan." I said good-bye to Roland and skipped to the kitchen where Lisa greeted me with her oh-so-special glare.

"Miss Astrid, you know you're not supposed to wear pirate clothes!" she said as I took my seat.

"It's a Saturday, Lisa. Missus Whitman ain't here."

"You should know better, Miss, if you want to be a lady one day." She handed me my food and I began to stuff my face as I shrugged at her comment.

"I'm sure you want to go outside and play," she said. "So ye best finish up." I smiled at Lisa for her kindess, and I finished up my food and left the kitchen. I ran out into the gardens and, sure enough, there was Roland sitting on a bench pondering.

"Have you figured out a plan yet?" I asked taking a seat next to him.

"No," he replied glumly. "Father left while you were eating. I asked him if we could go, but he said a blacksmith shop was no place for children." I sat and my eyes wandered around the gardens. I didn't really understand why Roland was so depressed by the coming of Matthew. No boy could be _that_ bad. Could he?

My legs dangled a little above the ground as I sat while Roland sat quiet and still, his legs tucked under the bench. One of my boots began to slide off my leg, and I had just pulled it back up when we heard Mother calling us.

"Roland!" she called. "Matthew has arrived!" I turned my head towards him and his face was pale and his eyes were wide.

"I guess Matthew came a little bit early," I said. Roland didn't respond, and he stayed in the same position.

"Roland! Welcome your friend now!" And if he was brought out of a daze, Roland blinked and walked somberly back into the house. I giggled as soon as he left and snuck into the house behind him.

I stayed hidden behind a wall, peeking at Mum, Roland, and our guests every now and then. Sure enough, there was Matthew. He was a little smaller than Roland, which meant he was a little smaller than me. His hair was a dark blond and his eyes were green. He didn't look much of a terror to me, but Roland just continued to look as if he had just seen a ghost. I had to admit though that Matthew was stupidly pampered. His hair was pulled back and neatly done in a ponytail. He wore a very ornate navy blue coat with gold buttons. His stockings were abnormally white and his black shoes glistened in the light. I grew more daring and poked my head out a little further, and I listened to their conversation.

"Nice to see you again, Matthew," Roland said, his voice direct and toneless.

"Pleasure seeing you again as well, Roland." Matthew replied, his head held up high.

"Well, I might as well make you welcome. Shall I show you around the house?"

"Very well. 'Tis a good start at least." I saw Roland roll his eyes (though it went unnoticed by Matthew) and he began to lead Matthew away. I longed to join them, but I new I would make an ass of myself if I suddenly appeared to him. Mother and Missus Stanbury left soon after Roland led Matthew up the stairs for a tour of the house. As soon as the ladies were gone, I went up the stairs to meet this Matthew Stanbury.

"Avast!" I yelled out, a tad bit too loud in fact. I saw Roland nearly jump and Matthew turned his head abruptly in my direction.

"And who might you be?" Matthew asked, peering at me suspiciously.

"I'm Astrid." I saw Roland in the back and he was signaling me to stop where I was. I didn't. If I did, then I'd miss out on too much fun.

"And what are you doing in..." Matthew looked at my pirate apparel and scrunched up his face in disgust. "What are you doing in those hideous rags?"

"They're not rags. They're my clothes."

"Are you sure you are welcome into the Turner home?"

"Yes. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You don't look like a Turner. You don't dress like them."

"I don't dress like this always, and I'm not really, kinda, sorta, like a Turner. I'm jus' staying here for a while." He shook his head at me.

"You disgust me. Stay away." My brows furrowed at him as he turned his back on me, and I wanted to pull the twit's ugly pony tail.

"What have I done to you? All I did was say 'hullo'. Why don't you like me?"

"I don't meddle with low-lives like you, and you can't expect everyone to like you." I clenched my fists.

"I'm not a low-life. Not anymore."

"So you were before? What were you before you came to the Turners?"

"I lived on a pirate ship," I replied proudly. I saw Roland turn away as soon as I said that. That damned Matthew didn't reply, so I decided to add more. "My father is the greatest pirate that ever lived!" Matthew stared at me blankly, and then started to laugh.

"Ha! You're father, a pirate? Ha! Pirates are the worst, most filthy people in the world, you idiot! And since you said your father is the greatest pirate that ever lived, then you're father is also the biggest dirty bastard that ever lived!" He laughed uncontrollably and my eyes blazed with anger.

"Shut up! Pirates ain't bad!" But he only laughed harder, to the point where he was kneeling on the floor. "Shut up!" I yelled again, but his ringing laughter did not cease. "Shut up!"

"Are," he began, but stopped to laugh. "You,"—again he laughed—"_Crazy?_ Pirates,"—more laughter—"Pirates are the baddest people on earth!" With that he laughed even more, and I felt my eyes grow hot with tears.

"Shut up!" I couldn't take it anymore and I punched his face so hard, he fell to the floor crying and blood leaked out of his nose. "My father is the best person in the world!" I turned and ran to my room, slamming the large door shut. I ran to my bed and cried and yelled and kicked and screamed. I punched my tear sodden pillows with my tiny fists; but I couldn't help but think that Matthew was right. Were pirates _really_ horrible people? Were they _really_ that bad?

¤¤

I lay motionless on my bed, my eyes red-rimmed from crying. Matthew had no right to say Jack was a bastard. He wasn't. I loved him still, and even though he wasn't exactly like Will or Elizabeth, I loved him. He was, of course, my father. I heard a knock on my door, and I grunted. I wanted to be alone. "Go away!" I yelled.

"It's me: Roland." I sighed and got up from my bed and let him in.

"Whaddya want?" I asked.

"Nothing. Just checking on you. I told you to stop talking to Matthew. He doesn't like any girls."

"So where's the bloody toff now?"

"In the kitchen. Lisa's tending to his bloody nose. I only wish that I gave him that bloody nose," he laughed. "But you got to do the honors."

"Maybe I should have listened to you. Matthew had no right to say that about my daddy."

"But I thought you called my dad was your dad."

"Aye, but Jack still has his spot in my memories. They are blurry, but they are there. Are pirates bad, Roland?"

"I don't know. I am part pirate though. It comes from my dad. So I don't think they are as bad as Matthew said they were. I am, of course, part pirate. Can't make fun of my own blood, you know?"

"Aye. I'm part pirate too... and part wench. Some mixture of blood, right? I am the daughter of a pirate and a wench from Tortuga, who's now dead. Aye, Roland. I be _really_ special." I spoke with little pride in who my parents were. It had suddenly occurred to me that pirates _were_ bad because of Matthew, and well, my other half wasn't that great either. Who would be proud of a harlot?

"I'm sure you'll amount to something good at least. I mean, you're even getting an education."

"I don't know how that will help."

"Come on, Astrid. Cheer up. Listen, I need help making Matthew's stay here the worst so he doesn't have to come back. Come on. Help me make him cry."

"I can't look at the bloody cad. If I do, then I'll just punch him again."

"So punch him again! He deserves it for all I care." I snickered at Roland's comment and finally agreed to help him get rid of the dreaded Matthew Stanbury once and for all.


	6. Call Me Captain

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_Chapter Six: Call Me Captain_

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**B**oth of us walked downstairs into the kitchen, and Lisa greeted us with a fiery glare, but Roland and I stood proudly in our places, side by side each other.

"What did ye two think ye were doing?" Lisa yelled. "This boy is yer guest! Treat 'im like one! I expect better from the likes of both of ye!"

"He was asking for it," Roland replied. Lisa nearly shrilled at Roland's back-talk.

"Don't ye dare speak t' me like that, young Master Roland, or I'll have yer mother give ye a lesson!"

"I'm serious, Lisa," he said calmly. "Matthew teased Astrid even when she asked him to stop. He wouldn't stop no matter how many times she told him to. He had it coming." Lisa crossed her arms over her chest and turned to Matthew who sat somberly in a chair.

"Is that true, Mister Stanbury?" Matthew's head shot up.

"Of course it's not! I was just telling her that pirates were bad people, which they are, and she suddenly punched me!"

"That's a lie!" I cut in. "You took it too far, ya arsehole!" Immediately, Lisa grabbed me and hauled me off to the living room, most likely because of my language use. She sat me on a couch harshly and slapped my face with one quick movement of her hand.

"Ye talk to no one like that, Miss Astrid. You hear me?"

"Yes, Lisa," I muttered.

"Good. I'll be telling the Master and Missus 'bout yer language and attitude, and they will pick what they should do about you." I didn't look at her and she left me on the couch to go back into the kitchen. My fingers touched the sore spot on my face that Lisa slapped. I felt tears well in my eyes, but I swallowed them down because pirates didn't cry.

I heard Lisa scolding Roland in the distance and as soon as her yelling died down, he arrived in the living room, the dreaded Matthew right behind him. "Lisa gave you a spanking too, didn't she?" Roland asked.

"Aye. Didn't cry though."

"I knew you wouldn't. How about we play a game?" He looked at me and I raised my head. He then turned to Matthew.

"What game will it be?" Matthew asked.

"I call it..." Roland thought a moment. "_Call Me Captain_. Each of us will take turns being captain of a ship, and we'll go on adventures. We even have fake swords to play with, and we have set up small ships in the yard. So what do you say?"

"I'll give it a go," said Matthew. "But I want to be captain first." I wanted to vomit at his spoiled brattiness.

"All right. You can be captain first. Pick your first mate." Of course, he picked Roland, and I was left to be the enemy.

"So, where's the ship?" Matthew asked.

"Follow me, Matthew," Roland said, leading the way out into the gardens.

"No, _Captain_ Matthew, Roland," Matthew said, matter-of-factly.

"Enough with this!" I yelled. "Let's just get to the game, savvy?" I stormed ahead of them and pushed open the door leading outside. "There's the ship. Now, go."

"You're not the captain!" Matthew protested. "_I_ am. _I_ should be the one who's making the orders. You're the enemy, so go off and be the pirate you already are." I glared at him.

"I'm proud to be your enemy then. If there is one thing you need to know 'bout me, Matty-hue, it's this: I'm Captain Astrid Sparrow!"

"Right, captain of a pirate ship. Some honor."

"Not any pirate ship. The_ Black Pearl_."

"Enough!" Roland interrupted. "Can we just get the game going? Astrid's captain of the _Black Pearl_." He turned to Matthew. "And you're the captain of...um..."

"The _Conquest_," Matthew finished.

"All right." He turned back to me. "Now, go on to your ship, Astrid, and let's get this game going."

"Aye!" I said. I ran off to my "ship," which was really just a large wooden box with a long wooden pole sticking out from it. The pole had an old bed sheet tied to it for a sail, and there was a wooden wheel at one end. Not exactly like the _Black Pearl_, but it was close enough; plus Matthew and Roland's ship wasn't that great either. Basically like mine, except on the other side of the yard.

The ships were immovable, and we had no real cannons, so there was always a small supply of tightly balled pieces of cloth on both of our boats. I stuffed small stones in mine so that they would hurt more, which Mum and Dad eventually figured out and forced me to stop using. Thankfully, they weren't here because I wanted to hurt Matthew with all my might and I would always aim for his pompous little head.

I reached my boat and went to the "helm" and began to steer my ship. "I'm gainin' on ya!" I called. Matthew called from his side of the ship.

"We'll be ready when you come then, _Captain_ Astrid Sparrow!" Of course, my ship didn't move, but I had a vivid imagination, and I pretended that I caught up to them. I dropped anchor and ordered my imaginary crew.

"Load the guns!" I yelled. I went and gathered a couple of the cloth balls in my hands, and I was prepared to fire when a ball came whizzing by my head. I saw Matthew sniggering at me.

"That was uncalled for!" I yelled across the "sea."

"And? You're a pirate! You don't play fair, so I don't need to either!" My eyes narrowed in on him, and I threw a cloth ball directly at his head.

I missed.

I threw it again, and Matthew ducked. I couldn't see him or Roland because they were now hidden in their ship, but I hit someone because I heard a familiar, "_Ow!_" I was at first overjoyed at my accomplishment, but Roland emerged from his hiding place and looked at me, his hand rubbing the back of his head.

"_That hurt!_" he yelled.

"Sorry! Didn't mean to hit ya. I was aimin' for Matthew!"

"Then aim better! I think my head is swelling!"

"No, it's not! You're such a baby!" I snorted.

"Am not!"

"Are to!"

"Am not!"

"This can go on forever, but you'll never win," I grumped. Roland scowled at me and hid in his ship yet again. Suddenly, Matthew appeared and he ordered his "crew" to invade my ship.

"Oh no you don't!" I shouted. Both Matthew and Roland jumped out of their ship and then into mine. They drew their fake swords and pointed them at me.

"Surrender, pirate," said Matthew.

"Never!" I picked up my fake sword off of the ground and pointed it at them. "Who goes first?" I asked.

"It doesn't matter," shrugged Roland. I frowned and swung my sword. Matthew parried it. I swung again and then ducked and moved behind him. I grabbed his hand and pulled it behind his back.

"Not fair!" Matthew yelled, trying to free himself from my grasp.

"Who says pirates play fair?" I answered with a sneer.

"Not so fast, Captain," said Roland. I soon found that his sword tip was right at my nose. "You still have to capture the first mate."

"That'll be easy then," I replied. I took the ribbon out of my hair and tied Matthew's hands together in a tight knot. I met Roland's sword with my own, and we were off.

He swung, I parried. I ducked, and he spun around. I ducked again, and grabbed a small stone that I found in my ship, and came back in time to block Roland's blow. Little did I know though, that Roland was being taught swordplay by Will since he was old enough to hold a stick. I swung and he tripped me. I fell flat on my back, but the rock was still in my hand and I threw it at him. I hit his hand.

"_Ow!_" he yelled yet again. I acted quickly and grabbed the sash around my waist. I tied Roland's hands together and cheered.

"Off to Davy Jone's Locker ye go!" I said. My boat happened to be beside a large puddle made from the rain from the past days. "Walk the plank!" I pushed Matthew towards the puddle.

"No!" he screamed. "I'm not going to land in that dirty mess!"

"Too late! It's what ya get for takin' on Captain Astrid Sparrow in the first place. Off ya go!"

"_No!_" I pushed Matthew one last time and he landed in the puddle. Muddy water splashed all over his sparkling clean attire and his white face.

"Astrid, don't!" Roland yelled.

"Why the hell not?"

"_My baby!_" someone shrieked. I turned abruptly to the wail and saw a young lady dressed quite richly in the doorway into the gardens, and behind her stood Mum and Dad, whose faces were not very pleased. The richly dressed lady came running up to Matthew who was sobbing now. I looked at Roland.

"You took it too far, Astrid," he said quietly. I grew angry at him because he was supposed to be on my side. He was supposed to be my friend.

"Shut up! I'll do what I want! I'm a pirate and there is no limit to what I can do! Some friend you are." I leapt off my ship, not even guilty of pushing Matthew into the mud. I passed the lady who held the muddy Matthew, and she yelled at me.

"Missus Turner, you'd better do something about that child! She doesn't belong here and you know it! Just send her to an orphanage for God's sake! She'll be a bad influence on your boy." She glared at me, but my face remained passive and stern.

I muttered a curse, and the lady shrilled at me but I walked proudly away. Mum and Dad were in my way of getting back into the house, but that didn't even stop me. I squeezed right through them, but Will grabbed my shoulder. I looked up coldly.

"You're coming with us, Astrid," Will said softly. It was when I looked at him did I feel my conscience. He looked at me with not a hint of anger in his eyes, but only disappointment and sadness, and it was then when I began to cave into my feelings. I started to cry.

"I'm sorry, Daddy," I sobbed. "I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. Don't send me away, please. Don't leave me. Don't leave me..." He grabbed me and held me as I cried, but it only made me feel worse. I knew I did something bad, but they treated me with love anyway, and that was what hurt me.


	7. Dreams

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_Chapter Seven: Dreams_

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**M**atthew left. I would have been happy at his leaving if it weren't for my guilt. Will sat me down in a couch in the living room as soon as Matthew was gone. Roland was told to go up to his room while Elizabeth and Will spoke with me. I wondered if they would send me away. I wondered if they would leave me behind because I was bad. After all, I was a pirate, and pirates were awful people. That was all I thought about as I sat on that couch, waiting to be yelled at. I didn't look at them. For some reason I was afraid to because of my humiliation.

"Astrid," Elizabeth, or Mum, said. "Do you have anything to say for what you did to Matthew?" I opened my mouth almost immediately after she finished speaking, and I was about to say that I was sorry; but that wouldn't be sincere. I wasn't sorry. Not one bit.

"I'm not sorry for what I did," I said firmly. "He was only askin' for it." Will, I mean Dad, and Mum sat next to me. Each of them on one side of the couch beside me.

"Why? Did he have it coming to him?" he asked.

"He said Jack was the filthiest bastard that ever walked the earth. He told me pirates were bad, that _Jack_ was bad. He wouldn't stop teasin' me even when I told 'im to stop. So I punched him. Lisa scolded me for it, and then we all agreed to play a game."

"What kind of a game?" Mum added.

"A pirate game. Well, sorta. A ship game." I paused a moment before I continued my story. "They attacked my ship, so I fought back. I managed to whip Matthew's and Roland's ar-- I mean _behinds_. It was only reasonable to make them walk the plank, so... I did."

"You only pushed Matthew, Astrid," said Dad.

"But like I said before, he didn't stop teasin' me." I finally got the courage to look up at them, and to my surprise, they were smiling at me. "Are pirates _really_ bad people?" I saw Mum give Dad a look, so I turned to him. "Are they bad?" I repeated.

"I think it really depends on how you see them," Daddy said bluntly.

"What do you mean?"

"For instance, someone who has met a pirate would see them differently than a person who hasn't seen a pirate." I wrinkled my eyebrows. I wasn't quite understanding him. "You'll understand later," he added.

"Do you think pirates are bad?"

He smiled warmly at me.

"No. Some of them can be really helpful... like Jack." I smiled happily. Matthew was wrong. Jack was the greatest pirate that ever lived, and I wasn't alone in thinking that.

I was called down to eat supper, and when I arrived in the dining room, a maid showed me to my seat beside Roland. I sat down and waited patiently for my food, not even speaking a word.

"So what's your punishment?" Roland whispered to me. I crossed my arms before my chest and turned away from him.

"I'm not talking to you," I _hmphed_.

"Why?"

"You were on Matthew's side," I said plainly.

"You _were_ being a little mean to him, Astrid."

"So? He talked badly about Jack. He deserved it and you backed up the whiny rat!" I yelled it right in front of his face.

"Astrid, Roland," began Elizabeth, "lower your voices." I glared at Roland before turning back to my food, and I ate quietly for the rest of the meal.

As soon as dinner was over, I raced back outside into the gardens and laid myself down on the grass. I stared angrily at the sky and I wanted to throw rocks at the stars.

"Sorry, Astrid," came a voice. I looked up and saw Roland standing right behind my head.

"Get lost," I murmured.

"Hey, look. I said I was sorry, all right? So Matthew was a little mean, so what? You hit me in the head with a rock."

"I guess you're gonna tell that to Mum and Dad too and get me in more trouble, aye?"

"Actually, they already asked me about the read bump on my forehead, and I said I tripped while playing and hit my head on a rock." That made me laugh and I already made up my mind to forgive Roland.

"All right, I'm not mad at you anymore."

"Good. I'm glad that's over." He laid down on the grass next to me and stretched his arms.

"That's the North Star," I said proudly, pointing to a star in the black sky.

"Really? It looks just like any other star to me."

"Jack told me. I couldn't sleep one night, so I went up on deck on the _Pearl_ and he told me about the stars and all that other stuff."

"Was Jack that man you came in with the day you first came here?"

"Aye! That's him," I giggled happily.

"Oh. Now I wish I could have met him."

"He would've liked you. I mean, I like you, so he would have liked you too."

"Do you ever plan on seeing him again?"

Roland's words left me quiet for a moment. My life here with Elizabeth and Will was wonderful, and I never planned on leaving it. Then again, I never planned on seeing Jack again either.

"I think I will see him one day," I managed to say. "He can't hide from me forever. He's bound to come back. Then when he comes back, we can all play together."

"What if he doesn't come to you?"

"What do you mean?"

"What if he never comes back here to see you?" That made me angry. I knew Jack would come back for me one day. He couldn't leave me behind forever.

"Of course he'll come back!" I yelled, frowning at the sky again. "And if he doesn't come back, then I'll just have to go after him!" For some reason, this got Roland excited.

"You mean you plan on going out to sea to find him?"

"Aye?" I wasn't even sure myself if I'd do such a thing.

"That would make a great adventure, wouldn't you think?"

"Well, now that ye mention it, it would. Much better than our little game. Once I'm old enough to go on a ship alone, I'll go find Jack. You can come too. That way, you'd meet him and see what a great person he is."

"That will be fun. I can't wait!" I chuckled at him.

"Neither can I!" We laughed together, and another voice joined with us. It was our dear mum.

"What are you two still doing out here?" Mum said, running to us. We sat up to meet her, laughing. She picked us up, laughing as well. "You two should be in bed right now! You've had too much fun today!"

She carried each of us in her arms and walked back into the house. "You two are getting quite heavy," she said as she set us down by the stairs. "What has Lisa been feeding you?"

"Nothing," I mumbled.

"Come on now. Roland, up to your room. Get ready for bed." She kissed Roland's forehead and he scurried up the stairs to his room. She turned to me and picked me up again. "Jack told me a lot about you," she said. "You're five, aren't you?"

"Yes. I'll be six, um, on May..." I had to count with my fingers. "...seventeenth."

"Ah. Well, that's not too far away, now is it?"

I shrugged at her, having no real idea of the date anyway and she simply bubbled out more laughter.

"She walked me up the stairs and into my room. My maid, Maggie, was there, ready to dress me into my nightgown.

"When is Roland's birthday?"

"Oh, you're older than him. He won't turn six until July." I laughed. I was older than Roland! "Now, go on. I have to see how Roland is doing. I'll be back to tuck you into bed, all right?"

"All right." She was about to walk out when I remembered something.

"Guess what?" I called. She turned back to me, her eyes glittering.

"Yes, Astrid?"

"When I'm old enough, Roland and I are going to find Jack!"

"Is that so?"

I nodded vigorously.

"You're going to leave us?" she whined playfully.

"Never! You'll come with us!" We laughed together and she picked me up.

"You have very big dreams, Astrid. Never let go of them."

"Why would I?" She giggled again and set me back onto the ground.

"Go on. You don't want to keep Maggie waiting."

I smiled and she left my room. I turned to Maggie and she dressed me. While waiting for Mum to come back, I jumped on my bed, though Maggie yelled at me all the way. As promised, Mum came back to tuck me in, and with her came Daddy. I was tucked into my warm bed and I gave my good-nights. Then the candle on my nightstand faded, and I fell into a sweet, wonderful sleep.


	8. The Blacksmith Shop

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_Chapter Eight: The Blacksmith Shop_

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**I** felt my bed shake and I rolled onto my side. I pulled on my covers tighter, but my bed still shook. I growled under my breath, for I still desired to sleep. Whoever was keeping me from sleeping would pay.

"Stop jumping on my bed!" I yelled, sitting up, but my bed was still shaking.

"Come on, Astrid!" Roland said, jumping on the end of my bed. "We get to go to Dad's shop today!" Sleep immediately left me and my eyes widened with excitement.

"Really?" Roland nodded, still jumping on my bed. Another voice then entered my room.

"All right you two, time to get ready for the day." Maggie scurried over to my windows and drew the curtains, blinding me with the morning sunlight. She opened the windows as well, and the room turned cool and refreshing. She turned to Roland who still happily jumped on my bed. "Now, young Mister Turner," she said. "Time for you to get ready. Go back to your own room now. Miss Astrid has to dress." She shooed Roland out of my room as if she shooed away a dog, giving me my first laugh of the day.

I got out of my bed and Maggie led me to the dressing area. She slipped on my undergarments after tugging off my nightgown and afterwards put on a stiff yellow dress, as uncomfortable and fluffy as my other ones. I slipped on some brown, polished shoes and Maggie began to do my hair. She sat me down in front of a mirror and tried to fix up my curly hair. I winced every time she pulled my hair back, and I wondered if I would go bald by the time she was through.

At last, she finished. Part of my hair was put up and curled and the rest of my locks remained curled and free from any hairpin. "There, you look positively beautiful, Miss Astrid."

"Thank you, Maggie," I mumbled. I did not enjoy getting my hair done, or having to wear tight dresses with frilly necklines, even after having to wear them for months now.

I was set downstairs to eat breakfast, and Mum, Dad and Roland were already there. I took my seat and the meal began as usual, except I had to eat as if Missus Whitman was watching me, so as not to ruin my dress. Both Roland and Dad were dressed almost exactly the same. Both wore brown pants, white stockings, a brown vest over a white shirt (except Roland's vest was gray), and over that, a brown coat. Mother wore a beautiful gold dress, much more fluffy than mine, and if it wasn't for me, the Turner family would be picture perfect.

"Are we really going to the blacksmith shop?" I asked, more likely at the wrong time, for all eyes set on me once I made my outburst.

"Yes. Roland was ordered specifically to tell you," Mum said, smiling.

"Oh. All right. That's good then." We returned to our normal, quiet state and remained that way until the meal was over. A servant arrived to tell us that the carriage was ready, and we were off.

We all walked out of the house and one by one, entered the carriage. I stared at the type of transportation for a while, for I had never ridden in one, but a servant helped me in before I could finish inspecting it. I took a seat next to Roland on one side of the carriage, and Mum and Dad sat opposite of us. The interior of the carriage was dreary and dark, so I stuck my head out of a window. My hair was thrown back from the wind and I looked out into the many streets. People were up and about. Some were cleaning up their houses, others just fooling around. I wished for that freedom. I felt a hand tug my foot from behind, for I kneeled on my seat as I looked out. Frowning, I turned back, to find Roland motioning for me to stop.

"But why?" I asked.

"It's not proper," he replied.

"Oh." I sat back in my seat and we stopped in front of a building, or rather, a large fortress of some kind. Mother kissed Daddy quickly then a footman helped her out of the carriage.

"Where is she going?" I asked.

"To be with her father. She is a lady of great importance and she must attend to things," Daddy replied.

"Like what?"

"You can ask her when she comes home this afternoon."

"Are we going to the shop now?"

"Yes." My smiled grew and I was bouncing with suspense.

Father made the driver stop in the middle of the street, and all three of us walked out. Roland and I followed him as we walked down the street and at last we reached the shop. It was a dark, dim place, humid as well, but it was still enchanting in a way. Father told us to stay right where we were, which was beside a load of hay. He started a fire in the furnace, and the room grew even warmer. Smoke rose up to the ceiling, and I began to see what Daddy saw every morning.

Will took of his coat and put on an apron and took out some tools. I was restless as I stood, and my feet kept on shifting about. I couldn't stay still. Suddenly, Daddy's head shot up, as if he had just remembered something and walked off to a separate room in the shop. He came out, a short, dirty old man behind him.

"Astrid, Roland, come forward," Daddy said. We did, and he introduced us to the short, dirty man. He was Mister Brown, the supposedly _real_ blacksmith of the shop. Daddy murmured some words to the man and then hurriedly left the shop, leaving Roland and me alone with the dirty, old man.

"Where did my dad run off to?" asked Roland.

"Oh, he forgot something. He'll be back soon," replied Mister Brown. Roland and I watched silently as he sat himself in a chair in the corner and started to drink something from a clear bottle. We didn't watch for long, at most fifteen minutes because the man was soon asleep, snoring away.

I grinned and nudged Roland with my elbow. "Here's our chance," I said.

"What are you talking about? We have to wait until Dad comes back."

"No, we don't. That old man who is supposed to watch us is dead asleep."

"No, he's not. He can probably hear us."

"Oh really?" I walked cautiously towards the old man, practically walking on the tips of my toes. I tapped him gently in the shoulder, he didn't stir. I cleared my throat loud enough for everyone to hear. He didn't move.

"See?" I said, quite loudly, trying to prove my point. "He's dead asleep! He won't wake up! Now, come on!" I ran off and looked around the shop to see what I could do. I spotted something to my left and I laughed. "Look! It's a... a... some type of animal!" Roland laughed at me, and I grew annoyed. "What's so funny?"

"That's a donkey, Astrid! How can you not know what a donkey is?"

"Shush! You are beginning to sound like Matthew." Roland shut his mouth and together we neared the donkey. I managed to pet its muzzle and I laughed. "It's nice, but why is there one in here?" It was only then when I saw a little dark, hairless mark of the donkey's leg. "What's this?" Roland squinted at it and came up with a conclusion.

"Someone probably burned him. Maybe with a tool or something. I'm not very sure." I wrinkled my brows.

"What kind of mean person would do that?"

"I don't know," Roland replied, scratching his head.

"Oh, well. Come on. Let's do something else." We left the donkey alone and set our attention back on the swords and other tools hanging around the shop. We stopped particularly at one incredible piece of work, and Roland and I stared at it in wonder.

"I can't believe my dad made this!" Roland exclaimed, smiling. A grin came upon my face and my hand slid down the blade to its golden hilt. "I wonder who it could be for." I didn't reply and I enclosed my fingers around the handle. "Astrid? What are you doing?"

"Nothing. Just want to try it out meself."

"No! Don't touch it!"

"Why not?" My grip on the sword only tightened.

"You can't lift it up. Swords are heavy. Dad told me."

"I think I can carry it with two hands."

"No!" I was about to lift it up just as Roland reached out to stop me, and I whacked him in the face with the blade. He staggered to the ground while I stood still in my shock looking at the blade, and then down at him. His face was in his hands and I wasn't sure if he was crying.

"Roland?" I asked. I dropped the sword carelessly on the table and knelt down beside him. "I'm so--"

"Look what you did!" he screamed. "I'm bleeding!" I almost laughed at him.

"Roland, I can't even see your face 'cause of your bloody hands. Move 'em!" I pried his hands away from his face, and this time, I really did laugh. "All you have is a little cut by your nose! Stop acting like this! You are reminding me of Matthew!" Roland groaned and got up on his feet. He dusted himself off and once again held his head up high.

"Never been better," he said.

"Good. Now, come on. I'm still bored." I stood up and looked around the shop. I couldn't find anything to do. The swords were too valuable to play with, and the shop wasn't made to fit the needs of a child. Then I looked up and I grinned from ear to ear. "Look, there is a little hole in the ceiling," I said, pointing my chubby little finger up. I pointed at an opening that let in most of the light in the shop.

"Yes, there is. What about it?"

"I wanna go on the roof." I went off as soon as I said that, but Roland's mind seemed to be a little slow.

"What!" he yelled, about a minute later.

"I'm gonna climb up there!" I replied as I climbed up the cubes of hay in the corner. "Once I'm high enough, I'm gonna grab hold on one of the wooden beams and climb my way up there."

"No! Dad is coming back any minute! Don't--"

"Oh, bollocks, Roland." I yelled as I jumped from the pile of hay to a wooden beam. "_You_ are not the one climbing. So don't worry about it!" I pulled myself up the beam and once I reached a horizontal one that I could stand on, which wasn't far away, I would continue my journey up.

"Astrid! Please! Get down now!"

"No," I sang. I balanced myself on the horizontal beam before me and I walked slowly and steadily across it, my arms lifted at my sides for balance. I made the mistake of looking down, and I realized that I was higher up than I thought. Roland seemed like a toy doll from my level.

"Get down! Dad will be here any minute!" Roland yelled. Stupidly, I took another step.

"No... I... I can't." I was too unsteady because of my fear and I tripped on my dress.

"Astrid!" Roland screamed. I fell off the side of the beam, but grabbed hold of it before completely falling. I hung by my arms. "See! I told you! Now get down!"

"You cad!" I yelled, trying to pull myself back up. "How am I gonna get down? I'm hanging by a thread here!"

"I told you not to go up there! And now look what you've gotten into!"

"It's not my fault!" I growled and made plans in my mind to get back at Roland, but I was still too occupied by the chance that I might fall and get injured. Or worse, die.

Somehow, I managed to crawl back up on the beam, and I clung to it like a baby, resting my head and belly on the ruff wood. I saw Roland from below sigh and plop himself down on the hay, his arms crossed over his chest. Every once in a while his head would look up at me and he would frown. I replied with any curse I learned from Jack. Lengthy hours passed, or so it seemed as I remained still high up on the rafter. It even came to a point where I wanted to sleep, just like Mister Brown who continued to snore away in the corner. I was half awake when a soft creak entered my ears.

"Roland!" it called. "Astrid! Where are you two?" I lifted my head and looked below me and Will stood by the hay pile.

"Hullo, Daddy!" I yelled from above. Amazed, Dad looked up at me and his face was expressionless.

"Astrid? What are you doing up there!" He scurried over so that he was right below me.

"I... dunno," I replied. Roland left the soft hay and walked over to his father.

"She wanted to go on the roof," Roland said, pointing to the opening I said I'd climb out of.

"Astrid, get down now," Daddy insisted. I smiled feebly at the two of them.

"I... can't. I'm scared." Roland sighed and shook his head.

"That's why I told you not to go up there!" he said.

"Sorry. I was bored. Mister Brown fell asleep."

"I can see that," said Will. "Come on. I'll get you down." Will told Roland to step aside and he went through the same path I did to get to where I was at the moment. He reached my beam with ease and motioned for me to come a little closer. I looked below me again, and I couldn't make myself leave my spot. "Come on, Astrid. Don't look down."

"It's a little late for that. I already did." Dad bit his lip and reached out farther to me.

"It's all right, Astrid. I'll make sure you won't fall. I'm here. Don't be frightened." I looked at him with uncertainty, but slowly I began to inch my way towards his arm. At last, he got hold of me and carried me back down quickly. Very quickly in fact. I enjoyed the way down because of the speed. He set me back down on the ground, beside Roland. "I'm glad you're safe. Just don't do that ever again."

"I won't. But the way down was fun. Can we do it again?" I replied. Daddy laughed and picked me up.

"You are truly a pira--" He cut himself off. "You are truly a wonderful girl, Astrid." He looked down at Roland. "And you, Roland, have got to take care of Miss Astrid."

"I tried to tell her--"

"If she ever tries to do something crazy again... you either stop her..." Will grinned. "Or go with her."

"Whatever you say, Daddy."

"Be ready, Roland," I interrupted. " 'cause I'm gonna be just as crazy as Jack!"


	9. Run Away

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_Chapter Nine: Run Away_

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**I**t just so happened that day that we were to dine with the Commodore for supper. After spending another hour in the blacksmith shop watching Daddy work, the carriage came for us and we headed back to the fort to see Mum again. We stopped at the fort and I immediately jumped out of the carriage, not even waiting for the footman to help me down.

"Come on, Roland!" I yelled as I ran through the entrance to the heart of the fort.

"Sir," said the footman. "Should I go after her?" I heard Daddy chuckle as I ran ahead, Roland tagging along.

"No," replied Will. "She hasn't been here before. Give her some freedom."

Ahead of me I saw the numerous faces of many well-dressed gentlemen and ladies turn my way, but I smiled back at them too thrilled with my day to understand what their faces meant. I ran up some stairs lining a wall and ran around the fort until I reached the part facing the sea. I leaned against a ledge and looked at the setting sun. I heard heavy breathing behind me and I knew Roland was not far away.

"Don't run so fast!" he panted. "I'm surprised no one grabbed you and gave you a good scolding." I looked at the sea, a nearly visible smile on my face. My eyes were wide and unblinking.

"Have you ever been out to sea, Roland?" I asked.

"No," he replied, as if my question was stupid.

"I want to be back on a ship. There, I've never felt so free. Here, there is dreaded Missus Whitman and Matthew. On the _Black Pearl_, there's only Jack and many miles of ocean. There's nothing to stop me." Roland didn't seem to be listening to me and I finally left my gaze on the sunset. Roland was behind me, picking up a stone on the ground.

"I bet I can throw it past that rock!" he yelled.

"Go ahead." He threw it, and it went up, up, then slowly fell down, down. It splashed barely above the rock he pointed to.

"See? I told you."

"Give me a try." We looked for another stone to throw and Roland found one.

"Here," he said. He dropped it in my hand and I threw it with all my might. It went up, and water rippled around its landing, just a couple of feet short of the rock.

"Curses," I whispered under my breath.

"You'll get better," said Roland. "Come on. I see Mum. We have to go."

"Where to?"

"To someone's house. I think the Commodore's."

"What's a Comma...whatever you call it?"

"He's like a captain, but higher than a captain."

"What?"

"Never mind. Ask him yourself."

"Which one is he?"

"He's the one walking beside my grandfather."

"Governor Swann?"

"Yes." I ran ahead of him and I heard him scowl. He didn't want to run after me again. I ran through the crowd that was now leaving the fort. I was caught in a maze of fluffy dresses and gold-buttoned coats, but I managed to come across the Commodore. I stopped right in front of him, and he looked at me slightly in shock, but he smiled at me.

"Well now. Who might you be?" he asked. "Are you looking for your mother?" I only stared at him in curiosity, for he reminded me of a larger version of Matthew, except with a white wig.

"Are you the Commo... the Commod..." I struggled with my stuttering.

"The Commodore?" he finished.

"Yes! Yes, that's it! Are you him?"

"I am. And who might you be?"

"I'm Astrid."

"Ahh, yes, little Astrid!" cried the Governor, suddenly picking me up as if I were a doll. "Elizabeth has grown quite fond of you. How have you been?"

"Fine, sir," I replied, remembering my manners. The Governor turned to the Commodore.

"This is the child Elizabeth has adopted. She is wonderful isn't she?" The Commodore grinned politely.

"She is. Something seems familiar about her though. I could have sworn that she looks exactly like the girl some of my men have reported to have been seen with the devious Jack Sparrow." I would have protested against him if Roland hadn't come at that moment.

"Good evening, Grandfather, Commodore," he said, bowing a little to each of them. "My mother asks if you are ready to depart, sirs." I was a little shocked at Roland's sudden flawless courtesy.

"We are," said Governor Swann. "Lead the way, young Roland." And lead us he did.

I stomped over to Roland and grabbed his shoulder, not checking to see if the Governor or Commodore were watching me. I felt him jump with shock, which made me burst into giggles.

"Where are we going?" I asked him.

"To his house."

"To whose house?"

"To _his_ house," Roland replied, pointing behind us at the Commodore.

"Why?" I still didn't understand why we had to go to _his_ house. Roland looked at me with an un-amused face. He scratched his head, loosening the strip of cloth that held his hair back.

"Because," he replied.

"Because why?"

"Because that's what Mum said!" he yelled, obviously fed up with my inability to comprehend his statements in a flash.

"You could have just said that," I said, taking his anger in lightly. "Would've saved a lot more time." I skipped ahead, pushing my way through the throng until I ran out of the fort and into a line of carriages waiting to depart. I narrowed my eyes, trying to decipher which carriage was ours, but they all looked the same. They were all large, black, and tall, with thin black wheels holding them up.

Realizing that I had made a mistake in deserting Roland, I turned my head back to look for him, but I couldn't find his face in the moving swarm of people. Some even bumped into me without an apology. "Roland!" I called. "Roland!" But my screams were lost in the commotion of things. The tap of several peoples' shoes rang in the air, along with the constant chatter spilling from their mouths.

"There she is," came a loud voice. I turned around in response and was immediately hauled up by a firm arm. To my surprise, it was the Commodore himself. I could smell the powder of his wig and it irritated my nose. I was carried into a carriage and set down in a smooth seat by a window. The Commodore sat opposite of me, along with some other officers.

"Where is my mother?" I asked. The men sitting around me smiled at me simultaneously. "Where is she?"

"Don't fret, young Astrid," said the Commodore. "Missus Turner will be at my house, along with your other loved ones. We are headed there at the moment."

"Why?"

"I've invited you all to dine with me tonight at a festivity held at my home," he answered.

"What's a festivity?" The men chuckled at me and my face burned red.

"A gathering of people to have fun." I pressed my lips together and smiled cheaply. Their company was not as enjoyable as my family's.

"Thank you for taking me there then," I mumbled, looking at my feet that dangled above the floor. I knew when it was right to act like Astrid, and when it was right to act like a lady.

"How long have you lived in the Swann residence, Miss Astrid?" asked the Commodore.

"I can't remember," I replied. "Maybe a couple of months ago. I don't know."

"How did you end up living in their home? Governor Swann has not yet told me why." I knew he would find my behavior rude if I didn't tell him, so I opened my mouth to speak.

"I... don't remember," I murmured. I lied to him. I _did_ remember. I remembered rowing in a rowboat with Jack to the docks. I remembered him using me to get the guards to let him go free. I remembered seeing Elizabeth, Will and Roland for the first time. And I remembered playing with Jack and thinking him to be the best father that ever lived, only to find that he had abandoned me.

For some reason, I felt my eyes grow hot and my nose began to run. I was crying, and I didn't understand why. I pinched my arm to make me stop, for the Commodore and his companions were sure to find me very unlady-like. I wiped my tears away with the sleeve of my new dress, and looked back up at the Commodore. They pressured me no further with more questions, and I remained quiet for the rest of the trip to the Commodore's grand home.

I wanted to look out the window instead of looking at the dull floor of the carriage, but I was too small to look over it without kneeling, another very uncivilized action. If I was riding with Mum and the people who knew me, then I would not feel any guilt from doing it, but sitting with naval officers made me feel as if the only thing I was allowed to do was breathe and sit.

To my relief, the carriage came to a halt, and as soon as the carriage door was opened, I got up first to be helped out by the footman. The footman gently helped me out, and as soon as I was on my own feet, I looked up at the sky. It was a swirl of blue and violet, rays of pink light vanishing each second. The air had gone cooler, but not too cold, and it felt cool and damp, like the air after a light rain.

"Astrid!" came a familiar voice. I smiled and followed the voice. People had begun their walk down the Commodore's walkway into his home, so I had to weave through them once again. "Astrid!" the voice came again.

"Here!" I yelled. Two gentle and strong hands grabbed me from behind and I shrieked with laughter. Will had found me and carried me in his arms, which I found much more comforting than the arms of the Commodore.

"Where have you been? Eli-- I mean, Mother, has been worried about you. She thought you got lost at the fort."

"I did get lost," I replied. "But the Commodore found me and took me here."

"Be sure to stay with Roland next time we go to another gathering. You two must always stay together. It will be easier to find you then. Come. I am sure Mum would be glad to see that you are safe."

He carried me into the home of the Commodore, whose name I later found out was James Norrington thanks to Roland. Daddy didn't put me down until he had found Mum, who waited frantically in the living room for us. As soon as she saw I was safe, she ran up and snatched me away from Dad, and I heard Roland giggling.

"I almost didn't believe Roland when he told me that you had ridden in another carriage. Who was in the carriage with you?"

"The Commodore," I replied, happy that I had said the word correctly.

"The Commodore?" She glanced at Daddy for a moment.

"He asked me why you were taking care of me," I said. Mum's brows wrinkled and she looked at me with a confused expression. "I said that I didn't remember anything as my answer to each of his questions."

"That's good," Mother sighed with relief. She set me down on the floor beside Roland, whose hair had been neatly tied back again. She walked over to Daddy and whispered something in his ear. He glanced at me for less than a second, and listened intently to her words.

"You must be in trouble," Roland whispered to me. "They talk to each other like that all the time whenever I am in trouble. They are deciding your punishment." Before I had a chance to reply, Mother answered for me.

"Quite the contrary, Roland," she said. "I am very happy that Astrid is back with us. Now, the children of the other families are in another room for their own separate gathering. Go along now." As if Mum and Dad had just met, Daddy offered her his arm in a very gentlemanly way, and she took it with her head held up high, just like the proud, yet spirited woman she is.

"Good-bye!" I said. Each of them nodded gratefully at me. Roland tugged at my sleeve and his eyes looked in the direction of where the other children were. Then, mimicking our parents just for fun, he held out his arm for me, and I gladly took it, holding my head high in the air, trying to control my laughter.

We entered a large and well-lit room. Children sat on the floor playing some games, and some sat on chairs, talking or bragging about how rich their family was. They didn't even notice that we had entered. To my dismay, I spotted the revolting head of Matthew and anger was beginning to rise in my veins. I smiled though, seeing that his nose had a bruise and scratch on it from my fist.

"Hello!" I said, as loud as I could without actually screaming. A bunch of blond, brown and black heads turned our way.

"Oh, no. Not you again!" Matthew yelled. He ran up in front of the group and pointed at me as if I was a criminal. "She's a pirate! She'll try to steal from you!"

"If she's a pirate, then how come she is in a dress like all of us?" a girl replied.

"It's true! See this bruise on my nose! She did it!" Again, he pointed his chubby white finger at me. I, though, made no reaction to it.

"Nonsense, Matthew!" said another girl. "She is in a dress, and her hair is well groomed. She is far from a pirate! You just want attention." The girl made the familiar "Hmph!" sound, and I could not help but grin.

"I'm Astrid," I said.

"And you all know me," Roland laughed. He turned to me and waved his arms in the air to silence everyone. "This is my friend," he said. "Astrid."

"I already told them that, Roland," I mumbled under my breath.

"She can think up really nice games," he continued, ignoring my little message to him.

"Astrid," said a girl with black tresses bouncing on her head. It was tied neatly with a green satin ribbon. She walked up to me. She was a little taller than me, most likely because of her heels, and smiled at me, but I was not sure if the smile was out of wickedness or kindness. Her black eyes shimmered in the light and it looked as though she was squinting at me because she appeared to be smiling too hard. "Do you play with dolls?" she asked.

I looked at her with a plain expression, hardly entertained by her somewhat evil grin. "What's a doll?" I asked. Her thin eyebrows shot up and her squinted eyes widened to the size of olives.

"You don't know what a doll is?" she replied, raising her voice in disbelief.

"What is it?" I asked, still not understanding the scenario. The girl laughed lightly at me, waving her dainty hands in the air. "Roland," she began. "She doesn't even know what a doll is!" I looked at Roland suddenly with flaming eyes, waiting to see how he would reply to the ugly little lass. He hid his look from me, trying not to make eye contact and he spoke softly to the other girl.

"I'm just doing this because my parents like her," he said. "Besides, she's not staying in our house forever." The girl eyed me, beaming with pleasure. I was speechless. I wasn't sure if I wanted to beat up Roland's little face or beat up the wench who persuaded him to say that stuff about me. Either way, I was mad as hell.

"If you thought I was a stupid idiot from the beginning then you should have just said so!" I yelled at Roland. I clenched my fist and sent it flying to Roland's face. He stumbled to the ground, blood leaking out of his nose. The girl with the stupid green ribbon knelt down beside him and I yanked her hair, pleased to pull out several strands. She wailed and I ran out of the room.

The tap of my shoes echoed on the wooden floors and I unlocked the front door of the Commodore's home. I swung it open and ran out, believing that no one ever loved me from the beginning and that no one would ever love me at all.


	10. Home

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_Chapter Ten: Home_

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**I** didn't know where I was going, but I could have cared less. All I wanted was to get away from the lying fools. All I wanted to was for people to tell me the truth, but no one even bothered to. Did Roland really speak from the heart? Or was it because he was under pressure? I didn't know, and I didn't want to know. What he said still hurt me like a thousand knives. And if he said that about me, did Mum and Dad feel the same way too? Were they just being nice to me because I was a pitiable girl?

"Shut up, Astrid," I said to myself as I ran. "You're gone now and they will never go after you."

I could hear the soothing splash of the waves on the beach now, telling me that I was not far away from the docks. The night was late. I couldn't even see the moon and there were very few people still roaming about the area. I crossed a small stone bridge and was about to keep on going when I decided to turn back. I strayed away from the road and walked alongside the stones of the bridge until I reached the open arch beneath it, where an estuary led into the ocean. There was a wide strip of white sand on both sides under the bridge, and I plopped myself on it. I leaned my back against the stone bridge, sheltered myself underneath it, hugging my knees.

"I miss you, Daddy," I cried into my arms. "I miss you, Jack. I want to be back on the _Pearl_. I'm sorry I was bad. I'm sorry, but I want to go back. I want to count your treasure with you again. I want to stand right beside you as you steer the ship. I want to go back, Daddy. I want to go back. I'm sorry I was bad. I'll never be bad again. Just come back, Daddy. Come back."

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I woke up hungry, tired, and thirsty. The sky was dim and cloudy and the sound of the sea came ever clearer. A storm was coming. I just knew it. My eyes were crusty from my tearful night, and I rubbed vigorously at them to relax my tired eyes.

Slowly, I wobbled onto my feet and left my spot beneath the stone bridge to return to society. The air felt damp and heavy. It wouldn't be long before the storm struck. I was not planning to go back to Elizabeth. I didn't know what to do at all. I should have known that a five year old (who was almost six), would never be able to survive alone on the streets.

I felt extremely warm as I walked around the busy town. My brown curls were matted to my forehead from my sweat, and the coarse fabric of the dress irritated my skin. My wrists often had random pangs, as did my knees, but they ended almost as quickly as they had begun. My head felt heavy and I became tired easily. I leaned against the side of the bakery and looked out into the emptying streets. People were leaving the shops in a hurry, many of them with bundles of supplies and other goods. I wondered why they did so. Something wet landed on the backside of my hand, and I looked up to the gray sky. It was raining.

I decided to find some shelter from the rain, otherwise I would get ill, but my feet wouldn't move for me. They were nailed to the muddy ground. Gathering up all my strength, I lifted my foot, which, for some reason, seemed to take all my energy out of me. I never took a step because my step was actually a trip. I slid on the slimy mud I stood on and fell flat on my face. I tasted the thick, oozy mud in my mouth and felt like vomiting. But I didn't have the strength to do that either.

The rain continued to pour down harder, and the world was blurred around me. Health and strength had abandoned me, and I lay motionless on the muddy earth. The rain felt icy to the touch, and I was drowning in it. Slowly. Very slowly.

My head throbbed from my fall, thumping in sync with my heart. But slowly the aching thumps ceased, but I didn't realize that they only ceased as my eyes closed. I fell into unconsciousness, the last thing I heard being a loud clap of thunder, and a man's cry fading within it.

I probably would have never woken up if hadn't heard a familiar sound. It was one I knew all too well, for I made the sound myself when I was depressed or angry. It was the sound of someone crying. Carefully, I opened an eye slightly to get a peek around me. My eyes were met with darkness, but a soft, warm glow glimmered far to my right. A dying candle stood alone on my nightstand, and then I realized that I was in my own room.

Everything became familiar to me again. The soft sheets beneath my body were the ones I had slept in just the other night. The large, cold pillow supporting my head was the same one I slept on a day ago. I was safe in my home.

As my eyes grew accustomed to the dark, I realized who was crying. It was a woman sitting in a chair beside my bed. At first I thought she was a ghost, for her pale nightgown stuck out in the dark. Her thin, delicate hands covered her face, and her unkempt blonde curls swayed on her shoulders. A young man sat beside her, his arm gently around her slumped shoulders. His eyes were closed, but he wasn't asleep. He was in deep thought. Neither of them noticed I was watching them.

The woman repeated one thing through her sobs, which I was able to decipher. She only said, "I promised Jack I would take care of her, Will! I told him I would love her as if she were my own!" The young man would always reply softly, "You did nothing wrong, Elizabeth. It's not your fault. Everything will be fine."

I realized the young man's clothes were wet, soaking even. I wondered why. I closed my eyes again, and smiled. Mum and Dad really _did_ love me. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here. Maybe I wouldn't even be alive.

"Mum?" I squeaked. Her sobs ended immediately at the sound of my voice, and she got up quickly. She leaned over and grabbed my hand. Her hold was firm, but gentle.

"Yes, Astrid?" she said. "Mummy's here."

"Thank you," I said. I squinted at her, for my eyes were still very tired. She was smiling at me, and Daddy was smiling too. "I love you." Mum's face lost it's smile, and tears poured down her eyes. It shocked me in a way, for I had never seen her cry before. She was always happy and glowing whenever I saw her. I never wanted her to cry again.

"Stop crying," I said. She wiped a tear from her eye. "I don't even cry that much." She smiled at me, but I heaved a cough. "I'm sorry for running away," I said.

"No, Astrid," said Daddy. "Don't be. We found out from Roland. It's all right." He held my hand too, and I found that his hand was cold and damp. He even coughed a little himself. Mum turned to him then, and laid her hand gently on his shoulder.

"Will, you should dry yourself off. You'll get ill too."

"I'm fi--"

"Do what Mummy says," I answered. He grinned at me and kissed my forehead. I promised them I would never run away again.


	11. Twelve

_Chapter Eleven: Twelve_

"**S**top!" I yelled, getting up from my bed. "Stop jumping on my bed, Roland!" I got up and pushed him, and his body bounced as he fell on the other end of my bed. "Ha!" I cried, happy of my achievement. I stood on my bed, proud and tall, although I was but eleven years old, but very close to turning twelve.

"I let you win," he muttered, getting up and standing face to face with me on the bed. "I mean, it's your birthday. I can't be mean to you on your birthday." I raised an eyebrow at him.

"I know that, birthday or not, you will somehow trick me," I proclaimed.

"Come on, Astrid," Roland said. "I would never do that!"

"Oh really? What about on my eighth birthday? It came right after I had that fight with Matthew. You let that prissy little Miss Westley help trick me into running into Mrs. Whitman!"

"And?" Roland asked, jumping off of the bed.

"And she had to go to the doctor, claiming I had broken her hip!"

"Don't forget that you made her spill her tea and give her some burns," Roland added with a laugh. I peered at him when his back was towards me.

"Well, she's gone now, so it doesn't matter." I jumped off my bed as well, but my arms were crossed. Mrs. Whitman had died about two years ago, due to some heart problems. I had a new governess now, who was worse than Mrs. Whitman. She was young, strict, thin, and mean. Her name was Miss Abigail Smith, and I believed her to be the woman with the largest nose that ever lived.

Maggie entered the room, and shooed Roland away as usual. She looked up at me, surprisingly in a happy mood. "Even after all these years, Miss, he still can't avoid waking you up in the morning." I smiled feebly in reply. I realized that Maggie was addressing me as "Miss" or "Lady" a lot more often, than just "lass" or "young Astrid." She was also being more proper, and got me to wear dresses of different styles, which meant a lot more suffocating. Maggie grabbed my arm and led me to the dressing area. She quickly pulled off my nightgown and got me into some undergarments.

"What will be the horrible dress I will wear today, Maggie?" I asked as she left to my wardrobe to retrieve my dress. She returned with a smile on her face, and a frown on mine.

"Here it is, Miss," she said. She presented a dress that was a slightly peachy color, according to her, but I found it to be more pink or rosy than peach. Its neckline and hem were laced with ruffles, as were its sleeves. I noticed the skirt and compared it to my height. It appeared to be far too long for me.

"Maggie, this dress seems awfully large," I protested as she began to fit me into it.

"Don't fret, Miss," she said. "It will fit you fine." She tugged on the back of my dress and pinned it close. She brought me to a mirror and was beaming as she looked into it with me. I though, winced.

"It's...It's..." I stuttered.

"Oh, isn't it wonderful, lady?" Maggie finished for me.

"Yes," I sighed. "It's dazzling." She sat me down in a chair and brushed the curly brown mop on my head that was my hair. I wasn't surprised if I saw my hair falling out and landing on the floor. It was all quite routine. She pinned my hair up in a bun, leaving a curl or two loose and free.

"There we go!" Maggie exclaimed. "Perfect. You will blow everyone away at your party."

"Thank you, Maggie." I dismissed her kindly before walking downstairs for breakfast. I was dismayed that this year, my birthday was on a weekday, for I had to take lessons before the party. And I had to see awful Miss Abigail.

I took my time as I walked down the stairs, hoping to stall every bad thing that might occur, but then I saw Daddy preparing to leave the house for his shop, and I deserted walking for running. I ran down the stairs, and he turned around in time to catch me as I ran up to him. "Daddy!" I yelled. He lifted me up and smiled.

"You're getting bigger," he said, setting me back on the ground.

"You will be back in time for my party, won't you?"

"I will. I just need to deliver a sword to someone and pick up another." I beamed at him and waved good-bye as he left. I turned around and saw Roland standing strangely behind me, his hands up in the air.

"What are you doing?" I asked, peering at him.

"Oh," He replied, taking his hands and folding them neatly behind his back. "Nothing."

"That's what I thought. Where's Mum?"

"Upstairs. Come on, let's eat breakfast."

"I'm going out to the garden. I want to eat with Mum. So, I'll wait," I said. Roland quirked an eyebrow at me.

"Suit yourself. If there is a knock on the door, answer it for me."

"Why, may I ask?"

"I'm walking to school with a friend." I nodded in agreement and we took our separate ways.

I entered the garden and squeezed myself into the wooden box that used to be my ship. It was getting quite small for me, but I was skinny as a rail. I would always be able to fit into it. I leaned my back against the side of the box and looked up. It was a cloudy day. The air was heavy with the scent of rain and salt. "I'm twelve today," I thought. "I wonder what gifts I will get this year. A new dress perhaps? Or another silly doll? Oh, maybe even school books." The gifts I received during my parties were never ones I was overjoyed to acquire. They did nothing to make me feel happy and entertained, for what kind of girl is thrilled at a new dress? "Astrid!" My head darted to the entrance into the house, nearly missing hitting my chin on the edge of the box.

"Yes!" I called in return, not wishing to leave my spot.

"Come in for breakfast!" Lisa yelled, even louder. I struggled to get back on my feet and walked slowly back into the house. Every chance I had to stall the events of today, I took right away. I didn't want Miss Abigail to come. I didn't want all of the snooty children who were to be my "friends" to arrive.

I entered the house again, getting blasted with a wall of warmth, allowing me to realize that the temperature outside was far cooler than usual. As I walked past the front doors, I heard a loud knock, and I saw our doorman leave his seat to answer it. "I'll do it," I offered, staying him with my hand. He nodded at me in agreement and I went to answer the door.

I creaked it open just wide enough for me to see who it was. "Hello?" I asked.

"Tell Roland Turner that his friend has arrived please." A girl with black curls, tied back in a green ribbon stood at the door, with a tall boy standing beside her. She was the one who had spoken to me, and I could only manage to glare at her. Alexandra Westley was the girl's name. I knew her since I met her nearly six years ago. She didn't bother me much nor did she pester me with talk either. Her business was mostly with Roland whenever she stopped by. The thing I didn't know was that he was a friend of her.

I grinned at her to the point where my eyes were but tiny slits with blue orbs hidden in them. Then, I slammed the door in her face and turned around. "Roland! Miss Westley is here to take you to school!" I yelled. I heard the jumble of dishes and utensils clang in the kitchen and Roland rushed out, trying to adjust his collar. "What is wrong with you?" I asked as he flew by me, nearly colliding with the door.

"Nothing. I'm late," he replied briskly before opening the door. "Bye, Astrid." And with that, he skipped merrily down the walkway, Alexandra's arm no longer linked to the arm of the boy she was with, but now with Roland's. I narrowed my eyes on the three of them suspiciously before heading towards the kitchen.

"Good morning, Miss," said Lisa as I entered. "You are a full twelve years old today." She smiled at me, and I smiled back, happy to see that she was in a good mood.

"Thank you, Lisa. I have a question for you." I took my seat and a servant handed me my plate of food.

"And that would be?"

"Why is Roland acting strange?"

"In what way, lady?"

"Stop callin' me that!" I burst. Lisa looked at me, shocked. "I mean, sorry. I prefer to just be called Astrid. Not lady. Not miss."

"Very well. You were saying?"

"Oh yes. Roland is... well... just this morning, he rushed out of the kitchen just to go to school. He hates school. Plus, he was dusting himself off and adjusting his collar. Why is he caring so much about his appearance?" Lisa laughed then at me. "What's so funny?"

"You should listen to him during breakfast more often, Astrid. The boy has a liking to Miss Westley. He fancies her."

"But he's not even twelve. I'm older than him! And what a stupid thing! To make yourself seem like someone you aren't to impress someone. I hope I am never like that."

"Oh, Astrid. Roland is growing up. I doubt that Miss Westley will be the only girl he admires. Go on, now. Eat. Your governess will be here soon." At that, I felt my stomach churn.

Lessons with Miss Abigail Smith must be more horrible than regular lessons at an all boys school. Her voice was squeaky and high, making my ears ring with annoyance and pain whenever she spoke. She spoke often, causing me much undeserved misery. She arrived just minutes after I finished eating, and Mum was nowhere to be seen. I had to greet Miss Abigail by myself. "Wonderful day, isn't it Miss Astrid?" she said, taking off her hat. She handed it to the doorman, but I gently took it out of his hands and threw it out the door when she wasn't looking. "Miss Astrid?" she asked, turning around to face me. "You will answer when asked a question!" I stared at her, not caring about what she just said. "Now stop pestering the doorman. We must get to your studies."

"It's my birthday," I said, hoping it would make her loosen the tight schedule of learning she set up for me.

"Oh, then that is only more reason to get going. Now, let us begin." Finally, she turned her back on me and I could slump my shoulders again. I followed her into the study, and she plopped her lesson plan onto a desk. "Sit," she ordered. I sat in my usual spot, which was in my own personal desk. "I have a surprise to show you," she said, her thin, pale lips curved into an evil smile.

"I am honored to receive it," I replied, trying hard to keep my temper.

"Good." She walked over to my desk and dropped an aged book before me. "This is your gift. It is a book about what you will be learning today." I opened the book. My eyes set on the large, black letters on the first page, and my mind ached with boredom. "Today you will be learning about the British Navy and those who disobeyed them."

"Who were they?" I asked.

"Pirates."

For a second, I felt a slight excitement and eagerness spark in me at the thought of the new topic, but it faded quickly as Miss Abigail Smith ordered me to read.

I never liked to read aloud, especially as reading became harder. I remembered when I couldn't read a word and Mrs. Whitman whipped me. I still had trouble, and I still got punished for it, but my dislike in reading was always present. Then, I reached a word in the book that I could not pronounce. "What is wrong? Why have you stopped reading?" asked Miss Smith.

"I...I don't know how to say this," I replied, pointing to the word in my book.

"If you cannot say any of those words in that book, then you haven't learned anything. Reading is the basis for all learning. If you can't read, then you cannot learn. No wonder you have always been a trouble. I have pupils that are already done with pirates and that other nonsense for months now, yet you cannot even get passed that." I felt my cheeks grow warm, and a hotness in my mouth grew. I wanted to yell and scream and push the damn lady away. I hated her. Her words made me feel stupid, worthless, and like I was nothing better than an ass. I felt half-witted, and a hot tear streamed out of my eye.

"Nothing to say now, eh? Then get back to reading!" Miss Smith roared. I swallowed hard, and it felt like swallowing a large smooth stone that was lodged in your throat. I let the air dry off my tears and I continued to read.

I only spoke when asked to, just as Miss Smith had taught me earlier. I was obedient and did whatever work she had for me to do. I didn't care if it was my birthday anymore. I didn't care if I would never learn anything at all. I just wanted to let things come as they go, and I wouldn't try to control them anymore.

Miss Abigail yelled and chastised me some more until it was time for tea. A maid called us both down, saying that my mum was ready for us. "Ahh, finally," said Miss Smith. "I think I deserve a treat after all this hard work." I groaned inside and followed her reluctantly out of the study and into the parlor.

"Astrid, Miss Smith," Mum said, standing up to welcome us. "How have your lessons been, Astrid?"

"They have been quite splendid, Mum," I lied. I sat next to her and reached over to grab my teacup. Miss Abigail already had hers in hand and sipped down the hot liquid. I grabbed a biscuit and delicately bite into it, watching Miss Abigail out of the corner of my eye. She was stuffing her thin, ugly face with Lisa's freshly baked goods. I ignored it though, remembering to let things be as they were, but the biscuit was dry and thick in my mouth.

"Astrid," Mum said, turning to me. "You are oddly quiet. You have not told me what you have learned today." I wondered if I should tell her that I didn't learn anything, according to what my awful governess said, but I lied again.

"I learned about the British Navy," I said as happily as I could.

"What about in Mathematics?"

"I learned division."

"That's good. Well, I think it is about time we head our separate ways." She turned to Miss Smith with a dazzling smile. "Peter, our doorman, will lead you out, Miss Smith. Thank you again for your services." Miss Abigail grinned, showing her large, donkey like teeth.

"It has been my pleasure, Mrs. Turner." She got up and left, realizing that she had no hat.

"Now," Mum said, turning to me. "What happened?"

"I told you what I learned today. Nothing happened."

"Astrid, that woman hurt you somehow. You are never quiet nor obedient!"

"She said I couldn't learn. She made me feel stupid. She said that I didn't know how to read and that I would never learn a thing in my life! And it's true! I will never learn anything!"

"Don't let that pompous, ill-mannered woman tell you anything! I know she has been quite hard on you, Astrid."

"Then why is she still here? Why is she still teaching me?"

"I needed an excuse to rid her from you. Once I employed her, I knew she was worse than old Mrs. Whitman. But I had no reason to dismiss her. Now I do." I looked at Mum, not knowing if I was angry or relieved.

"You made me stay with that witch for that long a time?"

"Not anymore. You will still have a governess until you are fourteen and available to marry."

"What about Roland?"

"He... well... he can go to school until he is dead. But his education at the boys school ends this year."

"Why don't they have schools for girls? And why is he spending so much time with the Westley's?"

"He is friends with their children. Go and wash up now. You're guests will be arriving soon."

"But-"

"Now, Astrid." I stomped out of the room and up the stairs, but an idea sparked in my mind.

"Mum!" I called.

"Yes!"

"Send someone for Miss Smith. She has forgotten her hat!" Grinning, I walked happily up the stairs and into my room.


	12. Before the Party

****_Chapter Twelve: Before the Party_

**M**other went and sent a messenger to Miss Abigail Smith just as I had requested. I went outside and looked for her hat, and found it sitting by a plant. I picked it up, holding it up in the air as I looked at it, thinking of a way to use it as part of my flawless plan. My mind could not trigger anything that would please me fully, so I decided to wait until Roland came home to help me. I just hoped that he would return before Miss Smith did. "Astrid!" someone called. It seemed as if my name was called out the most around the house. I wondered why.

"Yes?" I yelled in return, walking back inside. Mum walked down the steps, an excited smile on her face.

"Will you go out into town to find Roland?" I stared at her oddly. She never asked me to go out to find someone. That was always the messenger's duty. "I know it may seem odd, Astrid," she added. "But I already sent the messenger after Miss Smith. I am sure you want to go outside for while, don't you?" I continued to look at her. "Here," she grabbed my hand and put in a small, cold coin in my palm. "I want you to spend it and show me what you get when you get home."

"Why do you want me to leave the house?" I asked.

"I don't want you to leave the house, Astrid. I just need Roland to come home as soon as possible."

"All right," I said. "Here." I handed Mum Miss Smith's hat. "Don't give it to her until I'm back. And… oh yes… she is welcome to stay here for my party."

"Why? You have something up your sleeve, Astrid."

"So, I do. But it _is_ my birthday. Give me this freedom, Mum."

"Very well. Go along now." She kissed my forehead quickly, and I happily skipped out of the house and down the street. Turning twelve had more benefits than I had expected.

The day had hardly improved since morning. The sky was covered in dark, gray clouds, and I could hear the soft rumble of thunder far away. The air was not as cool as before, but now it was extremely humid and sticky. I had to take in large breaths because it did not seem as if I was getting enough oxygen. I, though, was still very thankful to be going outside anyway, so I tried my best to make the memory acceptable.

The local school for boys was located away from the fort and towards the end of the town. I had been there before with Mum and Dad only once when Roland was sent home since he was sick. That was not too long ago, and I found my way back there easily. The building was old and gray; the stones being weather-beaten from the continuous seasons of rain and wind. Large, lush green palms lined the dirt path that led to the front door. I heard chatter not far away, and I ran ahead to see if it was Roland. To my relief, it was. He walked playfully with his friends, not to mention Alexandra Westley. He had a bundle of books and papers fixed under his arm and he laughed loudly with his companions.

For a moment, I grew envious of him. He had friends; people he could turn to whenever he needed them. People who liked him and played with him. I had none. Of course, except for Roland himself. I was introduced to many children in my past, most of them girls; but I never got along with them. They were too boring. They never wanted to do anything but play dolls and have tea. I blinked out of my memory and realized why I was at the school. I was there to hurry Roland home. "Roland!" I yelled, running to his group of friends. A set of three heads turned my way. But they only looked at me. Roland didn't run up to meet me and he didn't call back in return. Their eyes were just set on my running figure, looking at me as if I was some sort of entertainment. "Roland!" I screamed again, getting annoyed. I stopped a couple of yards in front of them, panting, and walked the rest of the way there. I stopped right in front of his face and looked down on him (I was taller than him).

"W-What, Astrid?" he asked nervously. "Why… are you here?"

"Mum, sent me," I replied. "She wants you to come home."

"For what purpose?" interrupted Alexandra. I turned to her, wondering why she was getting into business that was not her own.

"My mum ordered it and she doesn't need a purpose for her own son to come home," I said. Alexandra grabbed Roland's arm fiercely.

"Will you walk me home first?" she demanded. Roland looked at me pleadingly.

"Mum wants you to come home," I said again.

"He'll go as soon as he walks me home, so you can leave now, Annie."

"My name is Astrid, ya arsehole!" With that, I snatched Roland's arm so severely that he nearly stumbled and fell. Alexandra looked at me with angry, dark eyes. I just laughed inside and glowered back.

"You are much too hard on your own brother," she said. "Plus your mouth needs a good cleaning, with all of that foul language you use."

"If people were never meant to say them, then why are they here?" I challenged. Again, I had the urge to yank off the stupid green ribbon on her head.

"Watch how you speak to me, Astrid," she said contemptuously. "My father is the head of the school."

"I don't care. Through my eyes my parents will always be ten times better than your own!" Alexandra gasped in disgust and turned angrily on her heal, her older brother following.

"Wench!" she yelled.

"Whore!" I yelled back. Although her back was facing me as she walked away, I saw her fists clench. She didn't turn back though, and I grinned at my triumph. I turned to Roland who stood beside me, but his face was glum and irritated. He glanced quickly at me then stomped away. "What?" I asked. "What now?"

"You had no right to call her those names nor did you have the right to be mean to her," he said, without looking back at me. I growled under my breath and trudged after him. His arms were crossed over his chest and I grabbed his shoulder.

"Why? She was gonna make you disobey Mum. I helped you."

"No, you didn't! I wasn't going to disobey Mum anyway. I would walk her home then walk to our house. There's not much a difference, Astrid!"

"Mum wanted you to come home as soon as possible!" I yelled. "Besides, it's _my_ birthday! You're supposed to be nice!"

"Well, things change! I don't have to be nice to you if you can't be nice to my friends!" Roland hurt me. I couldn't stand his words anymore. I wanted this to all stop. I wanted him to be nice to me again, but my anger got a hold of me.

"At least you have friends!" I screamed. "So go! Go and be with your friends instead of at home! I'll tell mum you don't want to come home and you can stay at damn Alexandra's house for the rest of your life for all I care!" I pushed him out of my way, and sprinted home. I hated being twelve now. I wanted to be nine or eight or seven. Back then, friends didn't matter so much. But now, they did.

I fought back my tears, reminding myself that crying was only for little children. I wasn't a child anymore. I was twelve years old. I was growing up. I ran down the busy streets and alleys, weaving through lines of people down the road. Suddenly, I stopped. My hand went to my dress pocket, and I took out the coin Mum had given me to spend. I looked at it and felt relief. Mum told me to spend it on something, and unlike Roland, I wanted to obey Mum.

I turned the other way around and walked down to a shop. It sold wooden goods, and I found a small wooden box with a lock and key to purchase. I rubbed my thumb over the surface of the coin and checked to see how much it was worth. I looked at the price of the small box. I didn't have enough. "Can I help you?" came a voice. It was deep and rusty. I looked up and saw an old man leaning over and looking at the small wooden box that was in my hands. He smiled though and many wrinkles rung around his dark, but friendly eyes. "I see you want to buy that box there," he said.

"I would like to buy it," I said. "But I only have this." I took out my coin and showed it to him. He squinted at it and looked back at me.

"You're right," he said. "That's not enough to buy you the box." He paused a moment and looked at me harder. I looked oddly at him as well, hoping to make him feel as uncomfortable as he was making me feel. "I've seen you around these streets before," he said. "You're the daughter of Elizabeth Turner."

"I am," I said. "Why?"

"Nothing. I never expected to see her daughter come into my shop."

"We've been in here before," I said. "With my Dad."

"Ah. All right then. I'll tell you what, I'll keep this box for you and when you have enough money to buy it, you can come back."

"That sounds good to me. Thank you… mister… mister…"

"Carter."

"All right." I handed him the box and then walked out of the shop, surprised that I was not angry anymore.

I lingered around town no longer and ran back home, ruining my hair and my freshly polished shoes. Mum would be disappointed, and Maggie would be furious, but I would be happier than ever. "Mum! Dad! I'm home!" I screamed as I ran up the pathway leading to my home. Before I had the chance to knock on the front door, it opened for me, and I collided into someone as I ran in. My elbow hit the hard stone floor as I struggled to get back on my feet.

"Get off me!" squealed a voice. I got up, baffled, and realized I had collided into Roland. "Why are you running so fast anyway?" He got up and dusted himself off.

"Does it matter?" I replied fiercely. "Go ahead and leave. Go to your lover's house and never come back." I nudged him aside as I walked past him. I stomped into the living room to find Mum and Dad talking together.

"Astrid!" Mum smiled. She took one look at my dress and my shoes and my hair and her smile faded. "Go upstairs and get Maggie to dress you in a new frock. When you come back I will speak to you then."

"Yes, Mummy." I left and ran up the stairs calling Maggie. She emerged from my room and gasped when she saw me.

"Miss Astrid! What did you do to your new dress? And your hair? Dear Lord, come here." She grabbed my long, skinny arm and hauled me to my dressing area. "Your guests will be here any minute! What were thinking?"

"I wasn't thinking about anything, Maggie," I said proudly.

"Exactly. Now, stop fidgeting." She clasped my new dress shut in the back and fluffed out my skirt. She took me through the usual routine with my hair and wiped any dirt off of my face. She made me wear my old, but cleaner shoes and rushed me back downstairs. "Behave now, lady!" Inside I moaned.

"Yes, I know, Maggie! I will… I will…" I entered the living room a second time, but found Roland, Mum and Dad in their. I glowered at Roland.

"Astrid," Mum began, but I barely heard her.

"Why are _you_ still here?" I yelled, ignoring Mum.

"I live here," Roland replied calmly.

"Well, then get out!"

"You are not allowed to order me like that!" Roland replied, getting up from his seat.

"I can! I'm older than you!"

"Roland! Astrid! Enough!" Mum shrieked. "Why are you two angry at each other? Tell us." I crossed my arms and gritted my teeth.

"I told him to come home, just like you had asked, Mum," I began. "But he wanted to walk Alexandra Westley home first. He didn't want to obey you, Mum."

"That is a lie!" Roland protested. "It is true that I was going to walk Alexandra home, but I would come home straight after. Astrid though, cannot let anybody bend the rules just a little bit. She always has to obey_everyone_."

"With that look at things, you will end up in jail when you're old!" I yelled.

"That's better than continuing to live here with the worst sister that ever lived!"

"I hate you!"

"Astrid! Roland!" Mum interrupted. "It's all right. We'll work this out somehow. But first things first. Astrid, I need you to stay with me to greet your guests. They will be arriving very soon. Roland, you will stay with Dad in the backyard. He'll tell you what to do. Now, let's get moving." Mum got up from her seat and took my hand. We walked out towards the front door and sat down in a bench in between the doors and a window. "Go easy on Roland, Astrid," Mum said softly.

"Why?" I demanded.

"Because he really likes Alexandra. If you knew what he was going through, you would want people to be kind to you. Give him just a tad bit more freedom, dear."

"But Alexandra is a witch," I said. "She always makes fun of me, Mum. Why? Why is she so mean?" Mum laughed lightly.

"You are a very intimidating girl, Astrid."

"What does that mean?"

"It means you demand your space. You are in control. And because of that, people fear you as a threat."

"But that's just who I am."

"I know, but some people won't accept it."

"Then why are you making those types of people come to my party?"

"Who would you want to come then?"

"No one. Just my family."

"We can do that next year."

"Promise?"

"I promise." There was a knock on the door and I got up to greet my first guest.


	13. Birthday

_Chapter Thirteen: Birthday_

**I** sat glumly in the living room. I rested my chin in my hands, and my elbows were supported by my knees. I heard the annoying chatter of the girls invited to my party, and it reminded me of the squeaking of several mice. They would tap me on the shoulder every now and then and shriek with laughter as they rummaged through my gifts. "Oh Astrid, isn't this nice?" they would say. "Oh Astrid, you get the best dresses!" Or they would tell me, "You must let me borrow this once in a while!" or, "Get me this for my birthday!" I moaned inside at their greed. Why did they want such worthless things as dresses and jewelry? What good would they do?

I had still some more gifts to open, and I had taken a small break from the presents because of the girls who immediately snatched my gifts out of my hands as soon as I revealed them. Mum and Dad stood not far from the entrance of the room watching me. I had two boxes yet to open. One was from Roland, and the other was from his new found love, Alexandra. I grabbed Alexandra's gift to me and held it daintily. I was almost disgusted to touch it. Cautiously, I opened the box, feeling Alexandra's eager eyes beating down on me. I took off the lid and was surprised that it was just a hat. I was expecting for her to play some trick on me for calling her a whore. "Astrid!" said a girl, as she took the hat out of the box. "Try it on! You must!" Before I had a chance to protest, the girl pressed the hat onto my head, and I felt something ooze into my hair. I shoved the girl away and took the hat off carefully, feeling the sticky substance now on my head pull away from the hat. I looked over at Alexandra who was now rolling on the floor with laughter. After removing the hat, I touched my hair and it was sticky with molasses. I got up furiously and turned to Alexandra who stood now laughing with her friends. "Wretch!" I screamed.

"Oh, and what are you going to do? Your parents are watching you right now." I glanced over at Mum and Dad and saw their shocked expressions, but I just turned back around with a grin.

"Even better," I replied, "because now they have seen your trick and can tell _your_ parents about what you did to me." Alexandra almost choked on her laughter, bringing it to an end. I smiled at my achievement. "So I suggest that you keep your mouth shut for the rest of my party or leave." Alexandra's lips went tight and she sat angrily on the floor. I stuck my fingers into my hair again, and took out more molasses, but I could care less.

I dropped the box and Alexandra's hat hastily onto the ground and finally picked up Roland's gift. It was a medium sized box, and I wondered what lay concealed inside it. Mum and Dad called Roland and his friends to come into the room, and he and his friends from school rushed into the room. I eyed him suspiciously as I began to open the box, and he just looked at me with an expression I could not read. "It's not a trick, is it?" I asked him.

"No. I think you'll like it." He made his way through the swarm of twelve year old girls in the room and took a seat next to me, although I was still fuming mad at him from earlier.

I opened the lid and found a black tricorn hat sitting in the box. Amused, I lifted the hat and examined it underneath to see if it was rigged. But below it, I found a white shirt, a vest, a dark green coat, some dark colored trousers and new boots. I grinned happily at the attire, and I pulled the items out of the box, gaping at them. At last! Something that was not a dress or a necklace or a doll! I jumped up, still speechless. I wanted to go at once to try on my new clothes, but it appeared as if everybody else except for myself and Roland did not see the significance in his gift to me. "Why did he give you a boy's clothes?" asked one. "You are a girl."

"Roland, you are such an idiot," said another. "You gave your sister such ugly clothes!"

"No!" I interrupted. "I love it, Roland! Thank you!"

"I take it that you're not mad at me anymore, right?" he replied.

"No. I have forgotten why I was angry with you in the first place." I made my way happily through the crowd of girls and their puffy dresses. I almost tripped on one, but even that could not destroy my happiness. "Mum! Dad!" I called. "May I try these one right now?"

"Do as you please, Astrid," said Daddy. I jumped for joy, clapping my hands, and I ran upstairs with Roland's gift. I barged into my room and closed the door. I was glad to get myself out of my horrible dress and into these new clothes. I gladly put on the attire and lastly put the tricorn hat on my head. To my dismay, it did not fit properly because my hair was put up. With Dad's words ringing in my ears, I undid my hair and ran my fingers briskly through my brown locks, pulling out some strands and some more molasses. With that done, I set the hat atop my head and looked proudly into my mirror. Something was missing though. The hat was wonderful, but my image didn't fit me just yet. I opened my door and ran into Roland's room. I rummaged through his drawers until I cam across a white strip of cloth. I tied it around my head vertically, making it some sort of headband. Pleased at my appearance, I donned my hat and skipped down the stairs.

Just as I entered the room where all my party guests were, the room burst in a giant gasp, and I grinned happily. "You look absolutely hideous!" screamed Alexandra.

"Really? I thought I looked hideous wearing a dress," I replied.

"Enough of that," interrupted Roland. "You have one gift left, Astrid. Open it up so we can eat. I'm starving." I peered at him and teasingly pushed him as I passed by, but I didn't understand why I had another present to open. I had opened all my gifts.

"Who is it from?" I asked.

"Mum and Dad," he answered. I looked back at my parents and smiled. A large box was set on the ground and I sat down before it. Everyone was huddled around me and I could even hear and smell some of them because they were so close. I noticed that the box was made of wood, and that there were two golden clasps on its side. I flipped the clasps up and lifted the lid. I was only halfway done when feeling and strength left my arms and the lid fell quickly without my guidance. Sitting carefully in the box was a sword.

My eyes gazed upon the blade with indescribable joy and contentment. Here before me was a sword; a sword all my own. I would no longer play with those wooden swords given to me as a child. I had a _real _blade to practice with. I would swing the blade around, and it would flash rapidly with each move. I couldn't wait to have my hand gripped around the hilt. Just the thought of holding the thing sent a chill of excitement up my spine.

My hands shook as they picked up the sleek object. It was sheathed in a black scabbard, crafted as flawlessly as the blade itself. I gripped the bottom half of the sword with my right hand and my left hand vigilantly took hold of the golden hilt. I pulled out the blade slowly, pleased to hear the slide of the metal against the scabbard. I freed the sword from its case and it stood tall in the light, sparkling with luster. Everyone looked in awe at my gift, and I looked at it with eager and impressed eyes. This would be one gift I would carry with me forever.

The blade was long and thin, and I could not support it with just one hand. I held it with two now, and my strength was waning because of its brilliance. For a second, my eyes deserted the sword and I looked at Mum and Dad who stood patiently in the back of the room. I gave them a wide grin, and I sheathed the sword quickly. Nearly jumping through my guests, I ran to them, and Dad caught me in his arms. I reached over and grabbed Mum and hugged her tight. "Thank you," I whispered. "This is the best gift I could ever receive. I love you. Thank you. Thank you."

I turned back to Dad and gave him a gigantic hug, for it was without a doubt him who had made this sword for me. I almost felt as if I was six or seven again, for I felt safe in his arms. "Thank you, Daddy," I said. "Thank you. I love it." I paused and looked back at Roland. "But make Roland one, too, Daddy. He'll get jealous." He laughed, and set me on the ground.

"I will," he said. "Just don't tell." I pinned my lips closed and smiled.

"I won't." I turned back to my guests and threw my arms up in the air. "Food would sound good right about now, don't you think?"

"Yes!" cried Roland. "Finally." He ran out of the room, with almost everybody following after him. I lingered behind though, quite content with being alone with my parents. I knelt down and put my sword back in its case. I took off my hat and set it on top, revealing the white band tied around my head. I felt a hand rumple my hair, and I turned around to find Mum.

"What do you think?" she asked. "Do you actually enjoy this party?" I laughed and stood up. It was only when I was facing her did I realize that I was above her shoulder now in height.

"I'm happy for other reasons," I replied. "But it's been great." I gave a fake frown and stuck my hand into my hair. Sure enough, there was still molasses in it. "But there are still a couple of things I am not happy about."

"Oh, that will wash out," she said. "You'd better get to the others."

And so I went. And so, throughout the night, we ate. In fact, we ate quite a lot, and many a boy and girl returned home with upset stomachs. We sliced my cake, and ate that as well, down to the very last crumb. Of course, being a cake made by Lisa, it was delicious. I was just beginning to dismiss my guests when the messenger finally returned with Miss Abigail Smith. I was quite out of the party by then, and felt slightly ill from my consumption of sweets. Roland though, was fueled with this sugar, and he pulled on my arm to get me to run to the door to great awful Miss Smith. I held my ground and pulled away from him in the opposite direction. "No, Roland," I said. "I don't feel well."

"Come on. It's just a quick run up there. You wanted her to be here, and now you have to welcome her." He was right. I had indeed invited Miss Abigail, but that was only because I thought Roland would help me in the plot to get my revenge on the wretch. Apparently, with all the party business, I had forgotten to ask him to help me.

"No, Roland," I replied. "Mum and Dad will take care of it."

"Oh no, you're coming, and you're coming _now_!" With that, he tugged so ferociously on my arm, that I stumbled and fell face first onto the hard floor.

"Roland!" I shrieked, getting ready to pounce on the runt. I got up on my feet, forgetting my stomach for just a moment and ran after him. His short ponytail wagged in front of me as he ran, and I was about to pull on the damn thing, when he stopped himself abruptly, causing me to run into him and whoever he almost ran into.

A disgusted yelp rose into the air, and Roland quickly got on his feet, although it took me a while longer to do the same. I stood and looked down at Miss Abigail, whose abnormally thin face was scrunched up in infuriation. She moaned on the ground and yelled at me. "That wench should be in proper clothes!" she demanded. Mum quickly inserted herself into the scene and stepped in front of me. Her brown eyes turned icy towards my soon to be fired governess, and her hands were firmly set on her hips.

"I beg your pardon," Mum yelled. "How dare you call my daughter a wench?" Miss Smith looked up shocked, and quickly stammered,

"Oh, forgive me, Missus Turner," she said. "I did not mean to say it in such a way."

"I heard no regret in your voice when you said it," Mum replied sharply. "You are dismissed, Miss Smith… from this house and from your job." Miss Smith's eyes widened to the size of olives. I was happily laughing inside. With a weak shrill, my fired governess got up and dusted her ugly gray frock. Holding her enormously large nose up high, she turned around and prepared to walk out the door, when Roland pushed me hard from behind.

The push returned my stomachache, and I was no longer able to keep it under control as I lunged towards Miss Abigail yet again, and out came everything I had eaten that night onto her dress.


	14. He's Leaving to a Ship

_Chapter Fourteen: He's Leaving to a Ship_

**A**fter my twelfth birthday, I thought that my life would improve. After all, I had received a sword and new apparel for my birthday, and all I really wanted now was to go on a voyage across the sea to test the items out. Apparently, it soon occurred to me that turning twelve brought sudden changes that I was entirely unprepared for.

The first change I noticed was at my party. I realized that I was taller than Roland. Of course, I had always been just about his size, give or take an inch, but I realized I was far much taller than him; at least by three inches. I had noticed previously in the year before that I was growing rapidly, but I did not question it. Roland had gotten very ill last year, and I figured that the sickness was the reason why Roland was not growing as fast as me.

But now more than a year had passed since Roland had gotten ill, and he hasn't grown much at all. Only I have grown. The second change occurred to me just a month or two after my birthday, just as Roland's twelfth birthday was approaching. Maggie was dressing me as usual, but when she pulled one of my old dresses on, it was uncomfortably tight across the chest. It was such a bother that I couldn't keep still when Maggie was pinning up my dress. I fidgeted and moved my arms to try to make the tightness go away. "Stop twitching, Miss Astrid," she said.

Again, there was the 'Miss' used for me. Why were they using a title with my name now? "I'm sorry, Maggie," I replied. "It's just tight."

"Tight?" she asked, stopping her fingers from pinning my dress.

"Yes, tight," I repeated. "Can't you find another dress for me?" Maggie turned me around and she looked at me.

"I think I'll have to ask your mother," she said. "I have to talk to her about this 'tightness' of yours." She patted my shoulder, and then dashed out of my room to my mother's quarters. Fed up with trying to move to loosen the dress, I just collapsed onto my bed, defeated and exhausted by a mere dress.

Soon enough, Maggie returned to my room, but with her came Mum. "Miss Astrid," began Maggie. "Your mother would like to talk to you first before I dress you in your new dress." I didn't speak, and instead looked from face to face. Mum dismissed Maggie kindly and I was left in my room with my dear mother.

"Astrid," Mum began. "I take it that you have noticed changes going around."

"Yes," I replied. "I am towering above Roland!" I laughed. Mum smiled and walked over to me.

"And? What else? What have you noticed just today?"

"My dresses don't fit anymore," I replied, obviously not clear of the point Mum was trying to make.

"Astrid, you are growing up," Mum answered.

"I know."

"I mean, you are growing into a woman."

"Yes? I know… a little bit."

"I am going to have to get a tailor in here to take measurements. I can't have any new dress made for you now that your body is differently proportioned now."

"Why hasn't Roland changed then?" I asked.

"He will, but his change will come slower than yours. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"All right. Maggie will be back in to dress you." I watched her open my door and leave my room. Maggie arrived soon after with a new frock in her hands. It was spring green and to my relief, fit just about right for me.

Mum continually reminded me of the "changes" going on, and I always partially listened to her words. I knew I was growing, which meant that soon, I would be able to go on a voyage on the sea. But, my dream would not be so easily reached.

A couple of weeks had passed since Roland's twelfth birthday. He had received many wonderful gifts. I gave him a new compass, some mapping gear, and a book with blank pages, which Mum had urged me to buy. I had originally planned on giving Roland a cape and a large hat with a feather, but I gave in to Mum's wishes and bought him the compass, journal, and mapping tools.

Of course, as promised, Roland received a sword for his birthday as well. It was almost identical to mine, except that the hand guard of his sword was styled differently. It was more rigid; square, while mine was round.

For less than two weeks, Roland and I practiced together with our new blades, but not without much difficulty. The swords strained our arms quickly, having been playing with wooden swords since we were children. I was usually the first to weaken, on account of the fact that my arms were long and skinny. Daddy tried his best to teach us the art of fencing, but it was harder than expected, especially when holding a full length sword in one hand.

Despite the obstacles in learning swordplay, I looked forward to my lessons. Even though I _was_ changing into a woman, my mind did not focus itself on womanly needs. I still preferred wearing the clothing Roland gave me for my birthday, rather than wearing dresses. And I preferred wearing my hair loose, instead of having it tightly pinned to my head. I hated not being active, and I always looked for something to do, whether it was practicing with swords or nagging Lisa for another biscuit.

It was during another lesson with Roland and Daddy when I encountered a change that was one that I was not too happy about. Roland was particularly joyful that day. He walked about the house with light steps and was always oddly grinning. I wondered why, but I did not press the matter. Perhaps he was just in a good mood. When both of us were called outside to begin our lesson, Roland was jumping with anxiety. In his jacket pocket, I noticed there was a small envelope. Again, I was quite intrigued at his happiness, but again, I did not question him about it.

Daddy came with a sword of his own, and motioned for Roland to draw his sword. He did, and pointed the remarkable blade at me. I was then told to draw mine, and I did. I pointed the gleaming tip at Roland, and focused my eyes. "What are you going to teach us today?" I asked. Dad grinned and stepped back.

"Nothing."

"What?" said Roland. "You know Astrid and I are not ready to duel."

"I want to see how well you two have improved. By watching you duel, I will be able to see where you two need improvement." Roland and I heaved a sigh and prepared to duel each other. Of course, we would not follow the rules exactly, for we would not duel until the other was dead.

Dad signaled us to begin, and our blades crossed. I was a bit dismayed that Daddy had made us duel today, for I was still wearing a dress because of my lessons with my new and quite boring governess. Another obstacle I encountered was that I was left handed. Roland was right handed. In order to keep things fair, Daddy told me to duel with my right hand. He had taught me using my right hand, and it took a while for me to get used to the feeling. But separately, he had also taught me using my left hand, for the sake of any experiences I would have later on.

Roland swung his sword away, breaking the cross, and then he stepped forward, striking the sword straight at me. I parried the blow, and stepped back. There was a brief pause, then I took a quick step forward and thrust my blade at him. He blocked the blow and our blades crossed yet again. Roland was the first to withdraw, and we exchanged looks. Both of us wanted to win, but only one of us would come out victorious.

Roland raised the tip of his sword to his nose and smirked. He nearly jumped forward when he carried out his attack, and I dodged the blow by a hair. In fact, the tip of his sword had stabbed a clump of my hair instead of my face. "Astrid, move your feet," said Daddy.

"That's kinda difficult," I answered. "Dueling in a dress limits your movements." Daddy chuckled, and Roland and I carried on.

"I've beaten you before," I boasted.

"That was with a wooden sword. I'll beat you this time."

"I doubt that."

The duel seemed to go on forever, and none of us appeared to be winning. We had countered each other's attacks, but it got us nowhere. We would forever stay at a stalemate until one of us learned a trick that the other did not know. To our luck, Roland was called to come into the house. "Roland!" came Lisa's high-pitched voice. "You have a visitor!" He jumped up with glee and I watched him leave suspiciously.

"Why is he so happy?" I asked Dad. He just looked at me, and I took it that he didn't want to tell me.

"Well, I'm going to find out." I dropped my sword onto the ground and walked inside. To my disgust, at the door stood Alexandra Westley, her father and her older brother. Roland was chatting happily away with her, and she laughed daintily, hiding her teeth with a fan.

"She looks like an idiot," I thought. Roland turned around and called for Mum and Dad, and they came to his call. I remained eavesdropping into the conversation.

It was a skill I was quite proud of. I didn't breathe loudly through my nose, so I wasn't detected so easily. Plus, I was able to stay deathly still for long periods of time. "Did you get my letter, Roland?" said Alexandra.

"Oh yes," he replied, taking out the envelope in his jacket pocket. He looked back at Mum and Dad whose faces were fixed with untruthful smiles towards the Westleys. "You told me you'd let me go, right?" continued Roland.

"I know, Roland," Mum began, "But it will be an awful long time before you get back. Plus, you have school."

"Don't worry, Mrs. Turner," interrupted Mr. Westley. "I am going to teach the children on the ship. I am, after all, headmaster of young Roland's school." I had stopped listening after hearing the word, 'ship.' A ship. Roland would be going on a ship out to sea? A great jealously fumed in me. It wasn't fair. He would get to go on adventures on the vast ocean, while I would have to stay behind and do stupid things at home. I would learn useless abilities like knitting and cross-stitching, while he would get to feel the spray of the sea on his face. It wasn't fair. Why was he given this chance, while I was not?

I couldn't take it anymore. I wouldn't be able to bear listening in to the rest of the conversation concerning the trip. Not caring if everybody saw me, I emerged from my hiding place, holding back my tears. I ran blindly past the front doors, where everyone was standing, and up the stairs. Now I understood why Mum had wanted me to buy the compass and mapping tools. She knew Roland would be leaving and she hid it from me. It wasn't fair. I would never get to ride on the sea. My sword lessons were useless because I would never go out to sea to test them on villains.

Barging into my room, I slammed the door behind me and collapsed onto my bed. My tears fell fast upon my pillows, soaking them with grief. I would forever remain locked in the confinements of being a girl. I would stay bored at home for all eternity, doing nothing worthwhile. My dreams of going out to sea and standing on a ship were crushed, for it would never happen. I would remain here, to rot and decay as my life would get wasted away.

There was a soft knock on my door, and I met the softness with my own anger and hardened heart. "Go away! I don't want to talk to anyone!" I screamed. I plopped my face back onto my pillow and continued to cry.

"Astrid!" came a yell. It was Roland. "Open this door!" There was a loud thud on my door. I knew he kicked at it.

"Never!" I screamed back.

"For goodness sake! Open this damn door!" I knew I had gotten him angry, for I had made him curse. It took a lot to make Roland blow up in anger, and I had done it. Reluctantly, I got up and opened the door. I met Roland with a piercing glare, and had the urge to slam the door in his face.

"What?" I yelled.

"I've come to say good bye," he said calmly.

"Well then go ahead and say it so I can close my door again. It's bad enough you hid this from me all this time."

"I'm sorry you can't come along. I know how you would have liked to come join us."

"I wouldn't want to join you as long as Miss Prissy is with you. Just go. I don't care anymore. I'll die in this house, never setting foot on a ship in my whole entire life." I made means to shut the door, but Roland stopped it.

"I'm leaving now, Astrid."

"Well then hurry up and leave."

"You don't understand, Astrid. I'm leaving _now_."

"And?"

"I won't be back for two years." My mind went blank. He would get to go out to sea for two whole years. Angry completely left me, and I was just filled with envy.

"Have a good trip then," I said softly. He grinned and held out his hand.

"Are we leaving on good terms?" he asked. I sighed and shook his hand.

"Yes." He nodded at me and then left.

I closed my door and fell onto my bed again. This time, I cried again. But not because I was angry. I cried because Roland would be gone for two years. I cried because I could not go with him, and I cried because I had lost hope that I would ever get to see the wonderful ocean that had called me so often in my life.


	15. A Special Talk

_Chapter Fifteen: A Special Talk_

**T**he house was silent after I had stopped crying. Too quiet in fact. Roland was gone, and I wouldn't see him again for two years. I got up from my bed, my legs feeling rather weak when they touched the floor. I was still solemn and silent, but I made my way downstairs. I hated being alone. I had already made up in my mind that if I was ever to die, then I would never die by myself.

I poked my head into the living room, and I saw Mum sitting on a couch, reading a book. "Mum?" I squeaked. She looked up from her book, and when she turned to me, she smiled sympathetically. I walked to her and she got up to meet me, but we met in an embrace.

"I'm sorry, Astrid," she said softly. "I should have told you Roland was leaving."

"It's all right," I replied, refusing to let go of her. "I'll find my way to a ship someday. I won't die until I see the ocean." She laughed her beautiful and light laugh, and I smiled.

"Tomorrow the tailor is coming to take your measurements," she said. "I want you to behave," she said, letting go of me.

"Yes, Mum. Where's Daddy?"

"Outside." With that, I ran off to find Dad. I opened the doors into the garden and saw him holding a sword. "Dad!" I yelled. His head turned to me, and he grinned. "I'm still ready for a lesson." There was a brief pause between us, and then he said happily,

"Go pick up your sword again. I'll teach you a few tricks of mine." I went quickly to retrieve my sword off of the lush grass. Once it was firmly in my hand, I grinned in excitement.

"When Roland comes back, I will be able to beat him in a duel easily."

The next morning I realized that I would never be able to challenge Roland to a duel again, and I would never get the chance to show off the new tricks Daddy taught me. No. I would never be able to do anything worthwhile for much longer. My life would be over soon because I found out that morning that I was dying.

The day before was already quite awful, and I wondered why I had to be told that I was dying first thing the next day. Roland had left, and I would have to find other ways to occupy myself. But that would not be necessary anymore. I was dying.

I was scared from the moment I woke up. I did not feel good for one, and my stomach hurt slightly. As soon as I got out of my bed, I realized that my white bed sheet was now stained with a spot of red. I knew what the crimson liquid was. It was blood.

Panic struck me and I grabbed the other side of my dress and pulled it far enough so I could see it. Sure enough, there was a wet, red splotch on it too. I felt my heart sink like a stone and my hands begin to shake. Why was I bleeding? I was perfectly fine the day before other than for the fact that Roland got to go on a sea voyage without me, but I was perfectly fine. How could I get so sick overnight that I would wake up with my bed sheets dotted with blood!

I was too frightened to call anyone for help and I ran to my dressing area quickly after locking my bedroom door. I needed to check if I had cut myself, which would explain why I was bleeding. I searched around, poking at myself and thinking of my life ending so soon. I found no cut. I was definitely dying of some new disease.

Worried and afraid, I undressed quickly and hid the stained clothing, so that no one would need to know I was dying. I didn't want to hurt anyone with the news, especially Mum and Dad. I knew something was seriously wrong with my health, but if I was going to die, I would die having no worry or fear in Mum and Dad's eyes.

I ran to my wardrobe and took out a navy blue dress and some underclothes. I began to dress myself hurriedly, but then I realized I was still bleeding. As I put my drawers on, a drop dripped on my hand, and I only fell back, feeling the tears well in my eyes. I stopped the tears from falling and agreed that maybe washing myself would stop the bleeding. I went over to my washroom and filled the tub with cold water, on account of the fact that I was too worried to wait for any hot water. I took a deep breath and plunged myself in my washtub hoping that the water would cleanse me of the sickness. It didn't.

Seeing that my bathing method did not work, I decided to give up and call for Maggie or Mum. Defeated and depressed, I walked back into my room and looked at the blue dress lying on the floor. I picked it up along with my underclothes and dressed myself. Now the tears were coming. Now I was crying because I would die soon, and I had not gone on a ship out to sea yet.

While I was slowly dressing myself due to my grief, I heard a soft knock on my door. "Astrid?" came a familiar voice. "Are you still asleep? Your governess will be arriving soon for your lessons." I recognized the voice, it was Mum. I was glad that she had come and not Maggie.

"I'm getting dressed!" I yelled back, trying to hide the hiccups from my weeping.

"But Maggie is downstairs. Are you dressing yourself?"

"Yes," I called back.

"Astrid," Mum said with concern. "Open this door. Why are you dressing yourself?"

"I don't want to come out!" I yelled back.

"Astrid! Open this door! Something is wrong."

"No, nothing is wrong!" I yelled back, quite angry with Mum now. I didn't want her to press further into my business. I knew she would be waiting outside for proof that I was fine, so I opened my door, and presented myself; all clad in my silly dress.

She greeted me with a strict glare and her lips were tight and growing thin from impatience. I only looked away glumly and walked down the stairs. "Astrid!" I heard her call again as I reached the last step.

"Yes, Mum!" I returned, trying to keep my temper.

"Something is wrong. If there is a problem, Astrid, you know you can always talk to me." I turned around, wanting to cry so badly.

"Mum," I said solemnly. "I'm dying. I woke up this morning and saw that I was bleeding… in…well…" I never got to finish because Mum interrupted my confession with a laugh. She laughed lightly and took my hand and walked me back into my room.

"Astrid," she said, smiling now. "You're not dying." My spirit lifted up, but I was still irritated by her laughter.

"Then why are you laughing at me?" I asked. It only made her laugh all the more.

"Go on, sit down. This is going to take a while to explain." I sat down on my bed and looked at her with confused eyes. What on earth could she explain to me that will ensure me that I was not dying?

It seems as though I will not die after all, at least, not so soon. I was utterly shocked with Mum's talk with me, but at least I know more than Roland does. Then again, I do not think he would want to know what I know.

She told me how to treat my bleeding whenever it would come, which she said would be monthly. I was quite content with that bit of information, but Mum went further and explained to me how people were made. I twitched slightly during her speech; the whole thing about baby-making a very new thing to me. When she finally finished her talk with me, I only looked at her with wide and blank eyes. She only replied with, "You'll understand as you get older, Astrid." And the talk was complete.

Lessons with my new governess were boring and useless as usual. I continued to learn what Miss Smith had started to teach me, but Miss Smith did not teach it anymore, to mine and everyone else's relief.

My instructive lessons were ended early, and for the rest of my class time, my new governess taught me how to sew. I found this skill quite boring, but helpful in a way. I would at least know how to repair my clothes if I ever made it out to sea. "Miss Astrid," she said softly, her voice as small and quiet as that of a mouse. I looked up from my sewing. "Your stitches are far too large. This is how they should look." She showed me her own stitches and they were indeed small. They were so small and fine that it was hard to tell where the lines of the strings were.

"They must be _that_ tiny, Missus DeWitt?" I asked.

"Well, I have had many years of experience, Miss Astrid. Try to make yours smaller." I shrugged my shoulders and continued sewing, although I did my best in sewing smaller stitches. The results of my attempts were awful, and my fingertips bled slightly from the continuous poking of my needle. I wondered if I may ever learn how to sew properly.

"Why am I not learning more things having to do with academics?" I asked, as my lessons were close to ending for the day. "I usually did not spend much time on stuff like sewing." Missus DeWitt spoke plainly with me.

"As a growing lady, education will become less important and skills that have to do with helping around the house will."

"Why?"

"No man would like to marry a woman who is more intelligent than him, now would he?"

"That doesn't seem fair to me," I answered.

"That is just the way of life, Miss."

A maid entered the room to lead us downstairs to have tea with Mum. I tossed my sewing aside carelessly because I truly did not care about sewing. I followed behind Missus DeWitt as we walked down the stairs and into the parlor to sit with Mum.

As usual, we were greeted with her hospitable and glowing smile. We exchanged greetings and took our seats and nibbled on freshly baked goods and sipped the hot, sweet liquid. If I wasn't in the mood for some refreshments, I would have fallen asleep during Mum's and Missus DeWitt's conversation.

Their voices droned on and on, seeming to have no end, and I was caught in the middle of it. I had no clue of what they were talking about, but that was the least of my worries. If I was asked a question, I would just smile and nod in agreement, which eventually made them take their attention off me.

I had done the mistake of yawning without covering my mouth or saying, "Excuse me," and Missus DeWitt was able to spot it in a flash. "Miss Astrid," she said strongly, but not quite enough to be mean. She was too nice and boring to be callous. "Please cover your mouth next time you yawn. It is improper." I nodded lazily at her and yawned again, this time following her rule.

"Astrid, do not tell me you are tired," Mum said. "Energy is usually bubbling inside you right about now."

"It's not the same now that Roland is gone," I answered. I stood up and nodded at them both. "May I be excused?" I asked.

"Of course, Astrid," Mum replied. I remembered to curtsy for them before leaving and as soon as I was out of site, I heaved an exasperated sigh and slumped my shoulders.

Life was too boring without Roland. Daddy was not always home early enough to continue my fencing lessons, so I was left to wander around the house or stay in my room. Either way, there was still nothing to do. I could not go outside, because what would I play outside by myself? It was not the same playing with imaginary people, in fact, it felt utterly stupid. I figured that if life continued this way for the next two years (or year and a half, according to Dad), I would be a lazy, pedantic and proper girl. I shuddered at the thought. I promised myself right then that I would not become the formal and spoiled growing girl because if I did, I would be too similar to evil Alexandra Westley. And that would not be a good thing.


	16. Adam

_Chapter Sixteen: Adam_

**B**eing twelve had its benefits and problems. Turning thirteen was just about the same, other than the fact I was still growing. And I predicted that turning fourteen would be just as boring and useless as the other past years. There was nothing exciting to watch or do, except for my fencing lessons. Mum would make me go out more with her and I hated to because whenever I entered a room full of ladies, their heads would turn to me, and I did not crave the attention they gave me.

The girls my age were just as ignorant, prissy and judgmental as they always were. They would comment about their dresses, jewelry and hair, and they would talk about a rather new topic to me: boys, or to them, young men.

At times, when Mum dragged me to attend parties and gatherings, I wanted to poke my ears with needles because of their infuriating and insignificant talk of their conceited selves. Their words were absolute rubbish, and I would have nothing to do with them. Nothing.

But I still happened to be a main topic in their babble. They would make me join them, and they would compliment me on my clothes or hair or shoes. Afterwards, they would talk about courting, which Mum had talked to me of earlier.

I had come home after a party I was forced to attend. Mum urged me to go to this festivity alone, and so I obeyed. She did not tell me though, that it was one of those parties that helped young girls find their suitor. I only understood what the purpose of this party actually was once I arrived there. The place was crawling with girls my age and several boys for them to gaze at and admire. They were of no significance to me. They reminded me too much of the wicked Matthew, so I did not take the time to look beneath their haughty appearance and into their personalities.

From the moment I arrived, I planned on doing nothing but walking around, sitting, and eating. No talking, no dancing (for several reasons) and no being fond of any boys. Evidently, my plan did not carry out as well as I had hoped. The fault was not of my own. The things I did not want to happen, just happened anyway. I was forced to talk with the other wenches of the neighborhood. I was urged to dance with arrogant little sods (although, I left them all with sore toes), and one boy appeared to have a liking to me. What surprised me though, was that he was not as snooty as the other boys. I actually admit to growing a little fond of him too.

His name was Adam Locke, and he was fifteen years of age.

When I met Mister Adam Locke, I was looking for something to drink. I had just picked up a glass when I heard the sound of someone clearing their throat behind me. I turned around, and was not shocked to see the face of the young lad. I was, after all, not interested in having anything to do with his kind. "Hello," he said happily. I raised my eyebrows at him and then turned around to resume getting a drink. "I… I don't believe we've met," he continued. I didn't look at him.

"I'm Astrid," I replied tonelessly, reaching for a bottle of wine.

"Your name is Scandinavian," he replied confidently. "It means God's power. Who gave it to you?" I quirked an eyebrow at him and wondered why he was telling me facts about my own name. I did not care what my name meant. After all, it was just a name.

"My dad," I replied, returning my glance to my empty glass. I came to get a drink, but my glass was still empty due to this Adam Locke.

Abruptly, my glass was taken out of my hands, and I was too stunned to complain. Adam poured a reasonable amount of wine into my glass, handed it back to me, and resumed to pour himself a glass. "I don't believe you've told me _your_ name," I answered.

"Oh, forgive me then. I am Adam Locke." He bowed towards me and took my hand. He kissed it briefly and I snatched it away as quick as I could. He looked up at me, a grin on his face, perhaps knowing that I was not used to the attention.

"And what does _your_ name mean?" I asked, hoping to get him annoyed, but I only made him laugh.

"Are you by chance, Roland's sister?" I went stiff at Roland's name. He was the lucky little monster that was permitted to sail on the high seas. Even after two years, my jealousy towards him still had not burned down.

"I am," I replied simply. "His _older_ sister. Why do you ask?"

"He's told us schoolboys about you. His stories brought us many laughs."

"Oh really?" I replied. "What did he tell you about me?" My eyes narrowed in on him. I wanted to discover if Roland had portrayed me as some idiot in his stories. My tone was noticed by Adam and he chuckled.

"He didn't tell us anything bad about you, Astrid. He just told it how he saw it. Of course, we'd always tease him about his fondness towards Alexandra Westley." The name brought a flash of horror in my mind. The wench. The grip around my glass tightened and my lips grew thin with anger and hate.

"I did not tease him about his lover," I said grimly. "I chastised him." He laughed again, his voice light and clear.

"I take it that you aren't on good terms with her."

"I never have been, and I don't intend to. She hates me for some reason, and because of her hate, I abhor her as well."

"Many of us do." I was surprised at his response. I believed he was one of the haughty and arrogant boys who sided with their women counterparts, but clearly he wasn't.

"By the way you talk and dress I expected you to side with her." He looked at me in disbelief.

"You wear the same dresses and put your hair in the same style as all the other girls, Astrid. You can't judge me because you are just the same way." This angered me. I was only dressing like everyone else because that was what was given to me. I would have worn my pirate clothes to every single outing, but Mum would be very disappointed, and I did not want to upset her. I did not argue because I was thankful for everything I had despite the fact that not all of it was to my taste.

"I am _not_ like you, and I am _not_ like the other wenches that amble about this place like roaches."

"I didn't mean it like that, Astrid. It's obvious you aren't, but you judge people too quickly." Anger left me, and I stared hard at him. He was right. I _did_ judge people too soon. I had judged Alexandra and him, and the other people around the room.

"Thank you for pointing that out," I said quietly. I took one last gulp of wine from my glass and left. The liquid tasted sour in my mouth, and I believed it was that way because I realized how sour I was in life.

"Wait," he said, grabbing my arm. I jerked it away and waited for what else he had to say. "Do you mind sharing one dance with me?" My mouth remained closed shut for at least ten seconds before I finally answered.

"Yes," I replied. "I do mind, and I have already shared too many dances for tonight." Without a farewell, I continued my walk away from him, and I thought deeply about his opinion of me.

I arrived home that night, tired and just a tad bit woozy. My slight dizziness was most likely due to numerous glasses of wine I had drunk at the party. I headed straight up the stairs to get to bed, but I heard a voice call my name from below. "Astrid?" I turned around, feeling my eyelids begin to droop over my eyes.

"Yes, Mum?" I replied, my voice weak and sleepy.

"How did the celebration go?"

"I knew it was a party to get me to start looking for a suitor, and it was just as boring as all the others I have been to."

"Did anything happen?" I sensed the eagerness in Mum's voice. I knew my answer would be important to her.

"I met a lad," I replied. "His name was Adam Locke. He talked to me a bit and then I left."

"That's wonderful, Astrid. Do you plan on seeing him again?"

"No. I don't like him." There I went again, with the judging.

"Oh, that's all right. You are probably exhausted. I should send you to bed now."

"Good night, Mum."

"Good night, Astrid."

Despite my weariness, I could not go to sleep. I kept thinking about Adam and what he had said about me. It wouldn't leave me alone. I tossed and turned in bed, trying to shake off the thought, but it would not go away. Was I really just as judgmental as the other girls? And was I really just as proper and pedantic as they were? Indeed, now that Roland had left and I was growing up, I had done less playing and less fencing, and more sewing and more womanly chores. My head ached with the guilt. I had become just like them. I promised myself I wouldn't, but I had let it enter me without knowing. "Damn you, Adam," I muttered. Regardless of the fact that he had told me I was just like him and the others, I still found him likable. He was true and smart and neat. "Shut up, Astrid," I mumbled. "You aren't looking for a suitor. You are looking for a ship to take you away to the high seas."

At that, I relaxed a bit, the ocean always seeming to brighten my spirits. It was as if it was a part of me, and it was always there for me to dream up what I would do once I had reached it. Smiling, I buried my head into my pillow and dreamed of the sea. Somehow in that dream, I came across a pirate, and he took me on his ship.

The pirate was a funny man. He walked as if he was in a daze, but his talk was superbly appealing and easy to listen to. Behind his somewhat always confused face, was a man with a lot of wit and cleverness. He was, after all, a pirate. A pirate relied on his out-of-the-ordinary intelligence to keep his crew and self alive. It was knowledge I would never know because all I was learning was how to dance, sing and sew.

Once on board, he led me into his captain quarters and showed me his large stash of alcoholic beverages. I laughed and he offered me a bottle. Unfortunately, I said no. He shrugged his shoulders and chugged down a bottle as he showed me around the ship. I did not know his name, but he seemed to know mine. He'd call me lassie or love, or just Astrid.

To my dismay, he said I had to go home, and I protested saying that the ship was my home. He only shook his head and spoke to me more seriously. Reluctantly and with tears forming in my eyes, I left the ship. It began to sail away, and as it did, he called back to me. "Don't worry, love! Ol' Jack'll come back for ya when you're ready!" Keeping his words in mind, I watched the ship vanish into the horizon.


	17. A Corset and Other New Things

_Chapter Seventeen: A Corset and Other New Things_

**I** woke up from my dream, happy, but crying. My pillow was damp and I smiled at the pleasant dream. The name, Jack, did indeed sound familiar, but perhaps it was because I had read about it somewhere during my lessons. I looked over at my window and saw that the sky was a dark grey. Dawn would arrive soon, but all I could do again was sleep.

When I finally woke up again, it was not out of my own will. Maggie woke me with her strong arm, shaking me like a doll. "Come on, Miss," she urged. "I understand that you attended a party last night, but Missus wants you downstairs for breakfast very soon." I opened an eye and peered around my room. It was filled with the blinding light pouring in from my windows.

I sat up and yawned, ignoring dear Missus DeWitt's rule. I scratched my head, my fingers digging into the curly brown mess on my head, otherwise known as my hair. Maggie's firm arm grabbed my own and pulled me to the dressing area. "What horrid dress will I be wearing today?" I thought. She tossed away my night gown and donned me in fluffy undergarments. She was dressing me just as usual when she suddenly said she needed to get something from my mother for me.

"I'll be right back, Miss. Don't move." I stood in my spot, staring at her with raised eyebrows. What did she need to obtain from Mum? She darted out the room and I waited in my underclothes for her to return.

As she walked back into my room, she proudly held in front of her a large piece of cloth. It had a definite shape to it; its top and bottom were wide and the middle was skinny. A wide grin was on her face, but I began to suspect that something was wrong. "What is that?" I asked.

"Oh, you'll find out soon enough. Stick your arms out to your sides," she ordered. I did so, wondering why it was necessary.

She fastened the new addition to my attire around my chest, waist and abdomen. At first, it was not so bad to have it around me. It fit just fine and I questioned why I needed to wear it now that I was growing up. Before I even had the chance to ask such a question, Maggie grabbed the strings in the back and pulled at it with all her might. In less than a second, a terrible and suffocating pressure wrapped around my stomach and back, and the dreadful sound of stretching strings rang in my ears. The force was so inescapably excruciating that I collapsed to the floor, hugging my sides. "Take it off!" I wailed. "I can't breathe with the bloody thing on!"

"Watch your language, Miss Astrid," said Maggie, pulling me back on my feet. My legs had gone limp from the lack of oxygen caused by this horrid thing around my waist. I could only lean on her.

"Take it off!" I screamed. "Please, Maggie. Please." The piece was tremendously uncomfortable and it felt as if two giant stones were pressing hard against each other with me stuck in the middle. I thought my ribs and insides were crushed and squished together.

"Oh, Astrid," Maggie snapped. "You'll get used to it. Now, stand up properly." She moved away from me so I could not lean on her and I only fell to the floor again, struggling with the blasted thing.

"Take it off," I whined, after seeing that my struggle only made it seem as if more air was being sucked out of me.

Maggie didn't listen to me. She just tugged on my arms to get me on my feet and propped me back up again. She took hold of the strings again and pulled even harder than before and I thought my heart stopped for a second. "Has this… thing… ever killed anyone?" I managed to gasp as the strings only stretched farther and farther.

"It's called a corset," replied Maggie. "And no woman has ever died from it."

"Then I'll be the first," I mumbled.

Barely breathing and all dressed up and ready to go, I walked down the stairs, trying not to topple over and yell to get the corset off me. Sadly, I made it to the bottom step still alive and on my feet. I looked around the area and saw that the doorman was not in his usual spot. Perhaps he was getting his breakfast as I should have done.

The place was quiet though, and I felt as if I was the only person in the house. Of course it was a rather large house, and it was easy to think that you are alone in it. It would have never been quiet if Roland was still at home. He could never sit around and do nothing, and neither could I, but it seems that over the years, that has changed. It was late September, and Roland still had not returned from his exciting voyage on the ocean._More_ than two years had passed.

I decided to get some food in me, so I headed for the kitchen, but on my way there, I heard a soft knock on the front doors. I looked around to see if the doorman would come, but no one came and the knocking continued. I shrugged my shoulders and went ahead to open the door. "Hell-" I cut myself off, for the person standing on the other side was young Mister Adam Locke. "Hello," I repeated, finishing myself this time.

He was dressed in a navy blue coat that was lined with gold buttons. His pants were beige and his shoes were brilliantly polished. His hair was tied back and he reminded me of the first time I laid my eyes on Matthew. "Good morning, Miss Astrid," he replied, bowing at me.

"Astrid! Who is at the door?" yelled a voice from within the house. I turned my head around and yelled back to Mum.

"No one! I'm sending them away right now!" I turned back to Adam and spoke at a whisper. "What are you doing here?"

"Well… I… well… since I could not dance with you last night, I was wondering if you would take a walk with me in the afternoon." I stood mute at his offer.

"I-I don't really know if I can," I replied, trying not to stutter or talk too quickly. "I have lessons with my governess in the mornings."

"Well, that's in the morning. I'm sure you have your afternoons free then," persistent in getting a 'yes' from me.

"Well… after my lessons, my father usually comes home and I have… fencing lessons with him."

"Fencing? You take fencing?"

"Yes. For two years now. Why? Do you think it is only restricted for men?" I replied, my voice rising.

"N-No. I think it's nice that you are learning it. But you still haven't answered my question, Astrid."

"I… I guess I could walk with you. But not for long."

"All right. When shall I come for you again?"

"Two o'clock is fine."

"Two o'clock it is then." He nodded at me with a smile and walked down the path leading to my home and onto the main streets again.

I closed the door gently behind me and turned around and smiled. I suddenly noticed that I was smiling and took it away. Did I just begin a courtship with him? "Great, Astrid," I thought. "Now you'll grow attached to him and your love for the sea will fade away." I shook my head and headed back for the kitchen for breakfast, my face warm with worry and delight.

I stepped into the kitchen and saw that no one was present. I turned to the dining room and poked my head through the entrance. Sure enough, Mum, Dad, and dear old Grandfather sat there eating breakfast. "Who was at the door, Astrid?" Mum asked, not looking up from her plate.

"No one," I answered, taking my seat.

"Would you lie to your own mother?" Mum pressed. I paused a moment and remained silent as I unfolded my napkin.

"It was a boy," I said glumly. The sound of clanking eating utensils halted and silence pounded in the room. I looked up and saw that Mum, Dad and Grandfather will staring at me with amused and happy faces. "What?" I asked.

"What was his name?" Mum inquired.

"He was the same boy who I told you about last night. Adam Locke."

"Why was he here?" Again, I was reluctant to answer. The matter seemed personal in my mind, but I continued to blab away about what was going on. Obviously, my face burned through the whole confession.

"He came to ask me if I would like to take and afternoon walk with him," I replied bluntly. I didn't really want to walk with him. I just said it so I wouldn't seem mean, but now I regretted doing so. I wasn't looking for a relationship. I was looking for a relationship involving the ocean and a ship.

"Are you?"

"Yes."

"You'll be missing your fencing lesson," Dad intruded. I looked at him and saw that he was smiling.

"I can make it up," I replied. "Can we stop talking about this?" Everyone at the table chuckled and my wish was granted. Talk of courtship and Adam Locke had stopped.

Missus DeWitt arrived and told me my lessons would be held in the living room. She said she had something planned for the day and that the length of the lesson would depend on how well I cooperated with her. Mum had decided to stay home and she would stay and watch me during my lessons. Little did I know that she knew what I would be learning that day.

Some furniture in the living room was pushed to the side, leaving a large, empty square in the middle. I stood in the middle of the square, tapping my shoes on the floor as Missus DeWitt excused herself for just a moment. I was left alone with Mum who stood on a couch nearby. "Roland hasn't come back yet," I said. Mum only raised an eyebrow at me. "He hasn't written to us either. What if he's eloped with that blasted wench?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Astrid," Mum laughed. "Roland wouldn't do that. Besides, he should be coming home soon. He will be home by winter."

"Winter!" I shouted. "That is months away!" I soon regretted shouting, for the corset gave me little air to live on.

"Voyages on the sea are never for certain, Astrid. There is never an exact time a ship will arrive because of the changes in weather and wind."

"Well, I think he's been gone too long." There was a knock on the door then, ending my conversation with Mum. Both our heads turned towards the front doors. "I'll get it," I said.

"No. I will. I have not seen this Adam Locke of yours and if it is him, I want to find out what he is like." She got up and scurried to the door and opened it. I hoped it wouldn't be Adam, but I was cursed with bad luck. It was indeed my so called "suitor."

Mum let him into the house and he immediately found me in the living room. "Astrid!" he said, walking into the room. Mum came in behind him, a pleased smile on her face.

"Hello… Adam," I replied. "…again," I added. He stopped in front of me and bent down and kissed my hand again, remembering his manners in front of my mother. To me, it was absolutely mortifying.

"I just came back to tell you I can't walk with you after all. My father wants me to attend a special ceremony."

"Oh, well, that's…"

"A pity? Yes, I know." I was surprised that he said that because I couldn't have been happier.

"Would you like to stay for a while then, Adam?" Mum imposed. His head turned to her and I mouthed "no" to her. She ignored my plea.

"Of course, Missus Turner. I'd love to." At that, I raised my arms in the air and looked straight up at the ceiling.

"Why? Why is she doing this to me?" I wondered.

"Astrid?" Adam asked, looking back at me with my arms raised up into the air.

"Oh, sorry. Just stretching." Missus DeWitt entered the room then and looked from face to face.

"Miss, time to get to your dancing lessons." I moaned inside and waited for her to begin the music. She turned to Adam then, a sharp finger pointed at him. "Boy," she commanded. "Dance with her." A delighted smile came onto Adam's face and he happily stood beside me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mum beam.

Missus DeWitt sat herself on the couch beside Mum and began to direct Adam and me through the dance. To my luck, she chose us to dance a waltz.

I apologized to Adam many times for stepping on his toes. I was not at all graceful in dances, and I had grown even more uncomfortable with him so close to me. I took it that he wouldn't want to dance with me again. Of course, that would not be a problem of mine. With Missus DeWitt and Mum watching my back, I made sure to dismiss Adam properly and with a good farewell. "I'm sorry you could not walk with me," I said as he stepped out of the house. He only smiled and it began to make me uncomfortable.

"Dancing with you was much better," he replied. "I hope to see you soon again, Astrid." I remained speechless and just stared stupidly at him as he walked off.

"Well…" came a voice behind me. I turned around and saw Mum behind me. I knew what she was thinking, and I decided it was time I tell her that I did not want to court anyone. I wanted to go on a ship. I wanted to find adventure.

"Mum," I said. "I know Adam is nice, but I don't… I'm not looking… I don't want a suitor." It was easier to say it in my head than out loud.

"I had a feeling you didn't want one," Mum sighed. "I should have known you aren't one who will do such a thing yet."

"I don't mind still seeing him though," I said quickly. "I just don't want to court him." I left her side when Missus DeWitt called for me to continue my lessons for the day. With a soft sigh, I followed after my governess, desperately wishing for some excitement in this dull life of mine.


	18. Welcome Home, Roland

_Chapter Eighteen: Welcome Home, Roland_

**M**y lessons for the day were completed soon after noon. I was free for the rest of the day until Dad returned for my sword lessons. I was alone in the house, save for a handful of servants doing chores. Mum had left a while ago to have lunch with other rich and delicate ladies. I wondered how she enjoyed the life of a woman. All women would ever be were obedient bodies with no mind of their own. Their lives would be controlled by men, although in my family's case, it was quite the opposite. Mum and Dad loved each other very much and shared the power. But perhaps, in my future, I would not be so fortunate.

Bored, but restless, I roamed about the house, humming or sliding down the sleek banister of the stairs. The action would have been more entertaining if I wasn't alone. "Damn you, Roland," I muttered. "Why are you the lucky little bastard that gets to go out to sea?" I marched up the stairs after sliding down the railing one last time and wandered around the upstairs hallways.

Most of the extra rooms belonged to the servants, so I kept clear out of them. I popped my head into Mum and Dad's room, which was the largest on the second floor. It was neat and grand, not a hint of dust ruining any piece of furniture in the room. The large bed was made; its blankets and sheets pulled straight and smoothed out. The pillows were fluffed up and round, and all I wanted to do was jump on it and soak in the comfort.

Sadly, I didn't do as I planned when I walked quietly into the room. I decided to explore the room's shelves and drawers a bit before having my fun. I went from drawer to drawer and even took a peek in the closet for anything entertaining, but my parents were dull and insipid, or at least, their bedroom was. All they had were their clothes and jewelry. No secret journals or diaries or hidden paintings. Nothing.

Then I stumbled upon a rather old and worn out chest hidden behind Mum's dressing area. Its wood was dry and old, held together by rusted black pieces of iron. There was no lock on the chest, which surprised me, and I swung the lid open. Inside were a pile of papers and books, and a shocking old bottle of some old drink. I dug deeper into the mess in hopes of finding more objects of my parents' unimaginable past on the sea, but I only found dead and dusty shells and sea stars from the ocean. I was saddened by the trinkets. They told me that even my own mother had adventures on the ocean, while I have been locked up in this blasted house for years.

Despite that, I persisted to sift through the books and papers, reading a page or two of each to see if they were worth reading. I found one thing in common with all of the books and documents. They all had to do with pirates. Once particular book seized my attention, for it told of a pirate whose name was Jack. The pirate in my dream was named Jack, and I immediately set to reading to find more about this pirate. But inside, I knew there was another question that bothered me. How did my parents get in contact with an infamous pirate? And why did they never tell me or Roland about him?

I leaned against the wall, sitting on the clean rugs below me. My eyes scanned down the words on the old, stiff yellow pages, and each one made my heart beat faster and my thoughts churn quicker. Something was oddly familiar about the man described in the book.

The dream I had about the pirate named Jack portrayed him as a drunk and witty man. His steps were wobbly and he sometimes mumbled, with a light humor always around him. I only grew more interested when he was described almost exactly the same way in the book.

It seems as though Jack was a ruthless and hard to capture buccaneer. He had traveled across all the oceans, plundering and pillaging merchant ships and the king's ships to retrieve his precious treasure. He narrowly escaped from the East India Trading company, and soon found his way to the rich Caribbean, where he obviously met my Mum and Dad.

The thought that they knew who he was angered me, and I shut the book closed. I tossed it aside and stared at the other loose documents in the chest. I squinted at the glass bottle containing the brown liquid and grabbed it. I opened it and took a sniff and backed away. The odor was strong and left a tingling sensation in my nose. "What on earth is this?" I thought. I took another, bigger sniff, and wrinkled my nose. It had a definite smell; bitter, strong and sweet. Always having been of the curious kind, I brought the rim of the bottle to my lips and took a small sip.

I was rather surprised at its taste. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. With a grin, I took another, larger sip of the remarkable brown liquid. "I wonder if Mum and Dad knew how delightful this drink can be," I thought. "Perhaps they won't mind if I take it with me to my room."

I closed the bottle and gathered an armful of papers and books about the devious Jack and marched into my room. I dropped the items onto my bed and soon joined them. I lay on my stomach as I rummaged through the papers and old books, taking a sip of the stunning drink every now and then. I found it awfully difficult to lie down in that position, for the pressure from my corset was squeezing the breath out of me, and the pressure from the bed would not help. With a sigh, I got up and closed the door to my room. I undid the back of my dress and pulled at the bottom strings that hung loose from the corset. Unfortunately, I pulled them without untying the bloody things, so I only ended up suffocating myself even more.

I fell to my knees, gasping for precious air and cursing myself for not being smart enough to untie the corset strings. I felt for the knot on my corset, and found it. It took two hands to untie the tight little bond of string, and at their freedom, I gave a big sigh of relief. I pulled the two sides of the corset away from each other and I grinned with satisfaction. The damned corset would not choke me any longer.

With that done, I hopped back onto my bed and opened one of the aged books. "How wonderful it must have been for Mum and Dad to meet you, Jack," I said to the book as I turned another page. "I wish I could meet you too, that is, if you're still alive." I grabbed the bottle of the wonderful liquid and took a large gulp. I smacked my lips and took another large and lasting swallow. I shrugged and took one last glance at the bottle before chugging down all of its contents, down to the very last drop.

It was mid-afternoon when there was a loud knock on our front doors. "Astrid!" came Mum's voice from the bottom floor. I didn't even know she was home. "Get the door please!" Her voice seemed to echo in my head as if it was some hollow cave, but I still managed to lift my head up from my bed and wobble onto my feet. I swayed from side to side as I headed for my door. My vision was blurred and fuzzy, making it quite a fun challenge to get across my room. "Astrid!" Mum repeated. "Get the door!" I laughed and finally stumbled into the door, narrowly missing knocking my forehead on the wood.

The door creaked open and I poked my head out. "I'm go-ooing, Mummy!" I laughed and headed down the stairs, hugging desperately to the railing for support. It was harder than I thought to walk down the stairs. My feet seemed to betray me. If I planned on moving right, they moved left and vice versa. But I remained happy through the whole thing. The task was too entertaining, but I hurried myself when there came another knock on the doors, louder this time. "I—ee—am co—oming!" I shouted, or rather, burped in reply. The drink had created gas bubbles in me.

"GOOD!" came a yell from outside. I lost my footing on the stairs and fell the rest of the way down, surprisingly, it was fun, and I ended up on the floor laughing hysterically. I got up quickly, and shook my head a bit.

I finally reached the door, dazed but extremely elated and swung it open. "Oh good to see you!" I yelled, waving my hands in the air. I took a step forward, my arms held out wide to give the person a warm welcoming hug, but it seemed as though I missed because I stepped outside and stumbled into someone else.

"Astrid?" it squawked, pushing me back inside.

"Hi—ii—ii!" I giggled, spinning myself around back into the house. I almost tripped again, but I managed to stay on my feet.

"Are you all right?" said someone. I was grabbed from behind and turned around so I was facing the visitors again.

"Huh?" I replied. I laughed and tilted a bit forward, bumping into the person again. I wrapped my arms around them and gave them a good welcoming hug. "Let's dance!"

"What?" With no delay, I grabbed their hand and stumbled a few steps back before spinning around and around, with my hands glued to the other person. "Astrid! Stop! What's wrong with you?" I gave a delighted laugh and stopped my feet from moving. I looked at the person and pointed a finger at them.

"Ya don't want to dance, eh?" I said. The person didn't reply, so I wondered why with a cross face. Who was he to deny a dance with _me_?

"Astrid!" came a piercing screech. I turned to my right and saw a woman march towards my visitors and me. She stopped right next to me and gave a sharp look at the young man I danced with.

"What are you doing with her?" He quickly removed his hands from my shoulders, even though I made him put them there.

"I'm sorry, Missus Turner," he said, backing away.

"Eh, why you gettin' angry wi' him, Mummy?" I asked, placing my hands on my hips.

"Because the back of your dress is undone and your corset is loose!" she yelled. She gave my back a good, hard slap. "Get up to your room now!" I shrugged and wobbled my way to the stairs, giggling at the strange situation.

"Come see me again, love!" I cried out as I looked back at them. I ran into the banister, slipped and knocked my head on the floor.

I was pulled into a deep and long sleep. My mind had completely gone blank for hours. I did not dream at all. All I remembered was that I was reading some papers about a pirate.

My mind began to awaken. I was drifting away from my deep slumber, but I awoke with a pounding pain in my head. My stomach hurt as well, and I felt terribly weak and heavy. I sat up and scratched my head, surveying my environment. My senses were coming to me too slowly. It was hard to grasp the feeling of it. I _did_ notice that I was in my room, in my bed. My door was open, and the windows were open with the curtains drawn apart. The sky was overcast and covered with light gray clouds. A storm would come soon.

I averted my vision to my open door. I could hear delightful chatter and uprisings of laughter from the bottom floor. I took it that everyone was down there, but why?

My temporary weakness and exhaustion would not stop me from finding out. How could they be laughing when here I was with a gargantuan headache and a nauseous feeling rousing in my gut? "Mummy," I called, as I leaned out of my door way. I never called her 'mummy' unless I needed her badly. It was always just 'Mum.' "Mummy!" I yelled.

After screaming that out, I felt my stomach blow up with the urge to vomit. I immediately ran away from the opening to my room and barged into my washroom, dumping my stomach's contents into a wash basin. "Maggie will not be happy to find this in the morning," I thought. I sat my rump onto the hard floor and took a couple of deep breaths. Why was I feeling like this?

I felt tremendously better after my little session, but my head still throbbed. The voices from down below were getting louder, and they were joined by the thuds of shoes going up the stairs. I knew they heard my retching and of course would come up soon after to see how I was fairing.

Realizing that Mum and Dad were most likely _not_ the only people coming up, I quickly wiped any trails of vomit on the sleeve of my dress and steadied myself on my feet. I walked over to my bed and collapsed into its brilliant softness. My eyes were set on the entrance of my room, waiting for them to come in and ask me how I was doing.

My hand felt the back of my dress, and I realized that it was pinned back up without my corset being tightened. I grinned with satisfaction. Perhaps that was why I could actually breathe normally. A young man barged into my room with a wide grin on his face. "Astrid!" he said. I raised and eyebrow and sat up in my bed, utterly bewildered. Who was he and how did he know my name?

Mum and Dad as well as a handful of servants and shockingly, Adam, came in soon after. I looked from face to face with a pinched, confused face. What the hell was going on? "Astrid!" the young man said again. He had dark brown hair and light brown, hazel-like eyes. He was dressed rather sloppily in a dark blue coat and dirty, loose white pants. "Hell…o," I said, still refusing to lift my perplexed look. I turned my head to Mum and Dad. "Who is he?" I asked, pointing a finger at him. Mum laughed at me and neared my bed, taking my hand in hers.

"Astrid, don't you remember who that is?" she asked.

"No," I replied simply. If I knew who he was, I wouldn't have been asking.

"Astrid!" the young man replied, barging between Mum and me. "Don't you remember me?" Nothing seemed familiar about him to me, but then again, my senses were returning to me very slowly.

"No," I said. "Who are you?" He looked at me and smiled, but he couldn't control his laughter and he burst out cackling hysterically. This annoyed me. Who was he to laugh at me just because I didn't remember something?

"C'mon, Astrid!" he laughed. "You got to remember me!" I didn't. His voice was somewhat deep but squeaky at some points. He must have gotten fed up with my inability to comprehend and gave the side of my head a good slap.

"What in the blazes did you do that for!" I yelled, finally finding my feet and standing up to challenge him. He was taller than me by a lot. Even Adam had not surpassed my height by as many inches as this young man had.

"To get you thinking, you stupid twit!" he replied, whacking my head again.

"What!" I screamed. I felt my face grow red from anger and he got the picture and took of flying out of my room. I followed after him in a flash. "I'll you back for this ya bloody pig!" I screamed, remembering that my parents were not far behind. I wanted to call him a bastard, but they would surely scold me for that.

"Not on your life!" he yelled back. I shrieked and quickened my pace. He ran down the stairs, but I took the short way and just slid down the banister, having grown used to it over the years.

I landed on the first floor first, and he quickly stopped himself and turned around. "Oh no you don't!" I yelled, racing up the stairs again. I was just inches away from grabbing his stupid little pony tail, when I stopped abruptly as a thought entered my mind. Stupid little pony tail. I had described something like that before. "ROLAND!" I screamed. He stopped and turned around with a wide grin.

"Who else, _Ass_…trid?" he laughed. With a gasp, I ran up and gave him a good hard punch on the arm.

"Ya bloody little idiot!" I said. I was about to add something, but I cut myself off, because now that I stood beside him, I realized he was much taller than me. We had always been the same height, at least until I turned twelve. After that, I was always taller than him. "Ya can't be Roland," I said.

"Why?" he asked, obviously still unaware of the point I was trying to make.

"You're taller than me." He smiled arrogantly and held his chin up high.

"Oh yes," he said. "_Much_ taller. I can see the top of your head, _little_ Astrid," he said. I growled, but I couldn't hold my grudge for long. It was good to see him again. "Oh yes," he said. "You gave Adam and me quite a nice welcoming show, Astrid," he said with a laugh. "You were dancing and wobbling about like a drunk. You even asked Adam to dance with you and the back of your dress was undone. Mum was furious." I blushed deeply and gave a nervous glance towards where Adam was standing with my beloved parents. He didn't seem to notice, and that was a great relief to me.

"Well," I said, after exchanging a couple of nervous, cheap laughs. "How was the sea… and oh yes, where is your darling little Alexandra?" Roland gave me an icy glare and I beamed in response.

"The sea was good," he said plainly, determined not to tell me the rest of his grand adventure, which he knew I'd be dying to hear. I was indeed very eager to hear his story. "As for Alexandra…"

"Did she fall overboard?" I asked eagerly.

"No," he replied strongly. "She grew attached to a midshipman on the ship and wanted nothing else to do with me."

"Oh really?" I said, happy with the news so far, but Roland had to ruin it for me.

"And that midshipman is Midshipman Roland William Turner," he said proudly.


	19. Changes

_Chapter Nineteen: Changes_

**D**inner was driving me mad. First of all, Adam was eating with us, and what made it worse was that because supposedly Adam was my suitor, Mum and Dad requested that Roland bring his charming little Alexandra Westley. I had trouble keeping myself from twitching at the table. Her presence was bothering me like hell.

She was dressed stupidly in a light blue dress that was so incredibly puffy that if she turned around, she'd whack you with it. Her ugly dark locks were pulled tightly into a bun, which made her moon-white forehead seem extremely large. Because of her I couldn't eat. It was driving me crazy. I poked uselessly at my food and none of it ever made it to my mouth. Adam sitting right next to me was also a bit nerve-wrecking. "Astrid," said someone. "You haven't touched your food. Aren't you hungry?" I looked across the table and saw Mum looking at me. She always had to guess that something was wrong.

"Not that much. I still feel a little ill from earlier today." Mum nodded, seeming to understand. I could tell that she had more to say, but she and Dad would leave that for a lecture tomorrow.

"I'll take you upstairs if you'd like, Astrid," Adam offered, already getting up from his seat.

"It's all right," I replied quickly. "I'm fine. You don't have to do anything. Please, sit." He took his seat again and when I averted my attention back to the table, I saw Alexandra's eyes piercing me with a fiery glare.

"When did you two meet?" she asked, and by her tone it was as if she only wanted to know so she could make some cynical remark.

"Well," Adam and I said simultaneously. I was the first to shut up and let Adam tell the story.

"Well," he repeated. "I met her at a party, Miss Westley."

"I see," she said, leaning closer to Roland. "Has Roland told you about our voyage across the sea?" she asked, changing the subject.

"No, he hasn't. But I am sure that he will tomorrow," I said. At that, I gave a strict look over at Roland. Sadly, he didn't see it because he was too busy looking at his evil sweetheart. "Roland," I nearly yelled. That got his attention and he looked at me.

"What?"

"How's your swordplay coming along?" I asked with a smirk.

"Good. A lot better since I got to actually practice it on board the ship."

"Oh," I said. "How good are you? Because Daddy says I have much improved over these two years."

"Great God," Alexandra interrupted, grabbing her wine glass. "You take fencing lessons? What a waste of time. It's not like you'll ever get on a ship to try it out on pirates." With a mocking laugh, she took a sip of her wine, her eyes never leaving my face to see how I would react.

I did not react appropriately.

I stood up from my seat and slammed my fist on the table. "I _will_ make it to sea ya ignorant wench! And your stupid little remarks won't stop me!" I grabbed my glass of wine and tossed its contents at her, the red liquid splashing all over her face and dress. Everyone at the table got up from their seats and just as they did, I ran out of the dining room, clearly sick of their company.

"Astrid!" came a ferocious yell. It wasn't Mum or Dad. I knew they would save their yells for sometime later. It was Roland. I could hear him running after me to give me a good punch in the face for what I did to his Alexandra. "Ya bloody little arsehole!" he screamed, turning me around and pushing me. This wasn't like the old Roland at all. His eyes were flaming and his fists were tightly clenched, but I wasn't afraid of him. He was my brother and he couldn't beat the hell out of me even if he wanted to. "Why'd you do that to her!" he yelled.

"Maybe if she learned to keep her mouth shut when she's not needed I wouldn't have done that to her! That conversation was directed to you only! She should learn when it is appropriate to interrupt and when its not. She knows better than to get into _my_ way!" I shouted in reply.

"Well you should learn that the whole world does not evolve around you!" He shoved me aside and stomped back into the dining room, leaving me to absorb his words alone.

I would not follow him. I had no intention to go back to the dining room. I wanted a ship to take me away right now, but I wouldn't want to leave without a farewell. I made means to go outside and run to the docks just to get a good look at the sea, but I decided to change my course. I walked somberly up the stairs and locked myself in my room.

I sat myself on my bed miserably and ran my fingers through my hair vigorously, in attempt to shake away all my burning fury. It was a stupid thing to do, but I was a stupid girl. "I don't like this new Roland," I said to myself. "He's mean and snooty. Alexandra has corrupted him." I had no proof that the evil young woman had anything to do with Roland's new personality, but I had to blame it on someone. I didn't want to blame Roland for changing so much, but I had a bad feeling that he changed on his own. Was it always that way when people went out to sea? Did they always come back tougher and meaner? "Of course they don't," I said, reassuring myself that it was safe to go out to sea. I didn't want to change into some hard brute by going out to sea.

"Astrid?" came a muffled voice. It was blocked by my closed bedroom door, and I took a guess at how it was. It was not Mum and Dad. They always saved their harsh lectures for the next day, and it could not possibly be Alexandra or Roland. I knew who it was. It was Adam. "Is everything all right?"

"No, Adam. Nothing is right at all," I mumbled to myself. "My brother is a mean little cad, and his lover is the most wicked child that ever stepped on this earth." Of course, I had no intention of him hearing what I just said, but I didn't want him to come into my room either. "Yes, Adam. Everything is fine. I'm going to bed," I called back, hoping that it would shoo him away.

"Why do you conceal things like that?" he replied. Shocked and agitated, I got up from my bed and walked over to my door. My hand was about to open it, but I decided to speak to him with the door between us.

"Conceal what?" I replied, trying to seem stupid.

"I know for a fact that you and Roland are not fine with each other."

"Well, if you want to fix the problem so badly, then tell Roland that I will apologize if he stops courting Alexandra."

"Why should I when you can do that yourself?" I didn't like his witty comebacks. He was too smart. Curse him for being clever and charming.

"Because I'm still mad at Roland. I need to stay away from him for a while."

"And how long will you do that?"

"As long as it takes me to relieve my anger." I sighed and leaned my back against my door, waiting for Adam to respond.

"What is it about Alexandra that makes you so angry?" he asked at last. I nearly laughed at his remark. At the party he said he was not the least bit fond of her, yet he asked why I abhorred her so.

"Why do you request such a thing when the answer is quite obvious to you?" I waited for him to speak, but silence lied on the other side of my door. "I hate her presence because she has a problem with who I am. She likes to pick on me and make my spirit shrink so that I too hate myself. Did you not see how she criticized me for learning how to fence? And it's not just that either, Adam. I have many more things to say about her."

"Then tell me all," he said simply. This caught me by surprise, and I couldn't help but open my door at last to him.

I looked at him with wide, but suspicious eyes. My mouth was pinned closed and I would not say a word until he had spoken his. "I want to know, Astrid," he said.

"Why?" I asked. "You're brain will disintegrate once I am done telling you all these things about little Miss Westley." He smirked when I said that, and I smiled inside. The rich boy had a good sense of humor after all.

"I just want you to be happy, Astrid," he said. His voice had fallen a bit deeper at that, and I wondered if it happened because he wanted to show me he was sincere.

"Revealing Alexandra as the witch she is will not make me completely happy," I said.

"And what would?" Adam replied, moving closer to me. He was already close enough before, on account of the fact that he was standing right beside my door when I opened it. But he moved closer, to the point where I could actually feel the heat off his body.

He was a bit taller than me, so he leaned his head a bit down, but he lowered it a bit further, so that his face was closer to mine. I began to feel quite nervous with him. "Do you want to know?" I asked.

"Yes, I would," he replied, looking me straight in the eye. It was a bit unnerving because he had never looked at me in that way.

"Are you sure?" I continued, stalling my answer so I could see what he would do next. What he did next made me very uneasy, but I stood firmly in my place. He gently grabbed my chin with his hand and tilted my face closer to his.

"Tell me," he whispered. I smirked and pretended to play along with him.

"What will make me happy, Adam, is if someone-"

"Yes?" he interrupted, obviously eager to hear my answer.

"Brought me out to sea," I said, stepping aside and ruining his attempt to spoon me. I felt happy with my accomplishment and I looked back at him to see how he had reacted. He was attacked by shock and his eyes were wide with astonishment.

"Y-You really want to go out to s-sea that badly?" he asked, fumbling with his words.

"I'd do anything to get on a ship, Adam," I replied.

"Astrid, they don't let women join crews on ships. If you go on a ship as a passenger, you'll be protected and tended to by the crew. Don't you know that?"

"Well, now I do," I said, my voice trying hard not to waver. They wouldn't let me do the protecting or fighting on a ship even if I ever made it to one. I swallowed hard and this time it was me who looked at Adam straight in the eye, telling him that I meant what I was about to say. "I'll get myself onto a ship's crew, Adam," I said strongly. "Even if I am a woman, I'll get myself onto a ship nonetheless, and my sword will at last be useful."

That night, after Adam and Alexandra had left and we all had retreated to our rooms for a good nights rest, I lay in my bed wide awake, thinking about so many things. I thought about why Roland had changed, and what life on a ship had done to him. I thought about the idiocy of Alexandra and how she could have even survived on a blasted ship. And I thought about Mum and Dad and what lecture they'd have for me tomorrow morning. Lastly, I thought about Adam and how he almost kissed me earlier that day. "Stop thinking, Astrid," I said to myself. Despite telling myself to stop thinking about those things, I only thought about them in more depth, and I wished my brain would shut off somehow. I rolled onto my side and faced the empty old bottle of that delightful drink I found in Mum's room. At last, something else that was not so worrisome to think about. I was actually glad to focus on the bottle. It reminded me of the pirate in those papers. It reminded me of Jack.

"I want the life you have," I said to the bottle. Of course, it was a stupid thing to do, but I imagined the bottle as the infamous pirate I read about. His life was so interesting and full of adventure. I wanted my life to be just like that, but I'd be stuck here in this house until I died. "You said in my dream that you'd come back for me one day. When will that be?" Again, I was talking to the air, but it was better than keeping all my questions stuck in my hollow head. "Tell me it will be soon." I sighed through my nose and hugged the pillow under my head tightly, and I closed my eyes. My only desire was for sleep to come to me swiftly, and my desires were fulfilled.

Jack came into my dreams again. His sight was always such an uplifting surprise. He was truly a pirate, attire and all. He had the pirate look, the pirate ruggedness, and the pirate confusion and daze. But in this dream, he didn't see me. I only saw him. He was on board a ship with black, torn sails and an eerie grey color surrounding it. It was night, and he stood calmly at the helm beside the wheel, in his hand a small, black compass. Unlike before, he wasn't smiling and acting as if he was drunk. His face was serious and taught. He was focused on something, but on what?

I was hiding in the brush along the beach, watching him. A grey mist hovered gently above the black ocean waters as the ship rowed quietly and steadily to shore. I wondered what he was doing in Port Royal, so I emerged from my hiding spot when he and a few of his crew members got in a row boat to make it to shore. "Jack!" I whispered. He didn't even look at me. "Captain Jack Sparrow!" I yelled. That got his attention and he walked his wobbly feet over to where I stood on the sand.

"Who are ya , love? And why are ya callin' for ol' Cap'n Jack, eh?"

"I'm Astrid. You said you'd come back for me. You promised." His eyebrows furrowed and he took a step back away from me.

"I dunno any Astrid, love. I've never seen ya." This got me upset. Had he lost his mind? He took me on his ship and promised me he'd come back for me one day when I was ready. Why did he deny it?

"But you said you'd take me!" I screamed. "You promised me you'd come back for me!

"Look, lassie, I never said anything of the sort to ya. Now, if you can excuse me, my crew and I have a bit of work to do." He walked past me without looking back and I turned sharply to him, the tears burning in my eyes.

"You lied to me!" I screamed, feeling the first tear drop. His body stopped and he turned around, obviously annoyed with me.

"I promised you nothing, lass! Nothing!" I grabbed his coat collar, bawling my eyes out.

"You said you'd bring me to sea! You promised! You promised you'd be there! You promised you'd come back!" He merely ignored my screams and pushed me aside.

"Get her quiet!" he yelled to his crew. "Or she'll wake up the whole town." He walked away from me then, and I felt two strong hands grab me, putting a hand over my mouth, and at that, I drew apart from my reverie and returned to reality.

I sat up quickly in my bed, panting heavily for some reason. I looked around my room, and seeing that everything was in place and quiet, I relaxed again, rubbing my hands over my damp face. "Why did he lie to me?" I thought. "Why did Daddy leave?" I shook my head immediately after that thought. Why had I called Jack, Daddy? That was a stupid thing to do. I didn't even know the man, let alone be related to him. Besides, I was raised and born here. There could be no possible way that Jack could be related to me. I was a Turner, and I would remain one for the rest of my life, that is, of course, until I got married.


	20. Midshipman

_Chapter 20: Midshipman_

**I**t was not Maggie, or the glorified morning sun that woke me the next morning. It was an abrupt knock on my door. A knock that was uncalled for, sudden and purposefully set to annoy me. That was why it worked.

I nearly leapt from my bed when that knock arrived. I was never awoken by a knock on my door. Usually the sound of Maggie hustling about in my room woke me, but never a knock. Never. "Astrid!" came a voice. It was all too familiar. I shook my head and fell back onto my pillows.

"Go away! I'm sleeping!" I yelled back. I murmured a curse into my pillow.

"If you are asleep, then explain how you are talking to me!" it yelled back. I grunted and cupped my hands around my mouth, ready to scream at the top of my lungs, but then I remembered that my Mum and Dad were still sleeping and decided _not_ to scream at the top of my lungs.

"I was before you came along and disturbed me, little stupid ship boy!" Outside my door I heard a boisterous laugh. It was so loud and wicked that it sounded as if it came from an evil witch.

"Midshipman!" he corrected. "I'm a midshipman!"

"For the love of God!" I replied. "It is morning, and I am tired! Go back to sleep!"

"I can't. I'm used to wakin' up this early. After all, I was on a shi—"

"Yes! I know! But that doesn't mean you have to wake me up too! Now, go away! If you want to talk to someone so badly, then why didn't you let Alexandra spend the night!"

"Don't start that again!" he roared. "Now let me in. I'm sorry for what I did last night. I'm sorry for yelling and pushing you."

"That apology was rather rushed," I retorted, but I got up from bed, threw a robe over my nightgown and opened my bedroom door. Roland leaned happily on the side when I opened it, a pleased grin on his face. I only glared at him in return. "What you have to say had better be worth it," I said. "I do not wake this early."

"Get used to it if yer gonna get on a ship's crew one day." He walked in and sat himself in the chair before my vanity, and he played around with my hair brush, flicking the bristles with his finger.

"You have changed a lot over two years," I said, taking a seat on the edge of my bed opposite him.

"Well, of course I have," he said. His voice cracked in the middle of his sentence, and I nearly laughed. He went from a low voice to a remarkable high pitch. He cleared his throat afterwards and continued on with his statement. "I mean, I have grown taller, and I'm starting to grow a beard," he said proudly. He tilted his chin up and pointed to the tiny, brown stubs of hair on his chin.

"Yes, Roland. That is one wonderful accomplishment," I said sarcastically. He shrugged off my mockery, but countered me back with a despicable grin.

"I suppose you want to know more about my life on the ship, do you not?" he said. I began to notice that he talked in two different ways. He could speak very convincingly as a sailor, and prove his time on a ship, but he could also speak like a gentleman and use proper grammar.

"I do." I paused, and tilted my head slightly as I made a better observation of him. "You look a lot like Daddy," I said. He raised his eyebrows at me. I was surprised he never noticed it because other than the fact that he had hazel eyes and was still a bit shorter than Daddy, they resembled each other.

"Really?" he said, rubbing his chin. "I suppose I do. Hell, I dunno. Think what you'd like, little Astrid."

"Stop calling me that," I hissed.

"I can't help it. It is a wonderful feeling to finally be above your curly little head." I stared coolly at him before returning to the conversation.

"Enough about that. Tell me what it was like on a ship." Roland grinned again and casually rested his legs on the top of my vanity. It drove me mad. "Get your damn feet off there!" I screamed. I shoved them off and he just laughed. "You are worse than before."

"And yet you can't help but listen to me. And, in addition, I will tell you about my voyage if you tell me about your… relationship with Adam Locke." His grin widened, while I felt my face grow as red as a tomato.

"He is a friend," I said. "Nothing more and nothing less. I met him at a party."

"Oh really?" he said in disbelief. "Because when I asked Adam about his relationship with you, he said much more than that."

"What did he say?" I growled.

"I'm afraid that I can't tell you, Astrid. That information is strictly confidential."

"Tell me, Roland!" I yelled, grabbing a pillow to prove my point. "Tell me before I beat you with my pillow."

"You can do that," he said. "But if you do, then I won't tell you about my adventures either." My eyes flamed and on an instinct I whacked him with my pillow, and a few feathers flew up in the air.

"Let's make a deal then, eh?" I replied. "Whoever wins the pillow fight… and the duel in fencing will tell their story, and the loser must oblige to his or her wishes. Agreed?"

"Agreed." We did a mock handshake just to play along with the competition, and the games began.

To play fair, I handed Roland the other pillow on my bed, and we glared at each other as we waited for the right moment to start the competition. It was a rather funny situation, especially because we were fighting with pillows and dressed in our night clothes. "On the count of three, we will begin," I said.

"Why do you get to do the orders?" he complained.

"Because you didn't say them first. Now, enough of your squeaky babble." My hands tightly gripped the sides of my pillow.

"One," he said.

"Two."

"Three!" A cloud of feathers surged up into the air as our pillows whacked each other in clapping thuds. Roland yelled a curse, which was another new thing about him. He cursed more often. I ducked as he swung his pillow and I kicked his shin to trip him. Sure enough, he fell flat on his face in a whirlwind of feathers.

"That was a dirty trick," he grumbled.

"Even after spending two years on a ship, ya still can't think like a true buccaneer," I said, taking a swing at his head. He dodged it and got back on his feet.

"For one," he began. "The ship I was on…" He stopped to take a swing at me and he missed. I thought I was free, but he came back and whacked me on the head. "The ship I was on," he continued, as I regained my senses, "was one serving the King. It was no pirate ship."

"Oh, then it must have been very boring then, eh?" I said, hitting him hard on the side. "No treasure or anything to dig up!"

"No, but we attacked pirate ships!" he yelled back.

"What!" I screamed, shocked. He took that to his advantage and swung so hard at my face that I fell to the floor. "Stop! You won this round!" I said, quickly surrendering so I could get back on the topic about the pirates. "Why'd you do that to the pirates?"

"If you didn't already know, little Astrid," he said, panting a bit and tossing my beat up pillow on my bed. "Pirates are a nuisance to the King."

"No, they aren't. They are exciting and dangerous! I could care less about that bloody King!" I returned, slamming my pillow onto the floor.

"Pirates are awful people, Astrid. Despite the fact that I have some pirate blood. I work for the King. I am, of course, a midshipman."

"Enough with the damn midshipman nonsense! Not all pirates are bad! Why, even Mum and Dad met one!" Roland scoffed at me.

"Mum and Dad? That is impossible. They would never"

"Come here. Let me show you something." I grabbed his hand and pulled him to my vanity. I unlocked a drawer and pulled out the papers and booklets I found in the chest in Mum and Dad's room, and plopped them on top of my vanity. "Read these and then tell me what you think about pirates, Roland William Turner." He frowned when I called him by his full name. He didn't like it. Of course, he had been calling me "little Astrid" ever since he got home, and that bothered me like hell.

He brought one of the papers close to his face, as if he was examining its authenticity. He even sniffed it and he cocked an eyebrow at me. "Astrid," he said. "These papers smell like rum."

"Rum?" I said. "Isn't that a drink?"

"Yes. An _alcoholic_ drink. Where did you get these again?"

"In Mum and Dad's room," I answered. "What about rum?"

"What else was in the chest?" he asked.

"Well…" I left his side and unlocked another drawer in my vanity and took out an empty bottle; the bottle of the remarkable liquid that I drank the day before. "There's this. It had a liquid in it, but I drank it all," I said, handing it to him. He took a whiff of the air inside it, placing his sleek nose over the opening.

"Astrid, there was rum in here."

"Really?" I replied in disbelief. "How the hell would you know?" He rolled his eyes and looked at me seriously.

"Don't tell Mum and Dad. If ya do, I'll murder ya."

"I won't say a word."

"I got drunk for the first time on the ship. Meself and some other young lads found a stash of rum on the ship and we chugged all o' it down. Then afterwards we was all drunk as hell and got in trouble with the cap'n."

"Drunk, eh?" I replied, smiling at his story. So Roland was a bloody drunken bastard as well. "I'd never get drunk. Mum and Dad have warned you about drinking, and what do ya do? Ya go ahead and drink the whole ship's stash of rum!"

"Well, little Astrid, _I_ wasn't the only one who has gotten drunk. Ya came down the stairs last afternoon drunk as ever. Mum was furious."

"You mean that because I drank this rum, I got drunk?"

"Yes. What do you think happens when you drink too much rum? For God's sake, Astrid, don't tell me you didn't know you were drinking rum."

"I didn't!" I said, annoyed with him. "It tasted good, so I drank everything."

"Wait 'til Mum and Dad find out you stole their bottle of rum and drank the lot of it."

"Hey!" I screamed, smacking his shoulder with my hand. "I promised not to say a word 'bout yer little story, so you must do the same for me."

"Fine," he said simply before leaving my side and reading the papers about Jack.

He sat himself comfortably in a chair beside my window, his brows furrowed in deep thought. He also began to gnaw on his nail, probably another new habit he learned on that blasted ship.

"Interesting," he said. Then he got up and handed me the paper very unenthusiastically.

"Interesting?" I echoed. "Is that all you have to say about the damn paper!" He shrugged his shoulders and sat himself on the side of my bed.

"I just found it interesting because that name seems so familiar. Give me a day or two to think about it and I'll tell you where I heard that name. It sounds so bloody familiar." He stretched his arms and was now lying on my bed.

"Since when did I give you the privilege of lying down on my bed, Roland?" I asked, crossing my arms and looking angrily at him.

"You didn't mind before. But… it seems you have changed a lot yourself. Actin' all prissy—"

"I am not like that. You are the second person to say that to me!"

"I wish I was the first then." I growled and slapped his head.

"If anyone has changed the most, it's you, ya bloody no good bastard."

"Hey, a life on a ship is no easy thing. Ya gotta do a lotta work and ya always gotta look out for trouble. Not everyone on the crew is trustworthy. Alexandra almost had a fit when the guys were teasin' her."

"And I suppose you were the goodhearted soul who stopped them from hurtin' your little darlin' eh?" I mocked.

"Yes, I was. And that's why I got upgraded to a midshipman."

"I don't know why you keep mentioning that bloody midshipman nonsense," I groaned.

"Because I'll be leaving as soon as spring comes… for another voyage on the sea." He grinned at me from ear to ear, while my face became tight and rigid.

"Damn you!" I screamed, whacking his head again. He raised his arms up to block the blow, pretending to scream and get hurt.

"Look, Astrid…" he said. "I never said that you couldn't come." At that, I stopped and I felt rather stupid and merciless for hitting him repeatedly.

"Oh," was all I managed to say. "You should have said that before." There was a moment of silence between us as I sat myself on the edge of my bed. "So what did you do on that ship?"

"There will be a time when I can tell you everything without having any interruptions. I would tell you right now, but I have to meet Alexandra at precisely noon today. Maybe when I get home." He got up and walked out of my room, hearing that the servants were up and cooking breakfast. The clang of pans and utensils could be heard faintly downstairs also with the indecipherable chatter of the servants. For some reason, I really did not want to know Roland's story on the ship. I wanted to wait until I had my own to share. All I had been doing ever since I wanted to go out to sea was fantasize about my voyages, and I would wait forever for the day when I didn't have to fantasize anymore.

My lessons with my governess were cancelled. Mrs. DeWitt was ill with a fever, so I would not be taught today. Of course, Mum suggested that I went with her into town to do some shopping, but I passed the offer. Spending time with my mother would be wonderful, but not if we are getting fitted for new dresses or browsing for jewelry.

Since I did not agree to leave with Mum, she left directly after breakfast to do her errands, and I was left with nothing to do again. Daddy had left for his shop already and Roland was busy making himself presentable for his little jaunt with Alexandra. There was nothing to do. Nothing to see. Nothing at all to even think about. I had eaten breakfast and had gotten dressed into a new, yellow frock, but what was the point when I would do nothing except wander and breathe and daydream?

"This is exactly the reason why I need to find a ship and get the hell away from here," I mumbled. I sat myself on the last step of the staircase and rested my chin in the palm of my hand. I heard the jumbling thuds of feet run down and I already knew who they belonged to.

"You are welcome to come with Alexandra and me," he said. I gagged and turned sharply to Roland with a frown. He was picking at the collar of his shirt.

"I'd rather surrender myself to the gallows than watch you two." He chuckled and stopped his fingers from touching his collar. "Then again, you could always send for Adam and—"

"I do not want his company," I yelled. "I'm quite content by myself."

"All right, but you'll be alone." He pulled at his coat to straighten it out and walked towards the front door. "Are you sure you don't want to come?"

"Yes. Go ahead and leave for God's sake." I was so desperate for him to leave and stop trying to make himself appealing to Alexandra that I opened the door for him and pushed him out. "Have fun," I smiled mockingly. "And behave yourselves. I wouldn't want to tell Mum and Dad that you got Alexandra pregnant." I laughed and Roland's eyes flamed, but I shut the door in his face before he could scream at me for ever proposing such a thing.

Not even a full hour had passed before I had gotten mad with the boredom. There was nothing to do except help and talk with the servants, who were wonderful people, but their work was far from exciting. Just half an hour after Roland left, I decided to go out and find him or at least make a stop at Dad's shop to say hello. I was just about ready to go; my hand was on the doorknob and my wrist was ready to turn when a hand stopped me. "Oh no, Miss. You're not permitted to go out into town by yourself." It was a maid, and I knew her to be Isabel Banker.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Your mother's rules, Miss. She doesn't let you go out of the house without an escort."

"Can one of the servants come with me then?" I asked as nicely and gently as I could. My desire to get out was eating at me.

"I'm sorry, Miss," she said, looking down at the floor. "It is not our place to accompany you. You need a proper escort."

"I won't be long. I'm just going to say hello to my father at the blacksmith's."

"I have to obey the Missus' rules, Miss Astrid. I'm sorry." My hand slipped away from the doorknob and the all too familiar trapped feeling came around me again. It was this house's and world's stupid rules that fettered me from reaching any place worth going. Since the maid was still present, I obliged to her wishes and went up to my room, locking my bedroom door in the process.

"Forgive me, Mum," I said as I opened my bedroom window. "I'm not going to be kept in this house any longer. Besides, if Roland can go out by himself, I should be able to as well." I grabbed my bed sheets and tied their ends together to form a long rope. I tied one end to the leg of my bed and swung the rest out of my window. Without even a second thought, I swung myself out of my window, clinging to the rope I made and climbed my way down the side of the house. Then a problem reached my attention. The rope was about fifteen feet short, leaving me dangling fifteen feet above the ground.

"You are an idiot, Astrid," I mumbled. "Why didn't you make the damn thing longer?" Bracing myself, I held tightly to the rope one last time before letting go and falling the rest of the way down.

I landed hard on my feet and fell back onto my rump. The pain in my feet and behind was soon vanquished when I suddenly realized that I was free. I was out. And nobody knew about it. _Nobody!_ I grinned mischievously and sprang to my feet. Now all I had to do was find Roland, or at least someone I knew.

I remembered when I was twelve that Mum had let me venture off into town by myself when I had to fetch Roland one time. I wondered why she wouldn't let me now. What difference was there in two years? Yes, I had grown in many ways over those two years but I still did not see why she would not let me leave the house anymore without an escort. Even at the parties I attended without her, she always made sure that the footman and carriage driver were present at my parties. It was absolutely ridiculous. I thought about this as I wandered into town, keeping my eyes open for anybody I knew.

I passed by a shop. It was shop that sold wooden goods, and I was about to walk in when I was utterly shocked by a call. "Astrid!" it sang. I turned around and saw Adam running up to me from the other side of the street.

"Great God," I thought. "Why does he always manage to find me?"

"I didn't expect to see you out today," he said. I tried to smile without lashing out at him and asking him why he always knew where I was. Was the young man a stalker?

"I didn't expect to see you either," I said. "What are you doing out here anyway?"

"Oh. I just paid a visit to the tailor's. I had to pick up my hat." He showed me a black, tricorn hat. It was rimmed with gold thread and surely made him look like a young commanding officer.

"I have a hat like that," I said. "But my mother doesn't let me wear it in public. It goes along with my pirate attire," I said, without recognizing that I was talking to a high-class boy like Adam.

"Pirate attire? You surely have an interesting other life, Astrid," he said. He paused and then added, "I also saw your mother at the tailor's."

"W-What?" I nearly choked. "Did she leave the shop yet? Is she out in the streets?" I asked urgently, grabbing him and shaking him slightly.

"N-No," he said, his face quirked in confusion. "Why?"

"I'm not allowed to be by myself when I go out into town," I whispered aggressively.

"Oh. I see. It happens to many girls. My sister went through it. She hated it, but then again, there were many young men she knew that were willing to take her anywhere."

"But why do they do that?" I asked.

"I don't really know. My sister most likely does, but she's married and lives in England. Where are you headed?"

"To the harbor," I said.

"I'd be happy to be your escort down there," he said. "In case your mother does see you. You can tell her that I asked to take a walk with you into town." I was surprised at his plan. Who would have thought that a young man like Adam would have a conniving brain?

"I accept your offer, Mister Locke," I said, winking at him, just to make him feel uncomfortable. He looked shyly away and cleared his throat.

"Shall we?" he said, regaining his confidence. He offered his arm to me, and I hesitantly looped my arm through his.

"Lead the way."

The harbor was a busy place. Ships were being loaded and unpacked, sailors and merchants hustling to and fro on the docks, and ships moving in and out. It was an exciting scene and I wanted to at least talk to some sailors who had gone out to sea and knew what it was like.

As Adam led me to a ship that he found worthy of my questions, I leaned away from him, looking at the greenish-blue water lapping at the wide poles that held the dock up. The air smelled sweetly of salt and greenery, and I took deep breaths to relish every bit of it. Although the sky was overcast and no sun was out to shine on the beautiful harbor, I was still having the time of my life, and I could not wait for Adam anymore. I had to find a sailor and talk to him at once. I stopped at the first man that really looked like he knew the sea. He was dressed in dirty sailor wear and had a beard growing. "Hey!" I said, waving my arm at him. He was up on a ship when I addressed him, and he looked down at me, squinting his eyes.

"Whaddya want, lassie?" he said, climbing down from the ship and onto the dock Adam and I stood on.

"You've been on the sea, right?" I asked.

"O'course I have. What you think I was? A butcher? All sailors have seen the sea, Missie," he laughed.

"I'm Astrid," I said. "I'm the granddaughter of Governor Swann." He raised his eyebrows at that and eyed me. Of course, I was too thrilled to notice that he was looking at me from top to bottom.

"Ah," he said. "So what ye doin' here? Shouldn' ya be at yer house an' goin' to fancy little parties?"

"I just came by to ask you about the sea."

"Oh, so ya came all the way from yer little fancy house to come see ol' Tom, eh?"

"No," I said, slightly appalled that he would ever think that I would come all the way to specifically converse with _him_. "I just wanted to ask you questions about the sea."

"All rightey then, lassie. Ask away. I aint got all day."

"What is life on a ship like? What do you do?"

"We work, an' eat an' drink an' sleep." I was disappointed at his answer, and I felt Adam tug at the sleeve of my dress.

"He's just messing with you, Astrid. Let's find someone else," he said. Apparently, he said it loud enough for old Tom to hear as well.

"What you sayin' boy?" he said harshly to Adam. "I aint gonna take way yer little lassie. But she is very pretty, eh?"

"Leave her alone and answer her questions thoroughly and completely. She's no simpleton, and neither am I," Adam replied sharply.

"Yer doin' wrong to talk to a sailor like that, boy."

"My father is a captain of the King's navy. If you were wise, I would suggest you follow my orders."

"Take orders from a boy like you? Yer Daddy aint here to protect ya." Tom paused and turned to me again, rubbing his chin. He leaned in closer and I realized that he stank badly of sweat, dirt and other grime. "Ya wanna know what really goes on in a ship?" he said, grabbing my hand, and squeezing it tight. I tried to pull it away, but he was too strong. "We work hard day an' night to please our damn cap'n and get the worst food. We got the hard biscuits with little weevils in them and beer that's gone bad." I frowned at his descriptions as I tried to pull away from him. He wouldn't let go.

"Let go of her!" yelled Adam, but Tom ignored him.

"An' ya wanna know what else, pretty one?" he continued.

"No. I don't want to know anymore. Stop," I quaked, wincing as he neared his foul face.

"We—"

"She said stop!" interrupted Adam. "Let go of her."

"I'm tired of yer disruptions, boy," said Tom. "Do I need to give ya a good sailor's beating?"

"Tom! Ya little bastard!" came a happy yell. Adam and I turned to it, bewildered. Up the dock came running Roland, and trailing behind him was Alexandra. He jumped up onto Tom's back punching the man playfully. "Are ya teasin' my mates?" he asked, laughing at the same time. He stood back on his feet.

"They were the ones askin' for it," replied Tom. Adam and I were baffled and confusion was past us.

"Don't do that to them again. Ya scared the horse sh—" He cut himself off. "Jus' look at 'em." He pointed at Adam and me, grinning. By the time his little speech was over, I was fuming mad.

"Roland!" I screamed. "You know this sad excuse for a man!" I stepped forward, about ready to punch him.

"Of course I do. He was part of the crew that—"

"Shut up! I ought to kill you! That bastard was about to beat up Adam, for God's sake! And all you can do is run up to us and laugh!" I shrilled and grabbed Roland's shirt collar. "You're such an idiot! A bloody, vile little cad!"

"You can't talk to Roland like that, you wretch!" screeched Alexandra. This only made my blood bubble more. How dare she interrupt me!

"Shut your prissy ugly lips and if you dare say another word to me, I swear I will punch in your distorted face and pull out all your hair!"

"How…dare… you, you wild, rude daughter of a pig!"

"That's it! I've had it with you!" I lunged towards her like a beast, ready to rip her to shreds, but Roland got in my way.

"As Midshipman I order you to—"

"Enough with this midshipman idiocy! If you were a real bloody midshipman you'd know better than to court a prissy simpleton like her!" I pushed him ferociously out of my way, and was again set on tearing Alexandra Westley to pieces, but suddenly, I couldn't walk any further. The back of my dress was caught on something, or so I thought, and I had moved so quickly that the whole back had torn off. I gasped and turned around swiftly to see Roland's foot firmly placed over the part of my dress that was now gone. I realized that my undergarments were showing and I sat myself down quickly to conceal what should not be shown to the public. The only problem with that was that I could not get my vengeance on any of them.

"I'm going to kill you when you get home, Roland," I threatened.

"And exactly how are you going to get there in your condition?" he asked me, dangling the piece of my dress in front of my face to mock me.

"Oh, Roland," said Alexandra sweetly. I nearly choked myself. "Thank you. You are wonderful." She leaned on her tiptoes and gave him a kiss on the cheek, while I grew redder and redder in the face from the both of them.

"Here, Astrid," said a voice. I turned and found Adam crouching down beside me. "You can tie my coat around your waist to cover up… the damage."

"Thank you," I said gratefully, relieved that someone had the heart to help me. He told me to get up slowly so he had time to tie his coat around my waist. As I did exactly what he said, Roland spoke again.

"Aww, Adam. You had to ruin my fun."

"If I did that to Alexandra, you'd do the same," replied Adam. Alexandra eyed me evilly as Adam finished tying his coat around me.

"Of course," said Alexandra matter-of-factly, "I know you would never do that to me, Adam, now would you?"

"You don't know how much I would love to do that to you, Alexandra," said Adam with a grin. "By all means, you deserve it." She gave a disgusted yelp, and only clung tighter to Roland.

"Thank you again, Adam," I said. "And as for you, Roland," I said, "wait until I tell Daddy what you did to me." A sudden worry bolted in Roland's eyes and he froze with the weight of possible punishment.

"Astrid, don't. Please," he begged. "I don't care if Mum finds out because she's not that strict on me as she is on you, but if Dad finds out he won't let me go on my next voyage. Don't tell."

"And why should I, Roland William Turner?" I replied. "I'm not changing my mind."

"Look, I'm sorry. I won't do that again. I beg you not tell Dad."

"You are not going to change my mind, Roland."

"Please, Astrid," he said. He was whining now. "Don't tell Dad."

"You only asked for this, Roland. If you never did that, I would never have to do this. Now, if you can excuse me, I'll see you at dinner." With a laugh of revenge, I sprinted down the dock, with Adam running after me.


	21. Alexandra Explodes

_Chapter 21: Alexandra Explodes_

**T**he streets were crowded and thriving with people and carriages. The laughter of children at play mingled with the clap of horses' hooves and creaking of carriage wheels. People yelled and cursed at each other for getting into their way or for making them drop their goods. It was all a splendid sight to see. I wove my way through this maze as I made my way towards the blacksmith shop. I couldn't wait to tell Daddy what Roland did to me. Revenge was on my mind and nothing would stop me. Although I knew that I looked absolutely ludicrous running down the streets with a blue coat tied around my waist, I was too overjoyed at the possible punishments Daddy could give to Roland to mind.

Colliding into the door and bursting it open, I yelled, "Daddy! Guess what Roland did to me!" My father must have skipped a heartbeat because he looked up from his work in a shock, his eyes wide.

"Astrid!" he said. "What are you doing here?"

"Never mind that," I said. "Just look what Roland did!" I turned around and pointed to the coat tied around me to cover up the "damage," but Daddy did not seem to understand my point.

"What did he do?" he asked, setting his hammer down and walking towards Adam and me.

"He stepped on the back of my dress and it tore off, revealing my undergarments to many sailors at the harbor!"

"Did he now?" said Daddy, already reaching for his coat to go out and fetch Roland. "Where is he?"

"Most likely still down there," I replied.

"Come on. We're going to find him, and your Mum and I are going to give both of you a well needed lecture."

"What!" I yelled. "Why do I need a lecture?"

"Need I to remind you of your rude behavior during dinner yesterday night?"

"Oh," I said miserably. Daddy turned to Adam, eyeing him a little coolly.

"Is that your coat around her waist?" he asked.

"Yes. I didn't look at anything though. Honest," said Adam quickly, realizing why the question was asked.

"Very well. You are welcome to come along if you'd like." He turned to me, a slight frown on his face. "Who escorted you into town?"

"Adam," I said.

"Really? Because as I passed by the tailors earlier today, I saw him in there and you were not with him."

"Damn," I muttered. "Why do parents always have to know the truth?" I wondered.

Not even the servants or mice that could have been hiding in our house walls made a sound as Roland and I sat on the couch in the living room, waiting for Mum and Dad to begin their lecture. Both of us had our hands folded in our laps and our feet were tucked neatly behind the other. We were behaving for two reasons. We knew we were in terrible trouble, but we behaved for another reason, or at least I did. I tried to behave as properly as I could to show that Roland deserved more punishment than me, but I had a bad feeling my plan would not work.

"Astrid Jacqueline Turner," Mum said strictly. I could feel her glare on my cast down head. "Roland William Turner," she said, just as rigidly as before. "I am certain that the two of you both realize the reasons as to why you are here, sitting in shame on this couch in front of your father and me." Our heads bent down even more at that. Shame. She said we were a shame.

"We won't lecture you until you state what you think are the reasons as to why you are here. If you realize your wrongdoing, then all that will be left of our lecture is scolding you for your mischief," added Daddy. I lowered my head more, feeling sorry for myself and for Roland. I wondered how many more things my parents could say to us in order to make us have our heads so low we would practically be bowing on our knees to them. Of course, I don't think they'd mind that.

"Astrid," said Mum, "being the oldest, I want you to go first." I let out a sharp sigh through my nose and finally spoke.

"I know that throwing my wine at Alexandra and causing a disruption at dinner yesterday night was wrong and incredibly rude. I need to learn how to control my emotions in a more polite manner, although I would never have shouted at her if she did not interrupt my conversation with Roland." I grew bitter at the memory and gritted my teeth.

"I want you to apologize to her," said Mum. At that, I thought I felt my heart stop, and a horrid image flew into my brain. Apologize to Alexandra? Was my mum mad? That would only make Alexandra more conceited than ever, now that she knew someone like me was apologizing to her.

"If I apologize to her," I said, looking up at my parents for the first time since the lecture began. "Then you have to let me go on the ship with Roland this coming spring." Mum and Dad's eyebrows rose at my statement.

"Astrid, I am not asking you to apologize to Alexandra. I am ordering you to. And as an order, there is nothing I will do in return," said Mum firmly.

"But you don't understand how wicked and awful she is to me!" I yelled, rising from my seat. "If you make me apologize to her then I will run away! I'd rather be gone and away from Port Royal than apologize to that wench!"

"Astrid!" Mum shrilled. "You know the rules of this house and if you do not obey them, then you _will_ be sent away. Not to a ship, but perhaps to a finishing school far away from here."

"Even if I ripped up your dresses and chopped down this house with an ax, you still wouldn't let go of me!" I screamed. "Even when all I wanted was to go out into town for a walk, you can't even let me do that on my own! I must always have an escort! A stupid escort to follow me everywhere! Never leaving me alone! Never making me feel free and independent!"

"Astrid," said Mum and Dad simultaneously.

"Calm down," said Dad. "You've proven your point. So it's true that we have become very protective of you and Roland… you especially."

"But why?" I asked, feeling like a six year old girl again. For some reason, I felt my eyes burning and welling up with tears.

"Because we don't want to lose you," said Mum softly. I looked at her and I realized that she had cried before me and I didn't understand what could have made her weep. Suddenly, I felt awful, and all I wanted to do was have my parents carry me again, as if I was a little girl. Now I regretted saying I wanted to run away because now I didn't want to anymore.

"I'm sorry," I said. "Forgive me. I'll apologize to her. I promise." I said the words weakly because I was too ashamed to raise my voice again.

"You're excused," said Dad. I gave a quick curtsy to both Mum and Dad before heading back up the stairs.

When I arrived at my bedroom, I noticed that my window was still left open, but my rope made of bed sheets was gone. In fact, they were neatly folded on my bed. I approached my bed slowly, surveying my room. The air was a tad bit drafty, and I went to close it. "I'm sure you told your parents what you did today," came a voice. I froze and turned around, meeting Maggie's all-knowing face.

"How did you get in my room if it was locked?"

"Hairpins, Miss" she said. "Did you tell your Mum and Dad?"

"I left that part out," I said quietly.

"You know they'll find out sooner or later and when they do they'll give ya another good lecture," she said, waving her index finger at me.

"If I tell them now, they'll increase my punishment."

"Well, sometimes you have to increase your punishment. Otherwise, you'd never learn not to do it again."

"My punishment does not need to be enhanced. It is already far too hideous," I said.

"Suit yerself, Miss," she said. She grabbed a bundle of my dirty laundry and stepped out of my room.

As soon as she was well down the hallway, I closed my bedroom door, my back sliding down the smooth wood until I hit the floor. I felt miserable and sorry for what I had said and done. I had made my own mother cry, and that was a dreadful thing to do. I felt the strong need for independence, but I didn't think that my fight for it would hurt the ones I love. I didn't realize how much my parents really loved me.

I refused to cry, but I trembled from inner sobs. Usually after being scolded from Mum and Dad, I'd go up to my room or somewhere out of sight and eavesdrop in their lecture with Roland. I didn't have the heart to this time. It was wrong to listen to his punishment, and I already wanted to repent for my wrongdoing because of the piercing guilt inside of me. I began to doubt if I would ever find it comfortable on the sea because I'd end up missing my beloved parents and home. "Wonderful," I said to myself. "As soon as I am in the prime, perfect years for leaving to go on the sea, I realized the things I must give up to reach such a dream. Now I'm going to have to choose. My life here or a new more exciting one out on the raging blue ocean."

After a night of thoughts and prayers of repentance, I was pretty well rested and less tense after yesterday's lecture. To please my Mum, who kept her distance from me for some odd reason that day, I did not ask to leave the house, and merely entertained myself by talking to Lisa in the kitchen or reading a book I found in Grandfather's office in the garden. By late afternoon though, I was stuck in my room again, staring outside my window, longing for the sea.

A gentle tap on my door grabbed my attention and I answered it. Maggie stood in the doorway, a new dress in her arms. "Why must I change?" I asked, believing that there'd be no guests at our house to see me in such an untraditional manner.

"Your mother requests it, Lady. You be good now and stop your questions. Go on now. Head over to the dressing screen." Reluctantly, I obeyed and waited for Maggie to take off my dress and trap me the new one she had brought. The dress was rather large, and I took it that it was one of the new ones Mum had ordered for me with yet another new set of measurements.

The color of the frock was a pale, spring green, its hem a few inches below my feet, making it pool slightly at the bottom. "Why couldn't I have grown taller instead of wider?" I wondered. As soon as Maggie was done pinning the back closed and smoothing out the wrinkles, I realized the dress was actually a very fine fit, not counting the awkward low neckline. It was amazing what that woman could do with a dress.

"There, Miss," she said. "You look dazzling."

"Thank you, Maggie," I said weakly. "Why must I be dressed again?"

"You have guests coming over. Missus has invited the family of your suitor over to bid his father a good voyage on the sea. The Westleys are also invited on account of Mister Roland."

"Great joy fills me," I said sarcastically. "You cannot even imagine how enthralled I am by the thought!" I said, mocking my words with a laugh.

"Now, Miss Astrid," said Maggie, pointing her finger at me. "You behave. You and your brother have already gotten in enough trouble already. One more mistake and your parents will request you two spend a day in the town jail."

"That's not very parent-like if you ask me," I said plainly.

"They do it not to torture ya, but because they love ya and want ya to be raised well. Now run along while I clean up this mess of yours you left."

"You won't tell them I went out yesterday, will you?" I asked as I headed out the door.

"Not a word, Miss. I'm your maid and it's my duty to serve your needs." I smiled, thankful that my dear maid had my side on everything.

"You're not just my maid, Maggie. You're a superb friend as well." With that, I sprinted down the stairs.

My pace only quickened on the way down when I heard a knock on the door. Our doorman was present to answer it, but I was still eager to get down there. Before it was too late, I tripped over the elongated hem of my dress and tumbled the rest of the way down, landing on the floor in a loud, solid thud just as our doorman let our visitors in.

"Miss Astrid, are you all right?" asked our dear doorman, leaving our guests and helping me up.

"Yes, of course I am," I replied, standing up and dusting my dress off. Missus DeWitt's long hours of teaching me to walk, talk and look like a fine lady were not proving their worth. I had not yet caught a glimpse of our visitors, and I planted a smile on my face, just as Mum had always done, to welcome them. When I turned around to face them, my smile faded.

Who else could it be but the wretched Westleys.

"Oh, Astrid, you need not get excited at our presence," said Alexandra, pride oozing from her poisonous mouth. "Here," she said, dropping a box into my unprepared arms. "It's a gift for the Locke family," she added, her mind already elsewhere. "Where is Roland?"

"Your future husband's location I do not know," I said as courteous as my tongue would let me. "And if you'd like to find out, you'll have to search for yourself." After her departure came her brother, who, I hated to admit, was quite dashing. He was tall and surely did not have the adolescent boy frame anymore, with a hard, chiseled face and blue piercing eyes. He was dressed finely in a deep red coat and spotless white britches, with his shiny black boots stopping at the bottom of his knees. For a moment, I had forgotten who he was related to.

"Good afternoon, Miss," he said, taking my hand and kissing the back gently. I felt a shiver run up my spine. I had never felt such a strong attraction for a man, not even with Adam. I was always myself around him, but with Alexandra's brother, I could not be myself because I had forgotten how to function my own body.

"You…" I lost the rest of my words. _What was I going to say again?_ "Oh, yes. You may sit in the living room until my father and mother arrive," I said, pointing in the direction of the room. He nodded gratefully at me before leaving, my eyes trailing his figure.

As soon as he was out of sight, I remembered my manners and I greeted their aged father, Mister Westley, in and told him to wait in the living room as well.

Directly after setting our guests off to wait for my parents, I decided to stay in the living room with Mister Westley and his son. As much as I wanted to find Roland and break him away from that witch for just a few moments, I stayed in the living room, staring from face to face with no words to start a conversation. "You've grown quite into a woman, Miss Turner, since last time I saw you," said Alexandra's brother. "How have you occupied yourself in the two years young Roland was gone?" It took a while for me to process the question because I was so enchanted by him. I did not even know his name and yet I felt as if I was floating on a cloud.

"Oh, well, I just continued lessons with my governess," I said plainly.

"Really? You did not attend any parties? Gatherings?" he questioned, clearly interested in my life.

"I did go to some festivities, but they were of no interest to me. There was no point in them but to find a young girl her man," I said, even though I ended up having a "suitor" after attending one of those parties. He looked at me with a face that by itself asked, "And did you?"

"Alexandra never had the opportunity to attend one of those parties. I remember mine quite well. But I don't think she needed to go to any. She is, after all, quite attracted to your brother," was what came out of his mouth. My eyelid twitched at the mentioning of Alexandra and Roland as a couple, but I hoped that he didn't catch the movement.

"Yes, they are quite in laughable love, aren't they?" I tried to keep a smile when I said that, but my face would not cooperate with me.

"Who's in love?" came a voice. Roland and Alexandra poked their heads into the living room, both of them grinning from ear to ear. I noticed Roland's messy hair and his unkempt shirt. Not to mention that he was quite red in the face.

"And where have you been?" I asked, getting up from my seat. I wouldn't have been surprised if he answered that he and Alexandra just had a quick romp that was _not_ in anyway playful but rather more on the intimate side, in his room.

"Upstairs," he said, refusing to elaborate. My lips grew thin as I glared at him. If only Mum and Dad knew how naughty their beloved son had become.

"Alexandra," said her brother. "Did you give Miss Turner our gift to the Locke family?"

"Of course, Stephen," she said, dragging Roland to a sofa, which, coincidentally ended up being the loveseat. "Must you always ask if I do something? If you want to see something accomplished, then do it yourself," she whined.

"You've learned nothing, even after spending two years on a blasted ship," he sighed. Alexandra turned to her father, her eyes deceiving and false.

"Daddy," she said gently. "I have learned a lot from staying on that ship. It was a wonderful experience. Tell Stephen to stop making me feel so low," she pleaded.

"Perhaps he does that because it's true," I whispered to myself.

"What did you say?" her soft voice erupting. She had better hearing than I thought.

"Nothing," I replied, pinning my lips closed. I was extremely fortunate, as there was a knock on the door after I spoke. "Now, if you can excuse me," I said, grinning. "I must answer the door."

The doorman had opened it before I arrived, but I stayed to welcome the Locke family. It was a rather large family. A total of eight, including the gracious Mister and Missus Locke, and excluding Adam's sister in England.

Mister Locke appeared both young and old at the same time. He had a youthful smile and fresh blue eyes, just like Adam, but his face was just a tad bit aged and serious. Around him was an omniscient aura, and I believed if anyone knew the sea, he knew it the best.

His wife was a beautiful brunette woman with pale green eyes like the sea, and a smile as brilliant as my own mother's. She was pleasantly plump from her long years of being a mother and birthing a total of seven angelic children, but her face was still bright and soft despite her probable age. Beside her stood her eldest daughter, I supposed, or at least, the eldest daughter living with her. I remember Adam told me that he had a sister living in England. She was my height with light brown hair and her father's blue eyes. By the look on her face, she was most likely a little older than me, or the same age as me, but her eyes lacked my stupidity and confusion. She curtsied slightly at me and I managed to the do the same in reply.

In front of her stood two twin girls, both with blonde hair and round rosy faces. They grinned at me as if they were one, showing their tiny, square teeth. Beside them stood a small boy, at most seven years old. He was like a miniature version of his father, but with light brown hair and a less serious face. He looked as if he had the urge to start a rousing game with his obedient siblings. Next to him stood another boy, most likely eleven or twelve. He had a sharp nose and big feet, but he, too, had his mother's radiant smile. He looked at me kindly, with a hint of timidity, me probably being one of the very few young women he had interacted with, but I was sure he'd have girls flocking to him in no time.

And lastly, was Adam, seeming most like his father than any of his other brothers. His golden blonde hair was neatly tied back in a ponytail and his blue eyes shined brightly. A smile that he tried to keep as proper and polite as he could was fixed on his well carved visage. I had to admit that he looked positively smashing, and all I could do was smile widely and happily at him.

"You must be Miss Astrid," said Captain Locke, nodding faintly in my direction. "Adam has told us a lot about you." I gave them an honest smile, feeling very needed at the fact that their son had mentioned me and curtsied low for them all. "You look exactly how I picture you to be: beautiful."

"Thank you very much, Mister Locke," I replied. "Your family is also very attractive. Please, please, come in. Let our doorman show you to the living room where you can wait while I tell my parents you are here." Again I curtsied as they filed into the house, and I even kept my curtsy when Adam passed by me. I had the doorman lead them to the living room with the Westleys, but Adam stayed behind with me.

"You should be going with your family," I said. I didn't think he heard me because before I could have recoiled from him, he stepped forward and kissed my cheek. Then again, I think he was aiming for my mouth, but I maneuvered my head just in time.

"_That_, is a better greeting than a simple curtsy, don't you think, Astrid?" he said, smiling.

"You're right, it is," I said, playing a long with him. "Much better. Just remember that every time you greet me that way, I will move my head." He chuckled and took my hand, kissing the back of it, making him the second man to do that to me that day.

"At least you don't move your hand away," he said. I laughed and looked at him wondering if he would really make me happy. Immediately after that thought, I shook my head, realizing that it was far too early to even begin to think about such things.

"I… I…" I stuttered, surprisingly lost for words.

"You?"

"I… n-need to get m-my parents," I spluttered. He raised an eyebrow at me, and I scowled in jest, as I headed up the stairs to retrieve my dear old Mum and Dad.

By the time the sun had set below the far horizon, all of our guests chatted lightly with each other in our living room. I was in there with my Mum and Dad, but it appeared as though I was the only one not enjoying the scene. In fact, I was rather uninterested in the talk. The beautiful little children of the Lockes were busy playing together and wandering around my house, and the older children joined Alexandra's older brother, talking about courtship and marriage and other things that I was not ready for. Adam was the center of attention between my parents and his own, most likely because he had discovered me and was now supposedly courting me. They didn't bother to ask me how I felt about the whole situation, but I didn't care much if they did or did not. I was perfectly fine not telling any of them anything.

I took my survey of the room every few minutes to see where everyone was heading in their conversations with each other. Eavesdropping was a wonderful skill of mine, and I listened intently to each person's words. In the party of little ones, they were busy discussing who was leader in their game. Typical of children. With Stephen Westley and his companions' talk, I discovered that they were telling their stories of their first courtship with anyone, another thing typical of their kind. At one moment when I sat in a place positioned closest to them, Stephen beckoned for me to join them, but I declined the offer with a blushing face. At last, I turned my ears to the conversation between my parents and Adam and his parents. They were talking about us in general and how "far" we had gotten in just a matter of a few days, a typical topic of parents.

The end of my eavesdropping session only bored me more. Although prying in other people's business kept me occupied, it did not keep me away from realizing that Roland and Alexandra were not in the room… again. "I am so eager to catch them being naughty and revealing them for the slobs they are," I thought. With a mischievous grin, I got up and left the living room, my mind set on finding young Roland William Turner and Alexandra's hiding place.

"Just where do you think you're going?" said a voice behind me. It nearly made me jump, for I had assumed that no one had seen me leave the place. Turning around, I faced the being who had caught me escape. I was not surprised at their face. Who else could it have been but Adam.

"I thought you were speaking with my parents?" I asked, changing the subject.

"I ended it, seeing that you were leaving. You must have been bored to death," he said, taking my hand. I watched his arm, making sure he didn't pull some move on me.

"I was, but I found a way to entertain myself. That's why I am leaving.""To go where? Tell me all," he continued. I was reluctant to answer, deciding in my head whether I should declare my plot to embarrass Roland and his lover, or not. In the end, I decided to, wondering how sharing the scheme would feel.

"All right, I confess," I began. "I plan to find Roland and Alexandra, wherever they may be, and if I catch them in an act of misconduct I shall unveil their deep secret to my parents and all other eyes, or otherwise, if I do not, I shall just spend the rest of the time before dinner irritating Roland to the point where he explodes." Adam looked quite surprised at my speech, his blue eyes wide and a confused smirk on his face.

"Well," he said, most likely burdened with trying to find any words to say. "That's… an unorthodox way of entertaining yourself," he finished.

"If you stay with me longer, you'll find me very different from other girls."

"I'm already quite convinced," he chuckled.

"Good. So are you coming with me, or not?"

"I will not let a chance to embarrass Alexandra pass, Astrid. Lead the way." I grinned with satisfaction, and just to make him uncomfortable, I kissed his cheek.

"All right then. Let's go."

The first spot we went in to search for the two hidden lovers was in Roland's room upstairs. The room was dark, with not even a small candle to shed some light in. I questioned if that was done on purpose. "Search the closet," I said. "It's a rather fitting place for Roland and his admirer. I'll poke around his bed." As Adam and I left to go our separate ways, I circled the unkempt bed, which made it obvious that that was where he and Alexandra were before. It was lumpy and the feather pillows were tossed aside. Very carefully, I lifted the bed sheets and gave a look. Nothing. "Damn," I whispered.

"I take it you didn't find anything," said Adam from the other side of the dark room.

"No," I said sadly. "Did you?"

"Nothing," he replied. "I can't even see in this place. It's pitch black!" Shortly after that, I heard a rumble of moving or falling things in the back corner of Roland's bedroom.

"Did you fall?" I asked stupidly, knowing for a fact that Adam indeed fell.

"Yes," he yelled. "You really must tell Roland to be neater." I laughed at that and tried to move my way around in the dark to find Adam.

"He has his maid to clean his room, but it still manages to stay untidy." I waved my arms back and forth in front of me as I walked to make sure I did not run into anything. I spotted a flash of white ahead of me, and knew it was from Adam's flawless white trousers.

Stopping before him, who still tried to get the stuff he tumbled into off himself, I kneeled and grabbed his shoulder. "Do you need help?" I asked, seeing that he was tangled in a rope of some kind. "What the hell is a rope doing in Roland's room?" I thought, as I tried to free Adam from it.

"Wait, don't pull that end, it will just pull the rope tighter," said Adam urgently.

"Why not? A rope works both ways," I retorted, getting frustrated with the damn thing.

"Astrid, don't. I feel where the rope is actually wrapped around me and if you pull" I never let him finish. I grabbed the end of the rope I had and pulled with all my might on it, and Adam let out a horrifying scream.

"What!" I screamed back. "What did I do?"

"I…" he whispered, still in pain. "I… told…you…" He paused now and then as he had winced in agony. "Not… to pull… that end!"

"But why?"

"I said why!"

"No, you did not!" I yelled, slapping his head.

"Astrid! Didn't you know that that damn rope was wrapped around my upper leg and my… my…"

"Your?" I asked, still not understanding where he was going with his angry speech the treacherous, painful rope.

"My…" his voice still trailed off.

"Your what!" I screamed.

"The thing that makes a man a man!" he screamed, letting out a cry of pain, as he curled up on the floor.

"Oh," I said, laughter bubbling inside of me. "Sorry," I said, giggles erupting from my mouth. I soon fell to the ground too, laughing hysterically at the situation. My eyes grew warm from tears because of the immensity of the laughter in me. Adam refused to laugh at me as he sat up and finally got the rope off himself. Even when he was finished, I was still laughing.

"Astrid, that's enough. It's over. I feel fine now." I replied with a cackle. "Astrid, come on. Let's find Roland." I only giggled more. "Astrid!" he yelled, nearly laughing himself. The laughter never came out of him though because we heard the door to Roland's room 'click.'

Immediately, I sat up, hushing myself. "That's probably him."

"Quick. We'll hide in the closet." Before I had a chance to protest, Adam grabbed my arm and dragged me to Roland's closet, closing the door to the point where only a small crack was left for us to spy on Roland and Alexandra.

Honestly, I was more interested in my position with Adam rather than what was going on between my brother and Alexandra, because he stood so close to me. Plus, my back was against the closet wall, and Adam stood in front of me, his arms on both sides of my head. To make things worse, the closet space was small and compact, so we had to stay extremely close to each other, his face resting against mine in order for us to stay out of the crack he left open for us to spy out of. "Don't move or say anything," he whispered. I didn't answer because two people had walked into the room.

One of them held a candle, and in the light it shed around the room, I found that it was indeed Roland and Alexandra. Roland was the one holding the candle, while Alexandra clung to him. I narrowed my eyes on them, forcing myself to focus. Adam holding me so closely in the dark was also another distracting matter.

Roland set the candle on his nightstand, while his wicked lover stood beside him. What happened next would give me future nightmares. He grabbed her and kissed her, and she gave a false, light moan. I wanted to vomit. "Disgusting," I whispered, shaking my head back and forth. "Filthy."

"Shh," said Adam, putting a finger to silence my big mouth. Displeased and nearly sick to my stomach, I bravely took another peep at Roland and Alexandra. They had not broken from their kiss, and now my ears were hearing disturbing moans of happiness.

"Great God," I whispered. "I think I'm really going to vomit."

"Astrid, be quiet," said Adam, as softly as he could. But the sound of his voice was too loud.

Roland broke away from Alexandra, peering around his room suspiciously. "Did you hear that?" he said.

"No," she replied simply. "Come on. We'll be called to dinner soon." She tugged on his shirt.

"I'm certain I heard something, Alexandra," replied Roland. He gave one last look around his room before returning to her. Needless to say, once she was in his arms again, they began to spoon madly.

I turned away, tired and regretting that I ever decided to spy on them. Now, all I desired to do was burst out of the closet and breathe some fresher air in a cleaner scene. "Bloody hell," I whispered. "I will never look at Roland the same again."

"Astrid, for the last time, be quiet," replied Adam, trying his best to not grimace and the very clear acts of love.

"That's difficult to do," I said, the sounds of Roland's and Alexandra's love session making me twitch uncontrollably. My stomach felt uneasy and the feeling of sickness and faintness was overwhelming me. "Plus, here we are watching them, so uncomfortably close to each other!" I hissed.

"See! There it is again!" said Roland, causing Adam and me to shut up.

"You're right," said Alexandra. "I heard it that time. It sounded as if it came from… from over there." She pointed directly at the closet.

"Damn," I whispered.

"Astrid," Adam growled.

"Sorry."

"You're right, Alexandra," said Roland already on heading towards the closet, his face grim and suspicious.

"He'll find us," Adam whispered into my ear.

"Of course he will!" I replied bitterly.

"Then what do you suppose we do? If he finds us and realizes that we were spying on him and Alexandra all this time, he'll kill us."

"Of course he'll kill us," I said. "The thing is, I don't want to die this early."

"Neither do I. What are we going to do?" I thought over the unfortunate situation we were in. If Roland discovered Adam and I were spying on him, he'd surely give us a hell of a bloody beating, but if somehow we were able to create a scene to convince him that we were not spying, then perhaps Adam and I would come out of Roland's room alive and free of bruises.

"Here's what we'll do," I whispered. "We'll pretend that we were having a romp in Roland's closet," I sputtered.

"What?" said Adam, bewildered and embarrassed. "He won't believe us. If we would even ever do that, we'd be in _your_ room, not his." I was quick to make a reply as Roland and Alexandra advanced on the closet in slow, cautious steps.

"If he asks that, I'll tell him that my maid was in my room and we couldn't go in." My face was getting so red with humiliation and I was speaking so quickly, that I feared Adam would not understand a word I said.

"But then… couldn't he tell your parents that _you_ were the one who was… doing all of that?"

"They won't believe him. I told them for a fact that I am not ready for any of that, and they already know he and Alexandra have been courting for quite some while. Don't worry."

"If the door opens, what are we going to do?" I tapped my foot impatiently on the ground, trying to think of a plan to escape Roland's wrath but also to save some of my own dignity. In the end, I had to give up my dignity.

"Once the door opens…" I hesitated to answer. "Kiss me."

"What?" said Adam, getting red in the face as well.

"Kiss me if the door opens! You've tried to spoon me before, so here's your chance!"

"But… but…" he stuttered. "I didn't want to kiss you in this way."

"Well, that is how it's going to be!"

No more words were said; Roland pried open his closet door, revealing Adam and me inside it. On instinct, Adam let fly our flawed plan and kissed me. I parted my mouth slightly to make it more convincing. When I opened my eyes again I saw Roland and his lover watching us. His eyes grew massively and his jaw dropped. Alexandra squawked in disbelief, shrilling at the sight of us. "_Astrid_?" he screeched.

"Yes?" I replied as brainlessly as I could. I pulled Adam closer to me and grinned.

"What the hell are you doing in my closet!" yelled Roland.

"Nothing," I replied innocently.

"What do you mean, nothing!" screamed Roland, stomping his foot. "You and Adam were spooning in my closet! That's disgusting!"

"That's why you could have kept the closet door _shut_," I responded smartly, about to shut the closet door to make the scene play out more smoothly. I felt Adam's body shaking with laughter. "And, may I remind you, that we heard you and Alexandra snogging in the dark as well." Alexandra gasped, covering her open mouth were her hands.

"Wretch!" she screamed. "You were spying on us this whole time, weren't you? You weren't kissing. If you were, we would have caught you in the act, and that kiss I saw was rather rushed, don't you think? You were spying on us to get back at what Roland did to you, weren't you? Weren't you!" I gathered my courage and stepped away from Adam, now that we were free to move about and confronted Alexandra.

"All right," I said. "I confess. Adam and I were not spooning in Roland's closet. We were, in fact, spying on you, and I must say I could not have been more shocked in my entire life. I never thought I'd see the day Alexandra Westley would become so caught up in what a man had to offer." Her eyes blazed and let out a scream that shook the earth.

"HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT!" she shrieked. "If anyone is the whore, it's you! Taking all the attention from the lads for yourself!" When she said that, I only became perplexed. Since when had I stolen the attention away from her? "Ever since the day I met you, you took away what I always wanted! You befriended Roland in a way I could not! And even now you have taken away he who I have been watching since I laid eyes on him nine years ago!" She turned furiously to Adam, her eyes flooded with tears. "I've tried being nice to you ever since I met you! I fancied you since the day we met, and you found no interest in me whatsoever. Instead, you give your heart to this pathetic form of a young woman!" she screamed, pointing a taut finger at me. "You don't fancy me, the one who has been so loyal to you since she met you. You find Astrid attractive, even though I have done my best to make you like me! Instead I'm stuck with Roland!" My eyes turned to Roland, and he bit his lip, his hands balled into tight fists. If she said another word, he would explode as well.

"Alexandra, I…I…" said Adam, amazed at her confession. "How can you expect me to know all of that?" She didn't answer him. She just stared at us, her face wet and her eyes red. "I'm sorry I don't return your affection, but you appeared happy with Roland. No boy would get in between you two."

"If you admired me enough, then you would have!" she screamed.

"Well, I don't!" yelled Adam harshly. Alexandra looked as if she was shot when he said the words because her face became impaled and all motion fled from her. She stood still, weeping silently, staring at Adam with dead, unblinking eyes. Suddenly, she turned sharply away, and ran out of the room, past Roland. And to my surprise, he did not even take a double glance at her leave.


	22. Brother and Sister

_Chapter 22: Brother and Sister_

**D**ays passed since Alexandra's explosive fit. Roland became a hermit and refused to come out of his room. I wouldn't disagree. He did, in fact, fall in love with Alexandra. Apparently, he never heeded my warnings, and therefore could not save himself from some of his pain. Mum and Dad, though, grew quite worried about their baby boy. Roland was acting incredibly stupid. He'd have his meals in his room, and he declined any meetings with anyone, even me. Normally, I would have gone mad with his behavior and barged into his room and slapped sense into him, but I kept my distance. For one, I assumed it would take a while for him to realize that Alexandra was _not_ his lovely darling, and truly was a witch. And also, he probably was still recovering from the horrific image of Adam and me having a romp in his closet. To speak truthfully though, I feared the first reason was what made Roland so depressed.

As the number of days Roland had stayed confined in his room surpassed fourteen, I began to get extremely annoyed with him. Two weeks had passed and the boy could still not recover. After dinner one night, I decided to enter his room with no warning and give his head a good whack. I gripped the doorknob and turned it, only to find it locked. "Roland, bloody Roland," I murmured. Stepping back, I rammed into his door. "Open! Open the door!" He gave no answer. I kicked the door, pushed against it, cursed at it and still it would not give way. Roland had probably blockaded the door with his memories of Alexandra.

Suddenly, I remembered how Maggie got into my room although it was locked. Her tool was a hairpin. "Of course. Why didn't I remember that sooner?" I asked myself. I pulled one out of my hair, and a lock came loose from my bun. Squinting at the narrow hole in Roland's doorknob, I poked my hairpin through and tried to find the lock.

"Astrid?" said a voice. I froze and dropped my hairpin. Turning around, I faced the one who had startled me. It was Daddy.

"Hello," I said politely, as if I was not trying to break into my brother's room.

"What are you doing beside Roland's bedroom door?" he asked.

"Just… just… trying to get him out." Dad grinned and told me to stand up.

"If you want to get him out, you should ask him first. Honestly, out of the two of you, Roland is the weakest. That's one of the reasons why your mother and I made him go on that ship. Apparently, bringing Alexandra along only made him…"

"Worse?" I finished. Dad nodded weakly, afraid to admit that his son needed a stronger backbone.

"Did you ever have to go through something like that?" I asked. "Did you ever lose the person you admired?"

"Why?" he asked, smiling.

"Because you're my dad and you're supposed to have memories like that," I replied. He laughed and tousled my hair with his hand.

"Perhaps I'll tell you some other time. Let's decide what we are doing to do about Roland."

"Burn the house down and see if he runs out," I suggested. Daddy looked at me with raised eyebrows, wondering why his daughter was so daft.

"That could work, Astrid. Except we'd have no home afterwards."

"Exactly. So then we'll have to go on a ship that will take us to a place with a new home."

"Astrid," laughed Daddy. "You'll get your chance to go on a ship someday. Don't be so impatient or else you might miss it on your hunt for it. And then the chance will be gone." I paused and looked at the floor, realizing that I _was_ getting impatient. Deciding to keep myself on a lighter feeling, I looked up at Dad, peering suspiciously at him.

"Can you pick a lock?" I asked.

"Why?" I pointed at Roland's doorknob, and he nodded in agreement. "In that case, yes, I can."

I watched with interest as Daddy began to poke the needle into the doorknob, strangely thinking that the skill might be of use to me one day. Of course, I would stay locked in this house for the rest of my life. The only person who needed to know how to pick locks was the person who would allow me freedom from this place. "Astrid," said Dad. I drifted away from my daydream and looked at him. "Can you go get a candle? I need more light shed on this."

"All right," I replied, leaving his side and venturing into my room. My first thought was to go into my room and retrieve the candlestick on my nightstand. The only problem was that it wasn't lit. Sadly for my dad, I was feeling rather lazy and decided not to search for a fire to light my candle. When I returned back to my father, his face was pinched in concentration, still trying to pick the doorknob's lock.

"No candle?" he asked, without stopping his work to look at me.

"No," I said cheerfully.

"Astrid," he moaned, irked by the fact that his daughter was not obedient. But he said no more, the door came free with a simple push from my father's hand.

As he gathered himself on his feet, he stepped inside the dark room, with me following. "Roland!" he shouted. No reply came. Of course, I found it already quite suspicious that Roland did not refrain from sulking when we trespassed into his room. But then I realized that I heard no sound of someone inside. There was no hint of sobbing, cursing, muttering or breathing. Nothing, and I always knew Roland breathed loudly. My own distrust of the whole situation moved me to examine Roland's desk and bed. Papers littered the wooden table, with one particularly having a large blot of black ink. "He's been writing," I thought. Carefully, I sifted through the papers, scanning them for any words, any hints that may tell us how he felt, or more importantly, where he was at the current moment.

Surprise came upon me when I found a page that actually contained writing. It was a letter addressed to a man by the name of Nicholas Collins, and apparently from the unsent letter, Collins was a sailor on board Roland's ship. The only problem with him, was that Roland had gone with him to the local tavern for a drink, or two, perhaps ten or more in Roland's condition, at least, that was how it seemed according to the letter. I wondered why he wrote what he was going to do with this Collins instead of just keeping them in his head. Did he want to be found and beaten? "Dad?" I squeaked, realizing that Roland was indeed a fragile and heartsick boy in great need of... a good and painful whipping and lecture.

"Yes, Astrid?" he replied. I turned around and saw that he leaned out of his son's open window, shaking his head. While I approached him, I recognized the tactic of tying bed sheets together for a rope to escape out of the window. The rope was left behind, tied to the heavy leg of Roland's bed. "He's gone," added Daddy as I stood beside him, still holding the letter Roland had never sent to Collins.

"I know," I said. "But I know where he's run off to." I took Dad's hand and placed the letter in it, and he looked at it with a shocked and bewildered face, the fine lines of age crossing his supposedly ageless face.

"Go to your mother," he ordered urgently. "We have a boy to find." As Dad ran out of Roland's room, fueled with new and most likely, angry hope, I stood leaning out of Roland's window, thinking why my brother would desert his family like this. Couldn't he have shared his feelings with us rather than this Collins?

I grinned, half out of mischief at the trouble Roland was in and half to know that he was still alive. Turning around, I sprinted out of his room, yelling for my mother.

When I told Mum that Roland was gone, she almost threw herself into a fit, but calmly controlled her anger in front of me. She told me to go along with Dad to find Roland, while she would follow after with the carriage to take their ill-disciplined boy home. She sent me off with a polite wave of her hand, and gratefully, I exited her room, ready to depart and hook Roland by the ear. Sliding down the banister of the staircase, I landed on the floor with a thud just as Dad was about to head out of the door. "Wait!" I shouted. "Mum told me to come too." Dad looked at me, and by his countenance, I wasn't sure if he thought I was insane or if he was glad for my company. His grin could have meant either one.

"Are you sure you want to help me find Roland, Astrid?"

"Yes," I replied earnestly. All I could think in my mind at that moment was, "There's nothing you can say to me that's true that will forbid me from going."

"Very well. We'll be checking all over the fort," he said.

"But he's not at the fort," I parried. "He's in a tavern. That's what it said in the letter." Daddy looked at me, uncertainty shining in his eyes mingled also with a slight annoyance because of my stubbornness. Just because we would be going to a tavern did not mean I had to stay behind.

"Does it say exactly where it is?" he finally asked.

"No. Just a tavern. It must be a place where the sailors all gather." As Dad thought in silence, looking back and forth from me to the streets.

"Astrid," he said seriously, almost as if he were chastising me for something I had not done yet. "I don't want to do this but... you are going to have to look for Roland by yourself. Mum will still follow you in the carriage."

"Then what are you going to do?"

"I need to have a talk with Mister Westley and about what happened on the ship. Roland's told us his adventure but I fear he's left a large part of it out. If you find him, tell Mum to go to the Westley's residence. I will be there."

"All right," I agreed in reply. I folded the letter and hid it in a sleeve of my dress. A strange new excitement bubbled in me for some odd reason. All I was doing was finding Roland. How difficult and thrilling a task could it be?

"And Astrid," said Dad, once I had my foot out the door. "Keep a sharp eye." I returned a slightly irked expression.

"Why?" I asked meekly, hinting that Dad spoke of some hidden danger in town.

"Just be aware of your surroundings, Astrid. I ask of you to please focus on your task and your task alone, do you understand?"

"Yes, Dad," I replied.

"Good. I'll see you and your mother at the Westley's, agreed?"

"Agreed."

The town was much less magnificent at night. The tall houses and shops squeezed together beside the dirt roads were silent and far from busy. The firelight that could be seen from the windows was fading into the abandoned and silent roads. For a second, I began to become faintly worried, but I swallowed any fear. After all, a breakable thought such as fear would not get me to a ship. Plus, I knew Mum was not far behind, at least, I hoped she was. She did say that if she could not see me anymore because I was too far ahead that she'd head for the Westley home. Nonetheless, I held my head high and marched on through the alley ways and dirty street, keeping my eyes open for any taverns or inns that Roland could possibly be getting drunk in.

Night had veiled the town in darkness, and my eyes were covered in the thick dim as well. I was such a fool for not even bringing a lantern. I depended on the lights inside the shops to find my way around. The sky was a lot darker than I had assumed, and I took it that clouds covered the light of the stars and moon. "Where are you Mum?" I wondered as I ventured forth deeper and deeper into the town. "You were supposed to be following me!" I growled and took another step forward, having nowhere else to go but onward. After the soft thud of my foot on the street, I thought I heard it echo, which was strange because it wasn't loud enough to bounce off the walls of the buildings sitting beside the street. I narrowed my eyes as I surveyed my surroundings. I was no simpleton. If there was a being following me other than Mum or Dad, I'd find them and kill them.

"Come out ya bastard," I muttered. When nothing happened, I crossed my arms tightly before my chest and stomped around the street, waiting for another echo to come. I didn't wait long. It came.

Whirling around on my heel, I stared fiercely in the darkness and gave a shout. "Whoever's followin' me, show your sorry face!" No reply. My voice echoed alone down the street, and I couldn't sense it bounce of any person trailing behind me. "That's it," I said to myself. Without wasting another second, I charged straight, hoping to ram into the bastard following me and giving them a good thrust in the face.

In less than a second, I collided into someone, or something. We both managed to fall to the ground, but I was so focused on beating up the person following me that I regained consciousness earlier and pounced on the mysterious stalker. "Who are you?" I yelled, raising a balled fist. "Speak!" My right hand gripped the man's collar tightly, while my left waited anxiously to throttle his face.

"Calm down," he said, and at his voice, I dropped my defenses, shaken and bewildered.

"Roland?" I asked, immediately getting off him. "Why the hell are you following me?" He stood up wearily and his hands moved quite lazily to dust himself off.

"I... dunno," he said. "One o' my mates wa' wi' me." He was slurring his words, which meant only one thing, he had gone with Collins and had gotten drunk.

"Collins, by chance?" I asked, planning on showing no mercy to Roland as soon as Mum and Dad found him. He grinned, while I could only look at him in shame.

"Yeah! Tha's him. You seen him? 'Cause he wa' here before. He left once you started runnin'"

"Roland, you idiot. Why did Collins start following me anyway? And why on earth did you go with him?" I was so angry with him that I wanted to cry. My brother was a drunk, he cursed like tomorrow, and he was losing his old self to become a bastard sailor.

"We were jus' walkin' back from the tavern, an' then he saw you walkin' and he told me you looked real pretty. He said he wanted to get you so we started followin' ya." He appeared to not have realized the stupidity in his confession because all he could do was laugh and smile.

"For God's sake, Roland!" I screamed. "You were going to let that damn sailor have me?" Roland didn't answer me thoroughly. All he did was shrug his shoulders and grin. Anger and pity burned in me, and all I could do was slap the side of his head hard, very hard. "I'm your own sister, and you agreed to help that Collins assault me?" Now I understood what Dad was talking about, and now I realized why having an escort was so important. If I hadn't charged back, Collins would have had me. But the bastard had fled, leaving Roland to suffer my wrath.

"It's not like he was gonna hurt you," he said simply, as if his friend's decision to follow me was the best idea ever.

"He wasn't going to _hurt_ me?" I yelled, unleashing my rage. My arm flew out and I seized his neck, banging him against the wall in his pitiful drunken state. "His only intent was to violate purity tonight... more importantly, _my_ purity! And you had the nerve to tell him it was all right!" I punched him, and he let out a terrible cry. I let go of him, crying, wondering why my brother was gone. Roland was gone. He had changed too much. The young man I had beaten did not share my dreams of going out to sea and having adventures. He was not the brother who I played pirates with. He was gone forever because of the damn voyage across the sea.

"Astrid," he sobbed, leaning his back against the wall and looking sorry at the ground. "I'm... sorry." I wiped my face with the sleeve of my dress and approached him, still, somehow, caring about him because he had been my brother for so long. Gently, I took his arm and urged him to stand up, but he wouldn't. His ran his hand through his brown hair, hair so much like our Dad's, and he let out another sob. Suddenly, it occurred to me that this was the first time I had seen him cry. He had always watched me ball my eyes out, and I couldn't believe that I saw tears leaving his eyes. I must have knocked the drunkenness out of him because he seemed so terribly serious. A mix of pity and the urge to help him consumed me.

"Come on, Roland. Get up. Mum and Dad are frightfully worried about you," I whispered, hoping to show him that his family still cared about him and never wanted him to drift away so easily. "Get up. Where's the strong and fearless midshipman who came home?"

"He's a stupid, worthless bastard," he murmured. "He couldn't even make the lass he loved stay with him, and he was a fool for having his bloody friend go after his sister."

"Roland, I forgive you. It's all right. Come on. We need to go home. It looks as if it's going to rain soon." I pulled harder on his arm, but he only snatched it away without even a simple glance at me. All he could do was stare at the ground.

"Then let it rain. I'm not going home," he said, his voice harsh and unrelenting. I had never taken 'no' for an answer, and I would not now.

"You're going home, Roland William Turner," I demanded, standing in front of him, my hands on my hips. Blood leaked out of his nose from the punch I sent to his face. His face was dotted with spots of dirt and grime, and to me, he looked very young, as if he was still a small boy waiting for his mother to take him home and tuck him into his warm bed. And I wondered if he really thought about going home or if he truly meant that he would never return.

"I'm not going with you, Astrid," he shot back, looking at me for the first time with his wide, hazel eyes. "I don't want to go home and have to face Mum and Dad. They'll hate me forever. They'll send me off on another ship, and if you can beat me up, how the hell am I supposed to take care of myself on a voyage without Mister Westley or his son?" I stood baffled at his words. I thought he loved his time at sea. He seemed so proud of it; why would he say it was impossible for him to take care of himself on a ship if had done it already?

"I don't understand," I said meekly, sitting down beside him. "I thought you had a wonderful time on the ship. Didn't you get upgraded to midshipman because of your honorable duties?"

"I had to beg Stephen, Alexandra's brother, to help me with life on that damn ship. I came on board thinking that the task would be so easy because I was brave and fearless and had waited for the day to go out to sea my whole life. And then..." He paused and looked at the ground again, with his fingers now pulling a loose string on his shirt.

"Because we were so young, we were assigned to be the cabin boys of the ship," he continued, never finishing his original thought. "We had to clean and follow the littlest of orders for our captain. I thought it'd be easy, but they really show you no mercy on a ship. The bosun was a big and strong man, with a temper to go with it. If we weren't out he'd whip us, give us a flogging, and other means of punishment. I tried to do my best obeying orders, but some old bastard said I was a fairy for being such a 'good lad.' Rumor spreads fast on a ship, and soon every sailor on there was lookin' at me funny. When one of my mates told me, I became determined to show them I was no fairy. I cursed and drank and ate like a monster, but that only led me into trouble and I was given a good lot of beatings for my misbehavior. I would always bite my lip until it bled when I was kicked around by the older midshipmen or crew members because I'd pick fights with them to show them I was no God damn fairy." At that, he pulled so hard on the loose string on his shirt that it broke and he tossed the thread onto the ground, stomping on it with his foot.

"Then how'd you get to be friends with so many of the sailors? And how did Alexandra become attached to you?" I asked, curious now at the truth behind Roland's sea voyage. The image he had given me was fresh in my mind, and I was beginning to question whether or not I wanted that life when I set out to sea myself.

"I'll get there," he muttered, still angry with me, but perhaps more to himself. "I went to Stephen, asking him to help me stop the rumor about me being a fairy and to help me adjust better to the brutal life on the sea, and he agreed to if I kept watch over his sister. Alexandra was full of fear when she stepped on board. Sailors are usually lonely, single men, who are bound too strongly to their duties to have a woman, and so with Alexandra on board, they were quite happy. Even though she was only twelve, she was in her prime years of turning into a woman. I was never too close to Alexandra, but when I had to spend all this time with her to make sure she was all right, I found myself utterly smitten by her." He looked at me, waiting for me to make some cynical remark about his deceased beloved. I didn't say anything, although I was so tempted to ask him why he could have found an awful young woman like her any bit appealing.

"I had fancied her before. I thought she was just pretty, but then after spending time with her, I found her not pretty, but beautiful. By then, because I had developed such a strong bond with her, rumors of me being a fairy ended." He smiled feebly and added, "I started to get along better with the sailors and the captain. And when Alexandra almost fell overboard during a storm; she was out on deck for some unknown reason, by the way, I saved her, and because of that I was upgraded to Midshipman." A carriage passed by us, and I feared it was Mum's but it wasn't, having had a young footman instead of our old and loyal footman. The sounds of its creaking wheels were all that we heard for some long time. Roland had fallen silent and he pursed his lips in thought.

At last, he turned to me, and for a second, I thought I saw the old, spirited Roland within him again and I smiled in return. "That's why Alexandra's so special to me, Astrid. Because of her I survived on the ship and because of her I became an honored midshipman, and because of her I felt loved."

"You still find her special even after what she said to you?" I asked, still wondering why he could not let go of her. She had hurt him and told him her love for him was all a lie, and if the person I loved had done that to me, I would have cut our relationship to an end in a flash.

"I don't find her special, but she's still affecting me in a way. Who would have thought that she admired Adam for all these years? And yet, here you are courting him."

"Adam is a charming, intelligent and very attractive young man, Roland," I said, surprised that I had defended he who I was so intimidated by. I was afraid of growing attached to Adam because if I did, I thought I'd forget the sea. "But I never meant to take him from Alexandra, nor did I want her to hurt you. I wanted _you_ to hurt _her_. I knew just from the way she looked at you that she would never love you, and I was right, wasn't I?" I said, punching his shoulder gently. "I am, after all, your older sister. Wise beyond my years, aye?" He laughed and looked at me with a face that said, "I could never imagine you wise, Astrid."

"Do you think you'd still want to go out to sea after what I've told you?" he said, returning the playful punch to my own shoulder.

"Of course, because we'd have each other to keep things going smoothly. I'm sure you had friends on that ship to help you, but you've never had a relative on board a ship. I think I'd survive. It's a matter of how badly you want things, and if I want to go out to sea badly enough, I'll make it out there, and I'll make the experience worthwhile."

"You know," said Roland, finally standing up and stretching his arms. "I think you'd survive on a ship by yourself, Astrid. Judging by the way you never take no for an answer and your shocking lethal rage, I think that if you ever make it on a ship, you'd have the wit and strength to commandeer it all by yourself if you had to." I stood up and joined him by his side, slightly skeptical of his assumption.

"If there is one thing in the whole world that I want, Roland, it is to have my own ship and crew to order around. Wouldn't it be great to be in control and decide the adventures you want to take; to have your own ship to take you around the world? But currently, I'm still quite content with my life here in Port Royal. I mean, I'm even thankful for Adam."

"If he ever hurts you like the way Alexandra hurt me, tell him I'll give him such a hell of a beating that he'll never be able to walk again."

"And if you ever hurt Adam, I'll cut off your manliness and feed it to the dogs." Roland winced in pain just at the image and I laughed heartily. "Come on. Mum and Dad are probably worrying where I've run off to as well. I'll race you to the Westley's house."

"Why to the Westley's house? It's an awfully long way."

"And? We have raced before. Short distances they were, yes, but now that we're older, I think we can endure a longer race don't you think? And we need to go there because that is where Daddy is." With a short pause, Roland finally nodded in agreement.

"All right. Ready?"

"Of course!" We sped through the dim streets like blind bullets. Roland's long legs did him well, but I never trailed too far behind. We flew in the night, our minds bent on going to the Westley's home. It was a rather strange moment, for I never imagined myself ever running to the Westley's residence. Of course, it was just to see my dear old dad, but I couldn't help but wonder, ever since Roland told me the truth behind his voyage, why I still wanted to go out to sea and more importantly, why did I want to go out to sea just to find Jack?


	23. Moonless Night

_Chapter 23: Moonless Night_

**D**estination was so close that I could almost taste it. A mere twenty paces lay ahead of Roland and me, and at the rate we were running, the twenty was cut in half. I had caught up with him some while back. The reason why I was able to catch up was something I never really thought about, for my mind was full of other swimming thoughts.

Nearing Alexandra's delightful home reminded me of the dreaded and shocking time she exploded in front of Roland, Adam, and me. Of course, the event was still fresh in my mind, but what I wondered most about was, since when did she admire Adam? If she had been smitten by him for nearly a decade then surely she would have let him know by then that she had at least some slight interest in him. But she said not a word. Not a word. The few seconds before I narrowly missed colliding into the Westley door, I pondered over the realization that whenever I was with Adam in her presence, she'd glare at us menacingly, as if some hidden jealousy churned in her acid-filled stomach, and again, I thought correctly. But I never thought that she wanted someone else other than Roland. Her glares towards Adam and me just made me think that she hated me all the more for having a "suitor" like her, but it ended up being far from so. Although I despised a future Turner and Westley relationship, the two did indeed seem like idiotic lovers, a title I knew I would soon accept with Adam. Who would have ever thought that she would use my brother as a tool to show Adam how "wonderful" and "adored" she was. Thankfully, he never noticed the bait.

"Ha!" came a ferocious and triumphant yell from Roland's mouth. Unable to stop himself, he banged into the Westley doors, too full of bliss to mind the pain and greeted me with a wide grin as I slowed to a stop beside him. "Good race, sister," he said, speaking in a very haughty tone and offering me his hand to shake.

"Absolutely marvelous," I replied, using the same sarcasm, and gratefully gripping his hand in an iron clutch.

"Ow!" he squealed, pulling his hand away from my purposefully tight handshake. I squeezed his hand as hard as my corset squeezed my decaying lungs.

"What? Can't even take a handshake, young Roland?" I said, turning and taking the time to knock on the door.

"Shut up," he muttered as he inspected his red hand. "Since when did you learn how to shake hands like that?"

"I didn't. Every person I was forced to shake hands with I abhorred, and so I made sure to welcome them with a painful memory."

"You're daft, Astrid. Give people a chance for once, to get to know you." He wiped his hand on his trousers as the door to the Westley residence parted and the head of their doorman appeared.

"Yes, may I help you two?" he asked.

"Yes," I answered. "We're the daughter and son of Mister and Missus Turner. My father told us to meet them here. Can you tell them we've arrived?" The doorman nodded repeatedly, stepping aside and pushing the door open wider to let us in. As custom, Roland let me pass through the door to the house I never dreamed of finding myself in, and holding my breath, I took the plunge.

When I found it safe to breathe, I was confronted by Alexandra's charming older brother, Stephen. "Ah, Miss Turner," he said, his blue eyes sparkling. I felt the familiar shiver up my spine again. "And young Mister Turner," he added, turning his head to the side to welcome Roland. "Your parents are in the parlor with my father. Michael," he said, addressing the doorman. "Lead our guests to their destination please."

"Yes, sir."

As we were led away from the main hall and towards the parlor, I couldn't help but cautiously turn my head to look at Stephen one more time. When my eyes searched for him, I saw that he was watching us leave, but more importantly, he caught my glance and smirked. Shot with nervousness, I spun my head around, feeling Roland's bony elbow nudging me in the side. "What exactly were you doing?" he mumbled.

"Nothing," I lied, making it all too obvious that I _was_ lying. My red face and shifty eyes were enough to condemn me.

"Do not tell me you like Stephen, Astrid," said Roland, almost giggling the words.

"I don't!" I fired back, growing even hotter in the face. "I just think he's very..."

"Attractive? Handsome? Proper? Tall? Polite?"

"Yes," I admitted. "He's everything you are not." Roland scoffed at my comment, putting on a sly grin.

"What about Adam then? Adam who clearly and desperately loves you?"

"I said I thought Stephen was an attractive and polite young man, while Adam is a friend and a charming suitor. I have fun with him. He makes me laugh. He's considerate and caring but at the same time firm and courageous. I actually _know_ Adam, Roland, while as with Stephen, I know absolutely nothing."

"I'm sure you'd like to, wouldn't you?" said Roland, laughter on the tip of his tongue.

"This is revenge for all the years of my teasing you and Alexandra, isn't it?" I asked, knowing very well that Roland would say yes.

"Of course it is, but I'm just looking out for your suitor, Astrid. No one likes to find out that the person they thought loved them didn't even love them at all." His voice became graver and graver with each word he said and by the time he finished, his face was serious and pale, his hazel eyes seeming almost grey from despair. To his relief, he needn't speak more, for our eyes met those of our Mum and Dad who sat on a couch, Mister Westley sitting in an armchair not too far away.

Before anyone had a chance to speak, Mum rose from the cushioned piece of furniture and approached her darling children. "Astrid, Roland," she said, looking at us straight in the eye when she called our names. "I've been wondering where you two were. Your father and I almost decided to go out and search for Roland, and you," she said, looking at me. I smiled sheepishly, knowing I was guilty of not returning to them sooner. "Your job was to find Roland and bring him here as soon as possible."

"I would have," I answered, defending my spot already. "But Roland revealed to me a few things about his life on the ship." From the corner of my eye, I saw Roland twitch, as if I was not supposed to tell Mum about our conversation. Soon, his face was a pale crimson that stretched all the way to his ears.

"Did he now?" asked Mum, her unreadable glare turning to her only son. "I'm sure he'd tell his parents what those things are about, right Roland?" There was a pause, and then reluctantly from his mouth Roland answered.

"Y-Yes, Mum."

"I was hoping you would right now," she continued, prompting us to take a seat on the empty couch in the parlor. "Considering that Stephen already informed us slightly about your newfound bad habits." Roland's stature shrank as he slumped his shoulders in embarrassment, and ducking his head, he tried to avoid further humiliation while trying to become one with the couch he sat in.

While he sat coiled and uncomfortable on his side of the couch, I sat upright and proper, taking in small, nasally breaths because my corset restricted normal breathing habits. I looked from face to face with a smile questioning why I was here and what good I was in a conversation involving only Roland. Soon enough though, Mum addressed my purpose.

"Don't think you will be let off so easy, Astrid," she said. "I haven't forgotten your rude behavior towards Mister Westley's children, not to mention how you four caused a very big interruption last time we were gathered together." The faintest tints of pink began to invade my cheeks as I began to realize the horrible reality of truth and mortification.

"If you are going to want us to explain that to you, you'll need Alexandra and Adam here to tell their side of the story. You can't choose our punishment without judging all events in the sequence, Mum," I said, thinking it best and just to have things done that way. For once, I was not saying something to help myself out of getting in trouble.

"It is night and we will not send for Adam so late in the day, Astrid. Alexandra though, can be called down here if Mister Westley does not mind having his daughter participate in the testimony."

"Of course not, Missus Turner," said Mister Westley. "Stephen!" he yelled, his tired voice echoing through his lonely home. Shortly after, Stephen came walking into the room, his face brightened from the quick run he went through to get there. I predicted that he was somewhere on the other side of the quiet house when he heard his father beckon.

"Yes, Father?" he said, pulling on his overcoat to make sure he was presentable.

"Tell Alexandra that her presence is needed in the parlor. And if she objects, tell her it is an order from _me_." Stephen nodded, looking pleased that his sister's presence was being requested only because she had caused trouble.

As he obediently left the room to retrieve Alexandra from her fortress of doom, he turned his head back. From the corner of my eye, I could feel his stare on the side of my head and see the smirk that came onto his face. Although he probably did not think I would catch the movement, I did, and I suddenly felt uneasy and flattered at the same time, filling my brain with inexcusable thoughts of whether Stephen had turned back to look at _me_.

It was Daddy's sudden_ huff_, coming deep from his throat that snatched me away from my ridiculous day dreams. "Astrid," he said gently, taking note of my stunned and clueless face. "Where did you find Roland?" I gulped, feeling the words I wanted to spit out so badly pushing against my tongue. I wanted to scream out to them _He was wanderin' the streets with the sod, Collins, who wanted to do me in!_, but of course, Roland would be punished far too severely if I told Mum and Dad that.

"He was walking around the alleyways with his friend, Collins: the man in the lett"

"Was he drinking?" asked Daddy, cutting me off. It was obvious that he wanted clear, precise answers, not mindless ramble.

"Yes." Surprisingly, the yes did not come from my already opened mouth. It emerged from Roland's. "Yes, I was drinking." His voice sounded annoyed as if Mum and Dad knew he was drinking, but wanted him to admit his fault aloud, but if one listened closely, a hint of regret and shame was mingled with the mild irritation.

"Roland," Mum sighed, twisting a piece of her dress tightly in her rigid, thin hands. "We warned you about the effects of alcohol"

"Yes, yes, I know," interrupted Roland, his impatience clearly growing.

"Don't interrupt your mother, Roland," intruded Daddy, his voice firm but reasonable. With half-shut eyelids, Roland stared at the floor, shifting his feet in nervousness. After a brief moment of silence, Daddy relaxed a bit, leaning back in his chair and finally said, "Continue."

No one ever continued, for we were hushed when Stephen returned, his face grim and his blue eyes pallid. "My lord," he said, addressing his father. _What nice manners_.

"Yes?" replied Mister Westley, already predicting that something was wrong and rose from his seat.

"Alexandra was not in her room."

"_What_!"

"I asked her maid and all of the other servants on the floor to ask if they had seen her. They knew nothing. Her maid said that she went into her room about an hour before sunset and never came out."

"For goodness sake," muttered Mister Westley, balling his wrinkly hand in a tight fist. "Why would she even want to leave? Did you enter her room?"

"Yes. It was open. I entered and she was no where in sight. Her window was open, bed sheets hanging out of it like a rope." I grinned inside. So the wench had a conniving mind as well. Of course, Roland and I had used the same strategy to escape the cage of oppression around us as well.

"Find her," ordered Mister Westley.

"My lord, it's late in the night and there is no moon. You cannot possibly think"

"I said find my daughter, boy!" yelled Mister Westley, silencing Stephen into a state of shock. Stephen seemed more insulted by being called a "boy" than being yelled at by his father.

"Where am I supposed to look?" challenged Stephen, trying desperately to get out of the task. "She could be anywhere in the town by now. Perhaps even on a ship that sailed from the harbor but an hour ago. Father, why can you not wait till morning and look for her where there are people who could have seen her, for currently, no man knows where she is."

"I know," said Roland strongly, making himself part of the argument. Getting up from his seat, he cautiously neared Mister Westley and Stephen, his face stern but certain. "She's feeling guilty. Trust me. On the ship, when one of the sailors was trying to make a move on her, she ran away to the preacher. She's at the town church or chapel trying to redeem herself."

"How would you know? She's never done anything of this sort," replied Stephen, not wanting to search for his sister, but skeptical of Roland's prediction. Mister Westley looked back and forth between his son and Roland, his face scrunched up in the decision of who to believe and trust.

"I will take your assumption, young Mister Turner. It is the only choice we have at the moment, and so I will take it. If we do not find her, then we shall wait till morning to search again." Hesitantly, Stephen nodded in agreement, about to turn around and head out of the door.

"May I go as well?" I asked timidly, fearing that the answer would be a definite no. I looked at the faces of my dear old parents, my eyes enlarging with desperate freedom.

"No, Astrid," said Mum and Dad simultaneously.

"I thought you disliked Alexandra," added Roland, supporting Mum and Dad's decision all the more. For a moment, I was angered by Roland's intrusion, but let is pass quickly. Anger would not give me what I wanted.

"It's true that I do, of course please do not feel offended Mister Westley. I'm sure your daughter is a good person, but not in my eyes. Besides, six eyes are better than four. And I'm not necessarily doing this for her. Any person who is lost or feels that way should be found, and I'd like to take part in the effort. I did find Roland for you. Why can't I be part of another search? What wrong is there that prohibits me?" My speech was too good to be true, and I could not believe that the words came from my mouth. I guess Roland was right. If I wanted something badly enough, I'd get myself exactly there.

"Do you really wish to help Stephen and Roland?" asked Mum, getting up and walking towards me. "Are you sure you want to spend the rest of the night searching for someone you could care less about instead of going home and sleeping?" She smiled, knowing that sleep was a favorite thing of mine, but I looked at her straight in the eye, not returning the smile to prove my seriousness.

"Yes, Mum. I do." She nodded her head weakly, and confirmed her decision with a wave of her hand, signaling that we could leave.

"Tomorrow, no matter how late you two may come home, both of you will rise at dawn and complete this conversation at our house with Alexandra and Adam. This has been put off for far too long. Go on." I unleashed my smile, grateful that I had been permitted another opportunity to a somewhat adventurous task, and curtsied at my mother and father, bowing very low to show them respect.

"The coach is ready," said Stephen, beckoning for Roland and me to make haste and hurry out of the door. With one last look at my parents, I trailed behind Roland and Stephen as we ran out of the Westley door and into the carriage waiting to take us around the town.

The air was bitter and chilling, accompanied by a thick army of mist that hovered silently above the cobblestone and dirt streets. Any lights that could be seen around the shops were flickering weakly, almost ready to be taken out for the night. The roads were silent, save for the occasional squeaking of shutters by the wind or faint cries of abandoned cats and dogs that roamed aimlessly around the town. Port Royal was somewhat of a nightmarish place in the darkness, especially with a heavy and overcast sky with no moon. Any shiver that ran up one's spine could have been instigated by fear or just the howling wind.

For a moment, I admired Alexandra for having the mettle to come out by herself in such a haunting atmosphere. Although I would probably venture out and do the same if I was driven to the point to, on a regular basis, I would not have escaped just to witness the terrible, swallowing darkness of cold, unprotected independence. Nonetheless, I watched from my side of the carriage the empty streets, searching for some confused and frightened face in the black night.

"Stop here," ordered Stephen to the coachman. The horses' hooves stopped, and the carriage came to a halt, and I felt my stomach churn with fear, strangely over nothing. Stephen looked at Roland and me from the other side of the carriage we sat in, his blue eyes bright in the inky darkness. When the footman opened the coach door, Stephen tilted his head to the side, indicating that I should exit first. With a poke from Roland's bony elbow, I hurried out of the door, my feet tapping on the ground as I emerged.

Roland followed after and Stephen exited last, exchanging a few words with the coachman and footman before joining us. "Why did we stop here? This isn't where the church is," said Roland.

"I know," replied Stephen, clearly jarred by Roland's question. "I made them leave us here because if Alexandra saw or heard the carriage coming, she'd flee again. The church is not at all far away, Roland. A simple walk will not do any harm." Roland frowned at Stephen's superiority and unwillingly agreed.

"Shall we go search for her together or separate?" I questioned, considering that Alexandra might _not_ be in the church and that we would have to go back and search for a whole new place to start with. If we divided, there was more chance of finding her faster, but it would also be more likely for us to get lost.

"I see why not," said Stephen, appearing to agree only with me because he could not think of anything for himself. Roland on the other hand quickly disregarded my suggestion.

"Separating won't do any good, Astrid. If all three of us went off in different directions we might get lost." He looked at me when he said that and I grew vaguely aggravated at him for thinking that only I would get lost. "Especially in the dark, with little light to help navigate. I find it rather stupid."

"We'll split up into two groups then," recommended Stephen. "Since you don't think your sister can find her way around town, I'll go with her."

"I think she _can_ find her way just fine without any help, especially from you," retorted Roland. It was already vividly clear that the two had a growing distaste for each other, and I was afraid to be caught in the middle of it. "It's night, and nearly all the shops are shut closed, 'cept maybe for the taverns, and those are dangerous places themselves. If it were daylight, I'd have no problem with her wandering about the streets."

"It is _not_ daylight, Roland, and therefore you are uncertain about your own sister's abilities to find her away around the town she grew up in. Little faith have you in her," Stephen shot back, his face rigidly fixed in spreading irritation.

"Can we just" I began to say, but it appeared as though I did not exist in either of their minds at the moment.

"Who are you to say such a thing?" yelled Roland. "You don't even know her, and you have the nerve to tell me I don't trust her!" I rolled my eyes, not impressed with their boyish behavior. Why must men be so stubborn?

"May I remind you, Roland, who saved you from getting yourself flogged and disgraced on the H.M.S Paramount?" parried Stephen, obviously never going to be defeated by my brother, four years his junior. "Who was it that helped you earn your place as Midshipman?" he continued, making Roland shrink tremendously and shut his mouth closed. "_Me,_ and if it weren't for _me,_ you'd still be called a fairy on that ship." Finally finished with his talk, he pulled smartly at his overcoat, making him seem so high and mighty, but again, I was barely impressed. I feared that they had forgotten why they were out on the streets in the middle of the night anyway. "So what have you to say for yourself?" he asked, looking down mercilessly at my brother. Not even a squeak came from Roland's glued lips. He wasn't going to say another word to him, although I knew he'd save plenty to tell me as soon as Stephen was gone.

"What are we going to do then?" I asked, assured that the two boys would listen to me now. Stephen looked at me, his face surprisingly relaxed again and not so shadowed in abhorrence.

"I'm perfectly fine with your proposal, Miss Turner," he said. "As for Roland"

"All right! We'll split up! You two check the north road over the church and I'll check south. Whoever finishes their search first comes back here, beside the carriage which will stay right where it is until we need to go home. Have I left anything out?" growled Roland, and I simply replied with a "no."

After I shared a not so convincing and honest farewell with Roland, Stephen and I headed up the road, with Roland walking in the opposite direction. I kept my distance from the dashing young Stephen Westley, for my own sake. I continually tried to remind myself that I was quite happy with Adam, a young man only one year older than me and who respected my out of the ordinary behavior. From the side of Stephen I saw in his bicker between Roland, I found him less appealing and found the slight traces of spoiled brattiness that connected him with his despicable sister. He led the way in the darkness, with me trailing not too far behind him. I could always tell that he was in front of me because of his flawless white trousers. They stuck out in the dark like a star in the sky.

We walked in silence for some while, cocking our heads left and right, up and down, to see if Alexandra's familiar figure could be noticed anywhere. We saw nothing but old, empty crates, scattered pieces of slop and waste, and just the closed doors of several shops. "What a glorious scene," I mumbled, hugging myself to stay warm. The air was brisk and the wind was being a brute so that even the many layers of my dress were not enough to stop my shivering.

"If you don't mind my asking," started Stephen, pausing and looking back at me. "Why did you decide to come on this expedition?"

"What harm would another pair of eyes do?" I countered, hating it whenever someone asked why I was anywhere. I was there because I wanted to be. Why couldn't people accept that as an answer and be done with it?

"It's not very ladylike to be searching for someone you hate in the middle of the night. You should be home, resting." I caught up with him and stood beside him, wondering why he was so traditional. Adam never thought that what I did was too different for him. He even joined along sometimes.

"Well, I'm here, so what's the use in complaining? I came along because life at home is far too dull. Nothing ever happens. No adventure." I practically sounded like a stuttering idiot because I spoke through my chattering teeth. I was stupid enough to forget a shawl or at least something to keep me from freezing to death. I hated Port Royal at night.

"Are you well?" inquired Stephen, laying a hand on my quivering shoulder. I nearly melted at his touch. His hand was so warm.

"It's cold," I replied, feeling even more like an idiot because it was already evident that the temperature was _very_ chilling.

"I can see that," he said, taking his hand off my shoulder and stepping away. I moaned inside as my shoulder felt cold again. "Come here," he ordered gently, and I, being fixed into obedience, neared him with little caution. He took off his coat and swung it over my shoulders, and I felt warm not from the coat but more from my burning red face. I took a risk and looked up at him and he smiled pleasantly. Inside all I could tell myself was, "You adore Adam. He is your _suitor_. You are _not_ looking for another suitor because that is pure madness. Don't want to become a whore, now do we?"

"T-Thank you," I managed to say, still ducking my head away from his glance. Why was I so goddamn shy and nervous around him? I shuddered internally when he slipped a finger under my chin and made me look up at him.

"'Twas nothing, Miss Astrid," he said, an eerie but enchanting twinkle in his eyes.

When the brief moment of charm ended between us, we became our old selves and Stephen continued with his little talk about why I was even with him. "Life is too dull for you, you say?" he said, smirking at the ridiculousness of such an observation. He probably thought I had the mind of a little daydreamy girl. Of course, I most likely did have a mind that was always in the clouds.

"If you saw what I do at home, you'd agree," I answered.

"I guess I will then."

"What?" He continued walking, leaving me standing stupidly by myself, trapped in his lovely coat. He purposefully did that to make sure that I'd follow. "Wait, Stephen!" I yelled, following after him anyway. He turned around to meet me, his feet still moving forward, and I was walking beside him yet again. "What do you mean?"

"I'll come visit you, if it is all right with you and of course, your parents."

"Why would you want to visit me?" He shrugged his shoulders and chuckled.

"Just to watch you, talk with you, things like that." _Things like that_. I was not so much of a simpleton to believe such a vague expression. He was searching for a courtship. From the details I obtained from his discussion with the Locke children during the last gathering, I discovered that he had courted one of Adam's sisters, but found her too plain. Too plain. My opposite.

"Are you part of the Navy?" I asked, just making sure that he wouldn't be going off on the same ship in the spring that would take Roland away.

"Not anymore. I came onto the ship as a midshipman. And I earned that position _myself_."

"Of course you did," I said, wanting to steer him away from talking about my brother. "How old are you? Eighteen?"

"Yes." Four years my senior, and what a fine man too. Of course, he'd die first when we were old and that would be a pity. I shook my head. I had thought about a future with Stephen. _You're an idiot_, _Astrid!_ _Remember Adam! Adam! Adam! Adam!_

"And you haven't found yourself a lady yet?" I pressed, feeling very much like a coquette. Why was I being so amorous?

"Sadly, no, but I have had my share of courting." For a second, I questioned whether he had un-maidened any damsels he courted. He didn't seem like the man who would, but I knew little about the world of men. To purposefully make me blush, he added, "Why?" And I fell into a world where speech was not fathomable and stupid actions such as dropping a jaw and pulling your hair were common.

"No reason," I hurriedly said, which was a lie. It had become apparent that I was enamored by Stephen Westley. _But I like Adam! Not Stephen!_

"There are reasons for everything, Miss Astrid." He took my hand gently in his own and brought it to his lips, looking at me with an intent and mystical glare. Under his gaze I grew weak at the knees, looking at him with wide and faintly ecstatic eyes. His face was lit so beautifully in the moonlight. After what seemed like a pleasurable century, his lips left the back of my hand and he resumed his perfect posture, turning around with his hands folded neatly behind his back.

Stricken dumbly by one of Cupid's arrows, I followed after Stephen like a dog with no mind of its own.

At last, he led us to the church, which only had a few fading glows coming from the windows. Knowing it was a holy place, we showed our respect by refraining from running nosily to the front entrance. Stephen knocked softly on the doors, underestimating their thickness, and no reply came. He looked back at me, embarrassed that I had witnessed him being less than perfect before my eyes, and knocked again, harder this time.

"I think they won't be lettin' us in," I said.

"Of course they'll let us in!" he replied getting worked up over the matter. He knocked again, banging the infallible doors of the church with his large fists.

"Stephen, you are disturbing the sanctuary of a church! Stop!" I whispered gruffly into the moving night air. "Perhaps Roland already came here and found her. Let's go back." He didn't need to speak for me to receive his answer. He merely ignored my smart suggestion. At least, I thought it was smart.

"I'm leaving," I said, loud enough for him to hear. "I'm tired and cold and I have a very good feeling that Roland's already at the carriage _with_ Alexandra waiting for us. He prolly thinks I ran off with you or something." That got his attention, and I quickly put my hands to my face to hide my embarrassment. "Out of all things to say," I thought. "I had to say _that_."

"What?" he asked, his voice rising in shock. "Why would your brother ever think such a thing?" My stupidity drew him away from his task and he looked down at me, the same eerie twinkle in his limpid blue eyes.

"I dunno. He thinks I like every lad I meet," I lied. _Sorry, Roland_.

"Is it true?" he pushed on, waiting ever so patiently for me to say _Yes_.

"No."

"Am I one of the lad's who proves your brother's assumption wrong?" he asked boldly. I feared it was _too_ bold. Shaking and clinging onto his coat, I tried to find an answer, of course, without a doubt he'd know the answer was "no" again because of my reluctance to speak. There was no use in lying again, he was no dope and secretly inside he'd know that I liked him if I lied. And if I told him the truth, he'd still be secretly happy with himself to know that I liked him. Curse the courage of men. They always managed to get you to spill everything with their charm. I needed to learn to defeat that one day with my own charm, that is, if I was even at all that charming.

"No," I squeaked, feeling my face burn with hot, internal fire. Just a few moments ago I was colder than a wet dog on a winter's day, and now I was hotter than fire itself. I refused to look at him as I walked away, for I knew he was smiling wickedly at my secret confession. I just followed the road we took, heading back to the place where we started from, but my confession did not make me feel better. Telling Stephen how I thought he was the most handsome thing I had ever seen in my life, next to or in the same place as Adam, gave me a hell of a load of guilt. I betrayed my Adam. Sweet, lovely and funny Adam.


	24. Sickness

_Chapter 24: Sickness_

**E**ven after arriving home at practically midnight, I could not close my tired eyes. All I could think about was Stephen. Stephen giving me his coat, which was still in my room for he had forgotten to take it back from me. Stephen bending down and kissing my hand with utter tenderness. Stephen inquiring about my deep liking towards him. There was too much Stephen and not enough of Adam. The worse thing of all was that, there wasn't anything about the sea or Jack. "Dammit," I muttered into my pillow. My face was buried deeply in the feathery softness, and my brown curly hair surrounded my head in a formation similar to that of a bird's nest, to remain nothing more than a ball of tangles and untamable curls. "I'm forgetting you, Jack. I'm forgetting the sea. And I don't want to. I don't want to!" I banged my face into the pillow in my frustration. Life loved it when I couldn't get myself closer to the ocean. It delighted in taking me farther away by entertaining me with things such as men. Fascinating and dreadful young men.

I lurched back so that I faced the maddening plainness of my bedroom ceiling and breathed heavily through my nose. "All I want is to go out to sea. That's it. I'm not really looking for a suitor, honest. Life here in Port Royal is _tres magnific_, but it is not what I want at the moment. The one thing I want most I can never get. How long have I wanted to go out on the terrible ocean? Since I was six! And here I am, fourteen years old, and I am still stuck here!" With a groan, I leapt from my bed and threw on my robe. I stepped into some slippers and popped out my room, still surrounded in the confusing smoke of fading dreams.

Being careful not to draw any attention to myself, I walked silently down the stairs, watching my feet and the long hem of my nightgown. Mum must have told the tailor than I had grown a few inches taller when I did not. I only grew wider and stupider. Once at the bottom of the stairs, I stomped to the living room and collapsed face first into the couch. It was much less comforting than my bed, but too many problems were building up inside me that I could not stand any longer. After taking in a couple of deep, relaxing breaths, I sat up and scratched my head, eyeing the darkness of the room in a state close to delirium. "Yo ho, yo ho! A pirate's life for me!" I sang, laughing at the tune. I was beginning to feel very excited and very warm at the remembrance of such a silly tune. Pirates. Jack. Ocean. All the things I wanted to see, but would never lay my eyes on.

Rashly, I jumped to my feet, feeling a vein in my head pulse strongly against my skull. Too much blood went up to my head and I felt woozy. I swallowed and regained my tranquility before finally feeling rested enough to finally go to sleep. But first, I needed to make a quick stop at the privy. I was very warm and I wanted to splash some cold water on my face before closing my eyes.

My jaunt to the living room was a rather worthless decision and I wondered why I even had to go all the way down there to relax. What difference was there in the living room that made my bedroom unbearable? Feeling sweat begin to collect on the border of my forehead and hairline, I barged into the privy, forgetting that I usually had a cold pitcher and bowl of water in my room in the mornings. But that was in the mornings after Maggie had placed them there for me.

"Bloody hell!" came a scream, to my very dazed self. I felt the weight of sleeplessness finally tumbling down on my dizzy head. "Astrid!" I shook my head and rapidly turned around, growing all the more warmer from my inappropriate intrusion. I had blushed far too much that day already.

"Sorry, Roland," I said, my back facing him so he could finish his business. Of course, now that I was in there, I assumed he was done and would have nothing further to do except to pull up his trousers.

"Are you all right? The door was closed for God's sake."

"I'm fine. Just a little warm. Are you done yet?"

"Warm? It is freezing outside, Astrid." He paused and grabbed my shoulder. "You can turn around now. I'm done."

"Oh, good." He looked at me, his face twisted in bafflement.

"Don't you have your own head in your room?" he asked.

"What? A head?"

"Sorry. I meant a privy. Mum and Dad gave you the lovely room that had its own privy, remember?" At that, I remembered that it was so, but because it was just mine, Maggie only left fresh bowls of water in there in the mornings, when she knew I'd need it.

"I'm not doing _that_, if that's what you think I came here for. I just came to splash my face with some water. I'm boiling." I walked past him and looked for a bowl of water to use. There was a pitcher and a bowl and I poured some on my hands over the bowl.

"Astrid, you're red," said Roland, slightly amused and laughing a little.

"What?"

"Your face is so goddamn red. Look at yourself!" He pulled on my wrist, about to show me to the closest mirror, which was in my room, but I shoved him off weakly, too tired to play his games at such an hour.

"I told you, I was warm. It'll go away." He squinted his hazel eyes at me, clearly in doubt and stood beside me, waiting for me to finish washing my face. This annoyed me greatly. What did he want now?

For a while, I was patient and I did not take notice of his body just standing there, his face looking smug with an uncalled for smile. "What are you waiting for, Roland?" I said irritably. "Go to bed. Now."

"One thing, and then I'll go," he said. Without warning he laid the back of his hand on my forehead and looked up at the ceiling as he made some unknown estimate.

"What are you doing!" I yelled.

"Shut up," he retorted, still not taking his hand off my forehead.

"I… want … to … go… to… _sleep_!" I hissed, raising an arm to punch him aside. He caught my forearm with his free hand and finally looked at me, tolerating my violent behavior. He took his hand off my forehead and eyed me with cold hazel eyes that made me shiver, even though I felt as if I was being cooked in a pot over a fire.

"Astrid, you're sick. Ya have a fever, sister."

"I'm not. It'll go away. Let it alone." All I wanted to do was go to bed, yet I couldn't even be granted that yet.

"I'm telling Mum and Dad in the mornin'," he continued. "But for now, you should—"

"Sleeeeeeeep," I said, about ready to fall asleep in the privy because of Roland's mindless babble. "Look, Roland. I appreciate that you are looking out for me, but for the last time, I am not sick. Just a little warm. That's all. Now, can you step out of my way so that I may find some peace in my room?" I carried that question out as far as my patience would let me. If Roland said anything other than yes, I'd scream.

And scream I did.

"Astrid, calm down! Please!" begged Roland, trying to stop my howling. But no. He kept me away from my sleep and so he would pay.

"I am not ill! I'm just feeling warm! Warm! Boiling! Scorching! That's all! Now… let… me… alone!" I pointed a strict finger at him at each word I said, and I had become so spent from the sudden energy blast of screaming and yelling, that at the last word, my finger was limp and my knees crumbled, allowing me to fall to ground as my mind turned black.

There were murmurs that echoed in my head as if it were a hollow cave. The words were indecipherable, always coming out elongated and slow. I didn't know exactly why I was hearing things this way, but from the numerous accounts of babble I was listening to, there were quite a lot of people in my room. But why were they in my room in the first place? "Look." That was the first word I could fully understand from my corroding brain. What on earth was there to look at? I sought to find a way to get in touch with my surroundings before actually opening my eyes. I felt so heavy, as if my eyelids were weighed down by balls of iron. Slowly, I ran my hands over a familiar and soft, smooth surface. I was lying in my bed.

Suddenly, I felt a fiercely cold hand rest on my face. I shuddered at the chill it sent through my burning body. Again, I heard more mumbles, as the hand left my forehead and I was swallowed in the heat of my own betraying body. The murmurs did not stop, and to my dismay, I could not recognize any more words. The need to find out what was going on with me forced me to open my eyes just a little, so that my eyelids were high enough to open tiny slits that allowed blurred vision. From my barely opened eyes, I felt that there was some unknown crust on its edges, which was strange because that normally did not happen unless I cried the night before. Left to right, I moved my eyes, scanning my well-known room. "She's awake. Shh," was the next bit of chatter that I caught. Yes, I was awake, and yet they still did not do anything about it.

I widened my eyes when I realized that there were people in my room whom I did not recognize. Closest to the right side of my bed stood a man aged and wrinkly, with hair like pale ash. A pair of spectacles lay on the bridge of his beak-like nose and in his hands was a thick, black case. "A doctor," I thought. Who else could he be? Standing behind him was the frame of a petite woman, with beautiful golden hair fixed into a loose bun. And next to her stood a tall man with dark hair streaked with barely noticeable lines of gray, which fell just past his ears. His face was blurred, but I could tell his face from anywhere. The man and woman were my precious Mummy and Daddy.

At their site, I was brave enough to stretch my eyes open and sit up in my bed. I nearly dunked my head back down when I sat up because I was met with a pounding pulse against my skull, throbbing too much blood, too quickly and too strongly through my thin, brittle veins. I was able to keep my head up though, but not without the support from my hand. "Astrid," said a voice. It was soothing and tame, bringing my mind some peace in its painful state. Whisking my head around to face the soft-hearted person who addressed me, my eyes immediately locked on terrible but comforting blue eyes.

"Adam," said another voice. The face turned away from me, clearly disheartened, and I shared the same emotion as well at his leave.

"You must not stay too close. You might become ill as well." Reluctantly, Adam stepped away from my bed, his eyes trapping my stare again. His visage was still, but the controlled yearn to come near me again was eating at him. I could tell, for I felt it too.

"Astrid," said another. "I told you that you were ill." It was Roland. What other person would have the nerve to say that to me in my weak condition? "Failed to listen, see? And look where you are now."

"Roland," came an exasperated sigh. It was Mum who intruded, apparently sick of her boy's useless chastising. "You were not the only one in this family who has denied his evident illness. Now, behave."

"Yes, Mother," he answered.

"What time is it?" I asked, words finally forming in my burning mouth. I needed a drink badly.

"Almost noon," came a new, but known voice. It was firm and certain, with no waver to signal a dip in his excessive pride.

"She didn't ask you," snapped Roland, turning his head sharply to Stephen, who stood at the foot of my bed beside my brother.

"Who else would answer? I do not think she addressed anyone in particular," he parried. For once, I wanted him to shut his haughty lips shut. Of course, those were the same lips that kissed hand so tenderly last night. Perhaps, I did not want him to shut up after all.

"Why are you all here?" I asked, still not informed of the reason why so many people were crowded in my room, looking at me in my bed dressed in my nightclothes.

"Remember that you and Roland promised to continue that lecture from the Westley residence, Astrid?" said Mum. "Well, on account of your illness, I fear I must have to wait a couple of days until that lecture continues. As for now, we shall depart and leave you to the rest the doctor has recommended." She smiled her brilliant smile at me before leading the horde of people out of my room. Many of them followed after her, she having a charismatic aura about her. But of course, a handful of people stayed behind, mainly Roland, Adam, Stephen and Alexandra.

Recalling on the night before, Alexandra was indeed found in the church before Stephen and I actually came there. Roland found her inside the holy sanctuary, sitting by herself in a pew, looking up at the intricate ceiling hovering above her. I never knew Alexandra was so devout. Of course, that could easily be questioned by her carnal behavior with Roland in his room some long and forgotten time ago. He said she willingly went to the carriage with him, having needed the comfort for some reason. Roland said that when he asked her why she had run away in the first place, she said that she wanted some fresh air, but knew that her father would not let her. Afterwards, she said she spotted a dark figure following her around the streets. My first assumption was Collins, but she said that she never saw his face and so Roland could not figure out if it was indeed Collins still looking for a damsel to ruin. She didn't say another word last night when we rode back home. She just sat beside Stephen, looking glum and bored, every now and then sending a glare towards me which she thought I never saw.

"How are you fairing?" asked Stephen, making a move towards me, but remembered that I was sick and decided to stay in his place.

"It's obvious that she is _not_ well," snorted Roland. I shot a look at him, but he didn't see me. Both he and Adam were glaring back at Stephen, and Alexandra stood obediently by her brother's side, staring at Adam. I guess they already disregarded the fact I was in bed, sick and with an aching head.

"I was only inquiring to see if she was well enough to speak," Stephen replied smartly.

"I am," I said, feeling the need to interrupt the soon-to-be vicious argument between the two. "So you all can stop your bickering before I grow red again."

"Still are," muttered Alexandra, though she knew it was loud enough for me to hear. I ignored her rude comment and looked at Roland.

"What am I down for?" I asked.

"A fever, at least, that was what the doctor said. He said you'd probably develop a sore throat and possibly a cough in the next few days, but the fever would disperse," he replied, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I wonder where I caught it from," I whispered, more to myself than to anyone still remaining in the room.

"Or _who_ you caught it from," replied Roland, shooting a death glare at Stephen. He caught it and puffed up in a build up of intolerance.

"Why do you instantly look at _me_ whenever Astrid's condition is brought up?" yelled Stephen. He looked fuming mad by now, but I was sorry to admit that he still looked positively gorgeous.

"Because you were the last person who remained alone with her!" bellowed Roland. There was nothing I could do to stop it. They would fight forever like two lions in a cage. It wouldn't end until one of them was dead.

"Alone when?" said Adam, making himself part of the argument. He would certainly not have any other young man be around _me_, his darling suitor as it were.

"Why does it matter?" Here, Alexandra came in, her hands on her hips and a malicious look on her face. Taking a step forward, she looked harshly at Adam, daring him to say another word, which he proudly did in the end.

"Because she actually has people who are concerned with her, unlike you," Adam responded, trying his best to remain gentlemanly among a group of boys who had lost touch with the propriety of civilization for just a brief moment. Alexandra's jaw dropped, as if Adam had not insulted her before, and she took her leave at that, giving the room a good waft of fresh air as soon as she was gone.

When she was out of sight, his eyes shifted to the continual verbal assaulting taking place between Roland and Stephen, and realizing that they would be far from ending their curses towards each other, he looked back at me, a thin smirk on his face.

"I'd come closer, but…" he began, looking down slightly ashamed.

"I understand," I replied. "It's good talking to you again though. I haven't seen you in weeks." I was thankful that Stephen was too preoccupied with his squabble with Roland to have listened to my conversation with Adam.

"Two weeks, Astrid. That's all it has been. Though, I might add that I was missing you too. You are too infectious, Astrid."

"Hopefully not physically," I said, only because I was sick. "And how has life been for you? Well? Anything new?"

"No, actually. I saw my father off to his voyage and have been attending some social gatherings in the company of my mother since then. I would have invited you to come along, but I always had to leave early in the day, when you still had lessons with your governess." When I had nothing to say, partly due to my closing eyes, he grinned insecurely, scratching the back of his head. "So I heard you and young Mister Westley had a…"

"Nothing happened, Adam," I sang, anticipating the bit of gossip. "He just kissed my hand as a gentleman would. That's all. No kiss or make-shift romp in Roland's closet." I laughed hoarsely and ultimately ended up coughing. He nodded instead of saying something, and I took it that there was a hint of doubt, and he didn't want me to hear that doubt in his voice.

"I'll be going then. I'll visit you every day until you are better or until I get sick myself. Good day, Astrid." He walked to the side of my bed bravely and planted a kiss on my blazing, sweaty forehead. Oh, sweet Adam. With a nod farewell, he turned around and walked out of my room.

At his leave, I turned my attention back again to the _still_ arguing boys. "Will you two ever be at peace?" I asked. I was surprised that they actually heard me.

"No," said Stephen first, before Roland could say anything. "I helped him greatly on board the Paramount and yet he repays me by accusing me of making you ill, when the only thing I did to you was kiss your hand!"

"Kiss her hand!" humphed Roland in disbelief. "Explain why _your_ coat is draped over the chair that sits in _her_ room!"

"He lent it to me last night," I said, growing quite bored and sleepy with their dispute. "You and I both know that it was cold last night, and he lent it to me to keep me warm while we searched for Alexandra." Roland was at last silent and sent a meek glower to Stephen who merely cast it off with the turn of his head.

"I thank you, Astrid, for finally silencing your crude brother and doing fine justice for me," he said. I smiled nervously, and felt the burden of sleep coming heavily on my shoulders again. It was a good thing too, for I was quite fed up with their ringing voices. If I had enough energy, I would have pinned both their lips shut, but then I'd ruin Stephen's divine face and Roland would sure hate me forever if I did.

Then of course, there was no point in talking or listening to them anymore, for I had become exhausted and immediately crashed my head onto my soft, cloud-like pillow.

He sat beside my bed, looking timidly away, and I could sense his uneasiness. But I knew it wasn't because he was here, sitting beside my bed. What bothered him and made him not act like himself in front of me was Stephen. "Adam," I said, reaching out to touch his hand. It had been a week since I came down with my fever, and the doctor said I was doing quite well. He even said I could roam around and be my crazy self probably by Monday, when my cough had subsided a bit.

As promised, Adam came by to visit me everyday, and has therefore been doing so. The only problem was that someone beat him to it every single day. And guess who that was? Stephen.

When I touched his hand, I realized it was cold, and he sort of drew it back, as if he was too sad or annoyed to touch me. In fact, he did take his hand back and kept it neatly on his lap, away from me. "Yes, Astrid?" he answered, looking at the ground.

"Are you all right?" At that, he raised his head and his blue eyes locked on mine, and at the clear confusion and hurt, I felt my eyes sting with water.

"No," he said softly, his lips curving into a distraught grin. "I'm not." I already took a good guess as to why, and instead of playing dumb, as I would usually do, I let him know straight off.

"Is it because of Stephen? Is it because he was already here in my room everyday whenever you came to visit me?" Adam looked away, blinking repeatedly, and gave an aggravated, hoarse sigh.

"Yes," he said, turning his gaze back to me. "I'm getting quite… jealous." I couldn't help but smile faintly. Adam seemed so goodhearted and unafraid, but here he was, admitting that he wished he had the strong attraction Stephen had for women, especially me. "He's eighteen, an age where young men are already married and he's seeking _your_ hand, Astrid. I don't approve. He knows so much and well, you can be a little naïve, which he can use to his advantage. And I don't know what I'd do if—" I shushed him with a finger to his lips, my smile having not faded yet.

"Nothing will ever happen, Adam. I promise you that. Just like when I had to search with him to find Alexandra, I kept my distance. I know how to take care of myself, Adam. Don't worry."

"I'm not so much as worried about you as I am for him," he said, almost growling it. Ah, so Adam did have a vicious side to him after all. Especially if anyone got between him and what he wanted. "If he lays even on finger on you, I swear I will—" I cut him off again, seeing the need to keep him from erupting. After all, Stephen was still in the house, waiting for Adam to leave so he could talk with me again, the sly dog.

"He already has, and he always will whenever we meet, but as long as he doesn't go beyond showing signs of friendship, I will not report him to you immediately so that you can beat him to the ground, agreed?" Reluctantly, he nodded his golden head of his and became more like himself.

"As soon as you are better, I am going to escort you around town after the lessons with your governess are finished every day. That will show Stephen that he should aim for a woman more his type." He looked at me, his forehead wrinkled. "You don't like him back, do you?"

"He's charming, Adam, as you are. And he is polite and has a very interesting life." Adam began to have that vulnerable weak look in his eyes again and his shoulders began to slouch. "But I think he knows that I can be nothing more than a friend to him because I am four years younger. Besides, I like men my age anyway." That cheered him up a bit and he was back to his heartwarming smile.

"I guess I'll be going then, seeing that you still aren't allowed to mope about the house much anyway."

"You don't know how dreadful staying in bed for a week is like, Adam. I long for adventure and excitement, and I am glad you come to make this boring atmosphere a little more enlightening." His hand was lying on my bed again, and I took hold of it before he could pull it away. "I really like you, Adam. When I met you I thought you'd be just another piece of arrogant sod, but you weren't. You are absolutely wonderful and even my parents like you. You're the first boy who has ever had interest in me." He looked as if he was slightly taken aback.

"Astrid, I'm not the first, I can tell you that. At the party where I met you, did you see the other lads ogling at you?"

"No," I replied, having no clue what on earth he was talking about.

"It was obvious that they thought you were quite a prize, but I didn't see you as a prize just to win. Fortunately, I had the courage to talk to you first." It occurred to me then that that was probably what Alexandra meant when she said that I "took all the attention from the lads for myself."

"I'm glad you did, or else I would have sent any other young man home with a bloody nose." He chuckled and looked me straight in the eye, and if in that moment, he was thinking what I was, then perhaps there could have been a future between us.

There was a brief pause, and then slowly and cautiously he drew himself closer to me and kissed me lightly on the lips. I was sure that he knew very well that he could get sick because of that, but he didn't seem to care. I laughed and leaned forward when he was finished. It was just a tiny pip on the lip and I knew he was disappointed, but at the same time, knowing he had to stay decent, for we were still early on in our courtship. I was too happy though to even think about decorum and grabbed his head and gave him one long kiss on the mouth.


	25. Truth be Told

_Chapter 25: Truth Be Told_

**T**he sun was hot and blazing, sending golden beams down onto the open area of the gardens. Mum and Dad sat in a pair of large wooden chairs brought out from the house, and faced opposite me, Adam, Roland, and Alexandra. Stephen was in the house, waiting for his sister for he had to escort her everywhere now that she did not have Roland around anymore. Tiny flies buzzed noisily and irritatingly around our faces, and the fan I was waving fervidly to blow them away was doing a very poor job. I shot a quick, side glance at Alexandra who sat all the way on the other end of the line, and she seemed tense with the urge to whack at the damn little bugs.

The weather though, was pleasurable and fair, having had a rough and stormy week when I was sick. But now, the sun had decided to show its bright, glowing face again, and if it hadn't caused the bugs to spawn like no tomorrow, I would have loved to be outside. Adam sat beside me, dressed in his gleaming white trousers again, with boots up to his knees. The same blue overcoat was on him as well, but not buttoned up so high, for I knew he and Roland where sweating madly in their thick attire. The collar of his shirt was high and encircled his neck. Needless to say, we haven't had much interaction since the day I kissed him.

Roland looked glum and goaded, his lips together in an unbendable line and his eyes squinting from the sunlight. His brown hair was slicked back, as usual, into that same thin and provoking pony tail. Sometimes whenever he ran in front of me, I had the urge to draw out my sword and cut the hair off. He was dressed almost exactly like Daddy, with brown trousers, beige stockings that when up to his knees and polished brown shoes. He wore a dark mahogany coat, with gold buttons lining the sides and under that he wore a black vest and shirt. Poor boy. He must have been boiling.

Alexandra was placed purposefully beside Roland, and it was all too clear that she did not desire to sit near him. Her legs were crossed and did not slant in his direction but away from him. I took it that whenever they were eating together, he'd squeeze her leg, his hand veiled by the tablecloth. If any man did that to me, I slap his crafty little fingers or bite his hand if it were necessary. She was dressed richly in a light rosy pink dress that suited her thin frame well, and her hair was up in the present style, as was mine, but with a few variations. She'd humph every now and then, waiting for the great discussion to actually begin.

Mum and Dad were too busy eyeing us with grave and inflexible eyes. Even after a week, they were still quite determined to punish Roland and me to the best of their abilities. "Astrid," said Mum, her light brown eyes looking almost exactly like Roland's in the sunlight. "Would you care to begin the story first, considering that two of your comrades have stated that you were the cause of all this trouble." The betrayers were of course, Alexandra and Roland, always stabbing me in the back.

"On the night of September the seventeenth, the eve before the departure of Captain Locke, I was bored in the present company of the Westley and Locke family. Begging your pardon, Mother, it was not because they were unfriendly. They were indeed very welcoming, but I did not relate much to them and thus fell into boredom." I paused, looking around to see if the dagger-like look in the eyes of my company where seeking to puncture my pride. All I saw was Roland shift in his seat and take a quick glance at me with not the dagger look but with the 'right my arse you were bored. You left to cause trouble you no good—' I continued on with my story.

"As I left the room, I decided to find Roland and Alexandra because they were not in the room with the others when they should have been. Also, previously before, right when Alexandra first arrived, the two ran off somewhere. Where they went, they have yet to reveal." I saw Dad's dark eyes dart quickly to his son, and I was positive that red embarrassment was crawling up Roland's face. "Adam saw me leave the room and so joined me."

"What was your true intent when you and Adam left the gathering?" asked Mum. "What did you want to accomplish?" Her brilliant smile had ceased to find its fitting place on her lips and she looked very hard at me, probably expecting a lie to come out of my mouth.

"I intended to find Roland and Alexandra and reveal their inappropriate… behavior, to you, Mother. I felt that the two young lovers were indeed too young to even be doing any of that sort."

"Quite the contrary, Astrid," said Mum. "Girls are encouraged to find their husband at this prime age. Although I do admit that if they went anything beyond what _is_ appropriate, then I demand that they tell me." I nodded and was permitted to continue with my side of the story.

"I was merely checking on Alexandra and Roland to make sure they weren't doing anything beyond the bond of courtship, and so went up to Roland's room first to find them. Dinner would also be served soon and I knew they would not want to be late. Roland's room was unkempt and dark when Adam and I were searching for them in the possible dark. I discovered that Roland's bed, which I am sure was made in the morning that day, was messy and rumpled, which could have only met one thing."

"Astrid," came a monstrous growl. It came from the throat of my dear brother.

"No, Roland," said Mum. "No interruptions until she is finished. You will have your turn. Now be silent."

"Right. Anyway, before I had the chance to retreat back down to the living room because I had really found nothing of what I was looking for, Adam and I heard the door to the room give way. Knowing that Roland would sure be frighteningly angry with us, we ran to his closet and shut ourselves in."

"Roland, because he has more dressers and chests than you, has a smaller closet. Were you aware of the close and compact space you and Adam were confined in, Astrid?" asked Mum.

"Yes, I was, but we kept our distance," I added, not a hint of guilt in my voice. I heard a slight _humph_ come from Alexandra but shrugged it off. She would have her turn soon. "From the crack left from the closet, Adam and I looked through it to see who came in. It was indeed Roland and Alexandra, and from the looks of it they had already been passionately at it for quite some while."

"You vile little—" spurted Roland, but Mum silenced him with a ferocious yell.

"Silence, Roland!" she screamed. "At this moment, every word you say will be held against you, and if you truly want a reasonable punishment, then you shall listen to each story without a word. Understand?" He pinned his lips closed and slouched in his seat.

"Anyway, Adam and I sadly had the dishonor of witnessing their little… spooning session." Even I was embarrassed to talk about such things with Mum and Dad, and how dreadful it was for Adam and Alexandra to have to tell the exact same thing to these people who were NOT their parents.

"Was it entirely just that?" inquired Mum, much like a judge would in a courthouse.

"Yes, Mother," I said. "Because I had never seen such a… lustful side of Roland, I was quite taken aback and disgusted." Roland must have been on the verge of erupting into a hot ball of steam. "My discomfort though, was too loud and Alexandra and Roland were immediately suspicious. I knew that if Roland found Adam and me inside his closet that he'd burst into anger and rage, and so, in hope of giving us a lighter beating, I told Adam that when Roland opened the closet door, to kiss me."

"What!" interrupted Daddy, looking at me with a wide and unforgiving face. I grinned nervously. Now they knew what their daughter was like. Mum smiled for the first time that day and gently patted his leg with her hand.

"It is all right, my dear," she said. "She had her reason." Gradually, Daddy cooled off and sat relaxed in his chair. It was always set that Mum would evaluate my side of the story whenever we were lectured, and that he would interrogate Roland, us relating more to people of our own gender. "Go on," she said.

"Roland did exactly that. He opened the door, and Adam and I went through with our plan and kissed… rather rashly. After exchanging some cruel words with Roland, Alexandra discovered that our kiss was indeed rushed, and correctly assumed that we were spying on them. She then exploded into a fit after I called her, or well, described her as a whore-like woman. After screaming her head off, she announced for all to hear that she had been secretly in love with Adam for nearly a decade. And, well, that's how she became so angry and tear sodden at dinner."

"Explain why Roland was sending all three of you very cross looks. You especially, Astrid."

"I guess he thought I did all that to embarrass him."

"And did you?" I took a breath, seeing that it was best to tell the truth. Lying would only make my punishment worse.

"Y-Yes," I said, looking down. "I did."

"I see," said Mum. "You are finished. If you wish, you may leave and go into the house, for now that I have your information, there is really nothing more here for you to do." She smiled at me, most likely to trick me into thinking I was off the hook, which I knew very well that I was not. Feeling my hairline drenched in sticky sweat, I decided to go inside for a while to cool off, and then join them later when most of the interrogations were through. Getting up from my seat, I curtsied low for all of them before marching proudly back into the house. I was free, at least, free for a brief time.

Twirling into the house, I walked merrily to the kitchen to see what Lisa was up to. "Any treats you've been baking?" I asked, popping my head through the kitchen doors. Lisa's back was turned to me and I saw her jump at the sound of my voice.

"Miss Astrid!" she shrieked, not liking it when I startled her like that. Grinning just as mischievously as I did when I was a girl, I marched around the kitchen, eyeing the food being prepared for dinner. All of it looked pleasingly tempting. "How many times have I told you not to barge into the kitchen like that, Miss?" she said, pointing her flour covered finger at me. "Remember your manners, Miss. Sooner or later you'll be married off to a nice gent out there and you'll have to behave even around your—are you even listening to me, Miss Astrid?" she squealed.

"Hmm?" I replied, hurriedly stuffing a cherry tart she had prepared into my mouth.

"For goodness sake! Look at you! Stuffin' your face like a little piggy, Miss." I smiled with my lips closed, though it was difficult to for the tart was filling up my whole mouth as I tried to chew. It would be easier if I kept my mouth open, revealing the melting and saliva covered tart rolling around my mouth. But Lisa would have had a fit. "Honestly, I wonder if you will ever behave like a lady." She sighed and turned around to resume kneading the ball of dough she was working on.

"Thank you for the tart, Lisa," I mumbled, unable to speak properly because of my full mouth. She nodded at the words without looking back at me, and every so gently, I slipped another tart into my hand and hurried out of the kitchen and into the dining room.

I barged into the room, banging the doors in my way and was about to stuff my mouth again when I was frightened by another being in the room. Immediately, he turned his head in my direction and I angrily hid the pastry behind my back again. I could never get a moment's peace nowadays. "Good to see you again, Miss Turner," he said, smiling at me. "Well and on your feet." I managed a false smirk in reply and curtsied ever so lightly to him. He bowed as usual and took my hand, kissing it swiftly with his lips. Standing straight up again, he looked at me closely and narrowed his eyes on my face.

"You… You have something on your face, Miss," he said.

"Oh," I grumbled, turning my head to the side and wiping my mouth with the sleeve of my dress. "Is it gone?" I asked, turning my head back around to face him. A handkerchief was in his hands but he quickly put it away, seeing that my own method worked just as well, though most likely not as proper.

"Y-Yes. Yes, it is," he said, faintly grimacing at my grotesque manners.

"All right." Without another word, I spun around and exited the dining room, seeing that the company in there was not much to my liking. "Good day, Mister Westley," I said, as I walked through the doors again.

"Good day, Astrid," he returned. Grinning, I crammed the delectable piece of food into my mouth, knowing very well that I was safe from the watching eyes of cultured people.

I had disputed in my head whether or not to eavesdrop on Mum and Dad's conversations with Roland, Adam and Alexandra. It would be definite that if I decided to nose round in their business that I would be punished more severely, but what the three could possibly say to my parents was scratching deep into my back like a terrible itch. I could either make it stop by scratching it, or let it be and suffer for a few moments. I guess I wasn't made to suffer much or to discipline myself, for I ended up sneaking into the gardens again, ears alert and attentive.

To my luck, Adam was talking about his side of the story, and the sound of his voice would most likely keep all eyes on him, especially Alexandra. Quickly, I darted behind a bush that was still quite a few yards away from them. All I could here were mumbles. I had to get closer. Slowly, ever so slowly, I tilted my head out of my hiding place to get a peek at them. They were still and silent, save for Adam. _Good._ I crawled like a bug to a closer bush, and sat myself there for a few moments, holding my breath just in case someone heard and was walking over to investigate. There were no sounds of footsteps coming in the grass. I was still safe.

Now, I could hear what Adam was saying. He was at the part when we were hiding in the closet. "Please be a good boy, Adam," I thought. "Don't tell them anything that I haven't told them. Like… how I actually left the party to frame Roland and Alexandra. Please, please, please…"

"Were you aware of Alexandra's feelings for you before that night, Adam?" questioned Mum.

"No. Never. Alexandra lives in my neighborhood and so we practically see each other every day, but she never told me how she felt. Never. And she had plenty an opportunity to do so," replied Adam. _That's a good gent._

"Afterwards, during dinner, I noticed that she would look at you and Astrid quite few times. Do you believe she did so because she was blaming Astrid for taking you away from her?" said Mum. I squirmed at her question. Was she blind? Of course she was glaring at us for that reason! Poor Mum. Couldn't she see by now that Alexandra Westley hated Astrid Turner from the inside out?

"Of course I do," answered Adam, very firmly. "The thing is that Astrid never took me away from her because I was _never_ attracted to Alexandra in the first place. If you really want my opinion I think she's—"

"Thank you, Adam," said Mum, realizing that things would have gone completely awry if Adam finished his sentence. "I am glad you have shared your position in this incident very openly with us. If you'd like, you may go into the house, or stay here while we speak with Roland and Alexandra." Adam nodded, getting up from his seat. He bowed at each of my parents and they took the sign of respect gratefully at his leave.

I heard his feet coming closer to where I was hiding, and to make sure that he wouldn't stop and happily scream, "Astrid!" at my sight, I prepared to haul him into my hiding place as soon as he passed by.

Soon enough, I spotted his radiant white trousers. Anyone could spot them with ease, even in the dark. I lunged forward and grabbed his leg, tripping him into the hiding place. Before he could say a word about what was going on, I clasped his mouth shut with my hand, knowing very well he'd be blabbing away as he tried to regain his bearings. With my hand over his face, his limpid blue eyes searched frantically around until he saw my face. He relaxed a bit and I was able to finally let him breathe. "Wha—" I cut him off by putting a finger to my lips. We couldn't say a word or we'd be doomed. He pinned his lips shut and nodded, kneeling beside me. I pointed in the direction that Mum and Dad and the other troublemakers were in, and Adam got the idea and leaned close to the bush so he could hear what Roland was saying. I did the same.

"Roland," said a voice. Not Mum's. It was Daddy's. His lectures with Roland were always so exciting and full of shouting. Of course, Daddy never lost his patience. Roland was the hot-headed mongrel. "You _do_ know where actions such as those take you with a woman."

"Of course I do!" yelled Roland. "We _were_ educated on the ship about those matters, so I know very well when too far is too far." I snickered inside. They were talking about… well… "love."

"You are positive that you and Alexandra remain chaste?" growled Daddy. I was sure that he was not very comfortable on the matter either.

"Yes. I haven't unmaidened anyone yet," mocked Roland, and I heard Mum squeal.

"Don't even think about such an important moral in that way!" she screamed. "Yell at your father again, and I give you my word, Roland William Turner, that you will _not_ or _ever_ go on another ship again as long as you remain in this house, unmarried." A very loud and purposefully set _huff_ steamed out of Roland's foul mouth. There was a pause, and then Roland continued on.

"Just as Astrid said, Alexandra and I left the company to spend time together." He hesitated, most likely because he knew his relationship with Alexandra was well over but that he still had to reminisce about the memories they shared very openly with our parents. "We were just fooling around basically, and well…" I cut off my eavesdropping there. I already knew what they did because I _saw_ it, and just seeing it made me feel awkward, and hearing it would just make me wriggle in discomfort.

Leaning back, I laid my back down on the grass, while Adam still had his ear pressed to the prickly mess of the shrub. He took a double take back at me and I only grinned as I lay in coziness. He smiled in return and left his post, lying down beside me, his knees up in the air while my legs were flat on the grass. He found my hand and brought it up to his face and kissed it softly, so as to make no noise. I beamed in reply and turned on my side to face him better. His blue eyes shined brightly in the sunlight and I had the yearn to kiss each of his blessed little eyelids. Of course, there'd be a time to do that later. Maybe two or three years later. I was, after all, still waiting for the sea to sweep me away.

I inched closer to him, making the any open space between us vanish and nestled my head on his chest. I could feel his body suddenly shake gently with inner giggles and I laughed internally as well. He bent his head, and kissed my hair, and I only clung to him all the more. The ironic thing was that Dad was just talking to Roland about the limit a man and woman could go to in courtship, and here Adam and I were snuggling close behind a bush eavesdropping. It was priceless.

Being with Adam and resting my head on his chest made me feel so relaxed and at peace that I closed my eyes. Through my eyelids I could feel the warm sun beating down on our faces, but suddenly, it disappeared and our faces fell under shadow. Confused at this sudden phenomenon, I opened my eyes and raised my head, only to meet the very revolted and angry face of… Roland William Turner.

Adam and I must have lost track with time and let Roland's conversation with Mum and Dad pass without knowing. Acting quickly, Adam sat up and hooked his foot under Roland's firmly planted feet and my brother tumbled forward, landing on top of Adam and me with an 'oof!'

"Roland! Are you all right!" came a distant call.

"Yes!" shouted Roland. "Just tripped over a stone!" He quickly gathered himself and sat next to me, but not without sending a good jab into my already aching ribs with his elbow. Mouthing a silent 'ow!' I pinched his arm… _very_ hard. His hazel eyes narrowed in on me in fierce hatred and he crawled over to the side facing Adam and me, with his back to the bush and his stern face towards us.

Vigorously rubbing his arm, he raised an eyebrow at Adam and me, most likely because he had never caught us in any _real_ act of misconduct. Of course, I didn't think just lying down together counted much as a naughty thing to do. He pointed his finger at each of us, mouthing, 'You two have been here all this time?' It was a good thing he knew that we wanted to keep silent, especially with Alexandra speaking with Mum and Dad now. I nodded, bobbing my head energetically. Roland replied by giving me the look that said, 'You're completely daft, sister.' He parted his lips, ready to say something _out loud_, but my ears quickly caught a bit of awfully important words.

I dived forward, grabbing Roland's head in the process and pushed his face into the ground as I leaned in close to the bush to listen to what Alexandra was saying. Roland pushed me away and brought his face close to the bush too, with Adam following soon after. "Oh yes, Missus Turner. She convinced Adam to go spy with her. She brought him up to Roland's room so that they could spy on us because of previous incident at the harbor."

"Would you please explain the incident at the harbor, Alexandra?" said Mum.

"Well, Astrid was out at the harbor with Adam," she said plainly. My eyes grew wide in angry shock. Now Mum and Dad would know that I snuck out of the house. Dammit!

"_Astrid_ was _out_ at the _harbor_ with _Adam_!" shrieked Mum. I was doomed. Doomed. She knew very well that Adam never escorted me out of the home because she saw him that day at the tailor's shop. My parents' rage would be inexorable.

"Yes, she was, Madam," Alexandra continued further. "And she was speaking very teasingly with a very ruff and low sailor."

"She was doing _what_!" added Daddy. Dear God, I was drowning in regret and utmost abhorrence for the vile, mendacious Alexandra.

"There is plenty more," said Alexandra. My breath was growing hot and my blood was bubbling dangerously inside. If she broke my thin line of patience, she'd have nothing to look forward to but my cold, hard fists. "Roland and I found her there, and the sailor was holding her hand—" _I never held his hand! He grabbed my arm! The wretch!_ "—and she had a very inappropriate smirk on her face and Adam seemed terribly stressed or worried. Roland came then, and broke everything up." _LIES!_ I heard a sharp sigh coming from someone, most likely Mum. "Astrid was angry at Roland for breaking up her little talk with the sailor, and she was about to lunge at him and myself for saving her from indecency. Roland tried to stop her, but she was very quick. So instead of grabbing her, he stepped on the back of her dress which his foot. It was the only way to stop her. She had gone mad!" _MAD! Was _she_ MAD? I never did such a thing! _"Her dress though, was poorly made and the back ripped off too easily, causing her undergarments to be shone to many a man's face at the harbor. She blamed it on Roland and took off flying with Adam to report him when he had done nothing wrong."

There was silence after that. Complete and utter horrible silence.

"And you believe this is the reason why she was in Roland's room spying on you two." That came from Daddy.

"Yes, Mister Turner. I believe it is. She hates it when she doesn't get what she wants, and so she's always out to get revenge." _Well, so are you, you no good daughter of a bloody whore._

"Is it true that you admire Adam, Alexandra?" asked Mum. There was a pause, but not so long and dreadful as the pause after Alexandra revealed the very false incident at the harbor.

"Yes," she said softly. "I do."

"If you admired him, then why did you court Roland?" I smirked at last. Mum was doing a good job at revealing Alexandra's faults too.

"Roland was a nice boy. He truly was, but I thought that… that…"

"You could use him to get to Adam?" came another voice. It came from behind Adam, Roland, and mine's hiding spot, and I almost choked from surprise at the sound of it. I had a good guess at who it was too, but I didn't dare turn around and look.

"Stephen!" shrilled Alexandra. I heard footsteps getting louder and I cautiously turned my head to the side, and there Stephen passed us by, sending a quick wink at me. _Dear God, don't wink at me again or Adam will have a fit._

"Well, it's true, isn't it, Alexandra? That is, after all, what you told your friend when she came to eat dinner with us, remember?" said Stephen, making his grand entrance into a discussion that he was never invited to, but his interruption did work for my benefit.

"Mister Westley," began Mum. "Please, this is between your sister and us, only. I bid you please refrain from interrupting."

"May I have a word, Missus Turner?" he asked, ever so gentlemanly. Mum would have no way to escape his charm.

"Yes, you may, but it will be your last in this meeting."

"I thank you then, for giving me this opportunity. I feel as if Alexandra is doing too much justice for herself and not for the others who deserve it _more_. Having grown up with her, I have noticed her deep desire for young Adam Locke, and knowing her, she will stop at nothing to get what she wants. And Miss Astrid Turner just happened to be in her path. Now, if you have listened closely to Alexandra's part of the story, you will see that she mentions nothing of her relationship with Roland, which means she has moved on from it and is set on higher goals."

"Now that you say it, she _hasn't_ said much of that matter at all," replied Mum.

"Stephen, you've said enough," hissed Alexandra. Stephen, the dashing and helpful piece of arrogant well-carved man thought otherwise and just continued talking. _Oh Bless you, Stephen!_

"Now, if you look at the personality of your own daughter, Mister and Missus Turner, you know that she is very restless and searches for adventure everywhere she goes."

"Yes… that's true."

"Well, recollect the gathering when this incident happened. Miss Turner was stuck in a room with people she really did not connect with and was left to nose about in boredom. What would you expect her to do?"

"She'd leave and entertain herself with… mischief and pranks," said Mum and Dad simultaneously.

"Exactly. Why would revenge be a matter if she is as careless and forgiving as she already is? If there was anything on Miss Astrid's mind at that time, it was most likely to just have a bit of fun." _Correction, Stephen. I did indeed set out on that prank for revenge, but go on with your persuading lie._

"I doubt it," said Alexandra. "If you haven't noticed, this hasn't been the first time Astrid has played a trick on me."

"That is true also…" said Mum. "Stephen, are you finished with what you have to say?"

"I believe I am, Missus Turner. Just one more thing. Alexandra, I asked one of the maids in this household about your missing shift. She found it in Roland's room and you can reclaim it as soon as possible."


	26. Punishment

_Chapter 26: Punishment_

**T**he outcome of the enormous lecture with Mum and Dad ultimately ended up in a very big load of punishment for both Roland and me. Mum and Dad's point was clearly stated and before dinner, all four of us were called down to witness our sentences. Of course, Alexandra and Adam would not be given any punishment, for they were not of this household, but they were called down anyway to add to our humiliation. "Astrid," said Mum strictly. I was waiting patiently for my sentence, lips together, face expressionless, and knees quaking from fear. "Is it true that you had gone out into town with no escort the day you went out to the harbor with Adam?"

"Yes," was my meager reply.

"Is it true that you were speaking with a low-class sailor who could have easily harmed you and Adam?"

"Yes."

"Is it true that you allowed him to hold your hand?" I looked directly at her at that and clenched my fists.

"No. He grabbed my arm and I tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let go. Adam feared for me and tried to order the sailor to let go, but he wouldn't. The sailor threatened to beat up Adam and would have done so if Roland had not happily come along."

"Happily?" asked Mum, quirking an eyebrow and sending a look at her son. "What did Roland exactly do?"

"He jumped on the sailor's back, laughing and playfully punching the man. He even said, and I quote it, 'Tom! Ya little bastard! Are ya teasin' my mates?'" Mum's eyes flamed and she sent a very cold look in Alexandra's and Roland's direction.

"Adam, do you agree? May I remind you that what you say can be used against you if I ever speak with your parents?" said Mum, hoping that Adam would not lie to her. I knew he wouldn't. He was too well-raised a boy. He nodded and agreed with my statement. She now turned to Roland whose ears were already a bright crimson. "And you, my son, did you say those words?" He didn't reply. "_Did you_?" she said, her voice shaking with fury.

"Yes, Mum," he mumbled. There came a very loud 'snap' and it came from Mum whacking her fan angrily into her hands. I was positive that she was thinking about whipping the both of us in front of our friends.

"Well, Roland, Astrid," she sighed heatedly. Mum had never been so angry with us. We knew we had done the ultimate evil for her to be so steamed. "I have already thought up your punishment based on your stories, but it seems that the harbor incident has played a very large role in everything." She paused and turned to Alexandra and Adam. "Both of you leave, now," she ordered. The two immediately scurried out of the room, leaving Roland and me to burn in our own wrongdoing.

"Astrid," said Mum. I looked up and she had a very taut finger pointed at me. "Over here." Full of shame, I walked to the designated spot she pointed at which was beside a table. I knew what was coming. I was going to be whipped… badly. "Do you realize the wrong you have done in nosing about Roland's private life just for your own pleasure?" she said.

"Yes," I whimpered.

"And are you sorry for drawing Adam into the scheme?"

"Yes," I sniveled again.

"Are you aware of the trouble you could have been in when you snuck out of the house without an escort!" she screeched. I nodded. "Very well, Will," she said. Daddy handed her a long, thin wooden rod. I had seen it before, and it was used on me only once, and that was when I had run into Missus Whitman and broken her hip. "Lift your skirts, Astrid," she ordered. I shook with deep regret and disgrace as I turned around and fulfilled the order. With one hand, I gripped the edge of the table I stood beside and with the other, lifted up my skirts to the point where my fluffy drawers were showing but only up to the back of my knee. Mum usually hit my calves, not my actually thigh as was done to other girls. "You shall receive three beatings, Astrid," she said firmly. "And at dinner, you must sit between Alexandra and Roland. Adam will be dismissed before dinner, for I will not have him comfort you." After that came the first hit.

My knees buckled and I gave a weak cry, trying my best to hold onto my diminishing pride, my face scrunched up in inescapable pain. How I wanted to howl out in misery, but I'd surely be given more whippings if I did so. Mum continued on with my sentence. "For one whole month, you may not attend any gatherings or parties and you will _not_ step outside this house unless I permit it. And if ever I am not here and you _are_ required to be somewhere out of the house, Roland will escort you. Not Adam, not the footman, not a servant. No one but Roland until you turn fifteen. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Mum," I sniffed. The rod came into contact with my aching legs again, and I gripped the edge of the table harder, my hand sweaty and stiff. My knees were failing me and I dipped down a little, but I refused my knees to touch the ground. I had to endure this punishment.

"You still have not apologized to Alexandra for spilling your wine on her, and you will do that tonight, with _everyone_ listening and bearing witness. Immediately after dinner, you shall help Lisa and the other servants clean up, then you will retire to your grandfather's office and work on your studies, understand?" I nodded, for my tongue ached from biting it when Mum hit me again.

Instantly, the rod came down a third and last time and whacked my bruised calves so hard that I thought it would crack. It didn't though, and all I heard was a very painful 'slap' of the wood against my legs. My limbs trembled and my tongue was bleeding and my face was wet with my own tears, but I held my ground and I absorbed the pain with no complaint or useless whining. "You are dismissed," said Mum. Still shaking from the blows, I put my skirts down and leaned away from the table. Limping, I headed over to the couch in the room and collapsed onto it, covering my head with a pillow so that I wouldn't hear the angry words that would be said to Roland.

Dinner was silent and composed as it should have been, but it was an odd thing in my household. Dinner was never a quiet matter for us. As said before, I sat between Roland and Alexandra, but for once, I didn't squirm in my seat or make faces of disgust. I sat there, head bowed, fork in hand, and brainlessly ate my food. Roland sat to my left, and I saw that his right cheek was red and sore. Mum had slapped him. I was sure he was hit with the rod too, but with Dad as the moderator. I was glad I had Mum hit me. Dad was strong and those blows would have certainly broken my bones. I felt for Roland, but I did not poke my nose in what punishment he received. I would have normally done so, but I didn't have the heart to.

Adam was not present. He was dismissed without me ever knowing because my head was still buried under a pillow in the room when Mum had told him that he needed to depart. Stephen was still there though, eating across from his sister because he was her escort. That's what Roland would be to me now. My escort until May. Mum cleared her throat at the table, catching everyone's attention. "I believe Astrid has something to say," she said. I stood up from my chair, and taking in a deep breath, I turned to face Alexandra, and her face was pinched up with a look that said, 'You're up to something and I won't fall for it.'

"Miss Westley," I said, trying my best to make my voice steady and firm. "I realize that the way I treated you both at the first time you joined my family for dinner and also at the recent gathering at this house was extremely rude and uncouth." I paused, feeling the burdening gaze of all eyes at the table set on me. I felt my embarrassment getting a hold of me, but I regained my composure and straightened my back. "What I did was insulting and vulgar towards you, and I hope that you accept my apology. I remain in your debt, Miss." Alexandra looked up at me, the hatred having not lifted from her eyes and swiftly turned her head back to her food.

"Sit," she ordered. I sat. "I will have to think about your apology and decide whether it is at all even sincere." I twitched as I took my seat and ground my teeth in my closed mouth. Everyone's gaze at the table was still on me. I could feel it, and so I casually shrugged her words off, although now I didn't hang my head low anymore. I was back to my old, stubborn self.

When dinner ended, Roland and I got up from our seats first. I knew I had to help the servants, what Roland was doing, I did not know. He looked at me and whispered. "Good luck, sister." I nodded and offered him my hand to shake. I don't know why I did it. I guess I did to show him that we were in this mess together. He took the handshake and squeezed my hand as tight as I squeezed his. Then, in a flash, we marched off to begin to do our new assigned duties.

Lisa and the other servants were a splendid help to me. Helping them was never a mean of punishment for me in the past years, and so the tasks were quite new to me. The ladies I worked with though, were kind and helpful. Lisa though did not let me get off from the work happy. "You see now where your troublemakin' gets ye, Miss?" she said.

"I do, Lisa," I answered dully as I gathered a couple of plates to the kitchen sink. I had received enough scolding from Mum already, but Astrid was and never would be a good girl.

"I'd hate for you to end up working as a maid like me, Miss. And the little pranks and tricks you think are fun now is what's gonna get you there." She paused as she scrubbed a dish and looked at me. "Even as a little girl I had to remind you that the world wasn't at your command. Miss, I don't want ye to work side by side these ladies again."

"Why not?"

"Because it's not yer place. You're Missus' daughter. You're grand and beautiful and are destined to be well-educated and married off to a fine gentleman who'll take care of ya. Ya have to realize, Miss, that yer life ain't always gonna be fun, so don't think of it as a game." She turned back to the dish she was scrubbing and scrubbed ever so harder. I was silent at her words. She didn't even say as much as Mum did, but it was still a very moving lesson for me, that was for sure. "I'm sorry, Miss," she said at last. "Twarn't my place to speak to you like that. Can ya forgive your cook, Miss Turner?" she said with a timid smile.

"Of course I can, Lisa. It's just, you needn't be sorry for anything. I'm glad you said what you did." She looked up at me, eyes amazed and lit up. I returned a smile and took a sponge from the sink and began to wash the dishes beside her.

After my chores with Lisa and the other servant girls were at last complete, I did as I was told and retreated to Grandfather's office to focus on my studies. I parted the grand, wooden doors that led into the office and slipped in, closing the heavy doors behind me. To my left and right were bookcases that nearly reached the ceiling, and each was crammed with lines and rows of books. Glorious books. Towards the back center of the room was Grandfather's desk, which was large and varnished so that it shone its pure luxury about the room. Above my head was a chandelier that carried many candles which shed its bright light to every nook and cranny of the space. "Perhaps this won't be so bad at all," I thought.

Behind Grandfather's desk was a large window that looked out into the backyard. Beautiful. Thin, lacy curtains hung by the window's sides, controlled by a soft yellow rope that dangled on the right. I hadn't been in here for a very long time because I was forbidden to. Plus, Grandfather had retired to sleep now and was not in here as he usually would have been after dinner. I sat myself in his large, velvety chair and relaxed a bit before opening up my French book. Missus DeWitt said I was slightly behind in my French, and so reasoned that I'd catch up during my "punishment."

"_l'automne_," I said. "Autumn, which will be coming soon. Of course, _les saisons_ don't change much here." I was talking to myself, which was usual whenever I was trying to focus. I stared at the foreign words in boredom. Currently, I was on the topic of weather and seasons, but I didn't see the use in learning how to say those words in French. When would I ever need to describe the weather in French? After reading over a couple more words, I shut the book and wandered about the office, looking for any better books to read.

"Law," I said, as I passed by a bookcase. "Law, again. And look, there is another book about… _Law_." I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest. All of Grandfather's books were about law. Nothing about ships, or sailors, or even pirates for that matter. "Wait!" I said aloud. I skimmed the titles of the row of books over again, my finger grazing their spines. _Ranks and Positions in the Navy_. Perfect.

Pulling out the book, I opened it to the title page and then from then on, was lost in the world of the British Navy. Too lazy to go back to Grandfather's comfortable armchair and seat myself in it, I plopped myself on the floor, and avidly began reading. The one thing I really wanted to find out was about Midshipmen and what they do, for certainly Roland would not be acting so haughty if his title of Midshipman was not as great as one would think. "There! Midshipman!" I yelled aloud, too thrilled to mind that I was _still_ talking to myself.

_Midshipman:_

_One of a class of youths who, in their training for appointment as officers, perform minor duties on board a ship._

"Minor duties…" I echoed with a laugh. Roland wasn't so much of a Naval Officer… yet. There was a sudden, 'crick' and I looked over at the door, and out popped Roland's head as he stepped in, a book also in his arms. At the sight of me sitting on the floor he went, 'Ah!' _Nice to see you too, Brother._

"Astrid! What are you doing here?"

"What am _I_ doing here? What are _you_ doing here?" I replied.

"Part of—"

"Punishment?" I finished.

"Yes. To focus on my studies is what they said," Roland griped, dropping his book carelessly on Grandfather's desk. "How long have you been in here?"

"Since I finished helping Lisa and the other servants clean up the kitchen and all that other stuff. What did Dad make _you_ do?"

"You had it easy, I guess," he began, admiring the tall bookcases while he spoke. "Dad made me go with the footman to clean the horses." I snickered, stifling my laughter with my hand over my mouth. "_What_?" he asked, getting annoyed.

"That's easy, Roland. I was thinking that Dad would have you put on an apron and work alongside the servants upstairs who clean the privies." He snorted, turning his gaze away from me and sticking his chin up in the air to make me feel inferior.

"Let's see how you'd do with horses," he snarled back. "They smell awful…"

"And you don't?"

"Shut up, Astrid!"

"All right! Go on."

"Richard, the man who takes care of the horses, told me to clean their hooves and horseshoes. I thought it'd be easy, ya know, 'cause I'm a lad and I can take care of myself." I imitated a gag and he shot a look at me. "Like I said, I thought it would be easy, but those horses have some disgusting things up their hooves."

"They _don't_ wear shoes, Roland. What would you expect?" I said, getting up from the floor and walking towards Grandfather's desk.

"But it's all crammed in there like mush and I had to pry the stinking filth with just a tiny metal rod that hooked slightly at the end. Plus, the horse's arse would be right behind my head when I was doing this and that just made me want to vomit and the damn beast wouldn't cooperate. I had to chase it around to make it stand still!"

"Prolly did it to show you who's boss, little brother," I said, acting as if I was not amused with his story. I sat myself in the luxurious and snug armchair and turned another page in the book I was reading.

"You assume too much, Astrid," said Roland, not as angrily as before. "You think you can handle everything with ease, but you'll see that not everything is so simple. You are very young, sister and very green." I sighed and let the matter go. I was in no mood to argue tonight.

"Lieutenant…" I said to myself, my voice trailing off as I read further on. "… an officer who fills the place of a superior in the latter's absence or acts for him under his direction…"

"What are you reading?" asked Roland, approaching the front of the desk. I looked up from my book and grinned. I had anticipated such a question.

"Just a book about the British Navy," I replied plainly.

"The British Navy, eh? Shouldn't you be working on your French, sister?" he suggested irritably, leaning forward and about the snatch the book away from me. I pulled it back just in time.

"I already did. Now, _frère, _please focus on your own studies, would you?" He glared at me and I resumed reading about—"ROLAND!" I screamed. "Give the book back!" He danced around the room, holding the book above his head.

"Make me!" he sang. I jumped to my feet, ready to pounce on him and beat him to the ground. I darted away from the desk so as not to break anything on it and chased him across the perimeter of the room.

"Roland! You live to torture me, don't you?" I shouted, gaining on him.

"No, just to make things harder for you to get, that's all," he chimed back. _I will pull your stupid pony tail and cut it off, or rather, tear it off with my bare hands. Let that teach you not to bother me again, _I thought.

He swerved left, I followed. He turned, and then spun abruptly around to the other side; I didn't fall for the diversion. He was headed straight for the doors that led into the office, but his feet skidded forward as he tried to stop himself. It was too late for me to stop and I ran into him from behind which pushed him into whatever caused him to stop in the first place. My book dropped on the floor, and a hand picked it up. "Get out," commanded Roland.

"Roland, I just came in to say farewell," was the person's reply. I stepped to the side so that Roland's tall body wasn't blocking my view anymore and got a good look at who the intruder was. Upon seeing me, he put on a smile and straightened himself out, making him appear even more supercilious. "Miss Turner," he said. I made the involuntary movement of walking towards him and he beamed down at me. Of course, he was a little taller than Roland, which made me feel all the more short. Then again, I was just about a head shorter than him. I'd grow again. At least, I hoped I would.

"Mister Westley," I replied. He didn't have to reach for my hand to kiss as usual. I just offered it to him and he was about to do exactly that when he stopped himself, and just stared at me over the back of my hand. I wondered why he wasn't sending that lovely kiss on my hand and then it struck me. Roland looked as if he was about ready to kill Stephen. My brother's eyes were narrow and harsh and his lips were in a hard, thin line on his face. Not to mention that his hands were balled into tight fists.

"I bid you good evening, Miss," he said, just raising my hand up and then letting go. I sighed, mostly out of disappointment. I had grown to love that kiss on the back of my hand.

"I trust that you will have a good evening as well, Mister Westley. Farewell." I curtsied and he bowed and Roland continued to stand as still as a statue, flaming internally with a newfound hatred for the mesmerizing Stephen Westley.

"Why do you hate Stephen?" I asked, looking over the rim of the book to make eye contact with Roland. He sat on the ground, legs straight out, sheer boredom on his face.

"Why do I hate him? I don't hate Stephen, Astrid," he replied. I scoffed in disbelief.

"Yes, you do. Otherwise, you would not send him such threatening glares."

"I don't _hate_ Stephen, personally. What I _hate_ is that he is attracted to _you_."

"To _me_?" I stammered. "You hate him just because he shows interest in me?" I was squawking like a parrot in skepticism.

"Yes…" murmured Roland.

"Why do you even care if he fancies me or not? I sure fancy him, not in the suitor way. But he _is_ such a gentleman."

"I knew it!" screamed Roland, leaping to his feet. "You said you didn't like him a week ago! Just wait until Adam finds out!" He jumped in excitement, pointing an accusing finger at me.

"I said I did not find him attractive in the suitor type way. A good friend he'd make, but nothing more!" I shrilled, standing up from the armchair and slamming the book on the desk. "Can't you listen for once? And why would you care?"

"Because Stephen's a cocky bastard who just wants a pretty lass like yourself to philander with!" he said, inching closer to the desk still pointing his finger at me.

"How do you know those are his true intentions?" I challenged. Roland at last drew his reproving finger away and looked down at me.

"Because he is eighteen, unmarried and handsome, that's what! Judging by his age, he's probably courted several young women, and I doubt you are the first he has ever had "true" feelings for. He even courted Adam's sister, and since you don't know the story about Stephen Westley and Natalie Locke, then I shall tell you."

"Stop it!" I yelled, but Roland would not be silenced, the brute.

"_She_ stopped courting _him_ because you know what she found out? She found out that he was having an affair with her most dear and trusted_ friend_!"

"Stop it, Roland! Shut up! Stephen's not like that!" Roland smiled slyly, pleased that he had proven my point wrong.

"You don't realize how much a philandering sod heap he is, Astrid. I'm sorry, but you just do not know." That pushed me over the top and I threw the book at him, missing of course, and while he was distracted with the violent act, I sprinted out of the office and upstairs to my room.


	27. The Joys of Christmas

_Chapter 27: The Joys of Christmas_

**M**onths passed and fall turned into winter. The weather stayed the same, except that it rained more and there was less going out. Less having fun. I continued on with my studies with Missus DeWitt, and she announced around the Christmas season that she was going to be married in the next year. Most likely in the spring. Governesses could be married women, and so she would have to leave her dear pupils, meaning she'd have to leave me. I was overjoyed at the announcement. I would have no governess anymore! I'd be done! Finished! Complete! But Mum brought my joy crashing down immediately. She said that if Missus DeWitt was married before my fifteenth birthday, she'd employ another governess for me. There were only two governesses in the whole town at that time, and the other one was the dreadful Miss Abigail Smith. She'd be a governess all her life, I proposed, for no man would want to kiss a woman with that huge a nose.

Missus DeWitt was a widow when she decided to become a governess again, and so kept her husband's name (that explains why she was 'Missus' and not 'Miss'). After her second marriage she would be proudly called Missus Susannah Moore. I wished the best for her, but her leave would bring me my doom.

Christmas was a remarkable celebration. By the time the holiday came, Adam and I were quite branded with the name of 'young lovers,' and Mum had invited the Locke family to our home to celebrate it with us. Adam's sister, Natalie, the one who had courted Alexandra's brother, had arrived from England to spend several months in the Caribbean with her family. She brought with her, her darling husband, Ian Clyde, who surprisingly enough, was the same age as Stephen. I was beginning to suspect that Roland's story was true. When the whole Locke family finally arrived to celebrate Christmas with us, I already planned in my mind about asking Natalie Locke about the matter.

When Maggie came to dress me for that day, she actually brought out a dress that I admired. It was a deep rosy color, printed with many little red flowers to enhance its magnificence. Like the others it was fluffy and frilled with lace almost anywhere possible, but I had to admit, it was stunning. The dress was, at least. I was not.

The dress also fit me just fine. It was not too long, or too lose or too wide. I even asked Maggie when this dress was made. "Early autumn, Miss," she answered. I gave a satisfied nod at myself in the mirror. I had grown a couple inches then.

Once dressed in the fine frock, Maggie dressed my hair. She said I was a lucky girl to be born with naturally curly hair, for then she needn't use the heavy and hot curling iron on my hair. I thought my curly hair was a curse. It was an untamable and bushy mess glued to my head. I found nothing special in it. Maggie arranged it in the normal up-do, and sent me off with a, "Look at you. So lovely. Young Mister Locke will be most pleased." And I replied with my usual, "Yes, Maggie. You did a fabulous job. It is wonderful." Then, I was off to put on the shoes, a shawl over my shoulders to protect and cover up the low neckline, and then down the stairs I went.

Roaming to and fro at the foot of the stairs was Roland, whistling while he walked. He was dressed smartly in a velvet crimson overcoat, a spotless white shirt that collared his neck in lacey ruffles, and white trousers. He wore his Midshipman boots that went up to his knees, and it was a good change for him, considering that he usually wore brown, blue and black ever since he came home. Red made him look a tad bit more like the half-mad boy he was. At my sight he raised his eyebrows and stopped whistling. "Dressing to impress, sister?" he asked, a wide grin on his face.

"No," I snapped back, annoyed that men always had to think women looked nice just because of _them_. Could it never occur to them that women just wanted to look and feel nice? "And what about you, Roland? Marching back and forth like you were drilling on a ship itself."

"I was just waiting for you to finally come down," he grunted. "All because of this escort nonsense."

"Don't worry," I said. "Adam will arrive soon and you won't have to tag alongside me any more… at least… for the day."

"Good. I can never get any freedom accompanying you around." Out of jest, I took out my fan and whacked him in the face with it, and he screamed the normal, 'Ow!' and covered his face with his hands.

"I think that makes ten for today, Roland," I said, quite pleased with his lighthearted pain. I had, in fact, hit him ten times that day, but only for play. He could be a very big nuisance at times.

"It is Christmas Eve and you are still an impulsive wench," he retorted.

"Very well," I said, turning to face him, my smile vanishing from my face. "Let's see who can stand the longest behaving today, and whoever wins may play a public prank on the other, agreed?" Roland smiled his wicked smile, and it was that smile that made me suddenly want to take back what I said, but I could not. It was too late.

"I accept the challenge, Astrid, just as I have accepted all your challenges. You may have won the fencing duel some months back and had me tell you the good parts of my voyage, but I will get you back today. Roland William Turner will be a good boy—young man, I mean."

"We will see who survives, Roland," I said, pointing a finger at him. "I cannot and will not pass a chance to humiliate you, brother."

"Same here, sister," he smirked.

"Now, here is a splendid sight, dear," said a voice coming from the stairs. Roland and I were about ready to shake hands on the bet when we heard it.

"Yes, it is. Our children behaving together for once? I didn't think it was possible." Roland and I exchanged looks. We were thinking the same thing and the eerie glimmer in our eyes confirmed it.

"Ready?" I mouthed.

"Yes. Lead the way, Astrid," he whispered.

Because I hung looser with my pride, I was the first to run up to Mum and Dad and give each of them a choking Christmas embrace. I hugged Mum first, and miraculously, I was the same height as her. She patted me gently on the back, careful not to hug me too tight for the sake me and my corset. She laughed softly and finally let me go. "Daddy!" I squealed, just as I would have done as a tiny girl, and I had to jump up in order to wrap my arms around his neck.

"Merry Christmas to you also, Astrid," said Daddy, laughter in his voice as he hugged me back. "You behave when the Locke family arrives."

"Yes, Sir," I replied. At that, we parted and I stepped aside so that Roland could have his turn.

Roland's exchange of affection with our parents was much more formal than my own. He walked up to Mum and took her hands and planted a kiss on both sides of her face. In return, she patted his cheek, letting him know to be a good boy or else she'd slap him.

With Daddy, Roland put his feet together, arms at his side and gave our father the honor of a midshipman's salute. _Dear Roland, you must always make me look bad, don't you?_ Daddy was clearly surprised and pleased with Roland's presentation of control and refinement. He was doing this on purpose to show me that he could and _would_ be a good boy that day. "Merry Christmas, Mum, Dad," he said, nodding his head at them. "I assure you that, as Astrid's escort and brother, I will be right by her side making sure she does not get into any trouble." Mum beamed and I glowered inside. Roland would certainly pay for tricking Mum and Dad into his favor.

"_And_ as Roland's _older_ sister, I shall make sure he is behaving as well, with no tricks or pranks up his frilly sleeve." I snuck up behind Roland and poked his perfect, straight back with my finger. He jerked and spun around, his eyes aflame.

"I urge you, sister," he cowed. "To watch _your_ back, for you do not know what may be sneaking up behind you."

"There'll be _none_ of that, you two," said Mum, Dad already leading her into the living room. "Promise me you _will_ behave." I swapped looks with Roland. _And so the war has begun. Let us see if you can outsmart the notorious Astrid Turner, Midshipman._

"Yes, Mum. We will," we chimed together. _Though we certainly did _not.

Everyone was gathered in the living room. The Locke family had arrived, all beautiful ten of them. There were of course Mister and Missus Locke, sitting on the large couch with Mum and Dad. Sitting on the richly garbed floor were the Locke children, all seven of them. Roland and I, along with Natalie Locke's husband, Ian Clyde, sat on the floor as well. There were but four couples in the room. Two sat on the floor, which were Natalie and Ian, and Adam and me. Then, of course, there was Mum and Dad, and Mister and Missus Locke on the couch.

The smaller children, namely the twin five year old girls, Rachel and Sarah, and their seven year old brother, David, were sitting in a tight cluster near their mum and dad on the floor. The two older children, Stephanie and George, sat apart from their parents. George sat near Adam and me, and Stephanie sat close to Roland. _Ah… perfect._ Stephanie turned out to be my age, fourteen, though a bit younger, and George with the big feet was a good twelve years of age.

Adam and I sat closest to the fireplace and closest to the pile of presents in the room. We held hands while we sat, but we'd do nothing more. I had to behave for Mum and Dad, and also to show Roland who was best. "Astrid," said Mum, beckoning me with her hand. I let go of Adam's hand and carefully walked over to where Mum was, making sure not to step on any fingers or limbs on the floor.

"Yes, Mum?" I asked, sitting down on the couch beside her.

"You see Stephanie, correct?"

"Yes… I do…"

"I think she likes Roland." I grinned. So Mum and I had similar minds, for I had thought the exact same thing not too long ago. "I was speaking with Missus Locke and she said she was hoping to find Stephanie a suitor before Christmas. But, here Christmas is and still no suitor."

"I see…" I mumbled, as if in deep thought. The only thing on my mind was how I could use Stephanie's fancy towards Roland to embarrass him. "What do you want _me_ to do?"

"Can you talk to Adam and tell him to encourage Stephanie to be friendlier with Roland?" I had to bite my tongue to keep from bursting out in laughter. Oh what a marvelous Christmas it would be.

"Of course," I answered. "I won't let you down, Mum." At that, I got up from my seat and plunked my rump beside Adam and whispered my plot in his ear. A small whirlwind of giggles surfaced around the younger children, most likely because they still held onto the myth that falling in love was sickening. Adam quieted them easily with a harsh pointed finger, and silence endured again.

"Is that so?" whispered Adam, sending a very cautious look over at Roland. "Let me talk with her. While I speak with her, go on with opening presents." He got up and casually walked over to his sister, not appearing forward at all, which therefore made Roland unsuspicious of anything.

"Roland, brother," I called, drawing him from his daydream. "Come here. I bid you open your presents now. After all, it is just you and I left to open our gifts. And as the younger, I invite you to open your gifts now."

"Oh, but dear sister," he replied with the utmost mockery. "You are the lady. I absolutely forbid that I should go before you. It is not what a gentleman should do."

"Ah, but you forget the holiday spirit, young Roland," I countered. He was not going to make me open my presents first. Besides I needed to have him distracted for a while so that Adam could fill his sister in on my plan. "Bend the rules a little, brother. What harm would it do?"

"As a midshipman, I am strictly molded into a life of rules and orders, my sister. It is not like me to go before a lady." He sent me a very sly look. _You will surrender, Roland. Don't make me use force._

"Very well. Here, we shall open our gifts together."

"Then that would decrease the amount of joy that should come with those gifts, sister. I admit I am selfish, but I hold happiness very close to my heart."Roland was good. Very good. But I was not about to surrender yet. Not yetI stared at him, and he stared back looking very pleased and arrogant himself. He knew he was doing well with his courteous talk, but Astrid had some tricks up her sleeve.

"Oh, but brother," I whined. "All my life I have gone before you in many things and this should not be one of them. It is Christmas after all, and I do not want to have our guests see you take the back seat again when you certainly do not deserve it." Roland's grin faded at last, for I had brought the attention of our guests towards him and now he would not want to disappoint them, now would he? Grumbling, he got up and sat next to me, the fiery glare still in his hazel eyes.

"Could you pass your gift to me, sister?" he asked, still remaining polite. He hadn't forgotten about our bet, and neither had I.

Obediently, I fetched my gift to him and he sat it on his lap, looking at it doubtfully as if he suspected some trap. He opened the lid to the box suspiciously and seeing that everything was going just fine, tossed the lid away and looked into the box. His eyes lit up and his eyebrows arched unto his forehead, and he looked up at me, no words coming from his mouth. "Ass… Ass… Astrid," he stuttered. "This… this is… by God, this is…"

"Yes?" I asked, feeling very self-satisfied myself. I even acted as if his apparent joy was not affecting me, but of course, inside I was bouncing with joy. He leapt to his feet, dangling what was in the box in his hands. "I thought you'd like a smashing new midshipman's uniform," I said, seemingly not amused. Roland wasn't listening to me. To tell the truth, I had never seen him ever so happy about a piece of clothing. I took it that he was thrilled with the gift only because it would make him appear very handsome and appealing to the lasses.

He quickly set to putting on the navy blue midshipman's coat, lined with fine gold buttons. He paused and looked at everyone. "How do I look?" he asked.

"Repulsive," I shouted.

"Not you," he barked.

"Stunning, Roland," said a high and sweet little voice. I turned my head swiftly in its direction. I couldn't help but smile. Good girl Stephanie said it! Yes!

Even Roland was amazed at hearing her speak. He looked abashed and tittered nervously, with the red already well on its way to his ears. I watched Stephanie's face and she looked shyly away from Roland, trying to hide her very happy blue eyes. "Well, isn't that just wonderful!" I exclaimed getting up from the ground and walking over to Stephanie. "Only one person thinks you look dashing, Roland," I giggled. The blush on his face vanished and was replaced with the steamed look in his eyes.

"So nice of you to make such an observation, sister," he said, smiling, for once out of jest. "But I thank you deeply for the new midshipman uniform, Astrid. I'll wear it the first day I go back on board the Paramount."

"There's more in there if you haven't noticed," I said, pointing to the abandoned box on the floor.

"Really?" he said, kneeling back down to inspect what he had missed. "Boots? A hat? The trousers? The shirt? A compass and spyglass?" he yelled, pulling the items out of the box quite briskly.

"Yes, everything you could possibly need to make you look like the pompous, ill-mannered boy you are," I laughed.

"You are undeniably respectful," jeered Roland, his bliss indestructible. As he donned the items sloppily onto himself, he looked at me, his ecstasy almost driving him wild. "Here, Astrid. Now you _have_ to open my gift to you." He rushed to the heap of presents and searched frantically for mine. At last, he found it, announcing its finding to all with an animated, "Aha!" He ran to me and stuffed it into my hands beckoning me to quickly open the box. And so I did.

I stared at the box for a few moments, wondering if Roland had some ill-conceived trick up his sleeve, but being drawn into the Christmas spirit, I decided to toss away any suspicion and to let things come as they did. I lifted the lid to the box and at seeing the items in it, the box fell to the floor clamorously. "Roland!" I shrieked, unable to speak. I was hopping about in unexplainable elation gaping and gawking at what hanged from my hands.

"See! Told ya you'd love it!" said Roland, raising his arms up in the air and bouncing around with me.

"It's almost exactly like my gift to you!" I shouted, already gathering up the box from the floor and preparing to head out of the room to change into the pieces of attire.

"Precisely!" As brother and sister, with minds stubborn and wild, we whisked our heads towards our parents with countenances that portrayed our utter desire to dress out of our ridiculous formal garments and into our more fitting Christmas gifts.

"All right, go ahead up to your rooms. We'll still be here when you get down," said Mum trying her best not to laugh in her own enjoyment. I gave a cheer and sprang up the stairs.

_Well, Miss Astrid were walkin' into town,  
Dressed to impress in a fine satin gown.  
But on her face was a strange little frown,  
For the lads were lookin' her up and down!_

She whipped out her fan to hide her face,  
Red from her anger and her disgrace  
Ripping off her dress she cried 'Adieu!  
I'm a buccaneer lads! From the hat to the  
shoes!'

Roland sang as we pranced all the way back down the stairs, newly dressed in our stunning new seaman attire. He was dressed in his blue naval coat, with the gold buttons glistening in the light, along with his spanking new trousers, shirt, hat and boots. As for me, I wore my new pirate wear. My old one was getting quite small but this new garb fit just fine. I had on a dark blue coat as well, but it was a bit more grayish and worn out than Roland's faultlessly assembled naval apparel. It wasn't adorned with the bulky gold buttons and lacked the shortness of Roland's coat as well, making it lag behind me as I danced around in ecstasy.

On my head was a brown, weathered leather tricorn hat, and under that was a red sash I used to control my bulging hair. I also wore a vest that matched the color of my coat over a white shirt, and around my limbs was a pair of black trousers with boots that climbed up to my knees. Of course, my garments were less honorable than Roland's, but I didn't give a hoot at all about it. It was a wonderful transition from a stiff and stuffed dress.

At the bottom of the stairs, Roland and I hooked arms and began to do a very unceremonious jig. I took it that the little tune he sang about me and my new clothes was still giving him a great time in his well groomed head, and so I countered his tale with one of my own. In as loud a voice I could manage, I sang:

_But have you heard of Sir Roland here?  
Dressed all fine in his midshipman gear?  
His face all smug and longing for beer  
And wishing for a lass to finally be near!_

At the end of that verse, Roland and I paraded into the living room, arms still hooked and spinning around like drunken idiots. The room was shocked in an uproar of laughs and shouts and many a, "Great God! She's dressed like a man!" I only laughed all the more, too full of joy to be put down and happily, I continued on with the second verse to my tale about Midshipman Roland William Turner.

_He marched on the docks all prim and cool  
But to the sailors he looked like quite a fool.  
Lieutenant arrived and to him piped up,  
'You! Fetch me some wine and bring me a cup!'_

The last line sent a storm of laughter through the merry air and Roland sent a fierce glare in my direction as we twirled about in our uncoordinated jig. I smiled wickedly in reply and looked about the room, and it made my heart leap with joy to see that the others were up and dancing around as well. Abruptly, I felt a tap on my shoulder, and Roland and I unhooked arms and I looked into the very pleased face of my young Adam Locke. "May I cut in?" he asked to Roland, and my brother just shrugged and turned around still dancing.

"Of course ya can," I chimed and I took his hand in mine and led him to the center of the room. He placed his hand on the small of my back and together we whirled about the room, him dressed so finely as a gentleman and me, well, dressed as a pirate.

Roland and mine's singing jokes on each other were over, but for some odd reason, a blast of music came into the room. I turned my head looking towards whoever was playing an instrument, for certainly nobody was singing now. In the far back of the room I caught sight of Ian Clyde who cheerfully put his lips to a flute and blew a sweet Scottish tune. "I didn't know Natalie's husband was a musician," I whispered in Adam's ear as we continued to skip about.

"He's not, but he learned how to play a number of instruments. From what I've heard, he can play a flute, violin and harpsichord remarkably well."

"A talented Scot that makes him then," I said. "If he is not a musician, then what is his profession?"

"He's a merchant, but has been trading more in the Mediterranean than around the Caribbean so he can stay with my sister. He spends plenty of time on the sea and I'm sure he uses that time with his instruments." I nodded in agreement and we slowed to a stop, and we ended with a few claps from our mums and dads. It was only when we stopped did I realize that Adam and I were the only ones dancing. Everyone else was back in their original spots, except for Roland who stood strangely by the exit.

"How come you like to dress like that?" came a high-pitched voice. I knew the question was addressed to me. After all, I was the only one in the room who was dressed uncommonly. The question came from Adam's youngest brother, David.

"I dunno," I answered. "I guess, well, it gives me a lot more freedom to move about than in a dress. Do you like to play games?"

"Yes," he replied, still not understanding my reasoning behind dressing like a pirate.

"Well, so do I, but I can't play very much in a dress because it is so big and puffy. But, in the clothes I'm wearin' now, I can move about freely and I get to play games and do things I couldn't do in a dress." He looked up at me from his spot on the floor, his blue eyes all a-twinkle. He seemed to understand and at last turned his burdening stare of curiosity away from me and towards his older sister, Stephanie.

"How come _you_ don't do that?" She bit her lip and her primped hair began to shudder with nervousness. I could tell right away that she was a shy one. Or perhaps she was not being herself because Roland was in the room and she wanted to impress him.

"I like to wear dresses," she confessed at last. "Don't take it personally, Astrid, but I don't crave freedom as strongly as you do."

"'Tis perfectly fine, Miss Stephanie," I said. "Did you like the dress you received as a Christmas gift from your parents?" I asked, having a plan already thought out in my mischievous mind.

"Yes, it was absolutely beautiful," she responded. "In fact, you going up to change in your Christmas gift wants me to do the same. Mum, Dad, do I have your permission?" she asked, already getting up from her seat. Adam nudged me with his elbow as soon as his sister's back was turned and I came back with a wink of delight.

"What do you have planned, Astrid?" he whispered, leaning his head slightly towards my own.

"Roland is standing right by the exit, which just happens to be where the unnoticed mistletoe hangs. He is utterly bored at the moment, his happiness from his midshipman uniform having worn off some minutes ago. See him standing there looking uninterested in what is going on?" I said, inconspicuously lifting my arm towards my brother's direction and casually placing my hand on my hat.

"I see. As soon as Stephanie gets permission to change into her new dress, she will pass through the same exit…"

"…And I will yell at the top of my lungs to get both your sister's and Roland's attention under the mistletoe." Adam snickered and wrapped his arm around my waist and gave my cheek a warm kiss.

"Any other mischief you have up your pirate sleeve?" he asked.

"None at the moment, but I'm sure I would have thought up another prank by dinner." Adam was about to say something, but Stephanie had finally managed the "yes" from her parents and was heading towards the exit with her new dress in her hands. Roland still stared at the ceiling in sheer boredom, oblivious to anything around him. It was time to unleash my trick. Stephanie was almost to the exit. Almost… almost…

"ROLAND!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, and that made him nearly shoot up. He drew himself out of his reverie and nearly collided into Stephanie, who also turned her head in my direction when I yelled.

"What!" he yelled back, clearly irritated. Stephanie still stood beside him, bewildered and observant of what was going to happen next.

I abandoned Adam's side and quickly walked to the soon-to-be couple and placed my hands on my hips as if I was about to scold Roland. He stared back in masked rage, waiting every so patiently for me to finally give my reason. I looked up at the ceiling, and locked my eyes on the piece of shrub that hung above the two and grinned. "Well, isn't that a surprise indeed," I said, trying my best to act as astonished as Stephanie and Roland. "You two happen to stand directly under the… the mistletoe." I giggled and took a step back, ready to stare into the angry and astounded face of Roland William Turner. And furious did he look.

But, remembering our bet, he kept his mouth shut and sent me curses through the murderous look in his eyes. _One mark for Astrid. None for Roland_. Stephanie looked clearly confused, but her cream-colored face was already dyed in pink. "Well, you two know what happens under the mistletoe. And we all want to see what happens, don't we?" I asked, looking back unto the thrilled and eager audience. I knew Roland wouldn't dare oppose anything in the cage of guests' expectations. He'd go along with the plan.

Reluctantly and with a twitch, he approached Stephanie warily and when his feet stood directly opposite hers, he looked down at her, grabbed her face and kissed her swiftly on the lips. Needless to say, while his eyes were closed in mortification, her eyes were wide with astonishment and remained that way when their lips parted. "What a show!" I cried, clapping my hands together. From my examinations of Roland's face after the kiss, his embarrassment was flushed out and replaced with his own foxy grin.

"Yes," he replied calmly. "Adam, your sister is quite a lovely kisser." At that, Stephanie blushed deeply and bit her lip again. "But then again, I'm sure Astrid has honored you with her own kisses, hasn't she?" Adam didn't reply and just narrowed his eyes on his good friend.

"Indeed she has, but there is no need for a mistletoe for us to demonstrate such an act."

"All right then," said Roland, too proud to stop himself from making sport of Adam and me. "Would you care to show us exactly how you and Astrid exchange means of affection? Stephanie and I gave you all a show. Is it fair for Astrid, dear and funny little Astrid, to deprive you of a better one?"

"Roland, you miserable piece of rubbish!" I yelled. "How dare you bring Adam and me into such a—"

"What did you say, sister? I'm sorry, I am still so mesmerized by the little event under the mistletoe." I clenched my fists. He chose a perfectly horrible time to ignore _me_.

"I have no intention to repeat what I said earlier to you, brother!" I shouted. "So shut your haughty and undignified mouth before I smash it shut myself!"

"I'm sorry, sister," he replied, his grin only wider. "Could you say that again?"

"What!" I squealed, teeth bared and fists up ready to pound him into dust.

"I simply asked you to repeat—"

"Repeat my ars—" A hand clasped my mouth shut and another held my waist firmly to keep me from lashing out at Roland. Into that hand I muttered every curse I knew.


	28. What a Gentleman Does

_Chapter 28: What a Gentleman Does_

**A**fter being restrained, taken away, and spoken to about my inappropriate behavior in front of guests, the Christmas atmosphere was in peace once again. It was a good thing that Adam had controlled my uncontrollable fury, or I would have clearly made a bad impression to the entire Locke family. In fact, I still think I made a bad impression by just threatening Roland. I wondered why I could never act like a lady and just keep things in. Boys were never harshly scolded for picking fights with one another. It was always supposed as their "nature," but it was superbly evident that girls liked to provoke tiffs with one another, except, whenever fights did break out, girls were severely punished. It was the difference in what a gentleman does and what a lady does that greatly influenced their punishment for a crime. And I had to experience that all too well.

It was well into the night. All the candles were nearly spent or dying in the grand living room, and many of the Locke children had deserted the boring place for the parlor: a place where they could play their games and say what they wanted without the watchful eyes of their parents. The smells of Christmas dinner still hung about the room, most likely because the smells from the kitchen and dining area had attached themselves to our clothes. If I wasn't full of Lisa's succulent and flavorsome cooking, I would have thought the smell was absolutely appetizing and delicious, but I was nearly sick to my stomach in figgy pudding.

I was still dressed in my pirate wear, and thankfully, neither Mister Locke nor his wife objected to their son courting a woman who enjoyed the sea adventures of outlaws. More precisely, when they requested a personal moment with me, they said that I balanced out Adam's persona well, with him being very polite, quiet and caring, and with me being loud, temperamental and perhaps _too_ affectionate. "He needs a different and persevering young woman as yourself to keep him in line," they said. Their compliment earned a special place in my heart, for I appreciated the fact that they even liked me. It was a good thing that they did not poke into the secret life of their son, for Adam and I have had quite a bit of fun together. Of course, I made sure things never got too far. I, unlike Roland, knew what extreme measures took a woman; straight to the pain and possible fatality of childbirth.

Adam wasn't sitting with me at that time. He was chatting with Roland, most likely about manly stuff: lasses, ships, adventure, voyages and perhaps even weapons. He'd take a glance every now and then at me and I'd just smile back, reassuring him that he could go on and talk with Roland until the sun rose. This worked for my benefit though, for I still wanted to speak with Natalie about her past, disastrous relationship with Stephen Westley.

Over the past months, Stephen came and visited me, but I never really gave him what he was looking for in his visits. By the way he'd look at me, I was never sure if he was thinking that he wanted more than friendship from me, or that he was just inspecting me because I was very different from other girls. Nonetheless, he remained kind, polite and conceited, but he also remained quite handsome and very charming. It surprised me even more that he never considered that I was courting someone else. It was as if the things in my life didn't matter to him, except for myself. He'd bow and pay his respects to my mum and dad, and he'd do his best to avoid Roland's wrath, but he was never interested in the people I interacted with. Things were quite clear that he had his eye on me, and me only, which, depending on how one would look at it, could have been very good or very bad.

Ian and Natalie sat near the burning flames in the fireplace, laughing and giggling with one another. I was not the type of person who'd interrupt such a tender moment between such a beautiful couple, but I was aching for some more information about exotic Stephen Westley. At last, I had my chance when Ian pulled out his flute again and started playing a lulling melody. "How long have you been playing?" I asked. Ian moved the flute away from his lips and both he and Natalie stared at me. Their stares were not the ones purposefully sent to make you uncomfortable, but more of gentle inquisitiveness.

"Since I was a lad," he answered in his heavy Scottish accent. "Been playing since I were 'bout seven years of age, Miss." I nodded as I got up from my seat and approached the couple.

"Adam told me that you can also play the violin and harpsichord."

"Aye, I can," he said, bringing the flute back up to his lips to play a tune. I could see why Natalie married him. He was kind, calm, smart and had a light and soothing voice. His eyes were green and his hair was brown, and I was sure he'd be considered a fine-looking lad by many a lady, for indeed he was to me. But I was already very content with my Adam. "'Twas a fine trick ya played on yer brother, Miss," he added, slightly laughing. Natalie smiled too and nodded in agreement.

"Has Adam been behaving with you?" she asked, just out of jest.

"Yes, he has. I make sure of it. He's a very nice young man, your brother."

"At least he has managed to find himself a young woman he actually likes. You cannot imagine how many girls had their eye on him. Poor lad. I wish I could have been there to see him erupt in rage to get the flocks of maidens away from him." I laughed and took a quick look over at Adam, and he was peering suspiciously in our direction, wondering what we could have been laughing about.

"It's no surprise that so many girls gawk at him. He is a very attractive young man, Miss," I said. "The thing that he told me that surprised me the most was that he said many a lad was ogling me at those parties we attended."

"You never noticed that you were beautiful, Astrid?" she asked, shocked herself.

"No," I said simply. "I thought what made men think a lass was pretty was if she walked about in those awful dresses and laughed daintily and smiled despite the suffocating corset around their abdomen. I hated all that stuff."

"Well, those _do _catch a man's attention, but one's face and body play a large part as well. But, you are still young and unsuspecting, so do not press the matter, Astrid," she said. I waited a while before actually putting forth my real question to her. I didn't want to seem too forward and the pause in between would signal the importance of the question.

"Miss Natalie," I began. "Is it true that you courted Stephen Westley?" Her pale face became rigid and her blue eyes seemed to glitter with unwanted memories, but she smiled timidly and gently turned to her husband.

"I'm sorry, Ian, but you've already heard this story and I'm sure Miss Astrid has a more personal reason as to why she is asking this."

"All right, love," he said, leaning forward and kissing Natalie on the cheek. "I think I'll jus' check on the little ones in the other room. Ta, Nattie," he said.

"Bye." At his leave, Natalie looked at me, her smile gone, and she pulled on a ringlet of her light brown hair.

"Yes, I did court Stephen, Astrid," she said. "When I was fourteen and in the early blooming of womanhood, just like you now. We met at a party, of course, and I thought he was very handsome and lovely. I said yes immediately to him when he asked to take a small walk with me around the fort. From then on, things went through a course of very good times to very bad." She paused and narrowed her eyes on me, but not cruelly.

"Why do you ask?" she questioned.

"Because he has been coming to this house to visit me, Natalie, nearly everyday. When I was sick for a week, he came to this house every single day," I said in a very hushed tone.

"Call me Nattie, Astrid. You are Adam's suitor and therefore will be like a sister to me. It is all right to be informal." I nodded weakly and continued on with my story.

"Whenever he stops by, he requests about an hour's time with me and all we do is talk. I can tell he doesn't just want to talk, but I do not like him in the suitor way. When Roland told me that you two once courted, I thought I could ask you about him and to find out if he is really the perfect man he appears to be."

"He is most certainly not perfect," said Nattie sternly. "Everyone has their faults, and he has his share of them. From what you say, I cannot really explain his behavior. With me, Stephen never did anything like that. He'd come by perhaps three times a week at most to say hello and to walk with me, which would ultimately end up in something a bit more, but he never stopped by my house days on end." Her stare became a tad bit shadowed in seriousness and she began to clamp her fingers into fists, only to stretch her fingers out again. It must have been her sign of uneasiness.

"Really? Do you know of anyone else who courted him and might have had a similar experience?"

"No," she said. "Even with the woman he betrayed me for, he never showed that large an interest. Astrid, does he know that you are Adam's suitor?"

"Yes. I have told him many times, and he always replied with, 'Of course he is, Astrid. But I'm just looking for friendship. That's all.'" A sharp sigh escaped her nose and her balled fists never uncoiled.

"Astrid, I worry for you. I do not think Stephen has ever been so enamored by a woman such as you, even though you are clearly resisting his advances. If he is foolish enough to disregard the fact that you have a suitor, then he has gone completely mad." For a moment, I processed what she said into my head. It was clear that Stephen was interested in me, but I was still a girl compared to him. He was eighteen, well raised and handsome. I wondered if he even considered the fact that he was attracted to a childish and untraditional fourteen year old girl. After thinking it over, I decided that the next time I would see Stephen, I'd tell him straight off that I was not interested in the relationship he was offering.

"Nattie," I began. "What ever happened to you two? I mean, you are a gorgeous woman and he is a gorgeous man. Roland told me that he thought you were too plain." She laughed lightly at that.

"Well, where to begin? Stephen was indeed very handsome as a young lad. He was a bit bony—"

"Like Roland?" I interrupted. She laughed again.

"Yes. Like Roland. Anyway, when we first began courting, we were very happy, or at least, it seemed that way. I was very happy and excited that he, out of all the boys, had an interest in me. After all, I always pictured him with some radiant, rich and perfect blonde woman. But he chose me." I bobbed my head, interested in the tale. Stephen surely had an active life. "In the beginning, he was very sweet. He would come at least three times a week to see me and take me around and during the holidays he'd buy me the most extraordinary gifts. He was a very good lad, but looking back on it now, I didn't think we connected very well."

"In what way?" I asked.

"He is very passionate about the things he enjoys, and the man enjoys many things. I, on the other hand am very prudent. I don't like to take risks. The biggest one I have ever taken was going to back to England. Stephen is not like that. He is very proud of his ego, and well, that can make him conceited. He began to think that he could do whatever he wanted, and I always advised him not to. We'd bicker over that and things fell apart from there."

"But wasn't he involved with another lady when you were still supposedly courting?"

"Yes, that part is true. He began to charm my friend, Cornelia, but by the time the two actually got together, Stephen and I had lost touch with our past infatuation, so I did not mind. In fact, I let him go very politely, and we remained friends after that. My mother though, was most disappointed. She was really looking forward to a wedding between us."

"But you have Ian now," I beamed.

"Exactly. Of course, Stephen was not the only lad I courted as a girl. It took quite a few trials before I found my match." She hushed after that and looked away, and I wondered why.

"What's this, sister?" said a voice. I turned around and found Adam and Roland standing beside me. Adam had addressed his sister.

"Miss Astrid just wanted a word from me. Now, younger brother, if you can excuse me, I need to join my husband in the parlor." She stood up and the two exchanged nods before she left the room.

"What was that all about?" asked Roland, as the two boys sat down beside me. Roland to my right and Adam to my left.

"Nothing. I just asked her about… Stephen."

"Why?" Adam burst immediately. "What has he done now?" I took Adam's hand with a grin and squeezed it tight.

"Nothing's happened, my dear," I said. "His visits are just bothering me, and since your sister once courted him, I just asked her what he was really like so I would know how to avoid his offerings."

"Offerings!" yelled Adam, his blue eyes sharp with anger.

"Calm down, love," I replied, patting his arm, "I am still completely yours. No need to worry."

"If he even does one thing to you—" warned Adam.

"—We'll beat up the dirty bastard," finished Roland. I sighed at the impudence of men. They always had to show each other who was best through unnecessary violence.

"There shall be no fists flying over me," I said firmly. "And if fists do fly, I'll give both of you bloody noses and black eyes, despite how much you mean to me. Absolutely _no_ fists will fly." I sent each of them a very cross look to enhance my point. I was serious about it. They got it quickly, Roland having been given a few punches from me and Adam just understanding better.

Adam's face pinched slightly and I could tell he was irritated with the matter, despite the fact that I had assured him things were just fine. _Dear Adam, you worry too much._ To soothe his annoyance, I kissed his cheek, and he only chuckled nervously. We were, after all, still in the sight our parents.

"If you plan on doing anything _above_ that, please retreat to a room," suggested Roland, boredom and vague disgust in his voice.

"Unlike you, we behave in company," I retorted. "Stephanie looks lonely, brother. Comfort her," I laughed. He pushed my head so that my hat fell off, but he stormed away and sat beside dainty Stephanie anyway. At Roland's leave, I whispered in Adam's ear, "I think he likes her."

"He does. He told me. He thought she was "tamed brilliance," but you know how Roland is," replied Adam into my own ear.

"I know all too well," I moaned. He sniggered heartily and gave me a kiss on the cheek and neck. _Watch yourself, Adam._


	29. Burdens, Boredom & Bad Luck

_Chapter 29: Burdens, Boredom and Bad Luck_

**I**t was late January. The new year had begun rather bleakly, with really naught to look forward to. After the excitement of Christmas, came the dreary period of utter boredom, which Roland and I shared so that neither of us would end up completely mad with the feeling. Adam would come along every now and then, but he was busy training with his father. He would be testing to be a Lieutenant in the upcoming months. And his sister, Stephanie, had become quite affixed to Roland, and the two began to be seen as a couple. She'd stop by the house sometimes as well, but it was usually Roland who went to the Locke residence. Needless to say, my brother had healed quite well since his torn relationship with Alexandra.

Adam's focus on training for a position as Lieutenant only worked to Stephen's advantage. Thankfully, I hadn't heard from Stephen for about a two months and I was glad that he wasn't around to visit me anymore. But all that came tumbling down.

On precisely January the twenty-eighth, in the afternoon, an unexpected knock came from the front doors, and the doorman answered it. I was out in the gardens at that time, reading more about the British Navy, and Roland was not in the house, he having gone off with Stephanie to have a "good" time. It was a sudden surprise when the doorman came out into the gardens, calling my name.

"Miss Turner! Miss Turner!" he cried, poking his head about in the greenery to find where I was. Lifting my head from my book, I stood up from the bench I sat on and revealed myself to the doorman.

"Yes, Peter?" I answered.

"Miss, you have a visitor," he stated, and I simply shrugged my shoulders and followed him back into the house, my book wedged under my arm.

As I walked in, I predicted that the visitor was probably Adam or some person wishing to see Mum and Dad. But my postulation was entirely incorrect. After having two months in peace without Stephen, I found him standing by the doorway, a smile on his well-molded face and three boxes in his arms. I gulped and approached him with much caution. "Good day, Miss Turner," he said, bowing to me.

"Good day to you also, Mister Westley," I managed, curtsying through my quaking limbs. "I trust that you had a fine holiday celebration."

"I did," he replied. "My family and I took a ship to my Uncle's estate on the Hispaniola Island. It was a fine trip actually. But things could have always been better."

"Of course they can," I said courteously, but his smile had not lifted and he was beginning to make me feel very uncomfortable. "Any reason in particular as to why you are here?"

"Oh, yes," he said. "I almost forgot. I came to deliver some… belated Christmas presents to your family." A thin smile happened to surface my face anyway. What his family was doing for us was very thoughtful.

"Thank you, Mister Westley," I said softly, hoping not to seem too excited at the gifts. I took a step forward and he handed the boxes to me, saying which one was designated for who. The last box he handed to me was mine.

I called for Peter to take the other boxes and place them in the living room where Mum, Dad, and Roland would be sure to see them. When Peter had gone, Stephen insisted that I open the box. "Here," I said, keeping my hand from prying open the lid. "Why don't we open this outside in the gardens? I can sit down then, and opening the box would be easier than trying to open it while standing," I suggested, without even thinking about how Stephen interpreted the situation.

"Of course, my lady," he replied, and he offered me his arm to take. I looked at it with uncertainty in my eyes. I had made the mistake of being too friendly with him before, and Adam was very disappointed. I would not let it happen again.

But Stephen had done no wrong to me. All he had been was polite, considerate and formal whenever he visited me. It would be wrong to deny any of his reasonable requests. I took his arm with an awkward smile, and out to the gardens we went.

I led him to the bench I was sitting on when I was interrupted from my reading and together we sat down, side by side. I placed the book that had been lodged under my arm beside me, and laid the box in my lap. "What could it possibly be?" I asked, perhaps too teasingly. He laughed and laid his hand over mine.

"Why don't you go on and see for yourself?" I looked at him, trying so hard to decipher what he could possibly be thinking, but it was useless. The man had a brilliance about him that prevented any mind from figuring out who he really was. I sighed and slipped my hand away from his, regardless of the fact that his hand on mine was very comforting. I remembered my Adam.

Filled with doubt and worry towards where my connection with Stephen Westley would take me, I took off the lid and stared impassively in the dark cavity of the box. A soft gasp found its way out of my mouth and I was overcome with joy.

Contained in the cube were an atlas and several maps of the Caribbean and also the World. With it also came a handful of new and very fine navigating tools, including a golden compass that had its own gold chain to hang from. "Thank you, Stephen!" I shouted, already jumping from my seat. "How… how did you know I desired these?"

"You think that when you spoke to me during my visits that I was never listening, Astrid?" he answered, a dash of the all too apparent egoism in his voice. "You are not the only one fascinated by the sea. Your dream of having your own adventures out on the raging blue main intrigued me. I thought that these materials would help prepare you for such a voyage." I was speechless for a moment, still gawking at the wonderful items that I could now call my own.

"These are wonderful, Stephen. Thank you, oh so very much!" I had lost touch with decorum once again and was flouncing about in happiness. Maybe Stephen _was_ intent on winning my heart, but I knew he never would. I was already very content with Adam. I had no desire to—It occurred to me then that he was watching me with that eerie twinkle in his eyes again and I stopped my celebrating and tried to act like a lady again. "Sorry," I muttered.

"Oh no, Astrid. Express your extreme gratification. I would not want to be the one who restrains you from doing so," he said earnestly, standing up to face me. Now that he stood in front of me, I knew I had grown a bit, for now I was not at his shoulder any more. I was a good two or three inches above it now.

"You really don't mind?" I questioned, remembering that ladies were advised _not_ to express their deep feelings so openly, especially in front of men. It allowed us to be manipulated too easily, and for me, that would not be a good thing, for I was already very green as it were.

"Not at all," he responded. "You really must be more like yourself around me, Astrid. I'd hate to keep you caged in that body of yours because you are expected to act like a fine lady, which you are, but do I not know you well enough to see that you enjoy what freedom is given to you?" He had his way with words, I had to admit. Was it a bad thing to ever be _too_ charming?

"There are many things you do not know about me, Stephen," I said, too stupid to realize where the conversation was going. If only I knew what would happen next, perhaps I would have kept my mouth shut.

"When will you tell me all your secrets, Astrid?" he said softly, stepping all the more closer to me. Stricken dumb and frozen in place, I looked straight into his mesmerizing eyes and must have had the more whorish side of me activated.

"When you tell me all yours," I replied with the same mysteriousness, again without thinking. It surprised me how stupid I was in the most dangerous of situations.

"Where would you like me to begin?" he said, gently stroking my jaw line with his thumb. I tensed at his touch but was very close to surrendering to his spell. _Be a good girl, Astrid. Don't let him do anything to you that is beyond friendship._ It was too late though; my mind was getting clouded because of the flighty feeling rousing in me, and I felt his face coming all the more closer to mine.

Betrayal was what I would have been guilty of if I hadn't had a flash in my mind of Adam's piercing and concerned blue eyes. I pulled myself out of my daze and opened my eyes to meet the very intent stare of Stephen Westley. "I can't," I whispered, pushing his nearing lips away from mine with a finger. "I'm promised to Adam, and he's been very good to me. Please, understand." His eyelids hooded his blue eyes for a brief moment before he looked back at me. By the look on his face, I knew his pride was far from being punctured.

"Very well, Miss Turner," he said. "I respect your wishes, and I bid you farewell." He stepped away and bowed down. I thought he was going to take my hand and kiss it as usual, but he didn't. And he left without a double glance.

"You are in a very bad mess, Astrid," I said to myself, as I sat down miserably onto the bench again. I buried my face in my hands and thought long and hard about what on earth I could do to protect both Stephen and Adam from undeserved pain.

The months flew by very quickly, and before I knew it, we had reached magnificent March. And everyday that passed, I missed another chance to run out to sea. Of course, as Dad said some fine September ago, the opportune moment would come. He just failed to mention whether it would come soon.

Needless to say, after my refusal to kiss Stephen, our relationship somewhat crumbled. He came by less often, but he still seemed oddly intent to be with me. At times, I would think that he had forgiven me for resisting his advances, but he never was as carefree or considerate around me anymore. His guard was never down, nor did he ever take the chance to seem less proud. I presumed that nothing would ever dampen the man's hubris.

Many times in my head I had come to a decision to tell Mum about my problems with Adam and Stephen, but whenever she asked if anything was wrong, I couldn't spit out what I had tried so hard to say. I wondered why, and I guess it was because I feared that she wouldn't understand, or that she'd get angry with me for having interactions with two different men. Of course, I _was_ only a friend to Stephen. I never demonstrated anything more than friendly affection with him, unlike with Adam. The only problem was that Stephen wanted to break that line, and I didn't, or hoped not to.

I was moping about the house again, thinking, muttering, and sliding down the stair banister. Roland was out with Stephanie, Adam was with his father at the docks, Mum was going out to have tea with a friend, Dad was in his shop, Stephen was at the fort drilling, and I was stuck in this house burdening over my dilemmas. My feet hit the floor in a loud 'clap' and I stood up, sighing unhappily. "Will there ever be anything worth doing in this place!" I yelled, waving my arms in the air. Silence was my answer, and I accepted the reply and stormed off to my room.

Gathering up my navigating tools and maps, I ran back down the stairs and treaded over to the gardens. In a frustrated breath, I dumped the items onto the grass and joined them, lying down on my stomach with my chin in my hand. The day was very fine. Everything was bathed in glorious golden sunlight and the air was not so heavy with moisture and heat. "To think I'm spending such a wonderful day as a prisoner in my own home. Everyone goes off and gets to have fun outside while I'm left here to rot," I grumbled, trying to use a compass properly without getting too discouraged. I was overjoyed when Stephen gave me the gifts, but I never realized how difficult it would be to operate them and I was too embarrassed to ask for help.

The grass brushed its prickly fingers on my bare forearms, and before I knew it, I was scratching my skin repeatedly and pink blotches were on my skin. Even nature was being mean to me that day. I did my best to breathe while lying down on the ground, considering that my corset was still on and it would be very difficult to breathe normally with so much pressure around my lungs. My fellow human society must have thought that women who could barely breathe were attractive, and I begged to differ. At least there were no tiny flies buzzing about to annoy every open space of one's body. _That's North, South, East and West. And that is probably all I will ever acquire from these things,_ I thought. My failure to learn anything or to mystify myself with these things moved me to toss the materials away and I was left to swim in boredom again.

"Astrid!" came a distant call. "Astrid!" I moaned inside and rolled onto my back and then onto my feet.

"Yes?" I returned, dragging my lazy feet back into the house. It made me sad to leave such a peaceful bit of scenery for the dreariness of a house I was all too familiar with. Then again, even out in the gardens the tedium would get to me.

"Come have tea with your mother," it said.

"Mum?" I asked, walking into the house with vague amusement and confusion. She had told me that she was going to have tea with a friend.

"Yes, Astrid. In the parlor." My steps quickened as I searched for my destination and once I was there, Mum sat in a chair, a cup of tea in her hands.

"I thought—"

"Sit," she commanded, and I sat, of course, not without grabbing a biscuit first. I was about to put the pastry to my mouth when Mum spoke again about something that took me by surprise. "Is anything wrong? By the look on your face and your wrinkled forehead, I assumed you were in deep thought wherever you were." My teeth locked onto the biscuit, but Mum's eyes remained on me.

_Tell her how bored you are. Tell her how Stephen wants more than friendship from you but that you also do not want to disappoint Adam. For God's sake, ya idiot, tell her everything!_ "No," I said quietly, and I took another bite of the treat with a disappointed look on my face. _Why can't I tell her anything! Why! Why!_ Mum looked away from me and focused on her own meal, but it was clear that she, too, was irked by some unknown matter, for her smile had diminished and her face was tight.

The room fell into silence and I continued to nibble on my biscuit like a mouse with cheese. For some odd reason, I had lost my appetite, and I drifted off into thinking over the problems that my tongue would not permit me to say aloud. But my own consciousness lost the battle when I nearly choked on my biscuit when Mum slammed her teacup on the table.

"Astrid," she said, seemingly calm after her sudden burst of rage. I faced her, eyes wide and terrified, and I began to wonder how many other secrets my mother had, for her outbursts were an extremely rare thing. "How long do you expect me to believe that everything is positively fine in your perfect world?" I swallowed, the biscuit going down my throat in a sticky and coarse mess.

"I'm sorry, Mum," I said, looking down. "I know that I have been able to tell you about many things, but this… this is different."

"How so?" she questioned. "Having anything to do with Stephen's visits and your desire to still please him while remaining loyal to Adam? Hmm?" she proposed, raising her eyebrows at me with a look that exclaimed, "I am your mother and I know _everything_." At that, my pastry fell from my hand onto the floor, my body frozen in place and mouth gaping.

"C-Can I ask y-you something f-first?" I stuttered, still baffled that she could analyze her daughter's behavior so well. I knew that when I became a mother that I would never know what went on in my children's minds.

"Go ahead," she replied.

"How did you know and did you ever experience something similar to this?" She took a sip of her tea, looking at me from the rim of her cup.

"I suspected something was wrong for a very long time, Astrid. It never went unnoticed to me how many times Stephen came to visit you and how you would brood about the house after his visits. You never do that unless something very important is on your mind. Sadly, I was never lucky enough to undergo a similar situation in my own life. Nonetheless, you will receive my help. I am your mother and I don't want you to sulk over such matters, Astrid. At least, not so much." She smiled her brilliant smile, and her honest interest in my troubles moved me to finally speak.

After informing her about Stephen's visits, his true objectives and his attempt to kiss me, I looked at Mum with caution, fearing what she would have to say about her daughter being revealed into too much carnality. "Well," she sighed, setting the dainty piece of china carefully onto the table. "Two boys want your hand, but you are only devoted to one but you do not want to hurt the other. Is that true?"

"Yes."

"Very well. From now on you will take daily strolls about the town with Roland, Astrid, after your lessons with Missus DeWitt. You said that Stephen comes by during the early afternoons, correct?" I nodded and she went on. "A good two or three hours you should spend in the town before you should come back. Therefore, if Stephen comes to visit you during that time, you will not be around to speak with him. I am sure he will not be hurt and I am sure he will still manage to see you a few times, but not as often as before. Hopefully that will make his clear obsession over you dwindle."

"What if it doesn't?" I asked, just to spoil Mum's convincing plan.

"It will," she replied, knowing that I posed the question just to annoy her. "Now, is that all you were troubling over?" I smirked in embarrassment and looked at her, tea cup in hand.

"Yes." She shook her head from side to side, her golden hair swaying with her.

"Astrid," she sighed. "You never cease to amaze me. Now, there is something very important I must talk to you about."

"What?" I wondered.

"Missus DeWitt is getting married at the end of April. And you will not have finished your lessons yet." I gulped, knowing where the conversation would go, and the panicky feeling was rousing in my gut. "Because of that, I must assign another governess to you, and the only other governess in the town is—"

"No!" I burst. "Please, Mum. No, no, no, please, dear God, no. Don't employ the witch again. Don't bring Miss Abigail Smith back into my already boring and problem-filled life." I had fallen to my knees, begging at her feet to stop what I knew was coming. "Please, Mummy. I beg you don't. Please, please? Can't I just finish my lessons a month early? Can't you cut it off? It's only a month. Please, please, please?" Mum laughed lightly and motioned for me to get back on my feet. I did, although I still did not feel better.

"I spoke with Miss Smith, Astrid. And she made it clear that she would not want to waste any of her time teaching you again, even for a month. Both of you have the same distaste for each other. _But_, she _will_ teach you a little bit more, and she has agreed to a final test on your birthday to issue if you have completed your lessons well enough or not."

"What? A test?"

"Yes, a test. She has not explained the whole concept yet to me, but she will as soon as she comes back to teach you. Now, I ask of you, Astrid, to _please_ do your best around her. Many of her pupils have ended up with fine matches to fine men, and I wish that also from you. I do not want you to have to take a few more months of governess lessons after your fifteenth birthday, Astrid. If you do well on the exam, you will never have another governess… _ever._"

"No governess? Ever again?" I repeated, the thought of good, deserved freedom escalating up my spine.

"No governess." I threw my hands up to the air and mouthed a 'thank you' and fell back onto the couch I sat on, giggling internally. Perhaps the few weeks with Miss Abigail would be worth it. But, there was one thought still on my mind. What test could she possibly have for me?


	30. Bloody No Good Sailors

_Chapter 30: Bloody No Good Sailors_

**M**um's plan to keep Stephen away from me as much as possible worked perfectly fine. Roland didn't mind taking me around the town, most often with Stephanie by his side, but he was never too protective, which was a good thing. He was known to get a tad bit too defensive towards others, but at that time, it was the least of my concerns.

It was on Adam's sixteenth birthday did I finally feel excitement I had not sensed since Christmas. That day, Mum promised that I could spend the whole day with Adam, but also to show me that she expected me to behave, she said Roland and Stephanie had to come along on our jaunt through the town. I didn't mind having them around though. I hadn't spent as much time with Adam in the past months, and to spend a whole day with him was a gift from heaven. It surprised me how heartsick I felt without the dear boy.

The choice of dress I wore that day was not made by me, but by my own mother. She wanted to make sure I looked decent and that I didn't skip off in my pirate attire to the Locke residence with Roland. She chose a pale lavender frock that was adorned with intricate little flowers and also lined in almost every spot with lace. Ruffles of lace on the square neckline. Lace spilling from the sleeves. Lines of lace on the hem of the gown. It all made for a very beautiful, but very heavy and uncomfortable dress. Add to that a corset, and I became the absolute picture of lunacy, at least, I was through my eyes. "Oh, Miss," Maggie squeals. "You look so beautiful! Look at you! Missus, come quick!" Maggie left my side and ran out of the room to grab my mother, leaving me to stare at my own pathetic and dull self in the mirror.

"Astrid! By God, you look absolutely stunning." That was Mum, parading into the room in utter glee, with her and Maggie admiring how I looked in the dress.

"Thank you, Mum," I replied, remembering my manners. I planned on saying, "Can I bring my pirate clothes so that I can change at Adam's house?" But I knew she would never let such a thing be done.

"Roland is waiting for you downstairs, Astrid," said Mum. "Both of you behave, please. I do not want to punish both of you again. Besides, I'd hate to punish Roland at this time of the year. He will be leaving very soon."_Why did she have to mention that? _I thought. _Couldn't she mention anything else but Roland's soon to be departure for the wondrous sea? _I sighed and fastened the hat Maggie held in her hands on my head. Grabbing my fan and stepping into my shoes, I walked out of the room, my joy clearly suppressed by my dream that would never be.

"Bye, Mum," I said softly, still too depressed from the mentioning of Roland's second voyage. Mum must have realized my sad face and called out to me, "Don't worry, Astrid. Have fun today and don't think so much about the sea. Just once. Your chance will come someday." _But when exactly will it come? And when it does come, will I still want to finish that dream?_

My foot lifted from the last step on the staircase and I was greeted by my dear brother. "Now I _know_ you are dressing to impress, sister," he joked.

"It is never my intent to," I replied glumly, taking out my fan and whacking it open.

"Oh, Astrid," said Roland, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and shaking me a bit. "You'll make it out to sea one day, sister."

"But will I still want to when I actually make it there? My romantic thoughts about finally making it out on the ocean might have lost their lovely impracticality when I am finally on a ship, Roland. Why can't I ever get the one thing I want the most? Just to be out on the sea. Just once! But no. I think I'll be stuck here for the rest of my life." I wiped my face with the sleeve of my dress, for my eyes had watered through my confession.

"No, you won't. See? You are about to step out of this house to spend a whole day with your lover. Isn't that just wonderful?" His attempt to make me happy was crashing and burning down badly, and I even grew annoyed at his sarcasm.

"That's not what I meant," I snapped back, and Roland lifted his arm from my shoulders and, with a sigh, helped me into the coach that would take us to the Locke home. After hopping into the box with wheels himself, the door was closed and I was filled with a bitterness that even Adam would not dare confront openly.

Roland sat opposite me, unable to stay still in his seat for one second. He remained his jittery and excited self, while I sat as the complete opposite. "How about we spend the whole day at the harbor, sister?" he suggested, nearly poking his head out of the coach window. "I know that will brighten your gloomy spirits, Astrid. I'll introduce you to my mates, not Tom or Collins, but some of the other midshipmen around our age. Would you like that?" He withdrew his head from the window and looked at me, waiting for my reaction. His suggestion did in fact make me a bit happier and I managed a smile.

"All right," I replied, not as morosely as before. "At least it will get me _close_ to the sea."

"Exactly."

The carriage halted and Roland and I slightly bounced from our seats from the sudden stop. The door was opened, with the footman standing at the side and Roland nudged me gently to exit. As soon as Roland was out, he offered me his arm and I took it, and together we walked up to the doors of the Locke residence, which, I had to admit, was beautifully grand and elegant.

"Ah, friends of young master Locke, I see," said their doorman as Roland and I were showed in. We walked into a cloud of sounds and other excitements, and I took it that all of the Locke children's birthdays were held as very intense and important festivities. Maids and servants were bustling to and fro from the halls, some carrying bundles of items, others yelling out orders, and others just running in order to reach a deadline. I smiled inside at the sight.

I had been to the Locke home before, mainly just to eat dinner with the entire family, and when I first saw it, I was amazed by its luxury. Compared to my own home, it was slightly bigger, most likely because they had a larger family, and therefore there were more places and rooms around the house. Adam honored me with a brief tour one time, and almost every place I laid my eyes on was lavished in extravagance and sophistication. No wonder Adam was such a well-raised boy. He grew up around a home that it itself demanded respect. "You must excuse young Mister Locke's and Miss Locke's tardiness," said their doorman, drawing us away from watching the activity of the frenzied servants. "The whole family was up last night congratulating the young sir."

"Oh yes, I heard," replied Roland, while I stood slightly baffled. I never knew there was so much commotion over a simple birthday. It was not like Adam had achieved his title as Lieutenant, or rather Second Lieutenant, yet. I prepared to open my mouth and say something of the matter, but was quieted when Missus Locke walked down the stairs, calling our names in undeniable joy.

"So good to see both of you here!" she shouted, approaching us. It was already quite clear that she had been busy for the past few hours directing the servants. "My, the two of you look absolutely glamorous. Why, Miss Turner, you are the ideal picture of beauty itself." _Perhaps on the outside, but definitely not from within. It would please me all the more to be back in pirate gear, but alas, I must behave like a lady._

"Thank you, Missus Locke," I said, curtsying and bowing low to her.

"And you, young Roland are looking mighty fine as well. Just like your father." Roland blushed and bowed as well, with one hand behind his back and the other in front of his waist.

"Where are your children?" he asked.

"Oh, Adam is still getting dressed. Poor lad. He woke up not but half an hour ago," said Missus Locke. Even I raised my eyebrows at that. If he woke up thirty minutes ago, he would have woken at eleven o'clock in the morning. "And Stephanie had an accident with her curling iron with all this clamor going about. Both of them should be down before noon, if not sooner. Excuse the wait."

"No need to apologize, Missus Locke," said Roland. "My sister and I are quite content with waiting." She smiled back and directed us to a table and chair in the hallway lobby where we could sit and wait. And wait we did.

"What's with all the ado over Adam's birthday?" I asked, as soon as Missus Locke was out of sight. Roland was scratching his chin, and I deemed he was inspecting it to see if there were any more signs of a beard coming on. Men. All so self-conscious.

"Hmm? Oh, I don't really know, Astrid," he replied, not looking me in the eye. It was all too clear that he was lying to me or hiding something from me.

"But you told the doorman that you had "heard" about all the uproar going about," I returned.

"Well, I heard about it, but I don't know what it was over." I stared disbelievingly at him, and he grinned his sheepish grin.

"Of course you don't," I said, seeming as if I did not suspect him for lying to me _again_.

"Besides, I'm sure we'll find out soon enough when Adam and Stephanie come parading down the sta—" He never finished because he had immediately risen from his seat and was gawking at something that was heading down the stairs. I stood and turned around as well, and the only thing I could say, or rather, scream, was "_Adam_!"

"You!" he yelled, pointing a finger at Roland. "Fetch me some wine and bring me a cup!" He winked at me and I had to cover my mouth with my hand to keep myself from cackling like mad. Roland only replied with a smirk.

"Honored to serve you… Lieutenant," he said, with the same jesting tone. "Would you like me to bring a glass for your lady as well?"

"No," I answered, already leaping from the joviality.

As Adam walked down the stairs dressed superbly fine in his new Lieutenant uniform, I, for the first time, was hopping about and giggling uncontrollably like what a woman was _expected_ to do. I clapped my hands and gaped and dropped my jaw at his sight, for truly he was indeed _quite_ the picture of decent, handsome and respectful masculinity. His black tricorn hat was in his hands as he walked down, and he was garbed richly in his blue naval coat, brocaded in gold thread and round buttons. He wore a pair of white britches and stockings and nicely polished black shoes. Although he reminded me of a miniature version of the retired Commodore Norrington, he still looked very pleasing to the eye. If he strutted about town dressed so handsomely as he was, the ladies would kill me for walking beside him.

"Good day, Miss Turner," he said, clinging ever so daintily to the politesse that he wished to be rid of. The look to be free for a moment glimmered in his sharp blue eyes. To me, at that moment, I could have cared less about bloody manners.

I didn't reply with the expected, "And good day to you also, Mister Locke." I couldn't. How could I express my utter merriment towards Adam with just a simple, "Good day,"? It would have been a stupid thing to do in such a grand situation. I merely ran up to him and flung my arms around his neck, planting his face with kisses. I knew any onlookers would grimace at the impropriety, but all I saw at that time was Adam. My Lieutenant Adam Geoffrey Locke.

"Where are we going?" asked Stephanie as Roland helped her into the carriage. After Roland sneakily gave her rump a good push into the coach, he replied, "To the harbor, Miss." He took a seat beside her and faced Adam and me, and I saw him snicker at the fact that Adam's face was still red from my perhaps too passionate expression of joy.

"Why there? Adam, is this any of your doing?" she asked, getting slightly worried. I took it that she, like me, had not been down to the harbor many times in her life, but her fear was more vivid than mine.

"No, Stephanie. I don't object to the idea either. I think a visit to the harbor would do us good," he replied reassuringly. Stephanie, delicate Stephanie, whisked out her fan and began to wave it back and forth.

"Don't worry, Stephanie," I replied. "I have my own concerns about going to the harbor as well." Roland knew exactly what I was talking about and he shifted uneasily in his chair and gave a false cough out of the embarrassing incident.

"All too well, I imagine," whispered Adam to me. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight.

"Nothing of that sort will happen again today, I hope," I replied. "As long as Roland's mates behave."

"O'course they will," interrupted Roland, apparently hearing every bit of my supposedly private conversation with Adam. "They will. I promise. Plus, you have a Lieutenant at your side, Miss Astrid. Why should we feel even the slightest bit of fear?" he asked in the jocular tone again.

"Because we don't know if your mates are respectable sailors or crude boys," I sent back. "Do I need to remind you of ol' Tom, Roland?" I said, mimicking the hoarse voice and accent of the very sailor. Adam chuckled, as did Stephanie.

"I assure you all, these are midshipman, boys like Adam and me, and they don't know enough to act like Tom. All right?" growled Roland, irritated whenever he was made sport of as usual.

"We'll see soon enough," I replied, nodding my head towards the nearing harbor.

The coachmen dropped us off close to the docks, but not too close, considering that the ground down there was malleable and far from sturdy. Stephanie and I exited first, then Roland and lastly Adam. After we hooked arms with our corresponding love matches, we strode off to see who young Roland's mates were.

There were many ships just arriving to port, and the sailors were busy on deck preparing to dock and finally plant their feet on land that they most likely had not done in months. Roland and Stephanie ran off ahead of us, so that he could spot the ship he was looking for quickly and therefore avoid any humiliation for bringing us to the harbor for no reason. I had to admit though, that Roland was right. The harbor did indeed brighten my gloomy spirits, and _I_ tugged on Adam's arm so that we could see almost every bit of the harbor possible. He agreed willingly and we only stopped every now and then for him to exchange salutations with his other commanding officers.

We were speaking with the current and only Commodore in town, Commodore Theodore Perry, when Roland at last found his band of miscreants. "And who, might I ask, is this?" asked Commodore Perry, nodding his very amused head in my direction. Adam was not at all ashamed of me and proudly introduced me to the said Commodore.

"This is Miss Astrid Jacqueline Turner, daughter of Elizabeth and William Turner, and granddaughter of the former Governor Swann," said Adam, making me seem as if I was the finest lady that ever walked the earth, though I certainly was not.

"Pleasure to meet you, Commodore Perry," I said, bowing and curtsying as I was fixed into doing among high class men.

"A fine woman you are acquainted with, Lieutenant," said Commodore Perry. "Just remember your duty and let us not get too carried away with the ladies," he added in jest.

"I certainly will not, Commodore," replied Adam, his face light crimson again.

"Carry on the—" began Commodore Perry before being cut off by Roland's sudden outburst.

"Astrid! The ship's come into port! Come on!" he screamed. Adam and I whirled our heads around concurrently and found Roland and Stephanie all the way at another dock. He was waving his arms rapidly back and forth.

"Excuse us, Commodore," said Adam hurriedly before we took off flying towards the incoming ship.

By the time we arrived at the ship, Roland and Stephanie had already walked up the gang plank and were happily causing some commotion on board the H.M.S Valiant. "Roland! Are ya up there?" I called, already on my way up the plank.

"Sorry, Miss, no women permitted on deck this ship or any ship for that matter," said a midshipman guarding the entrance to the ship from the dock.

"What?" I squawked, steam about ready to shoot out of my nose. "My brother is on this ship," I said. "Midshipman Roland Turner. You heard of him?"

"Your brother, Miss?" said the midshipman, highly doubtful of my word.

"Yes, my brother. Now, let me on deck."

"Can't do, Miss." I heard the heavy thuds of Adam's shoes creep up behind me and I gathered my confidence and pride and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Well, it appears as though they won't be lettin' us in, Lieutenant," I said, mimicking a tone similar to the way haughty Stephen Westley would talk at times. Adam caught on quickly to my plan and peered at the midshipman in fake, but growing distaste.

"What exactly did you tell this woman?" he demanded. I knew it was not a good thing to use his rank as a motive of getting in, but it was the only way.

"Apologies, Lieutenant, but we had orders specifically not to allow any women on board."

"Really? I see my sister walking around the deck laughing with some of your comrades, including this here young woman's brother. What have you to say about that?" The midshipman grinned, and I gritted my teeth at the grin he displayed to me. I just knew that Roland had some ill-conceived prank up his sleeve and this was part of his doing.

"Welcome aboard the H.M.S Valiant, Lieutenant Locke and your lady, Miss Astrid," said the midshipman, and Adam gave a smile of relief. But by the looks of it, it seemed as if even my own suitor had some understanding of Roland's trick. _Dear brother, you will certainly have a sorry arse when you get home .I promise you that._ Adam led the way and as he stepped on deck, there came a few cheers from the sailors. I though, lingered behind for a moment to exchange glares with this midshipman.

"What be your name?" I demanded, looking him straight in the eye. He certainly was around Roland's age, for he still had the boyish aura about him, not to mention the very cheeky smirk he showed me. He was my height with light brown hair and brown eyes with a sprinkle of brown freckles across his face.

"Timothy Monroe or Tim, as my mates call me, Miss," he said. "I take it that you aren't pleased with Roland's prank at all." I shook my head back and forth and shot him a very threatening glare.

"Timmy," I said. "Watch your back. Astrid Turner is a lot more than what you see before you." I left him with that warning and joined Adam on deck.

"Great God, who's the lass?" came a yell.

"Happily Taken," I returned, causing a cloud of laughter to spread among the working sailors.

"Looks like you got yerself a fine lass, Lieutenant Locke," came another call. "Ya gonna introduce her to us?"

"Of course he will," said an all too familiar voice. Roland came marching up, Stephanie giggling by his side and looked at me, a very pleased look on his face. "What say you, sister? Will you honor these men with an introduction?"

"To what? A bloody nose?" I returned, not happy with being made sport of. Men truly needed a good washing of their brains if they thought I'd honor them with anything else but my name.

"She plays tough, mate," came another voice. It came up from behind Roland and a boy about Adam's height stepped forward, dressed in a midshipman uniform. He was slim, with pale blond hair that was tied back in a pony tail, and had a fairly decent face, with a sharp nose and blue eyes. "Since you are not keen on introducing yourself to a bunch of men, I'd be honored to introduce myself to you, Miss." Again, there was that same teasing sound in their voice.

"Go on then," I said.

"I am Midshipman Robert Lester. Or Dobbin as some call me. My home's in England and I'm only on duty in the Caribbean for two years." I honored him only with a very slight curtsy before finally honoring him with formal speech.

"For you and for any other men wanting to know my name, I'm Astrid Turner. And if you think you can make easy sport out of me, you'll all go home with sorry arses. Am I understood?" Dobbin smirked and returned my talk with a very slight bow.

"A feisty one, your sister is," he said, still looking at me but directed the message to Roland. "I'll tell you this now, Astrid. Ya gotta be a little more kind to us seamen. We're really not that bad. You and Miss Stephanie Locke have been the first women we've seen in months. Can you excuse us for our crudeness?"

"I suppose so, in return for showing me around the ship."

"Not in my power to do so, Miss. I'll ask the Cap'n for you though."

"That won't be necessary," interrupted Adam. "I'll speak with him. Stephanie, Astrid, I leave you both under the watchful eye of Midshipman Turner and these other fine men. May they guard you with their lives, or otherwise they shall pay with their lives if any harm shall come to you." Adam's orders quickly got the men on high alert and I knew it all had to do with his superiority.

At that, he walked over to the Captain's quarters, hands neatly behind his back, and my eyes watching him leave. "So," said Dobbin, drawing me away from my daydream.

"So I have been acquainted with Tim and Dobbin, Roland," I said, ignoring Dobbin's attempt to speak with me again. "Any of your other mates you'd like for me to meet?" I asked, facing Roland with a cross look on my face.

"Follow me, Miss, and you shall meet some of the British Navy's finest men." _Finest men. Right my arse you're gonna show me fine men. Try Britain's saddest lot of scoundrels._

The men, or rather, _young_ men Roland introduced me to were not as horrible and scandalous as I pictured them to be. Aside from Timmy and Dobbin, Roland gave me the honor of meeting three more of his close pack of mates, which included Midshipman Samuel Gordon, Third Lieutenant Kenneth Murray and ship's boy Andre Newton. All in all, the lot of them were decent and good fellows, but that was only from the first meeting. I was certain that they were secretly very naughty troublemakers, for they were all friends with Roland. It was expected of them to act like idiots. "Your Locke's fine lady?" questioned Lieutenant Murray. He, like Adam, was still new into the role of Lieutenant, and could not have been over seventeen years of age.

"I am. Why?" I asked, narrowing my eyes on Kenneth. He was a fine-looking man indeed, with a cheery, square face, grey eyes like that of an approaching storm, and a seemingly impregnable smile.

"No reason," he said, his grey eyes twinkling. _Oh no, not another man to have the look Stephen always has in his eyes_, I thought.

"Hey, Murray," said Roland. "You back off now. Adam's not giving her up any time soon, and I doubt she's gonna leave him either. You just go off and look for yer own lady to catch, awright?" Roland's sailor accent made me chuckle and I had to hide my face with my fan to make sure he didn't see that I was laughing at _him_. I had to admit that he was talented to know how to talk like a gentleman and also as a sailor.

"I think I'll wait 'til after I'm done with this voyage, Roland," replied Murray, winking at me. I choked on my own laughter and I began to burn badly at the face. Why were men all so endearing?

"If Adam saw that wink, he woulda jammed his sword right in your gut, Murray."

"Let him try," replied Murray, sounding serious to my own dismay.

"Well," I began. "It was all a great pleasure to meet all of—" I was cut off with my own yelp, because someone had pinched my behind. I whirled around furiously about to strike the damn bastard what did that to me, when the person who had done it, grabbed my arm midair and grinned down at me.

"So this is the charming Astrid Turner?" he said, and I tried to free my arm from his grip but the young man had too strong a hold.

"Sod off, Griffith," growled Roland. "Touch her again and Locke will kill you." Griffith let go of my arm and eyed Roland coolly. They must have been rivals when they were on sea.

"That threat doesn't come from Locke himself, Turner," replied Griffith with little amusement from the warning. "Mind who you're talking to."

"I think it is you, Midshipman Griffith who should watch your mouth," came a voice. Griffith turned his head promptly to the side to face whoever had dared to address him. I thought I had seen the most arrogant a man could have been, having known Stephen, but this Griffith surpassed it greatly.

Griffith, or Victor Griffith as I would later find out, was a tall and well-built young man, not to mention that he, sadly, was also on the handsome side, with black curly hair that was slicked back and tied neatly into a pony tail, at the lower back of his head. His eyes wide, clear and blue as the sky would ever be and his face was finely carved to please many a lady. At that moment, his face was expressionless and stern, his lips forced into a hard line and blood in his eye.

The man who had spoken was none other than Adam himself, and he certainly looked fuming mad at Griffith. He should have been too, for the damn midshipman had pinched me. "Get back to your post," commanded Adam, mercy not part of his voice at the moment. Griffith was steaming as well, but marched off, his steps purposefully loud and heavy from his rage. "Are you all right, Astrid?" asked Adam, laying a hand on my shoulder.

"Yes. Fine." Too many things had happened at once, and I was still faintly caught up in all of them. "What did the Captain say?" I asked.

"I could not persuade him to allow you to be given a tour for the place. He said it was not a duty for his men to show a woman around. Perhaps when my father comes back, he'll show you around." By his tone, he was_not_ happy and I deemed everyone else noticed that as well, for Roland and his mates were silent and looking uneasily at each other. Adam certainly held quite a load of authority in his hands.

"What would cheer you up, Adam?" I asked, pulling him aside from Roland's friends. "It is your birthday and you were just positioned as a Lieutenant. Don't let that bastard or what he did make you worry. I would have punched him…"

"But you didn't, Astrid. Sometimes you think you can protect yourself, but you obviously cannot. And I am not always going to be right behind you to catch you when you fall." I gulped at what he said and it was if something pricked my finger, signaling that it would the beginning of a terrible end. Nonetheless, I continued on, hoping to prove him wrong, but Adam was too smart for me.

"If I had a sword I could have—"

"You would have killed him and would have gotten yourself in jail. Astrid, sometimes you are too naïve to handle things out here. Perhaps you are better off staying at home. Perhaps that is why they keep pretty girls like you at home." _That_ felt worse than having a corset put on for the first time combined with the pain from being hit with the rod. My eyes burned from the water that would soon leak out of them, and I sent a weary look at him, but he only looked away. _Adam, you've never hurt me. Why have you chosen to now?_ I swallowed hard and turned away as well, my hands clenched and my head down. After the first drop fell from my eye, I shook the rest away and walked firmly towards the gang plank.

"Astrid!" yelled Roland from behind. I didn't answer, and I wobbled down the wooden board anyway, too ashamed with myself to care.

"Let's go," I heard Adam order, and I only quickened my pace as I headed for the carriage because I did not want to listen to his comforting voice anymore.

I reached the carriage and hurriedly opened the door and hopped in, telling myself not to burst into tears when Adam walked into the same box. Roland was the first to come in after me and he looked at me, understanding what had happened, and said not a thing. Stephanie came in after him, and smiled reassuringly at me, but I couldn't accept the thought that things would mend. All I was wondering at that time was, "How long had he wanted to say that to me? How long had he tired of my naivety? And if it had been for some while, why had he bothered to return affection?" Lastly came Adam, and with eyes hooded away from my stare, he sat beside me. There was a jolt, and the carriage was off again, most likely to take Roland and me home, therefore ending our supposedly day long trip together short.

I had thought correctly, and Adam did direct the coach to my home, and as we stopped in front of the doors to the house, I quickly stepped out as soon as the footman opened the door. I knew I should have waited, for that was what a true lady would do, but I would always be a childish little girl inside. I knocked vigorously on the door to indicate to the doorman that my entrance was urgent, and he opened it with a concerned face, but I bothered him no longer and sped off to the gardens where I could find some peace.

From afar, I could hear the voices of my comrades speaking with Mum who had most likely been called down on account of my less than ordinary behavior. "May I have a word with your daughter?" I heard Adam say._Don't burden yourself with my idiocy anymore, Adam,_ I thought. _I might make your brilliant mind stupid, considering how green I am_.

"Of course, Adam," said Mum. "I think you know where to find her." There was nothing more said because I had busied myself not with their talk, but now to hide myself from anything that Adam could possibly say to me. Weaving aimlessly around the gardens trying to avoid his eye was a rather pointless thing to do, because in the end it never got me anywhere.

"Astrid!" he called distantly. I ignored it. "Astrid!" it came again. I still didn't listen, but oddly enough, it was getting louder. "Astrid!" Adam popped before me, catching be my surprise, literally. I would have shrieked but he caught me and muffled any whimpers I would have been giving off as I buried my face into his chest.

"W-Why d-did y-you c-c-come b-back?" I sobbed. .

"Because you clearly misinterpreted what I said on the ship. I'm sorry, Astrid. I was just… just a little mad because of Griffith."

"And that moved you to tell me I was naïve? I know I am a bit green, Adam, but you could have at least given me a chance to prove my worth." I pulled away from him, quieting my sobs.

"The things you assume will prove your worth, Astrid, may only hurt you more. You said you could have punched and beaten Griffith, and yet he caught your arm before you even had the chance. Men are sly and are certainly not stupid folk, especially Griffith. You have to learn to fight them back without acting all tough or letting them manipulate you. And with your looks, I fear that, with all the men after you, that you might think about even giving up your virtue."

"I'd never do that," I yelled. "What do you think I am, Adam?"

"Astrid, I didn't mean it in that type of way. It's just, I urge you to be more aware of your surroundings. You don't see the way other men look at you and therefore you are unsuspecting. Has your father ever told you of such dangers?" _Keep a sharp eye._ Daddy had said that to me before, and again, I ignored it. If I hadn't regained my bearings in the last moment, Collins would have had me, and at that memory I felt even more shame land on my shoulders.

"He has, but… I get too caught up in what I am doing that I…"

"Forget?" he finished. I nodded weakly, severely aware of what my empty-headedness could get me.

"I'm sorry," I said softly. It almost came out as a squeak. "Can… Can we still go out to town?" I asked timidly, fearing what he'd have to say. To my relief, he laughed his lighthearted laugh and I looked up at him, a smile gradually curving on my face.

"Of course, Astrid." I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a tight squeeze, and he replied by pressing his lips against mine in a kiss that said, "I forgive you."

We did in fact have an absolutely smashing time finishing our little trip around town. Coincidentally, we happened to run into Roland's small crew of villains again, and they appeared to be overjoyed to see us as well. Adam, Roland and the other boys all knew each other quite well. Adam had known Kenneth, Samuel and Timothy for they had all attended the local boys school in Port Royal. It was only Dobbin and Andre who had direct family in England, and Roland knew them better for they had been shipmates on the H.M.S. Paramount. Nonetheless, all of them happened to bond happily together, being young men with similar interests, and thankfully, made sure Stephanie and I were included in their talk.

"Your sister is courting this rascal here?" jeered Dobbin as he hooked his arm around Roland's scrawny neck and dug his fist into Roland's mess of brown hair. Stephanie giggled, hiding her teeth with her fan. Adam grinned, but said not a word. He knew what his business was and what was not.

"I suppose so," Stephanie said weakly, embarrassment getting the best of her. Her pasty face was already bright red.

"Well then, has he shown you any of his tricks?" Dobbin added with a laugh, releasing Roland from his iron grip. Looking back at Adam's sister, she wrinkled her eyebrows in confusion, seemingly unaware of what "tricks" Dobbin was speaking of. Roland gathered himself and sent Dobbin a jab in the ribs.

"Don't mind him, Stephanie. He's not much of a smart one, he is," laughed Roland, as Dobbin tried another swing at him. But the two were just fooling around like little wee boys, and my brother ducked his head just in time to avoid Dobbin's clutched fist.

"If ya know any betta, Miss Stephanie, you best stay away from Turner here." There came another rapid swish of an arm, its aim for a face, and it was followed by a few uncalled for curses and then some laughs. It surprised me how they never tired of the game. I would have. "He's nothin' but a no good bast—" Dobbin cut himself off as he and Roland continued to wrestle about, strangely still walking on the streets alongside Adam, me and his other companions. "—ard," he finished, giving Roland a shove, which happened to make him run straight into me. And therefore because I was pushed back, the fluctuation pushed Adam back as well.

"Would you stop that?" I snarled, ramming back into Roland so that he would hit Dobbin. "For God's sake you are all almost old enough to marry and you act like…" My voice trailed off. They weren't even listening to me and continued to playfully bash each other's heads in. Men. Both stupid and ensnaring at the same time.

"You sure attracted more than a dozen pairs of eyes towards ya when ya stepped on board the Valiant, Miss." That came from Andre, and I was surprised for it was the first thing he had said to me all day. The boy was a shy one, but at least he was not too degrading of himself to drift away from speaking.

"Newton," said Adam under his breath, and by the sound of it, it portrayed a warning.

"I mean no harm, Lieutenant," answered Andre. "Just pointing it out. That's all." Adam let the matter go, seeing that I only held on tighter to his arm. I took it that pleased him. "Bad luck to ya though if you caught Griffith's eye." I felt Adam's arm tense at the name, and even Roland and Dobbin stopped their horseplay. Kenneth's eyes were focused on Andre and so were everyone else's.

"Where is he from?" I asked, just out of curiosity. If this Griffith did indeed have a lust for me, then I'd like to know more about him before I gave him a broken nose.

"England, Miss Astrid," said Andre. "His father's quite a respected chap, but Griffith was his last son, and so he sent him off to join the Navy. Fancy that."

"The bastard should have stayed back in Britain if he knows what's good for 'im," brought in Dobbin, his gleeful voice turning hard.

"Why do you all hate him?" I asked, although I knew the reason would not be surprising at all. This Griffith happened to be a very powerful and pompous cove who used that authority to bend others to his will. At least, that was what I thought he would be.

"He was midshipman when he came aboard the Paramount," said Kenneth, taking part in this oh so important conversation of a young man they all seemed to hate. To be honest, I really wanted to see this Griffith again and obtain my own thorough examination of his coldhearted personality. "He liked to pick on the ship boys, mainly Roland. Sometimes Andre. Rarely Dobbin. Of course, I was midshipman on that ship also, but I didn't treat these lads as if they were just a pile of stinking horse shi—"

"You're getting off topic," I interrupted. Sailor talk would not be permitted in the innocent presence of Adam and his sister. For me, it was perfectly fine, but I did it out of propriety sake.

"Excuse me then," continued Kenneth. "The brute was just awful. He'd beat and kick the lads sometimes on the ship jus' 'cause they didn't deliver a message in less than ten seconds and he especially liked to pick on your brother, jus' 'cause he had a fancy to Miss Westley."

"Is that why you asked Stephen's help?" I inquired, whisking my head in the other direction to face Roland. He nodded shamefully. _Tis perfectly fine, dear brother. I'll get that Griffith. Just you wait._ "Go on," I said. Kenneth smiled, and the shimmer came in his grey eyes again.

"Well, we began to assume that Griffith had a fancy to the disposable Alexandra, and we were beggin' Roland to stop liking her so the two pieces of sod could stay together. But apparently, Griffith didn't like Alexandra, and she didn't like him. Which was strange because looking back on it now—"

"Stay on track, Murray," I said. The boy liked to talk a bit too much. At least he didn't talk so freely and abruptly like Dobbin. "I still haven't figured out who this Griffith is. You don't know yourselves for sure, do you?" There was silence after that. I was amazed that I could silence the pack of howling adolescent wolves, but their shut mouths were, for once, dreadfully haunting.

"No," said Adam, looking down at me. "Griffith's too proud to let anyone know who he is, but we hate him because of what he does to others. And I fear now, for what he may do to _you._" There Adam went again, with the warnings about how I was incapable of protecting myself. _I shall show you one day, my love, that Astrid Turner can and will beat this Griffith into dust._

"Yeah. Griffith don't usually mingle with the women who hang about us," said Tim. "He wouldn't want to be caught among lowly seaman as he assumes us to be. So him comin' to you was strange and…"

"Suspicious," said all the boys at once. _Wonderful Astrid. Another problem up your sleeve that has to do with a well-groomed, spoiled and heartless cad._ I had had too many collisions with men like that. Matthew for example, way back when, and also Stephen. Not to mention a bucket full of other boys I was forced to dance with at those sickening parties.

"All right. You all hate Griffith, and he hates you back. But he pinched me and so I'm gonna get him back for it. Come on. We're going back to the Valiant and I am going to speak with this Griffith." Tugging on Adam's rigid and unwilling arm, I tried to drag the group back to the docks, but Roland had to squawk at me for my idiocy.

"Astrid, are you mad?" he yelled. "Griffith will have you stripped as soon as you dare to speak a word to him!"

"Let him try. Meet me at the harbor!" Eagerly, I let go of Adam's secure arm, and took off flying down the street. I could hear the boys yelling my name from behind trying to stop me, but no. Once I got going, there would be nothing that could stop me. Nothing. Nothing except…

Stephen Westley.

A corner was nearing as I gained speed down the street, and as soon as I made a sharp turn around its bend, I nearly collided into the heavy, muscled bodies of two gigantic horses. With a shriek, I ducked, covering my head with my arms and rolled under them, waiting for some crushing weight to fall on my head and end my life. Thankfully though, the pounding thuds of the horses' hooves and the rattle of the unsteady carriage wheels passed over me in a brief cloud of pandemonium, and I was able to open my eyes into a storm of brownish red dirt.

It hovered like mist around me, getting sucked up my nose and making me wheeze terribly. With a few coughs and a couple rubs on the eyes, I stumbled to my feet, still partly confounded by the encounter that could have killed me. I peered back at the carriage that nearly ran me over, and I saw that it had stopped, and people on the streets were postponing their errands to take the time to look at what had happened. The door to the black box on circles was opened and out came a black booted foot, and then… the rest of the well-built body of young Mister Westley. "Astrid!" he called, running up to me. The onlookers had still not returned to their business. His voice was echoed by the many calls of my name coming from the little band of boys and one petite girl running towards me. "Are you all right? What in the blazes were you doing, running straight into this coach?" He came up to me and gripped my shoulders in a tight, but still lenient grasp. I blinked away any dust that was still bugging the hell out of my eye before I looked fully at him and he did looked terribly concerned.

"I was in a hurry to get back at the docks," I mumbled, scratching my head. A few specks of dirt from the road shook off. _Maggie will be furious when I get home. I dirtied such a lovely dress too. I can never do anything lady-like, can I? _I wondered, while Stephen went on blabbing away about how I could have been killed by my rash and incautious action. He wasn't alone though. Adam and the others soon caught up and began to bombard me with worried and critical words. "I'm fine, all right!" I screamed, shutting them all up. "I see now that I could have died. But I'm still alive. So, if you can excuse me, I'd like to get going to the harbor. I have a very important matter to…"

"Attend to?" The sudden intrusion made us all gasp in unison, even me, for I felt an all too familiar hand place itself on my lower back. Perhaps too low. The bastard.

"Mind your own business, ya son of a bitch!" growled Dobbin. "Ya have no reason to be here, Griffith. Get back to the goddamn ship." Griffith removed his hand from my back and stepped into the center of attention with a very smug smirk on his face. As soon as he had his back turned, I sent him a very ferocious glare.

"I'm sorry, but I couldn't help but listen to what all this tumult was about, and over a mere girl? It was most interesting, if you ask me," he snickered. Even his rich and mellow voice, despite how luring it was, sounded nauseatingly condescending.

"We didn't," hissed Adam. "Your orders were to stay on board the Valiant. The captain would be most displeased to hear of this."

"For your information, Lieutenant Locke," began Griffith, turning his head rigidly to the side to meet Adam's livid glare. "I already asked for permission from my captain to spend a time out in the town. What I think he'd be most displeased about, is this matter right here."

"What has happened here has nothing to do with your captain or his men," said Stephen firmly. Now it was a battle between the undeniably haughty. "I suggest you turn back and continue whatever you were doing before deciding to intrude on business that is not your own." Griffith's grin could not be ripped off his face no matter how hard one tried. Even imperious Stephen could not bend that smile.

"Stephen Westley," said Griffith, in the faintest mockery. "Your sister… how is she doing?"

"Ask her for yourself. She's in the carriage," replied Stephen tartly. Griffith's grin was now driving me insane. I had the urge to pull Adam's sword from its scabbard that hung rightly by his side and slice the lips off myself.

"I would, but…" his voice trailed off and he turned his head around to look at me. Bravely, I met his glare and I held my ground. To stare into those inexplicably blue eyes was not an easy task, for certainly it appeared as if he was trying to read your thoughts. "But I would like to have a word with Miss Turner." Even I was taken by surprise, for it was _I_ who had originally planned on meeting _him_ to have a word with _him._ Maybe the cad could read minds after all. "That is, if it is all right with her."

"Perfectly fine," I answered. "What say you gentleman? May we have one moment?" Adam turned his head swiftly in my direction, his face pinched in bewilderment. He must have thought me truly insane to agree to spending one disastrous moment with Griffith. Next to catch my eye was Stephen's equally worried visage, and his jaw trembled somewhat with the need to say, "I forbid it. I absolutely forbid it!" Roland just gawked at me, as did his companions. Except for Kenneth, who was not looking at me, but was sending a very threatening glower to Griffith. Stephanie herself was a bit uneasy with the situation, looking awkwardly back and forth, from face to face.

"One. One only, and it shall be your last," said Adam strictly. I realized then that his hand had been grasping the hilt of his sword for the whole entire time, and I beamed inside. To think that he would even use that blade to protect me.

"I am most grateful, Lieutenant," replied Griffith, though it was all too apparent that what he said was a lie. "Just a quick word and we shall be through." He took a step toward me and wrapped his arm around my waist again, much to my discomfort, and I heard a couple of snorts come from my loyal band of miscreants. _Don't worry fellows and Stephanie. I'll take care of myself. I think…_

Griffith escorted me away from the watching eyes of my friends to a street alley, where he only wrapped his arm around my abdomen even tighter. "What is it that you could possibly say to me?" I asked, not at all pleased with him touching me.

"Can I not have a word with the darling Astrid Turner?" he answered, chuckling lightly. _Go ahead, ya bastard. Chuckle again and all your teeth will be knocked in._ "I've heard much about you."

"From who?"

"Take a guess, Miss," he said, the same loathsome smirk on his face.

"Roland," I blurted out immediately, without even remembering how the two did not get along. Roland would never tell Griffith anything.

"No," he said, extending the "oh" sound. "Try again."

"I don't know," I scowled. "Alexandra? Stephen? Adam? Spit it out!"

"Miss Westley," he said, making my heart stop out of complete and utter abhorrence for him. The lad was in alliance with the wench! "And I know how you hate her so, Astrid. But there is no need to get angry. I don't like her much either. I merely entertained myself with her womanly presence on board the Paramount when I found nothing to do. She spoke to me about you. She failed to mention your beauty though." I laughed. I let out a big and fully staged laugh.

"Alexandra does not know me at all. All she knows is that I hate her, and she hates me back."

"I think it is a matter of jealousy, not hatred, Astrid," said Griffith, at last sliding his arm from my waist. I thought I was free, but he only let go so he could position himself directly in front of me, both his hands on my hips. _Adam… kill this man please. I would, but I don't have a sword,_ I thought. "She is most envious of you." He neared me even closer, so that the space between us was now gone, and I could feel his own body against mine. _Try anything and I will kick you between the legs. I swear it._ I felt his hands leave my waist (_finally_), but my joy was miniscule and brief for he only lifted his hands to pull me in closer. So close so that his handsome face was but an inch from mine. Leaning forward, he rested the side of his face against mine and I could smell his hair, which I predicted to be doused in cologne. Carefully, he whispered into my ear. "She is especially covetous now that you have Adam. Sweet Adam, correct? Adam who loves you…" His voice seemed to drone on, and I was falling under his spell, just as I had under Stephen. _Why? Why couldn't I ever resist?_ Before I knew it, he was brushing his lips against my ear, whispering things to me that I couldn't remember and talking about… I think… running off to his bunk on the ship. _Ship… Ocean… which is where pirates roam… and Jack… Jack!_

"What the hell do you think you're doing!" roared a voice just as I had escaped Griffith's spell through my recapturing of my dream to find Jack. Before I had the chance to punch Griffith for even daring to seduce me (which, he unfortunately managed to do… partly), I heard the ring of metal against scabbard, and I knew exactly what was going on. Swords were drawn. "Get your hands off her you vile, impudent philanderer!" Griffith nearly pushed me aside, thrilled with the challenge and unsheathed his own sword in the narrow street alley. _Dear God. Astrid what the hell have you done!_

"You really should mind your own business, Locke," growled Griffith through his teeth. "Not my fault the strumpet allowed me to tempt her."

"If I ever catch her with you again, I swear I will kill you, Griffith," hissed Adam, the tip his blade advancing. I was becoming very awkward with the situation, as if I should not be around to see the brawl that would break out because of me. Slowly, I inched myself away from the two, who began to circle each other, their flashing swords being used as an extension of their arms.

"I take that as a challenge, Locke. Just… one more thing." Although I was nearly free from their provoking circle of threats, Griffith seized my arm and pulled me to him. Very quickly he whispered into my ear.

"Courtesy of the soon-to-be suitor of the lovely Miss Westley," he cackled, before pushing me back and flying off down the alleyway. Hell's fire burned in my eyes, and a storm surged from me as I sped off in gaining speed to pound the boy into his grave.


	31. Rules Broken and Remade

_Chapter 31: Rules Broken and Remade_

**I**t was late April. Missus DeWitt was married yesterday, and she was already well off on a ship to take her to her new life with her new husband. The joy on her face when she wished me and all her other students a fond farewell was overflowing, but for me, not even a hint of joy crossed my face when I returned home. Missus DeWitt leaving meant only one thing: the return of the revolting Miss Abigail Smith. "Well, it seems you haven't changed much, now have you?" she squeaked in her glass-shattering voice as she examined me for the first time in two, almost three, years.

"Pleasure to see you again as well, Miss Smith," I said, as civilly as possible. I bobbed a curtsy towards her, and she raised her enormous nose in the air and gave a high-pitched 'humph!'

"Off with your lessons then. I did not come here to exchange endless babble with a petty girl such as yourself." I snorted, but it came out quiet enough for her ears to miss. With a snap of her fingers, she stalked off to the library where I was usually taught, and I trudged behind her, muttering insults to her back.

I sank into my chair while she seated herself at a desk, her face far from pleased and her thin pale lips in a pouting frown. "Where did Missus DeWitt leave you in your lessons?"

"For Mathematics, I was learning simple problem solving using two different variables. French, I am quite behind on, considering what is going on in Europe with Napoleon at the moment. Language and writing, I was in the middle of learning to write a proper friendly and formal letter. On matters such as etiquette, embroidery and other social lessons, I do not know exactly where I stand." I glared back at her with just as prim and hateful a stare and she turned her face away from me with the same little 'hmph!' shooting out her nose.

"Well, it seems that you are quite advanced on your academic studies, so we shall not focus much on that. Your French as well, since the British on not keen with the French at this current moment. We shall focus on making you into more of a lady, who can introduce guests to each other, host a fine gathering of both men and women, and sing and dance them all to their heart's content." I grew sick at her objectives. The woman should have known that Astrid would never be a fine lady who could do such things. I was a terrible dancer, a terrible singer; my embroidery was worse than that of a six year old girl's, and I could barely refrain from beating any man or woman who dared to defy me. Her expectations would not be met in just one month.

"We shall begin immediately. Stand," ordered Miss Smith, pointing a finger directly at me. "I shall teach you the proper way of introducing guests." Taking in a large breath, I waited for the torture to begin.

I landed on the soft earth in a thud, but I had still landed on the ground hard enough to make me rub my sore rump as I stumbled back to my feet. "Remember to move your feet, Astrid," said Daddy's all-knowing voice.

"Yes, Dad," I moaned. "Start from the beginning?"

"Yes. Go on," he answered, positioning his sword in front of himself again, as I did the same.

Lessons with Miss Smith were at last over, and I found that I tolerated them a lot better than I did when I was much younger. Thankfully, her presence was gone from my house and I could switch back to my old self at her leave. I even found it necessary to change out of my dress and don myself in my pirate wear, or rather, my "sailor" wear, as Maggie urged me to use. And so, dressed in the said attire, I continued my lessons with Dad. He constantly reminded me that my form was good and my speed and strategy were flawless. My only current problem was my footwork. If I had to cross my feet, I couldn't focus on my sword, which was a dreadful weakness to have. No wonder Daddy wanted me to watch my feet. Every time I crossed my feet to match the movements of my opponent, I'd stumble over them and land on the floor.

"If you can't watch your own feet, Astrid," said Daddy. "Make sure to keep an eye on your enemy's. That way, your body can mimic their movements without sacrificing your eyesight." He took a quick step forward, jabbing his blade in my direction, and I parried it with a casual, and overly proud swing of my arm.

"I'm not very good at that," I said miserably, as I skidded forward, blocking Dad's blows with rapidly moving eyes.

"Just keep in mind that whatever you do, your opponent will do the same. It is true for any duelist. The matter of victory is achieved—" He paused and spun around, swishing the flashing piece of metal at me. I ducked in time and prepared to send a blow to his abdomen. Sadly, he hopped back and I missed. "Depending on what you do with your wrist," he finished, as he twirled the blade effortlessly with his hand. I sighed in aggravation and stuck the point of my sword into the ground.

"I'll never get this footwork right," I muttered.

"Ending your lessons early then, Astrid?" he asked, already shoving his sword back in its scabbard. For a moment, I thought about the situation. For nearly an hour I was practicing with Dad, all the while being defeated because of my unsteady feet. In fact, I was never able to beat him in a duel. Ever. I had managed to beat Roland, and I was even thinking about challenging my Adam, of course, only for fun. But still, Dad was my teacher, and if I could defeat him at last, then perhaps that would be a sign that I was ready to finally go out to sea.

"One more," I said, getting into position again. Daddy grinned and he happily withdrew his sword again and, narrowing his eyes on me, the duel began.

He gave me the honor of attacking first, but I insisted that he go, because I wanted to start off the duel using his advice and tried to focus on his movements. When he moved left, crossing one foot over the other, I kept my eyes on him, and surprisingly moved right. As I lifted my foot over the other, I expected for myself to trip again. But I didn't. My foot landed securely on the ground, and I smiled with pleasure. _Watch out, Daddy. Astrid has gotten her footwork down._

He stepped forward, tip pointed at me and swung. I parried and broke the contact, and thrust my wrist forward so that my blade would tilt downward and perhaps make him look down at his feet. He did. _Lovely_. Quickly, I brought back my blade and rushed forward, holding my sword at an angle going upward to catch him by surprise at the throat. Narrowly, he missed it and dodged his head just in time. "Good," he said under his breath as he dipped his head down and scurried away from my advancing blade.

My Daddy though, was no coward and he never averted his eyes to anything else but me and the sword in my hand. Dueling was a matter of taking turns almost. One would seize the chance to do the first attack and the opponent would be too astounded from the sudden rush of movements to pull any of their tricks. The one attacking though, would soon tire and needed to rethink their approach. As soon as I thought I was finally going to conquer Dad's invincibility, he grasped his chance to beat me to the ground. And he succeeded in doing so, making my thought of conquest sadly short-lived.

Once I ran out of plans because Dad had been able to avoid my assaults, he took advantage of my distracted mind and extended his sword forward. I parried, but he continued to step forward, making me block every downward blow he was sending. I was getting quite annoyed with his tactic, and as soon as he struck again, I met his blade with no intent of letting him win.

Dad made to withdraw his sword, but I would not budge mine. The sharp edge grinded against the metal, and in one swift movement, I transferred my weight to my front leg and with two hands gripped my sword and broke the cross, making Daddy step back a bit. He grinned but his brows were knitted with amazement and satisfaction that I was steadily holding my ground. Preparing my next move, hopefully the one that would defeat Daddy, I dashed forward, sword flashing in the sunshine and…

Stopped midway at the sound of a familiar voice.

"Astrid!" it shouted. "My God, look at you!" I turned my head around, crimson already well up my face, to meet Stephen Westley's stunned and grinning face.

"Hell—Hello… St-St-Stephen," I stammered. I turned over to my Dad and he stood there, arms folded and trying his best not to laugh. "What do I do?" I mouthed. He shrugged and beckoned for me to go speak with him. As soon as I was under the protection from humiliation that branched off my Daddy, I decided to open my mouth. "Daddy," I whispered. "What do I do? I didn't expect him to be here!" Daddy's eyes were too kind, too welcoming. I took it he did not understand the pressures of being a young woman even after having raised me.

"What do you want me to do, Astrid? He is here and it would be rude to let him leave," he replied.

"But… what if he is disgusted that I am wearing… wearing my _sailor_ wear?" I asked, nearly jumping around from the nervousness. Daddy chuckled and his smile only broadened.

"Astrid, I have never seen you embarrassed to wear your _pirate_ gear, and I know you are not embarrassed now just because a handsome young man comes barging in."

"Dad!" I growled. "You are far from making this easier for me."

"Astrid?" said Stephen distantly. I froze. Indecision was a terrible thing to invade my mind at that time. Forgetting my conversation with Dad, I turned around, a false smile on my face and approached Stephen who still stood very amused with his discovery of my pirate wear.

"Stephen, what brings you here?" I asked, trying to make him look at my face and not my most inappropriate pirate attire.

"Just a visit, Astrid. Your mother told me you were out back with your father, and I found you here dressed as a…" His voice trailed off as he looked me up and down again. I was beginning to wonder if he was looking at my less than impressing clothes or at my figure, considering that there were no fluffy skirts to hide what men really desired to see. "… as a true buccaneer," he finally finished, after closing his open jaw.

"Well, I hope you aren't offended because I do indeed enjoy dressing like this," I confessed, growing so hot from the humiliation that I began to drip with sweat.

"I don't mind," he said honestly. _You cannot be too good to be true, Stephen. Not even Adam is fine with every single thing that I do. _"You look quite... stunning." My awkward smile was trembling and waiting for the moment to break. For once, he looked away from me and addressed my father. "Do you mind if I have a separate moment with your daughter, Mister Turner?"

"No. Not at all… But I prefer that you wait inside. Astrid is not finished with her fencing lesson yet." Again, Stephen's jaw dropped and he gaped at me again. _Yes, Stephen. There are many things you do not know about me._

"Of course, Mister Turner," replied Stephen, half-stuttering the words. "I'll see you soon, Astrid." He bowed to me and swiftly kissed the back of my hand. _Oh how I missed that! _I was certain that he had forgiven me for refusing to kiss him, but I was still afraid that him seeing me dressed like a man only made him admire me more.

"Why… Why don't you stay and watch?" I blurted out, before knowing that I had said such a thing. Daddy's face was twisted in utter bafflement, and all the while I felt my legs begin to melt because I was so wet from the mortification. Had I really just invited Stephen to watch me duel against my own dad? _Yes, I did._

"I'd be honored to, Miss," said he in reply.

"Have you any experience in fencing, Mister Westley?" asked Daddy, and by the look on his face he was suspicious of the young man, as he was with every man that came in talking to me. But I could tell from his lightly curled lips that he had a scheme in his head. I predicted that was wear Roland obtained his tactical mind.

"Yes, Sir," said Stephen.

"Astrid, would you care to show Mister Westley how you duel?" My face tensed and I whirled towards Daddy, wondering why he was making me do such a thing.

"You want us to _duel_?" I shrieked. He nodded as if it was no large matter, and crossing his arms and already in his swordplay examining stance he proctored us to go on. _Daddy, why do you torment me so?_ Stephen gladly revealed his well-crafted blade and I gripped mine in the right hand.

We began off rather easy on each other. I knew Stephen was capable of more powerful moves, and I was sure he thought the same of me for I tossed his parries as if they were feathers in the wind. All the while he was grinning at me, and I couldn't help but grin back. He only looked all the more dashing when his sword moved with him. It didn't take long for us to become too entangled in the rush and excitement of the duel, and we were really going at it when Daddy at last said we could stop. To Stephen he said that he had a good form and footwork, but needed work on maneuvers. As for me, he said I still needed to watch my feet. "I'll leave you two alone now," said Dad, gathering his sword in its scabbard and walking out of the gardens. Free from Daddy's watchful and suspicious stare I was finally able to breathe normally.

"Why did you never tell me you knew how to fence?" asked Stephen, sitting himself down on a stone bench nearby. He motioned for me to sit next to him and, aware of what he had done for me, willingly agreed.

"I thought you might… laugh. Your sister has."

"Alexandra and I are not identical, Astrid. I understand your passion for fencing. It coincides with your dream to go out to sea, and I have never objected to that." He turned his head slowly to the side and his gaze locked on mine in a very intense and mysterious glare. It could have been interpreted in many ways. Either he was looking at me to figure out what I was thinking, or he was looking at me because he wanted "something" to happen.

"Stephen," I said, pretending that I knew what direction he was headed in and spoke very haughtily as he did often at times. "What do you want from me?" His brows raised at that and it was a miracle that I had put him at a loss for words.

"Nothing that you are not willing to part with," he said simply, appearing a little uneasy himself.

"But what if I don't _want_ to part with anything, Stephen?" I continued, in a tone that was most likely too teasing for my own good. "You'd get nothing from me then."

"Your friendship I'd still have, wouldn't I?"

"Perhaps," I answered, leaning in closer to him. It was a strangely fun feeling to make him shake at my own vague advances. "Nothing is ever certain though, Stephen, but at the moment, I will never give up our friendship. I like you and I appreciate very much what you have done for me." To show him that I was sincere, I slid my arm around his middle and half hugged him. Soon enough I felt his own arm wrap around my waist, but I did not grind my teeth as I did with Griffith. Stephen's touch was gentle and caring.

"I like you a lot as well, Astrid," he said, bending his head and bumping it jokingly on my own. "But I don't only want friendship from you," he whispered, placing a kiss on my cheek. I bit my lip but felt the rise of pleased giggles bubble in me anyway.

"Why?" I kidded. I could feel his body shake with a soft snicker and he pulled my face to his and kissed my closed lips twice. I never parted them, for I knew where that would get me. He merely pressed his lips against mine. No _real_ kiss happened. He drew away from me, clearly disappointed that I had kept my mouth shut. _Yes. Astrid is still a good girl. I think…_ He stood up and his blue eyes fell on mine.

"Why?" he repeated, though by his question I knew he was really asking, "Why didn't you kiss me back?"

"I don't know."

"Then neither do I." He bent down and kissed my hand again, his lips lingering on my skin before finally taking his leave. Even when he was long gone, my lips still burned from coming in contact with his in a disloyal kiss. _Adam… _The name echoed in my head like church bells. It triggered a lovely bunch of memories in my mind, but I feared that Stephen would soon have his own memories to share with me. Would I be able to stop them?


	32. To Be or Not to Be a Lady

_Chapter 32: To Be or Not to Be a Lady_

"**A**nd one, two, three—No, no, Astrid!" screeched a very agitated Miss Smith. I dropped my arms from Roland's and moaned. "Watch your feet! By God, you would have stepped on Sir Roland's foot if you took another step." Again, my feet were the problem. My birthday was tomorrow, and Miss Smith was awfully determined to make sure I was a true lady by that day. She would fail though. "Back into position, and keep the space between you constant." Even Roland gave an aggravated sigh. Stephanie was busy with her mother out in town to get some new dresses and he was stuck at home to help me get my dancing right. _Poor Brother, I will make this up to you one day._

With a grunt, I joined hands with Roland, and he placed his free hand on the small of my back. _This is the tenth time we have done this, and I have done the same damn mistake every single time._ Miss Abigail began to count the beat of the unheard music and Roland and I were off. "If I have to dance with you one more time, I will kill myself," muttered Roland.

"Not if I kill myself first. Do you really think I enjoy having you here dancing with me? I despise dancing!" He pushed my hand away, signaling for me to step back and twirl, and then he pulled my hand back and I returned, thankfully, without nearly stepping on his foot.

"Finally! I think you have that down now," huffed Miss Smith. "Off to the gavottes!" Inside, I screamed.

Practicing gavottes was a terrible drill. They were fast, which meant I could not shoot cautious looks at my feet to make sure I was not about to step on my partner's foot, and therefore, if I could not monitor my own feet, I would be sure to step on my partner's foot plenty of times. My brother had the honor of receiving sore toes. Unlike the previous dances, to get the gavotte down, it took me nearly twenty-five times before Miss Smith was finally pleased. Damn dancing.

"Now," said Miss Smith, dismissing Roland with her hand, much to his relief and looking coldly at me. As I heard Roland skip happily away from the hall, I only prepared myself for her screams. "You will not hold your fifteenth birthday celebration here, in your own home. 'Tis much too small. I have made arrangements with Lord Glenn, and he has agreed to hold your birthday festivity in his grand home on the other side of town." A silent growl vibrated through my teeth. My own birthday would not even be in the home that I knew best. This woman was making it purposefully difficult for me to pass my test. Because I'd be the host in a home not my own, I myself would have to behave like a guest greeting other guests. And that did not make much sense to me. "From the list of guests I have prepared, a total of nearly seventy five people will be attending…" I stopped listening after that. Seventy five people? Looking and watching my every single move? People I probably did not even know wishing me a happy birthday? Miss Smith would die. I promised myself that, for she was preparing not my birthday, but my funeral in my eyes.

"Might I even know any of the people you have invited?" I asked. Her dark eyes turned harder than black iron, and she looked very annoyed that I had talked back to her.

"You will. I am not so much a careless woman to prevent your closest family from attending. But when you marry, your husband will be sure to know many people whom you do not, and you must be able to tolerate them all." _I will not get married soon enough to remember all of this, you witch. _"Now, with your brother as an escort, you will visit the grand mansion of Lord Glenn and be acquainted with him so that you know to take care of his home." She marched out of the room, nose held in the air, and I slugged behind her, shoulders slouched, feet dragging and pleased that I was _not_ behaving like the fine lady she was trying to mold me into.

"Roland," I called. "Miss Smith wants you to accompany us to Lord Glenn's residence!" He appeared from behind the kitchen doors, a pastry in his hands.

"You want me to do what?"

"Escort us, you fool. It won't take long. Now come on before Miss Abigail whips me."

"One second. Let me finish thi—"

"_Now_!" I grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the house while he desperately tried to stuff his face. I managed to push him out the door with a muffled and angry, "Astrid!", and off we were to gaze upon the luxury of this Lord Glenn.

The bumpy ride to the location of my future birthday celebration was burdened with Miss Smith's burning glare. Every time I even dared to glance in her direction, she'd pinch her face into more obvious distaste and hold her enormous nose up in the air again. All the while, Roland sat slumped in his seat, murmuring complaints under his breath for having to escort me and my hideous governess. Some spots of crusted white cream stuck on the ends of his mouth from the pastry he had eaten on the way, and I reached over and wiped the mess off with my thumb. With a moan of disgust, Roland shoved me away from him. "For the love of God, Astrid! You're not my Mum!" _I may not be Mum, but I am your older sister._

"You two are going to the home of one of the most respected men involved in the British establishments here in the Caribbean. I suggest that both of you re-examine your appearance before even stepping foot out of this carriage and onto his property." The woman spoke of this Lord Glenn as if the very land he owned was a sacred place, which it was most definitely not.

We reached a wide, rounding hill that ultimately ended up in a nice and organized display of palms, neatly chopped tropical bushes, and rocks. The abnormally bright green grass and colorful array of wild flowers also indicated that this place was severely off limits to other civilians, of course, there was a white stone wall, about six or seven feet high that wound around a large amount of the land. Miss Smith ordered the carriage driver to stop at a dirt path that was actually dotted with gray stones leading up to the grand home of Lord Glenn. From where we stood, we could only see a sliver of the roof of the home, with the dark burgundy colored shingles trimly placed beside one another, and on the very top of what I could see of the roof were two narrow brick chimneys, one on each end of the house.

"Off we go now," said Miss Smith, leading us to the black gate that lied in an open space between the white stone barrier. Behind the black gate was a man dressed in black, and as we approached, he gladly unlocked the gate and let us pass through. I wondered why Miss Smith did not make the carriage pass through the gate, for certainly that was what the stone path was for. When I asked her, she said she wanted me to make a very good examination of the land so that I would have a better idea of what I would be representing when I hosted my own party in Lord Glenn's home.

"Should I pace about this path then, Miss Smith?" I asked, utmost hate faintly escaping from my mouth. "Making sure that not a blade of grass is stomped on or misplaced?" Her black eyes turned all the darker and I shut up at that, for one, my eyes had caught sight of a house as big to the land as Miss Smith's nose was to her face, which meant that the house was absolutely _humongous_. And two, I decided not to press Miss Smith's short temper.

She did not give Roland or me enough time to stop and gawk at the house, and merely tugged on our arms with her bony wrists to Lord Glenn's front porch, which itself was large and grand. I took the time as we waited for a servant to open the door to begin my examination of this house. Its outer walls were made of bricks, but were whitewashed so that it shone brightly in the light (although that day it was very bleak). To the right and left of the massive polished wooden front doors were two rows of large windows, each containing five windows on each row, and all of them were fashioned with black shutters firmly in place. Through the windows I could see the wisps of lacy thin curtains, but my observation was cut short for the door was opened.

There stood a servant who welcomed us in and soon came a few thunderous thuds echoing down the stairs. I deemed that the owner of the gigantic building was gigantic himself. "Ah, Miss Smith," came a voice, and it came out of the mouth of a very large man, both large sideways and upways. The top of his head was covered in an all too obvious grey wig. He also had a mustache as gray as the false hair on his head, and his face was round, red and wrinkled from age and also from layers of fat.

"Greetings, Lord Glenn," began Miss Smith, curtsying ever so lightly towards the man. "May I introduce Miss Astrid Turner and her brother and escort, Roland William Turner." Roland and I took that as our reminder to bob or heads and pay our respect. I curtsied low, and he bowed low to the man we did not even know. "She is the young woman who will be using your home for her grand and very important fifteenth birthday." For the first time, Lord Glenn looked down at me, and I predicted that even Roland felt small under his stare, and Roland was almost six feet tall.

"I shall not be here to monitor how you treat my home, Miss Smith," he said, after eyeing me with a very confused face. He must have thought me too old or perhaps to young to be needing his grand home for a simple birthday. "So I will leave my servants under yours and your pupil's command. I have an important meeting to attend to in Hispaniola and I shall be gone for a couple of weeks."

"This was not what you told me earlier, Lord Glenn," humphed Miss Smith.

"A letter arrived this morning that required my presence," said Lord Glenn. His voice was deep and mellow, and I wondered if I felt the air shiver with his vibrations from the intense power in just his voice. "When tomorrow's celebration is over, I order you to see to it that my house is cleaned and tended to every day. My wife is staying in this house still, but she is with child so she shall not be bothered much. Now, I permit you all to examine my home, for I have a lot of packing to do before I leave today." He waved us off with his hand and walked back to his office, though it sounded as if the ground was rumbling.

"Well," huffed Miss Smith. "We shall take a look around shall we? No rooms will be used upstairs of course. Just the ones on the first floor. Follow me." As she walked off, Roland grabbed my arm and whispered quickly, "Look at this house! Imagine how many people could fit in here! Dear God, Astrid, Miss Smith will surely make your final test a very difficult one."

"You have realized that just now?" I asked, following Miss Abigail. "I know that I will fail terribly, Roland. Look at this house! If one thing breaks I will be doomed, and if you have taken a good look around, _everything_ is worth a fortune." Indeed everything was. Right above our heads in the main hall lobby was a golden chandelier that sparkled with pieces of dangling crystal. The floors were polished and made out of some bluish-green stone. The winding main stairwell had a smooth, and sleek wooden banister that begged to be slid on. Oriental vases and rugs adorned the floors of the living room and parlor, and on the walls were elegant paintings framed in gold and not a hint of dust was on _anything_.

Miss Smith opened two large white doors and revealed the largest dining hall I had ever seen in my life. It was long and shed pure golden light from every corner. In the middle of the well-rugged room was a long table, very long. I took a moment and counted all the chairs on one side of the table. It seated fifteen on each side. Even Roland was gaping. Thirty-two people, including the two other chairs on the ends of the table, would be dining, and that would only be half of the guests! Where would the others sit? "Yes, this table only seats thirty-two, Miss Astrid," said Miss Smith, apparently being able to read my thoughts. "Another table will be brought in. Everyone will dine in this room, and even with everyone parading in, there will still be space to move about." For once I did not disagree. The room was probably bigger than three-fourths of the bottom floor of my own home, and it was only one room!

We soon made our way around the dining room. The tables were sleek and polished, with cushioned chairs to match. And on two sides of the room against the wall were narrow wooden chests that probably held the dishes and utensils. Everything was all beautifully lavished in luxury. The rugs beneath my feet were soft and clean and the sweet aroma of exotic flowers filled the room. I wondered what Lord Glenn and his wife would do in such a fine house all by themselves. Though it was quite clear what they had done, for Lord Glenn's wife was now pregnant.

On the far end of the room were two large doors. One lied directly to the right, and the other straight in front. The front one led into the ball room, which Miss Smith said I would see tomorrow and tomorrow only. The door to the right was the one that led into the kitchen, which, according to Miss Smith was a servant's domain and not where a supposedly prim lady like me should tread upon.

The tour of the rest of the house was rather typical. All the normal rooms were there, but they were just larger, more striking, and heaped with more opulence than others. After evaluating the situation, I realized that I had to keep an eye on _every_ room that would be occupied with guests, otherwise, I would not be much of a hostess. "So, now you know your surroundings, Miss Turner," said Miss Smith. "Now the question is whether or not you are ready to be a lady."

"I assure you that all shall go well tomorrow evening, Miss Smith. As your student and a future proper lady, I will do my best to show how lady-like Miss Astrid Jacqueline Turner can be," I replied, keeping a very poised and steady tone.

"Perhaps there _is_ some hope for you," she snorted, and with a quick gesture she led us off the Glenn property and back into the carriage to take us back home.

The time was twelve o'clock noon, and I was about ready to leave my comforting beautiful home for the massive and colossal house of Lord Glenn. When I woke up that morning, I did not say one word as Maggie hauled me to the dressing area and clothed me in a new dress. I wasn't sure if it was yellow or gold colored, but it shone like the sunlight anyway. _How wonderful. A dress that will make everyone's world light up except for mine._ There was not much use in studying my dress for it was just a bunch of frills truly. Other than the fact that it was embroidered with more sophistication, it was just like all the others. The corset was still choking me, but I learned how to take in large enough breaths to keep me alive.

Hair was fixed and curled, face was clean and soft, shoes were polished and new, and my soul was deteriorating from extreme uneasiness. I could not even eat breakfast that day because my stomach would have refused whatever came down, for it was full of nothing but my nervousness.

As I walked down the stairs, ready to leave my home and begin my terrible test, my knees began to shake tremendously and I nearly fell down the stairs. "Astrid!" yelled Roland, rushing forward to help me. He was laughing by the time he reached me and I shoved him off. "Happy birthday, sister," he said.

"Thank you, Roland… I mean, Mister Turner," I replied as I wobbled towards the front door. I really felt the need to run up to the privy and vomit all my apprehension away, but I had to stay a lady. I had to, or else Miss Smith would stay for another five months to teach me… and I _did not_ want that.

"Miss Smith ain't here yet, Astrid," said Roland. "Ya don't have to be a lady just yet."

"If I don't force myself to be one right now then I will never pass this awful exam, Roland—Mister Turner." He groaned and pushed me into the living room instead of out the front door.

"Mum and Dad are in there waiting for you. Have fun, sister. We shall see you at precisely five o'clock this evening. Adieu!" He abandoned my side and ran out of the front door.

"Where are you going?" I yelled.

"To the Locke residence! I'm arriving with Adam and Stephanie!" he returned, and that was the last thing I heard him say before I turned my attention to Mum and Dad.

They stood in the middle of the room with pleased smiles on their faces and Mum opened her arms to me, beckoning me to go to them. "Fifteen years old today, Astrid," she beamed as she hugged me close. I didn't want to let go. I didn't want to turn fifteen that day, especially if turning fifteen meant I had to go through a mindless test in order to prove my worth as a lady. "An odd fifteenth birthday it shall be for you, daughter, but I'm sure it will still be worth all the time." She was right. It would be worth it, of course, not without a couple, or rather, several sacrifices of mine.

"Why is she inviting nearly seventy-five people whom I do not even know to _my_ special celebration, Mum?"

"Well, when you are married, especially if you are married to a very popular and well-respected man, he will have more than just family at gatherings, and you must be accustomed to that, Astrid."

"I do not think Adam would do that to me, Mum," I answered. She laughed lightly at my remark, and I wondered why. Did she think I was too young to believe I'd spend the rest of my life with Adam?

"Well, just keep in mind today that you must behave like a lady. It will be very important in the future." She paused and something strange happened when I met her eyes. She looked very worn and aged, and her eyes were coated in a film of unknown tears. "Be a good girl, Astrid. But… if you _do_ end up appearing less than a lady, your father and I will still be proud of you. All right?" I nodded and Daddy stepped forward and embraced me.

"You have grown into a fine young woman, Astrid. We wish you all the best. Happy Birthday." He kissed my forehead as he had done when I was still a little girl and sent me off with a reassuring pat on the back. Hesitantly, and with eyes stinging with the urge to cry and tell them I did not want to go through such an awful nightmare as hosting a party, I curtsied low for both of them, as low as my knees would let me, for as my parents, they deserved the greatest honor of them all.

Absorbing all my torment, I took a very large breath before I marched out of the house.

Waiting beside the carriage was Miss Smith and her escort, a middle-aged man who had red hair and was pleasantly plump with a cheerful face. "Prepared to depart, Miss Turner?" she said.

"Yes, Madam," I replied. I was helped into the carriage and soon after, with a jolt, the coach began to rattle down the driveway. Solemnly, I turned my head back and looked out one of the carriage windows, and there standing on the front doorstep were my dear Mum and Dad waving good-bye to me. The queer sadness on their faces only troubled me all the more. As if I was not already burdened by hosting a one hundred guest birthday party, I had the grave countenances of my loving parents to fret over as well.

Slowly, I averted my attention back to my governess and her escort, and I noticed that Miss Abigail Smith had the most wicked smile on her horse-like face. _Tonight shall be inevitably disastrous._

The time was six o'clock in the evening, and Adam had still not arrived. In fact, _no one_ who I actually truly knew and cherished, excluding Stephen, had arrived. Not even my parents or my grandfather were present, and I had to waste my time dawdling amongst the guests I was barely acquainted with, conversing with a sinking heart and a stomach that would burst from anxiety at any moment. The only good thing that came out of this was that I happened to remain attached to protocol and curtsied and smiled at all the appropriate times.

I excused myself from a charming group of people who were constantly flattering me for my "lovely" appearance. How I wished to tell them that what they saw would only exist for that night, but, some secrets should never be revealed.

I left their company just to return to the main hall and stare at the front doors with a diminishing hope that Adam and my family would burst through. Of course, they didn't because Astrid Turner never got what she honestly wanted and the doors remained shut, and the fact that they were not opened gave me the impulse to check on the dinner preparations in the untouched dining hall.

Without even thinking, I rushed through the white doors and was confronted by a fondling couple. Immediately, their heads shot up and I, with bewildered and slightly appalled eyes, stood dumb and met the wide, piercing blue orbs of Victor Griffith… and oh yes, the absolutely enraged face of Alexandra Westley. So he was not lying when he said he was her soon-to-be suitor. Not minding Alexandra's vividly vicious snarls, I bowed my head, appearing to be dreadfully ashamed and spit out apology after apology to them. But, I knew very well that this intrusion was quite interesting. To catch Alexandra in the act _again_ was positively splendid. "I am terribly sorry for intruding on your business," I said, still refraining from looking at them. "I shall leave at once. I honestly just came by to make sure the dining arrangements are complete."

"They very much are, Miss Turner," replied Griffith, not the least bit disappointed that I had bumped into their secret spooning. "No need to worry." Finally, I decided that they had had enough of my purging dishonest apologies, and gathered enough courage to meet Victor Griffith in the eye. I found that he had drawn away from Alexandra and was calmly walking towards me. He stopped beside the chair to the left of the head seat and picked up a folded piece of paper that stood on its matching plate. Smirking, he lifted it up and showed it to me. It had my name written on it in fine, connected letters. "Yes, Miss Astrid," he chuckled. "Everything is in order." I sent him a hard but not too savage glare and walked up to where he stood, took the paper from his hands and placed it back on its corresponding piece of china.

I had not forgotten what he did to me when last we met. After successfully wooing me and fleeing from Adam's challenge, I chased after him, provoked to rip him to shreds. The only problem was that he was a quick and sly little fox, and I never caught up with him. Not to mention that Adam reached me first and told to me stop the very invigorating fox hunt.

"Thank you, Mister Griffith," I replied, "for informing me that all dining preparations are complete." He bowed slightly to me, the despicable grin curling on his lips again.

"Twas nothing, Miss Turner. I hope you have a well-deserved and enjoyable birthday celebration." He bent his head and kissed the back of my hand, looking up at me with those alluring blue eyes. When he was through, he said, "Come, Alexandra," and to him she went, but not without sending a murderous glower in my direction.

"Good day, Miss Westley," I said, and she only tightened her face all the more.

"It is evening, Astrid," she sneered before looping her arm around Griffith's and stalking off.

As soon as they were gone, I came to examine the seating arrangements considering that who I was seating around would greatly affect how I would behave. At the head chair was Lord Glenn's wife, she being the only true resident in the mansion and had the right to the grand head seat. Next to her would be where I sat, and across from me would be Miss Smith. Those were typical and expected positions, and I was fine with the seating until I reached the next name. To my right would sit… Victor Griffith? And across from him would sit… Stephen Westley? And even better, beside Stephen would sit… Alexandra! Where on earth was Adam going to sit? And what about my family! _Is Miss Smith just waiting for me to ruin my own birthday party?_, I wondered. Afraid to see what else lied ahead in the disastrous seating array but too curious to give in to fear, I looked further down the table for names.

Next to Alexandra was the chair assigned to… my dear Adam. _Curses!_ How would I ever be able to eat if I was surrounded by a philanderer like Griffith and a charmer like Stephen? Not to mention that Alexandra's glare would be pounding down my back and Miss Smith would have her dinner knife ready to stab me if I made one mistake.

Beside Griffith would sit Roland. Wonderful. Now I had the fierce and protective scowl of my brother to add to my sack of burdens. And finally, _finally_, my parents sat across from each other… only _four_ chairs down from me! It was madness! Miss Smith was keen to seat me closest to the people that made me the most uncomfortable. Grand. Just ever-so grand. It was all so grand that I wanted to vomit.

Even more disappointed with my birthday so far, I paced about the dining room, sighing and brooding again. My mind was drifting towards changing the seating arrangements, but that would be a very unlady-like thing to do and Miss Smith would fail me on the spot. In the end, I wound up plunking myself in my assigned chair and burying my stressed face into my hands. _Adam has not arrived. Neither have my parents. Griffith is still an amorous fool trying to seduce me again. Alexandra is on the verge of sending a dagger through my heart and Miss Smith has arranged all these death sentences so conveniently on my fifteenth birthday._ With a moan, I stood angrily from my seat and dusted off my dress. As a lady, I could not show anyone my aching emotions and had to step back out there with a smile on my face. The thing was, the smile would not surface.

I left the dining room with a very heavy expression and I even forgot my posture for a while because my sack of burdens was giving me a crick in the back, in all due seriousness. If I hadn't heard some rising uproar going on in the main hall, I would have returned to the heart of the festival with a very unsuitable appearance. Remembering my duty as hostess, a proper and lady-like hostess, I deserted my glum feelings and raced to the main hall to see what all the upheaval was about.

The commotion ended up being started by a group of young lasses who were flocked together, giggling like mad. "They're coming!" some squealed. My brows wrinkled in confusion as to who could possibly cause so much excitement among the female race. Nonetheless, as hostess, I had to be the first to greet whomever was arriving. "He's stepping out!" shrieked another as she pulled her face away from a nearby window she was spying through. _Glorious. It must be another pretty cad making his grand and pompous entrance._ There was a titter of wild snickers and a, "The lads have arrived!"

_Lads, eh?_ That meant one thing: Roland and his band of miscreants had arrived. Out of the five I met on board the Valiant, three stayed in Port Royal, those being the boys who were raised here. Dobbin and Andre were assigned to another ship earlier and left some while ago, which was a good thing, especially if Dobbin was not around, for he certainly _loved_ fancy parties for two reasons. For the women and for the drink. Kenneth, Timmy, and Samuel had stayed and would most likely strut through those doors with the ladies screaming at their heels. Surprisingly enough, even my heart began to pound wildly in my chest as I waited for the doorman to open the doors at first knock.

It didn't take long for the fluttery feeling to rouse in my gut and I began to think that I would collapse to the ground from the wait before they ever set foot inside. I believed the reason behind all that was because I was desperate for better company to arrive and my brother and his friends were much better company than all of these high-class folk. But the more I thought about it, the more my mind raced with thoughts, the more I realized that I wasn't feeling in a tizzy because of Roland and his friends, but more over if Adam would jump out those doors with them. All of the questions made me sick to my stomach really. _Keep it together, Astrid. It's just Roland and his mates. Why are you worrying? It is not like Adam will not walk through those doors with them. He will. He will. Otherwise… I'd… I'd… What would I do?_

Then came the knock and I braced myself for all hell to break loose.

Distantly, the herd of girls anxiously waiting for them squealed with delight, just as I closed my eyes, for I was too cowardly to face the entrances of these men, but mostly Adam, if he was even there. Would he think me a good enough lady? Would he?

"Happy birthday, Astrid!" came a unified group of voices. I managed to open an eye and was soon bombarded with the 'whoops!' and 'huzzahs!' of Roland's insane group of vagabonds. They rushed forward at me, all finely dressed in their naval uniforms and were about to shake my hand and tackle me with embraces when they remembered that they were gentlemen attending a civilized gathering and promptly bowed their heads.

I couldn't help but smirk at the sight of these boys. They would surely make the party more exciting, that was for sure. I opened my mouth to speak, prepared to ask them where Adam was, for I assumed correctly and he was _not_ there, but it came out too formal for my own good. "Thank you all, gentlemen, for attending this festivity. Please have some refreshments in the parlor. Dinner shall begin soon." I presented my best smile to them and the boys returned cheeky grins, despite the fact that I was crumbling inside. Of course, Roland and his friends had finally arrived, but where was my Adam? And where were my Mummy and Daddy and Grandpa?

At the mentioning of refreshments, the boys were soon well on their way to the parlor and gathering rooms, but I snatched Roland's arm before he could leave. "Where's Adam?" I hissed. "Not to mention your suitor, Stephanie. I thought you'd arrive with _them_."

"I _did_ arrive with them, Astrid," said Roland. "With them and Murray and Sam and Tim and—"

"Then why isn't he _inside_ yet?" I interrupted. My soul felt as if it was being stretched out to the point where it lost feeling, for certainly all I could feel at that moment was a bitter mix of anger and worry. My foot was even shaking and my hands were well on their way to ripping my fan to shreds.

"Astrid," said Roland soothingly, already knowing why I was asking such questions. "He'll come. He wouldn't let you down. Relax, sister." He gave my shoulders a few shakes but found that I was as stiff as a wooden rod. Nothing would make me flexible again but my Adam. "I have to go, all right?" I nodded, but it must have appeared as more of a wince and Roland left to join his friends. _Why! Why aren't you here yet!_, I screamed inside. All I felt like doing was barricading myself in a closet for the rest of the night and weep.

"Excuse me, Miss. What about me? Am I not a welcomed guess as well? Will I not receive your dazzling smile?" I had spent the last few moments staring blankly at the floor moping again, when my attention was seized by this particular's voice. My sulking head looked straight up and an all too needed sigh of relief finally escaped me. Adam was marching right through the doors, never looking more handsome in his Lieutenant uniform as he did then. My instinct urged me to run up to him and hug him and squeeze him until he begged released, but I remembered that I was a fine lady and approached him just a tad bit more eagerly than I had done with other guests.

"Good evening, young sir," I began. "I am very glad that you have made it to this celebration. Please, would you care for anything at the moment? Dinner is to be eaten soon." He looked down at me, his soft blue eyes twinkling with delight and a faint wildness.

"How kind of you to ask, Miss Turner," he returned, a broad smile on his face. "But I fear that there is really nothing here that will satisfy me at the moment."

"What would then, Lieutenant?" I asked, a bit dismayed that I had not persuaded him in any way at all. It just went to show how "lady-like" I truly was.

"I will show you." He held my hands and brought them up to his chin, smiling so sweetly at me. All I could do was stare dreamily into his eyes not feeling the least bit nervous anymore.

Suddenly, he dropped my hands and grabbed me by the waist and twirled me around. I knew the other lasses would be writhing in jealousy but I cared not. All I saw at that time was him and the great amount of dear affection he was showing me. As he set me down, he bent his head and tenderly placed his lips against mine. He made sure to keep it brief, for Miss Smith could have been watching us from anywhere and she would be most displeased. "Happy birthday, Astrid," he whispered, hugging me again. I giggled and wrapped my arms around him tighter, resting my chin on his shoulder as we swayed a bit in our embrace.

"Thank you, Adam," I said, occupying any empty space in my memory with this time spent with him. "This birthday has been very awful without you."

"Oh, I'm sure it hasn't been that detestable," he replied.

"It has." At that, someone from behind me cleared their throat, and Adam and I hastily separated.

"Please remember your limits, Miss," said Miss Smith from behind. She said nothing more and carried on walking to the living room with her escort.

"Would you mind showing me around?" asked Adam, seeing the color sprayed on my cheeks. For the first time that day, my face lit up, but it was quickly darkened again when I remembered my duty as hostess.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I must be with my guests at all times. It would not be fair to them for me to spend all my time with my already very much loved suitor." His beaming face was shadowed a bit as well, but we both managed to remain in cheerful moods.

"Tis quite all right, madam," he replied, staying formal again. "I'd gladly escort you about the place. Is that possible?"

"Yes, very much possible." He offered me his arm, but before I could take it, a young woman, about my age, came seemingly from nowhere and gave Adam's shoulder a few quick, but _caring_ pats. As she walked away, she looked back at us, or rather, Adam, and smiled. I narrowed my eyes in growing repugnance, but she didn't seem to mind me, and Adam did not look away ashamed or uneasy as I expected him to, but returned a weak grin and nod in her direction!

"Who is she?" I asked, as soon as she was gone and Adam had his attention on me again. I never took the arm he offered me in protest against the sign of friendship he gave the mysterious woman.

"No one. Just an acquaintance. She rode with us on the way here," he replied hurriedly, his face betraying him with rising crimson blush. "Nothing happened. Honest." I looked doubtfully at him, but finally took his arm. I still couldn't help but love him so.

"All right," I said weakly. "I believe you." But for some odd reason, I _knew_ he was lying.

It wasn't long after the boys had arrived did my parents and grandfather at last make their grand entrance, nearly an hour and a half later than the beginning of the party. Despite their tardiness, I still could not help but want to run up to my parents and hug them tight and wail, "This birthday has been awful! Please stop it!" But I hid my true feelings behind the ever-smiling face that was Astrid and exchanged proper greetings with them.

I hated acting like a woman. It was too much. I could not hide my feelings very well at all, as a lady was expected to do. I _always_ had to show the entire world how I felt. The problem that night was that I couldn't, and that was what was eating away at me inside.

Dinner was to be eaten very soon, and all the guests began to file into the grand dining hall. With everyone moving about trying to find their seats, reaching mine was terribly difficult, and Adam had to help me push my way through. By the time we even reached my seat, the majority of people were sitting down and unfolding their napkins and such. Like the gentleman he was, Adam helped me into my seat, but was immediately inflamed when he saw the name on the plate to my right. He pointed a finger at it with a disgusted visage and I had to hide my laugh with my fan. Victor Griffith merely stepped between Adam and me, that same grin on his face and happily seated himself beside me. With a soft growl, Adam went to find his own seat, but not without whispering, "Please keep a sharp eye, Astrid," into my ear.

"How goes your celebration, Miss?" asked Griffith, looking me in the eye with a very eager interest.

"Very well, Mister Griffith. Do you find that you are enjoying yourself?" I managed to say, but in truth, all I wanted to do was rip that smirk off his face, the scoundrel.

"Well, now I do," he chuckled, winking at me. My face was set on fire, for surely Griffith was quite a charmer. Too much of one. I averted my eyes away from him and looked down at my lap to escape his teases. But now that I had my head cast down, I couldn't help but feel several angry stares beating down on it. Looking up, I saw the vicious eyes of Alexandra Westley berating me, the worried and suspicious stare of my Adam, and the not too pleased face of Miss Smith. All of these signs of worry and anger and all I had done was act like the lady I was expected to be!

I looked to the right to make sure I wasn't getting any side glares and was attacked with Roland's steamed visage! I sighed heavily and turned away, now annoyed myself for always being the source of trouble in everyone's eyes. Thankfully, to mine and everyone else's relief, the servants were coming out of the kitchen with trays full of delectable food and drink. _Good_, I thought. _Now we can all eat until we are fat and drink until we are drunken bastards._

The undeniable luscious food gave me the opportunity to get my mind away from the increasing amount of stares being sent in my direction and to envelope myself in the sweet and succulent aroma of mouthwatering roasted meats and steamy vegetables. But, even on my birthday, I could not be given one moment's peace. "More wine with you, Astrid?" said a voice. My fork stopped halfway to my mouth, and I was disappointed that the bit of mashed potatoes never made it there. I looked ahead of me and saw Stephen motioning for one of the servants to tend to my almost empty wine glass.

"Yes, more wine indeed, right, Astrid?" simpered Griffith as the servant poured the sour red liquid up to the brim of my glass. With a simple snap of his fingers, he indicated to the server that he was in need of a refill as well, and as soon as he received it, he took a few long gulps of wine, all the while looking at me. There was no doubt he planned on getting drunk that night. "How goes life for you, Stephen?" Griffith proudly puffed up. "Getting married any time soon?" I could tell why all lads despised Griffith. He automatically assumed that he was welcome to nose about in the love lives of other men. Stephen was far from amused with his minor's attempt at conversation, but he must have noticed that I was waiting patiently for his answer.

"No," said Stephen, slightly proud of being a bachelor. "I still haven't found my match." He made the mistake of shifting his eyes towards me and I nearly choked at the movement, only, as soon as I caught the move, Griffith firmly placed his hand on my thigh and squeezed it. _That_ nearly made me spit out my food from surprise.

"You _are_ well, Miss Turner?" hissed Miss Smith, as I coughed into my napkin. My eyes were even watering because of my choking spasms.

"Y-Yes, Miss Smith," I sputtered, reaching to take Griffith's hand off me, but at my touch, he only seized my hand instead. Inside, I growled and I could feel that I had flared my nostrils in angry intolerance. Griffith turned his head to the side and glared at me with a look that said, "Reveal that I am touching you and I will make your life absolutely miserable." I heeded the warning and reluctantly let him continue laying his hand on my leg. The bastard.

"Any proposals to _you_?" purred Alexandra, obviously not content with the attention Griffith and her brother were giving me. "As in marriage of course," she added. She said no name, but I knew the question was directed towards me judging by her eager, wicked eyes and sinister grin.

"Marriage?" I replied, deciding to act as snooty as her. "I think I can wait a year or two more before I even think about marriage."

"Why?" she shot back. "A year or two more of spontaneous courting with a different array of men?" My mouth grew hot and I forced myself to swallow down my yells along with my food, but it would not be a surprise if I managed to erupt anyway. Luckily, I forced myself to put my fork down calmly on the table, thus destroying the opportunity to chuck it at her face. How I wanted to leap forward and strangle her!

"Quite the contrary, Miss," I replied, making sure to let out just the faintest indication of annoyance in my voice. "I'd appreciate another year or two for the freedom I have as a young and unmarried woman."

"And I suppose that by freedom, you mean the chance to get yourself on a ship and kill pirates, correct?" she taunted further, enjoying her progress. I stared blankly at her, and it was certain that she really only came to my party in order to ridicule me. "You know, all that swashbuckling and gallantry you love so much?" she continued bravely, too pleased with my taut, expressionless face to back down. "Now, judging by your love of fencing, I'm sure a high seas adventure is exactly what you are looking for." A quiet murmur began to rise among my guests and my lips grew wet with the desire to scream out, "You filthy whorish witch! Who are you to be getting into _my_ damn business!" But it ultimately ended in:

"I do not deny what you have said, Miss Westley," I returned, revealing a faux smile. "I am quite intrigued with anything on the sea. For one, my own brother is a midshipman in the British navy and I am courting a dashing lieutenant as well. I believe the question you _should_ be asking is how can I _not_ adore the sea in any way possible?" I raised my eyebrows at her and daintily took a sip from my glass. _Ha! You haven't destroyed me yet, Westley._

"A good point, that is," added Griffith, pinching my thigh again. _Just wait until Adam finds out what you have done. You'll be a dead man._ "A clever vixen, she is." Sadly, I was stupid enough to flush at Griffith's compliment, which only earned a few more shouts of agreement, all coming from the mouths of men. By now, Alexandra's face was twisted in utter rage, having seen her plan go awry before her eyes all due to her wonderful suitor, Griffith.

As Griffith's comment drew quite some uproar around the table, he stood up abruptly and tapped his glass with his dinner fork to get everyone's attention. "A toast," he began. "To the lovely Miss Astrid Jacqueline Turner who turns a magnificent fifteen years old today."

"Aye, a toast!" came another shout.

"A toast to Miss Turner!" I was all very much stunned and somewhat baffled with this explosion of attention occurring towards me and while the masses of people were rising to toast to me, all I could do was sit and look around for some understanding face to clear the situation for me. My eyes locked on Adam's, and he did not appear to be happy at Griffith's toast to me.

"What is this all about?" I mouthed to him. He motioned for me to stand, and so I did, but I still was a bit dazed.

"Now what?" I mouthed again.

"Wait," he replied. There soon came the clanking of wine glasses and the slosh of the red stuff onto the dining table, and mouths chugging down the liquid like water. And oh yes, with a large and very loud, "Happy Birthday, Astrid!"

When we all settled down into our seats again, I found myself still shocked with the whole event, even too shocked to mind that Griffith had placed his hand on my leg again. Perhaps all that wine, which really wasn't at all much, was finally getting to me.

The rest of the meal was completed without any further turmoil, which worked to my advantage because usually any trouble caused was due to me and my own stupidity, and a fine lady would never show herself to be stupid, although I feared I had already done so or would in the early future. By the time everyone was getting up and leaving for the dancing to be held in the ballroom, the beginnings of the drunken state were becoming vaguely apparent in some of the men. Especially Griffith. When he attempted to help me out of my seat and I refused his arm, he began to cackle madly, for some reason finding my disinclination funny. The only words I could decipher from his inane chortling were, "You…not come… with… me?" I knew his several refills of wine would be a bad thing. Why didn't I urge him to drink less?

Eventually, he wobbled off with Alexandra to the dance floor and Adam was very relieved to finally have me on his arm again and under his watchful eye. When I stepped foot in the ballroom, I paused for a moment to gape at the enormity and shining brilliance of it all. The floors were polished and slick, and in even rows across the arched ceiling hung crystal chandeliers sparkling like giant stars. On the far left lied a line of windows that were open to let in some fresh night air to the dancing atmosphere and the lacy curtains blew about like thin shreds of cloud. In a corner to my left was the small orchestra that would be playing the music. And guess who one of the musicians was? Ian Clyde. Adam pointed him and Nattie out to me with a finger and I was happy to see that they still looked quite happy and beautiful together.

Roland and his mates went straight to the tables of refreshments which lied in the far back right side of the place. It made me wonder how they all managed to stay so thin despite their voracious appetites. "Would you care to spend the first dance with me, Miss?" asked Adam kindly. I could tell that he was trying his best to remain loyal to propriety. His constant caressing of my hand made me wonder what was really on his mind. And I was positive it was not dancing.

"I must be honest with you, love," I said as we got into position with the other couples. "I am a horrible dancer."

"I don't care if you can dance well or not," he replied strongly. "All I care about is that I get to spend just a little bit of time with you on your birthday. It was bad enough having to watch Griffith sit by your side throughout dinner. He didn't do anything did he?" The music began and by the speedy tempo, I knew it was intended for a gavotte, which was my worst dance routine.

"Well… He pinched my leg a few times," I said shamefully. Adam's grip on my waist tightened as we spun around. It was a miracle that I had not stepped on his foot once yet, or collided into another couple.

"You didn't shove his hand away?" he asked, a bit disappointed. I returned to his arms and we smoothly whirled about.

"I managed to get it off a few times, but he was too persistent. Honestly, Adam. I did the best I could without revealing what was going on to my governess' eyes. If she found out, she would probably think that I put his hand there, when that is absolutely absurd."

"It is clear that he fancies you," snorted Adam. "I swear I will kill him if he ever does anything to you." A sharp sigh escaped his nose as I whirled away from him only to return to his arms in a quick instant. "I don't understand this world of courting, Astrid. As soon as I find myself a lass I truly admire and consider spending the rest of my life with, a bunch of halfwits such as Griffith and Stephen are trying to take you away from me."

"They'll never manage to, Adam. I promise you that."

"I'd appreciate a different promise," he said, the dance coming to an end. As we came to a stop I was only confused by his statement. A different promise? What other thing did he want me to promise to him?

"What type of promise do you ask of me then, Adam?" I asked, unaware that my voice was rising. I looked him straight in the eye, for I had a feeling that these promises were an important thing to him. And indeed it was, for he looked at me with a slightly distressed visage, his brows furrowed in thought and a clear aching flickering in his eyes.

"Come, Astrid," he said softly, and he grabbed my hand and led me away from the dance floor and towards the open windows in the room. One of the windows happened to be a glass door that led out into the gardens, and he brought me out there without a word.

"What is this about, Adam?" I questioned, knowing very well that if I was gone too long, Miss Smith would have a fit. He stopped and turned around and looked down at me, and I was utterly pained myself when I saw his face.

"Astrid," he began, taking my hands. "It's quite manifest that several men have their eye on you. There's Griffith, Stephen, and I even fear that Murray has a fancy for you. Can you see those things?"

"Of course I can, Adam. But you have nothing to worry about. I'm not going to leave you for any of them."

"You say that now, Astrid, but you are not certain about what may happen in the future. You could very well end up leaving me for one of them if they ever manage to completely inveigle you." He paused and looked uncomfortable again, his face somewhat grimacing.

"I'd never do that," I said, hoping to convince him otherwise. "What have I done that has made you question such a thing?" Adam looked jubilant and fueled to prove me wrong.

"What have you _done_?" he echoed, mockery now part of his voice. "Astrid, you agreed to have a "word" with Griffith on my birthday and he ended up snaring you with ease! And what's more is that you allow experienced bachelors such as Stephen parade into your life as if they are harmless when you know _nothing_ about them! You do _nothing_ to stop other men from entering your life. It is as if you are asking for a broken relationship!"

"I'm not!" I yelled. "What would you have me do to them, Adam? Tell 'em off as if they had no feelings? I'm not heartless and it is not my fault I look this way and that I attract men! I never intend for them to follow me! Do you really think I would do that? Is that what you see me as? A whore!"

"No," he replied swiftly. "No. Astrid, I love you; I'm just afraid that you'll run off with the first man who has more to offer than me."

"For God's sake, Adam!" I screamed, waving my arms in the air. "I could care less about what a bloody cad has to offer me! Don't you know me well enough to understand that I love _you_? _Not_ your money. _Not_ your family's respected name. _Not_ because you are a Lieutenant. In all due seriousness, I wouldn't care if you were a homeless cove on the streets because I'd love you anyway." I paused, trying to absorb everything in, but I wasn't a sponge that could soak in all the water in my sinking ship. In fact, I was quite out of breath for having to scream so much through my corset. I sat myself on the grass and covered my face with my hands.

"Astrid," said Adam. "I didn't mean it like that."

"If you honestly believe that I would even do such a thing to you then perhaps—"

"No," he intruded. "No. Don't even say it, Astrid."

"Then I won't. I'll think it," I retorted. I didn't mean what I said at all, I just felt the need to prove to him that I was loyal, that I would never leave him for some idiot like Griffith. Never. Why couldn't he trust me?

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm sorry that I'm always so suspicious and disbelieving. I really do care about you, Astrid; I just don't want to have to keep warding off all the men who are attracted to you."

"Do you really think you will be successful in something such as that?" I asked. "As long as I look the way I do now, it would be ineffective to rid all men who like me away from me. They'll keep coming back."

"That's why I need you to promise me, Astrid," he said, his voice deepening in gravity.

"Promise you what?"

"Never to leave. I'll promise the same." I looked up at him, confused. I did not understand what type of promise he wanted from me. He noticed my puzzlement and held my face in his hands as he crouched down beside me. "Astrid, I know that we are still young, but…"

"But what?"

"I want us to make a promise between lovers."

"As in?"

"As in engagement, marriage," he said, clarifying everything in one simple statement. "I'm going to ask your parents if I could have your hand in marriage." I felt as if a stone had knocked the side of my head and that I was in a state of shock and unexplained distress. I couldn't get married. I couldn't be promised. I was promised to my dreams already. I had to find Jack. That was what I wanted. But I loved Adam too.

"Don't you think we are a little bit young? I mean, you said yourself that I'm naïve and what good would an inexperienced wife do you?" I was shuddering with an odd combination of fear, anger, and vague elation. Not to mention that a whole load of indecision fell onto my shoulders and was making me quake with uncertainty.

"I didn't mean by an authentic and valid proposal, Astrid. Just that we are promised to each other and that when the time comes we will both be ready for an important decision such as marriage."

"But Adam, I…"

"What?" He surely did not expect me to protest against marriage.

"I have dreams, Adam. Ever since I was a little girl, I had a dream of going out to sea. Alexandra was right at dinner. I am dying to have adventures on the sea. To wave my sword around and fight of felons! I want to be a sailor on a ship. I want to be a pirate! _Anything_ that will at least fulfill my dream of going out to sea just a little bit. I want to captain and commandeer a ship, have a crew at my command. I want to find this pirate who has been haunting my impossible fantasies for months, Adam. I can't be promised to you…" The words came out like a large breath of air that was replaced with a bubble of pure relief. I had finally stated my dreams, and saying them aloud made me feel all the more confident that I'd reach them one day. "Adam… I'm already promised to the sea." He was speechless, not to mention struggling in painful reality at my confession. "Adam," I said, reaching for his face. Now I felt dreadfully sorry for ever deciding to tell him about my dreams. He must have thought me intolerably cruel to have said to his face that I was not in love with him but the sea. He flinched at my touch and took a few steps away from me. _What have you done, Astrid? What the hell have you done?_

"My, my, isn't this absolutely precious?" said a menacing voice. I turned hotly around, fists clenched and eyes full of tears.

"Please permit us this private moment, Griffith," I replied, stupidly clinging to formality.

"Oh, but I must request otherwise, Miss Turner," he laughed. His drunken head must have emptied because he was back to his conniving self. "After all, it is clear that Lieutenant Locke will have nothing more to do with you, or your coquetry." _Coquetry?_ The bastard thought I was a damn prostitute!

"Leave her alone, Griffith," said Adam, but his voice was terribly weak. Griffith's eyes burned and he marched straight up to Adam, his once laughing face now hard as stone.

"What are you going to do about it, Locke? What?" he taunted, pushing Adam. "You can't even protect what strumpet you've got." Adam held his ground and merely stalked pass Griffith, bumping him hard on the shoulder. And that was enough to set Griffith into violence.

While Adam had his back turned, Griffith took a swing, but Adam must have expected an attack and ducked his head in time. _A fist flew because of me._ "Stop!" I shouted. "If any of you dare to—" They didn't listen and continued to pummel each other into dust. The two of them wrestled on the floor, cursing and swearing while trying to bash each other's faces in. I jerked with intolerance. Men. When would they finally comprehend that I _never_ wanted their attention? "Both of you stop it! Stop!" I shrieked. Griffith gave a final blow to Adam's face and I saw blood leak out of his nose. I tried to control myself and not even think about joining in on the fight, but Griffith was hurting my Adam.

"Told you you'd never be able to protect what's yours," spat Griffith as he stood up on his feet. Before I could even rush to Adam's side, Griffith turned towards me and basically hauled me out of the gardens and back into the ballroom.

"You no good—"

"Go ahead and say it, _Ass_trid. Go ahead and say that I'm a no good son of a bitch. I'll just tell your governess—"

"You had no right to hurt my Adam!" I screamed at his face. He wiped his mouth with his sleeve and looked at me coldly.

"Why do you even care about him when you already admitted that you love the sea?"

"It is possible to love more than one thing," I muttered. Griffith only grinned his horrendous grin and clutched my waist and brought me dangerously close to him.

"Would you mind sharing a dance with me?"

"I would," I growled, trying to free myself from his grasp, but he was too strong.

"I will take that as a yes," he answered and he brought me to the dance floor. He placed his hand on my upper back as we got into position for the dance. But he slyly moved it to where my rib cage was and gave my abdomen a squeeze. _Die, you filthy bastard._ I shot a nervous glance around me and saw that Roland and Stephanie were taking part in the dance as well. _Good._ Perhaps he could break Griffith's impregnable hold on my waist.

The music began. It was a minuet and was therefore not too fast, but hopefully I'd manage to step on Griffith's toes. How I hated him so! The damn man was taking advantage of the fact that I could do nothing about his inappropriate physical "touchings" because of my governess' ever-watchful eye. I doubt she was even focusing on inappropriate contact but more on if I lashed out and beat someone to the ground.

"Why are you so rigid, Astrid?" he chuckled, slipping his hand directly under my armpit. I knew why he had done so. He wanted to get closer to my chest, the profligate.

"Why are you such a lecherous fool?" I returned. That earned me another sly and concealed pinch on the rump, and I stomped my foot on his toe. He winced and I was given brief glory, only to have him bend down close to my face again.

"Do I need to tell your governess of your less than lady-like dancing?" he whispered angrily, but by his voice's intensity I had a feeling he wasn't angry at all but more, well, erotic. I couldn't say anything in protest. Griffith was too smart. All men were too smart. Curse them. He happily welcomed himself to kissing my neck, covering what he was doing with a hand that just appeared to be soothing my shoulder. I growled all the more and jabbed his side, but he cared not. I even stepped on his toes as hard as I could, but he was too lost in his lubricious dreams to give a damn.

"Excuse me," came a voice. I looked over Griffith's shoulder and saw Roland, with murder in his eye. Griffith finally stopped caressing me and turned around only to be sent to the ground with Roland's fist. "Touch my sister again, and I will kill you, you filthy piece of horse shit!" The dance immediately broke up and the couples took off to stay clear of the fight breaking again. _Another fist flew because of me._

"Why don't you mind you own business, you son of a bitch!" roared Griffith as he wiped his bloody nose and lunged at Roland.

"Astrid's business _is_ my business, you bastard!" snarled Roland as he thrust his fist straight into Griffith's jaw. It didn't take long for Roland's mates to come to his aid and fists, curses and bruised faces were popping up in the brawl. I stood, back turned to the violence and my blood boiling. How many times did I have to tell those idiotic cads that _I... never… wanted… any… fists… to … fly… over …ME!_

"Get up, you lot of scoundrels!" I shouted. Again, they refused to listen to me. "Get your sorry arses up and away from each other before I have to beat you all the ground!" They continued to fight, and my body contracted with ferocity not even a pack of hungry beasts could suppress. _HOW DARE THEY IGNORE ME!_ "That's it!" I dove into the bout, and grabbed the arm of the first person I managed to hit. I sent a couple cuffs at their face before pushing their face into the ground and digging my knee into their back so that they could not stand up. I hooked their arm behind the back and lifted their head. "Get up and leave this fight, _now_." I had grabbed Timmy, and he looked utterly shocked to have been beaten by me and as soon as I let him go he went straight off like a bullet.

I singled out Kenneth Murray from the brawl and pulled on his hair, but not too hard. I didn't want Roland's mates to hate me. "Astrid?" he squawked, and I pinned him to the ground with an angry huff. "Leave at once and I won't beat you up," I said. "Leave Roland and Griffith alone so I can give them hell." He looked at me, bewildered, and I warned him with a raised fist. He broke off and now I was left to Sam, Roland and Griffith. I was surprised Adam did not come and help Roland.

Sam I got rid of easily. All I had to do was find where his leg was and drag him out of the tiff. He squirmed about as I yanked him to the refreshment table. "Sorry, Sammy," I said. "I can't have you gettin' in the way of Roland's and Griffith's most deserved beatings." I sprinted off to get back to Griffith and Roland who were still wrestling on the floor battering each other to unconsciousness.

"Get up, little brother," I ordered, grabbing his collar from the back. I pulled on it severely and heard a gasp come from Roland, which was enough to make him stumble back and away from his useless fighting.

"Astrid, what the hell are ya doin'?" he squealed.

"Shut up," I barked, giving his face a good slap. "I warned you before that if _any_ fists were unleashed over me, I'd give you all bloody noses and black eyes. And so it shall be if you do not back off and let me take care of the problem."

"Sister, you clearly underestimate—"

"Move!" He moved and I hauled Griffith up by his frilly little collar. "Listen, you smutty lying bastard! I'm sick of you barging in and assaulting my mates, most of all my Adam! And I do _not_ appreciate how you see me as nothing but a trollop to bed!" I raised my fist, wanting so much to smash his pretty face in.

"And what?" he croaked, grinning. "Ya gonna beat me up, Astrid?" The fact that he _wanted_ me to explode and tear him to pieces made me want to show him that I was not a callous and violent woman.

"No, Griffith," I huffed. "Whipping you would do no good for me." I banged his head on the floor before releasing my grip on him and stood up, only to face the wide-eyed stares of all one hundred of my guests.

Embarrassment and extreme mortification took over me. I had just done the most unlady-like thing possible in a party that was suppose to portray how refined and civilized I was. I didn't even want to think of what Miss Smith was thinking at that moment, but I didn't have to wait long to find out. Before I knew it, she had marched right up to me, her fan being slapped in her thin, bony palm. Managing only to barely hold her furious glare, she took her fan and whacked me right across the face with it. "You… are… a… _disgrace_!" was all she said before she stormed off and left me with a swelling cheek and flooding eyes.

The pressures of being a lady were pulling on me, practically stretching me out until I was thin and wasted. The longing to cry and howl like a new-born babe was inching closer and closer to becoming reality. I wished to run to my parents and to have them cradle me like a little girl again, but that would only make me appear a coward. Ladies never wept in public. They never lost their temper. They fought with words, not fists. They were clean, proper, poised and refined beings made to serve and please their future husbands. I was not and never would be. What kind of a man would want to wed an untamable wench with no rules or morals to hold her to the wishes of society?

My intention was to put that smile back on my face, to cope with the degradation and to celebrate my fifteen years of existence, but based on what I had seen and done that day, there was really nothing to celebrate. All these people were here for no reason. They came to celebrate the birthday of the daughter of one of the most respected women in the town, and what did I do? I beat up a bunch of boys and shouted with no thought as to how my audience would react. Miss Smith _was_ correct. I was a disgrace to her and everybody else. I was a disgrace to the world. No one wanted a witless, naïve girl who ran wild and violent across the sacred and pure earth that they treaded upon. What good would that bring them? None. I was just surprised that I never realized that I would never fit into this society until then. Fifteen years it took for me to understand such a simple thing. It just went to show how dense I was. How stupid I was.

The first drop fell, landing on my polished pumps in a feeble splash. Then the other came, and then another, and soon my vision blurred and the inner sobs began to tremble up my body to find a way out. My nose began to run and I was wiping my face and nostrils with my arm to stop all my grieving, but they would not stop. Even my body was betraying me. That was how pathetic I was.

How awful and vindictive could one be to have shoved their one true love away, to have slapped and beaten their own brother, to have been merciful to those who saw them as sport and a source of derision, and to have forgotten what being a true lady was all about? How? How was it all possible that I had defeated and disregarded all things I needed to succeed in if I was to become accepted in just one night? How was it that everything I failed at, was everything that meant something to the people that surrounded me? Why? How? When? When will I get my opportune moment? When will the prime hour arrive where I would finally thrive? "Astrid," said a voice. I did not heed it. A pair of arms wrapped around me and held me close, and I was too absorbed in my own guilt and shame to have thanked them for the comfort.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed. "I'm sorry I disgraced you and Mum. I am. I really am." It was good to be like a little girl again and to be held in the arms of my daddy.

"You're not a disgrace, daughter," said Mum, joining in on the embrace. "And you never will be."

"We love you too much to allow you to be one," said Roland, taking part in the largest sign of affection I had ever been given in my life.

"You're n-n-not m-mad?" I sniveled.

"Of course not," my family said in reply. "Why would we be angered by who you are? We love you because of who you are, Astrid."

"Never forget that," added Daddy. I took a deep breath and began to feel refreshing peace on the tips of my fingers again.

"I won't. I promise."


	33. Shame

_Chapter 33: Shame_

**P**ain throbbed steadily against my skull, pulsing in sync with my heart and making my head feel overwhelmed with pressure. There was a pungent stench that hung about the air and the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes wearily was a pot full of my spittle. _Oh no._ Currently, a piece of dribble still hung from my mouth and at smelling the vomit I had excreted, I began to taste the last retching and I grimaced with disgust.

I was rolled onto my stomach, my head hanging over the side of my bed directly over the basin. _Oh no._ As I moved my eyes around to get a good look at my surroundings, the pressure in my head felt as if it were crushing my eyes and I swayed with dizziness and vomited again into the pot, the sound apparently drawing my maid into the room with a very sorry face. "Awake now, Miss?" she asked, not in the least bit kind. I had done something terrible if even Maggie was acting horrible to me.

"What happ—" I was interrupted again with the urge to regurgitate what I had eaten and drunken last night and more of it came out in a rather nauseating splatter.

"You honestly want to hear what you did last night, Miss?" continued Maggie, grabbing my dripping face and wiping my mouth with a cloth harshly. I nodded weakly, feeling too sick to speak anymore. "Well, you can have the testimony of your parents, brother and suitor, right _now_." _Oh no._ She turned around and stormed out of the room to retrieve the said witnesses and I fell back onto my pillows in an agonizing moan. _What have I done now that has even thrown my maid into a rage?_

Instead of hearing several footsteps march down the hallway, I only heard one pair. I was hoping it wouldn't be Adam because I was in an indecent state as it was, dressed in my nightgown and smelling of vomit, but my assumptions were never correct and Adam indeed came in, his face so stern and angry that I probably would have been better off if I died right then and there. "Do you have anything to say for yourself?" he began, walking up to my bed, grabbing the chair before my vanity and plunking himself very angrily into the seat.

"I don't even know what I did," I replied, and he only burned all the more.

"Would you like to hear what you did then?" he answered gruffly.

"No, if it will only make you angrier," I said, unaware that my tone was less than agreeing. His face twitched and his jaw became dreadfully taut.

"It won't. I'm already the angriest I have ever been in my life, Astrid. All because of _you_." By his calm and composed state, I questioned whether or not he was even at all extremely angry, but his cold voice clearly proved my assumption incorrect, as always.

"Then spit it out. If you are so furious then yell at me and tell me the crime I have committed!" I shouted, for some odd reason very irritated. I crossed my arms over my chest and frowned at him, but he was hardly moved with my own outburst of annoyance.

"Very well," he began, getting up from his seat and pacing about my room. "When I entered the celebration again after spending time alone because of the hurtful confession you gave to me, I found you quite occupied with other men."

"Other men?" I echoed in slight disbelief. "I do not recall being so awfully occupied with men to not have noticed when you came in again." Adam shot me a look and I quieted my useless protest.

"If you would but let me continue," he growled. I easily granted his wish with a haughty wave of my hand. I was indeed very irritable that day for some reason. "As I was saying, I saw you quite engaged with other men and therefore did not make any attempt to intrude. After all, it is the sea you want, not me." I only sighed and sank further into my pillows. Did he really think of me so negatively now? "Well, while I observed you and the men gathering around you, I noticed a trend. They'd all ask you to dance with them, and you happily agreed having recovered from a great deal of humiliation which Roland later informed me of. Then afterwards, when you were so famished and in need of refreshment from the numerous dances you took part in, these lads would offer you glass after glass of drink. Do you remember those delightful and cool reviving beverages they beckoned you to swallow?" I looked up, bothered by his sheer mockery. It was clear that he was trying to make a point that would make me cry for forgiveness.

"No," I murmured.

"I wonder why," he scorned. "Could it possibly be the fact that you willingly drank down several glasses full of _alcoholic_ concoctions?"

"Alcohol?" I repeated again. His nose only flared and he gripped the wooden board at the end of my bed with white knuckles.

"Did you have _any_ idea of what they were trying to accomplish, Astrid?" he roared. "Are you so gullible that you could say to each man holding a mint julep in his hands 'Oh, another wonderful drink? How sweet of you,' and then chug the lot of it down? HOW CREDULOUS CAN YOU BE!"

"I never knew it was an alcoholic drink!" I fought back, knowing very well I'd fail. "What was I suppose to do?"

"You could have at least _asked_ them what the hell they were giving you! For God's sake, don't tell me you automatically assumed that every man offering you a drink had good intentions on their minds! It was obvious they didn't! All they wanted was to get you drunk so that they could have their fun with you afterwards!" I burned like a freshly started fire. The flame would only spread, and spread it did across my sorry face. Was that what I had done last night? Had I allowed for several men to get me drunk as a bastard and therefore prove myself as the town idiot? _Yes, Astrid, you did. Otherwise, Adam would not be so angry._

"Adam, I—" He cut me off. Apparently, my voice was enough to set him into rage.

"And what makes it better is that you had become so drunk, more drunk than Griffith was at that time, that when he saw you making a fool of yourself, he couldn't help but make you more of a disgrace!"

"What did he do?" I asked timidly.

"What did _he_ do? Oh no, Astrid. _He_ did nothing. It was _you_, who made the fool of yourself."

"Then what did I do? Tell me so it will be done with and I can weep for the rest of my life."

"Fine! Here it is in straight, clean and simple English that even _you_ may understand." _That_ was like a stake driven directly into my heart and my eyes welled with water, even though my head still spun and I was aching all over. Now Adam had to say I was the stupidest person he'd ever met, which without a doubt was most definitely true. "_You... ended… up… kissing… publicly… with… Griffith… in… front… of… the… entire… guest… population_!" He rattled the wooden board at the end of my bed furiously, and I only buried my face in my pillows. I didn't dare to look at him again after being smacked in the face with what I had done. _Astrid, you bloody little whore! What were you thinking, getting drunk and allowing yourself to be completely seduced by a mongrel like Griffith? You betrayed your Adam, your family, everyone. Miss Smith is right. I _am_ a disgrace. I am a filthy prostitute._

While I heaved and spit sob after sob into my pillow, letting my nose and eyes run dry, Adam stomped about in my room, still talking to me. "I've had enough of this, Astrid," he said. "It is too much of a burden for me and I've done my best to handle and solve the predicament, but it seems as though you always fail to listen."

"I-I-I-I'm s-s-s-soooree—ee—eee!" I stuttered, trying to speak through my crumbling lungs.

"How many times have you said that, Astrid? And every time you have said you are sorry, I have believed you, but you ended up deceiving me again and again! I'm not accepting your apologies anymore. I won't."

"A-Ad-d-dam," I started, looking at him through my stinging eyes.

"No, Astrid. I'm sorry. Perhaps you _are_ too wild for me. You are too free-spirited and independent. You are something I am not accustomed to, especially considering the fact that I was raised with a strict and very proper mother. She warned me of you and she was right."

"But I love you!" I screamed. He only shook his head.

"No, you don't. If you did I would not have to tell you that I witnessed your own cheating heart right before my eyes. And to even think that you'd lock lips with a bastard like Griffith sends another knife into my back. I'm not going to continue. I'm not."

"But I didn't know! How can you hate me for something that I had no control over?"

"YOU _DID_ HAVE CONTROL OVER IT, ASTRID!" he bellowed. "You should be ashamed! Look at what you've done! You dishonored your family, your governess, _me_. You shamed your own self when you resorted to wicked infidelity. It is your fault. I warned you but you don't care about me enough to heed what I say." He paused, and looked at me, his face, for once, sharing the same ache that mine had been shedding since he stepped in my room. "I loved you, Astrid. I really did. I loved you very much. Perhaps too much to ever make life too difficult for you."

"But, Adam—"

"No!" he exclaimed. "I have reached a decision, Astrid. I will not see you any longer. Our courtship has ended. I gave you every opportunity to prove yourself loyal and you sabotaged them all. I guess I was too ignorant a boy to believe you'd make a good partner for the rest of my life. I'm sorry, Astrid." He turned around, making sure his hat was securely on his head. His face was looking at the exit. _Don't leave, Adam. Don't walk through that door and leave me behind._

"Please, Adam. Don't…" He shifted his gaze back to me, his countenance less rigid from his anger and more weighed down with possible regret or sadness. Quickly, he approached the side of my bed and looked down at me in my pitiful state. For a second, I thought I saw the past dear affection he had for me glimmer in his eyes, but it was gone too soon.

"Good bye, Astrid," he whispered, bending down and pressing his lips against my own. I shivered as my memories of him rushed into remembrance and was forcing streams to flow from my eyes. He found my hand and gave it a squeeze before promptly exiting my room. _I'll never say good bye to you, Adam. You will never leave my life or my memory for as long as I live._

At his leave, I buried my face into my pillows, sobbing hysterically again. My head still throbbed and my body was still weary and sore, but any physical pain was swiftly overcome with the emotional pain I held inside my brittle beating heart; pain that came from the words of the one man I truly loved who came by only to tell me he did not love me anymore.

My grieving was suppressed with the need to sleep, and with tears still fresh on my face, I drifted off into unpleasant dreams. All I could think about was Adam and what I had done. Now the whole town would know who Astrid Turner really was; an immoral whore with no virtue or anything significant but her pretty face. From the way I looked at it, I was positively ugly for what I had done. Never anything to treasure. If I ever wound up in the arms of some fine, rich man, then he would have inherited a loss, for behind my pretty face was nothing more but hot air and silly flights of imagination.

While my head was swallowed in sweat, heat and thumping torture, my mind had drifted off into a world where I knew Jack, and Jack knew me, and the sea was my home. The only problem was, he didn't see me again. I spotted him standing on the shore, his ship not far by, and he looked straight into the horizon, his eyes squinting in the sun. I was dressed as a lady, trapped in fluffy elegance and glamour that a mere pirate was unworthy of laying his eyes on, but I approached him anyway, still remembering what he had said to me last time. "Captain Sparrow?" I squeaked. His head turned to the side abruptly, a dazed look on his face and his brows raised in amusement and surprise.

"Look at you, love," he chuckled. "Lookin' like you's the Queen of England herself." I smiled, but for some reason, my face was still wet from crying. It seemed as though I hadn't recovered from my argument with Adam.

"I'm not," I said. "I'm not a fine lady either. I'm just a stupid, day dreamy girl who has no morals and runs wild like a stray dog." I paused, plopping myself on the sand and facing the horizon with a twisting face as I wrung my eyes out. "I'm nothing, Jack. Nothing."

"What makes ya think that, Astrid?" he said, sitting down beside me and giving me a few good shakes on the shoulders.

"I lost the man I love and I dishonored my family. They have done so much for me and I thank them by giving a bad name to our family." Jack twitched his face a bit, and looked away from me, focusing on the unreachable line across the sea.

"Ya don't have to feel sorry for yerself, love," said Jack solemnly. His head bowed somewhat as he played with something in his hands. "I'm the one to blame. I brought ya to a place that was never meant for ye. I mean… you're a pirate in the blood, Astrid. The day you was born, ya had that independent fire spark in ya. Even as a lass you jumped about pretendin' that ya ruled the seas. I knew that you deserved betta, but maybe betta wasn't what you needed."

"What? What d'you mean, you brought me _here_?" I asked, the tears finally stopping. "I thought—"

"Ask them," he interrupted. "They'll tell you." He got up, opening a small canteen that was in his hands and bringing the tip to his lips.

"Ask who?" I persisted, not wanting him to leave. _Please don't leave too, Jack. You will come back, right?_

"You know who they are. I don't need to tell ya, love." He placed the canteen in my hands before calling to his ship again. I heard him shout out orders, and I listened as his feet scurried over the gang plank and onto the deck of his ship, but I didn't watch him leave. I let the sound of the rushing waves, moving wind and weak cries of the gulls go behind me as I examined the bottle in my hands. It smelled like… like rum. _Rum_. _In the treasure chest behind the dressing screen in their room. Them. Mum and Dad… Mum and Dad!_

"Jack!" I cried, whirling about, but the ship was well on its way to the horizon. My call was only echoed by the white gulls hovering in the air, and the bottle of rum slipped from my hands and shattered on a sharp rock that jutted from the sand.

I sprang from my bed, eyes wide and fearful. The dream happened again. It was now two weeks since Adam had said goodbye to me and that dream about Jack always recurred. Every time I closed my eyes we'd have the same talk, and the bottle would always break at the end, and I would be left kneeling in the sand trying to fix it. Trying to make it whole again, but I always failed. The rum would just flow from the bottle like an endless waterfall and I'd continue to think that I could fix the damn thing.

With a sigh, I plopped my face onto my pillow again, staring out into the dark, misty night. There was no moon to be seen. I remembered that when I was a little girl, perhaps six or seven, maybe even eight, whenever I had a bad dream, I'd run to my mum and dad, and they'd carry me and hold me close while we looked out of a window at the silver piece of moon. One time, they even went through all the trouble to take me outside because I could not find the moon from behind a house window.

Dressed in our nightclothes, Mum carried me while Daddy led the way. They brought me to the shore and let me wade in the cold salt water as I looked for the moon. "Did you find it, Astrid?" Daddy had said.

"Yes, Daddy. There it is. Look!" was my reply, and he picked me up as I pointed to the white, glowing ball glued to the sky.

"It is big, isn't it?" he had asked me, and I nodded as I began to feel sleepy in his arms again.

"Do you think he sees it too?" I had questioned, feeling a yawn coming on.

"I do. I think he's out there looking at the same moon just like you."

"Good. I miss him…" The sea sent us a bitter breeze and I felt Mum's hands grip my shoulders.

"We should head back, Will," she had said. "She might catch a cold." Then we left the shore, the last thing I saw being the white moon surrounded in a ring of black clouds.

It surprised me how my childhood memories still affected me so much. As I looked at that moon, I relaxed so much, but now, I couldn't. Certain memories wouldn't take their spot in the back of my mind, and that was what drove me to get out of bed and talk to my Mum and Dad.

After throwing on a robe and walking down the hallway to Mum and Dad's room, I looked at the two doors that separated them from me. _Maybe I shouldn't disturb them. I've done enough trouble already. I should give them some peace… but…_ My fist was raised and ready to knock on the doors, but I never made the knock. My guilt took a hold of me again and I retreated back to my room to look at the moon alone.


	34. The Finest Lady

_Chapter 34: The Finest Lady_

**M**iss Smith refused to continue teaching me for a few more months. I heard her and Mum argue over the matter in the living room, and I couldn't help but eavesdrop. Miss Smith had called me a load of indecent things, which only made Mum shout all the more. My mother had forgiven me for spooning with Griffith, but it took her a while to. More than a month. Roland had forgiven me first, just three weeks after the embarrassing incident. It was Daddy who had not forgiven me yet. He, like Adam, must have been most disappointed in me after warning me several times of such a thing. Again, a birthday ended on a bad note, and no one made it end badly. It was through my own fault that my glorious fifteenth year began so terribly.

At last, Miss Smith agreed to teach me only for three months, and she demanded that her pay be increased. Mum reluctantly accepted, but added that Miss Smith had to stay and teach me well into the afternoon instead of ending my lessons before noon. I'd miss my fencing lessons with Daddy, and I was forbidden to step foot out into town by myself… even _with_ Roland. Terrible punishment, yes, but it was worth everything. After Adam left me, I was determined to get him back. Astrid Turner would not rest until she was the finest lady that ever lived.

Needless to say, as soon as word got out that Adam and I were finished, there came a revolution. Roland informed me that girls would stop by the Locke residence to try and win his heart, and I gagged at each story. He spoke of one girl, Meredith, who happened to catch Adam's eye. I did not know who she was, but I later found out that she was the same lass who had exchanged friendly greetings with Adam at my party. I was not surprised. She was pretty, polite, and probably the finest and smartest young woman in town. Who was I to compete with her? I was but a stupid and wild bonnie lass who had nothing to look forward to but an old rich man to marry.

Stephanie had fallen for another lad, and Roland was back to square one, as was I. He didn't mind though. He told me that he had planned on letting her go a while back, and his verdict was that she was too prudent for him. Therefore, the Turners had absolutely no romantic relationship with the Locke's anymore. I wished that Roland would remain good friends with Adam, and he did. That way, I could always get information about Adam's whereabouts from him.

Adam was not the only one who had new possible spouses knocking on his door. Men came by nearly every day to speak with me, and I was glad that Mum, or any other person in the house had told them that I was too occupied with my governess lessons to see them. It was a blessing to have a family that knew what you wanted and didn't want. Some of the people they allowed to pass through were none other than Stephen, and surprisingly, Kenneth Murray made a visit one time.

When Murray had stopped by, he arrived with the same woman that had caught Adam's interest. "Who is your friend?" I asked, hoping not to seem rude. Kenneth laughed and nudged the young lady with his elbow.

"She's my sister. Meredith Guinevere Murray," he said proudly. Meredith rolled her eyes and fanned herself delicately before returning a small nudge to her brother.

"How many times must I tell you not to introduce me with my middle name, Kenny?" she said, but it was not intended to be crude. She was smiling when she said it.

"It slipped, Meredith," he replied and she only walked off to the parlor with a laugh and toss of her head. _So that is what Adam has left me for?_

"What brings you by, Murray?" I asked. My only intent at that time was to speak with him for a while and tell him I had to go. Honestly, I did not want another suitor. I wanted my Adam, of course, he was not really mine anymore but I loved him and no other.

"I was just stopping by to see how you were fairing after… well, I think you know." I nodded sullenly and he took off his hat as he walked further towards me.

"I'm quite well, if you want to know." I always had to lie. Always. I could never tell the truth. "Would you like to talk with Roland? He's home. I think he is out in the gardens practicing his fencing."

"Actually, Astrid," he said, forgetting to be formal. After being drilled by Miss Smith to address everyone as Miss, Missus, or Mister, I began to get irked when titles were not used. "I came by to see _you_, not Roland." I peered at him and placed my hands on my hips. Sucking in a breath, I put forth the question I had asked every man that stopped by to see me.

"Why are you here and what do you hope to come out of this conversation, Murray?" I demanded. Astrid Turner refused to be a fool now. She asked questions whenever she had the chance, even if it made me seem intolerably brutal.

I had put Murray at a loss for words and he stood there looking at me, mouth a-gaping. "Because if you intend to court me, then I tell you this now, I—"

"Miss Turner, your guests have a visitor," said our doorman. I turned to him, brows knitted with confusion and followed him to the main entrance again. Waiting in the hall lobby was Adam.

Suddenly, my tongue was frozen. I couldn't speak, or move my feet any closer to him. To see him standing there and _smiling_ only made me want to rush at him and hug him, but that would only be good if he had stopped by to see me. He was here to retrieve Meredith. "Good day, Miss Turner," he said, nodding at me. His voice sounded so confident, as if he had never had a relationship with me before and that I was just another woman he had exchanged greetings with in the past.

His greeting forced me to speak, but it was awkwardly difficult. My brain told my mouth to open, but my heart sealed it shut. "Good day to you as well, Adam—I mean, Mister Locke…I mean…I don't even know what I mean!" My face was red from embarrassment, and I heard Adam snickering lightly at me. For a moment, I believed that he was laughing at me for my idiocy and inability to greet him properly and I replied with bitterness. "Do what you came here to do and leave me out of it," I said before turning around and marching somewhere… anywhere… just away from him.

For once, I had thought correctly, and Adam had indeed dropped by to be with his darling Meredith. Kenneth, seeing how aggrieved I was, had smartly decided to leave me be and went off with Adam to the gardens with Meredith to find Roland. All the while, I was trapped in my room, glowering outside of my window.

Amidst the thin clouds that hovered in the blue sky were the sails and masts of incoming and departing ships. They stuck out like sore thumbs, their flags waving excitedly in the breeze. White seagulls cried out every now and then, swooping over the fishing vessels for any stray sea creature the fishermen left behind. Just looking at the leaving ships made me want to jump out of my window and run to the harbor, but that would be impossible. In addition, the fall from my window would most likely kill me.

In the end, I resolved to emerge from my bedroom and to ask Roland if he would escort me into town, but for some odd reason, I had a feeling Murray, Adam and Meredith would come along as well. I stepped out of my room, chin held up high, back straight, eyes expressionless, mouth taut, and a false pride barely holding me together. Keeping that stance, I carefully walked down the stairs, apparently too self-conscious for my own good. All I could think about as I walked down was what Adam would think of me. Would I still be a fool in his eyes? A whore? A child? Would I even be anything in his eyes after what I had done?

"Sister!" came a welcoming call. "What brings you down here? I thought you were up in your room, brooding." By then, I stood at the door that led into the gardens, and I watched Roland leave his laughing guests to fetch me, but I had hardly seen him. My eyes were on Adam. He was laughing gaily with his new found love, and he never looked so happy in his life. I felt burdened again. My mind was beckoning me to turn and go back, but then I'd just move backwards. I would never move forward, and that troubled me, for if I always looked back, what would I gain?

"Brother," I answered, happily accepting the arm he offered me. _Thank you, Roland, for being so kind a brother._ "Am I interrupting your conversation with these fine people?"

"Of course not, Astrid. You know these people as well as I do. Join us." He pulled me forward and I stumbled forward. My feet would not move me closer to Adam.

"Actually," I began, freeing my arm from Roland, "I came by to ask if you would escort me into town. I'd like to visit the harbor." Roland quirked his brows at me. I knew what he was thinking. He must have thought me mad to request to go outside when I had the opportunity to be with my one true love again, but the lad knew nothing about what was taking place in my swirling mind.

"Would it be all right if I leave you three here for just a moment?" said Roland, addressing our guests. I saw Adam grin and he left Meredith's side and walked up to Roland. As soon as he was standing beside my brother, he looked down at me, and I expected his grin to fade, but it did not.

"I think a trip out to the harbor would do us all well, Roland," said Adam. "Meredith and I already planned on going there. That was why I came by." Wonderful. Adam was going to spend the day with this woman at the harbor, and I would have to watch them. Now I knew why he was grinning. He wanted to prove something to me. "What do you say, Miss Turner?" he asked, looking at me directly for the first time since our argument. I held his glance for less than a second and changed my mind.

"Perhaps I'd better focus on my studies," I said softly, aiming the statement at Roland. Adam, though, must have thought I was speaking with him and quickly replied.

"You have worked hard from early morning till well after noon, Miss. I believe you deserve a small trip to the sea." _How would you know that I worked hard? You don't care about me, remember? Don't forget that, Adam. You don't love me anymore._

"I am sorry, Lieutenant," I replied, my voice firm. "But I tell you now that there are many things I do not deserve, and I do not deserve to be in your company nor do I deserve to spend time with you at the harbor. I shall not go."

"But you requested it, Astrid," said Roland. The poor boy was too intent on returning me to Adam. But Adam did not want me anymore.

"I am a foolish and very careless girl, brother," I said. "Sometimes I say things I do not mean."

"You are never uncertain when you mention the sea, Astrid," said Adam, becoming informal. "I want you to come." My eyes burned and I looked at him fiercely, wondering how he could be so cruel to me by inviting me to go with him. He was showing simple friendly affection, but it was enough to make me remember what we used to share.

"When will you accept the fact that I will _never_ give you what you want? That time has passed. Do not cling so uselessly to it now." I wasn't sure how I presented the words to him. I did not know if I said them harshly, coldly or understandingly. All I knew was that I said them, and as soon as I did, I marched back into the house, my mind focused on going upstairs, but I never made it there. Instead, I stumbled into the living room, and collapsed onto a couch, muffling my sobs with a pillow.

From that moment on, I made it clear in my empty head that Astrid Turner would not rest until she was the finest of ladies. Despite the extreme difficulty I would have to endure in order to get there, I would reach it. Adam would witness the terrible transformation of his past beloved from a wild, untamable wench to the image of beautiful and respected elegance.

Three months passed, the last three months Miss Smith would teach me, and I did not waste them. For all the hours I spent learning how to dance, sing, sew and speak as a lady should, I had one thing on my mind. Adam would realize what he had lost when he would see me at the welcoming celebration for his father at the Fort. Perhaps then he would know how to let go of me, for I had certainly let go of him.

No other man had managed to capture my heart and actually begin a courtship with me. Stephen would pass by often, but I always made excuses to make his visits short. As much as I admired his fervor, I would not fall for another man until Adam saw me as a fine lady. I was determined for the young lieutenant who had seized my adoration so quickly to observe how composed and proper Lady Astrid could be.

Needless to say, I attended more social gatherings, mainly balls and extended dinners where many a man requested a private moment from me. I did not honor them with such a request. Some of the men were quite charming, but I declined them all. I'd wait forever for Adam to finally look at me and say aloud, "I was wrong." I must have been quite a brute to wish such a thing, but I wanted to prove something so badly to him and to everyone else. I would not be seen as a coquette, or the town idiot. I absolutely forbade accepting such a thought. If I wanted something badly, I would get it and positively _nothing_ would stand in my way. It was definitely a selfish assumption, but if one was never driven to seek what they truly desired, one would never gain anything and they would achieve not a drop of accomplishment.

For weeks whenever I emerged from my house and ambled about the town with my mother or Roland or Daddy, the townsfolk would always point and whisper amongst themselves about me. It was all vividly clear that the whole port knew what I had done at that party, and they weren't about to forgive me so soon. Young lads would kick dirt at my feet, spit, curse, and laugh at my disgraceful aura. Sometimes they'd chuck mud at my head for being such a strange amusement, and, if Roland was with me, he'd curse back and chase them about with raised fists. They'd scatter and scream, while I'd say nothing and just continue doing what I was doing. I knew what awaited me when I stepped out of my house, and therefore, I was not so deeply pained when I saw the glares my neighbors were sending me. _Think what you'd like, everyone. Astrid Turner will be the finest lady that ever lived. Perhaps then will you re-think your opinions._

Apart from the apparent shunning that the whole town was giving me, the more disfavored men of the lowly would wink when I passed by or holler and hoot at my sight. It was all a very embarrassing ordeal, but I'd defeat them one day. I was not and would never be a disgrace or a prostitute. I'd show them that not with my fists, but with my poise and grace as a fine lady. They never dared to get too close to me, for I always had my escort around, but if I came out alone, I knew what would happen, and I was not going to let anything of that sort happen either.

And so came the day when I would prove my worth, and it was the day where the festivity celebrating Captain Locke's return would take place. By the end of the celebration at the Fort, all the men would gawk with amazement at my transformation. Miss Smith was well-pleased with my improvement. She even applauded me after I danced a whole gavotte with Roland without looking at my feet, laughing loudly, or hurting my partner in any way.

My manners had also improved. I could not speak with anyone I was not familiar with without curtsying smoothly every five minutes and to address them with their proper title. My mouth was now accustomed to saying, "Good day, Sir. Welcome, Miss. How do you do, Madame?" and all the other possible introductions a lady could spill from her ever-smiling mouth. I did not argue. I agreed with everything anyone said. I never raised my voice. I never insulted anyone, although at times I was very tempted to. And I obediently tended to all my guests needs. Yes, it was certain. I had become the finest of ladies.

Maggie dressed me in one of my mother's older dresses that she wore when she was just a little older than me. It was beautiful, I had to admit, glowing with an aura of pure magnificence. I felt honored that Mum had allowed me to wear such an elegant thing, but she said I had earned it, and so, trapped in a dress that shined pure brilliance, I walked out of the house with Mum, Dad, and Roland and took a coach to the Fort, where almost everyone who had attended my party three months ago would be waiting.

There were already quite a lot of people already gathered at the Fort when we arrived. The scene was similar to one I could barely remember some nine years ago, but unlike back then, I didn't weave myself through the maze of puffy dresses and sparkling white trousers. Daddy was my escort now, and Roland would tarry alongside our mother, and therefore we walked steadily into the throng, nodding our heads and exchanging smiles with the heads that turned our way. I knew I caught some less than friendly looks from some of the older and more traditional folk, but I kept my head high.

Following Dad's lead, we managed to break through the increasing mass of people and managed to find the entire Locke family standing at the heart of the Fort, conversing with guests who happened to pass by. Ian and Natalie were not there, and I was sad to realize that the chance to say goodbye to such a lovely couple had passed me because of the disagreements between Adam and me.

"Mister Turner!" came a call. It came from Captain Locke who was very happy to see us. He summoned us over with a wave of his hand, and I took it that Daddy must have felt my body tense as he held my arm because before we were ten feet from the Lockes, he told me that things would be just fine.

"How are you sure about that, Dad?" I whispered in reply.

"I am very proud of you, Astrid. I know that you have worked very hard to become as refined as you are now, while still keeping up with your fencing lessons. You have endured through many a painful task and this one shall be very easy compared to them all. Picture it that way if it will help you relax." I smiled weakly in reply and gripped his arm all the tighter. I was glad I had my dad right beside me to prop me back up if I indeed failed to hold my ground.

"Good day, Mister Turner," said Captain Locke approaching Daddy and me. I knew Roland and Mum would not be far behind, but Mum was more popular with the ladies and would therefore be stopped by sudden greetings from people she had grown up with.

"Good Day to you as well, Captain Locke," replied Daddy, bowing his head a bit. "How was your voyage?"

"It went very well. Very well. Managed to stop a small pirate band that has been causing some trouble around the area. We brought the captives all back to Port, and they shall be hanged soon." I grew alarmed at the news about pirates. I loved pirates. After all, Jack was a pirate and although I did not know who he was, his life was enchanting. Now a whole group of pirates would be surrendered to the gallows in a couple of days.

"Dad," I whispered, tugging slightly on his arm. He sent me a slightly worried look himself but turned back to Captain Locke.

"Any famous pirates in the group? I still hear about the dastardly raids conducted by the Black Pearl in these waters." _Black Pearl? Jack! Jack's ship!_ I began to get very excited and my frown became a smile of pure thrill. Daddy noticed my excitement and gave me a wink, and I understood that he knew who was captaining the Pearl.

"We've been looking for that ship for ages, Mister Turner," replied Captain Locke. "Still haven't found it. Some even say it doesn't exist, but I know very well it does. Spotted it once in the fog, but never saw it since. If anyone manages to find that ship, well, I'll tell you now that they shall receive a promotion immediately." The two men laughed lightly, while I was a bit disappointed in the news. At least Jack was still around and that was good to know. I would be able to find him one day then.

"And what about you, Miss Turner?" said Captain Locke, looking at me with eyes identical to Adam's. "You look absolutely beautiful. You are without doubt getting married soon, correct?" I blushed and curtsied low for him.

"Your compliments are still charming enough to make a girl like me quake with embarrassment, Captain Locke," I laughed. "It is good to see you back in Port Royal."

"You have become quite a lady, Miss Turner," he smiled. "I would have loved to have you for a daughter-in-law, but alas, Adam has taken a fancy to another fine lady, hasn't he?"

"Indeed he has, and a smart match he has made, sir. But I am not so fortunate in my relationships. I am not getting married any time soon, Captain." Captain Locke raised his eyebrows at me and looked at Daddy, bewildered at the confession.

"Your daughter is not going to wed soon? I could have sworn that my son told me she was paired with another man." _So Adam is lying now, is he? _I burned at the thought. Adam was spreading false information about me. He did not have any idea of what I went through and here he was telling his father that I was about to get married. The bastard!

"Astrid is more concerned with her studies nowadays than young men," said Daddy. "Elizabeth finds her too young to wed anyway."

"Pity," murmured Captain Locke. "But I am sure she will find her future spouse sooner or later, am I correct?" he asked, turning his attention back to me. I smiled in return.

"Of course, Captain Locke. No girl is a woman until she has entered the world of married life." I had learned that from Miss Smith, who continuously spoke of married life to me during my lessons. I always wondered how she knew so much about married life, for it was clear that she had never _ever_ been married herself to tell accurate observations.

"Well, I shall see you and your family back at my residence after this gathering at the Fort is over. I invite you all to dine with us this evening, and so I bid you good day until next we meet." Daddy bowed and I curtsied as Captain Locke took his leave and my father and I were left to wander about and converse with other lords and ladies.

It was close to sunset, and I had wandered away from Daddy's secure arm and strolled about by myself. I knew I was safe, for I was at a fort and no dignified lord would dare do anything less than polite to any woman here. I was never able to find Roland or any face that I knew, and so I contented myself by leaning on the edge of the stone wall of the fort that lied close to the fort bell. It faced the ocean and setting sun and served as a good picture of serenity to calm my unsettling thoughts. "We extort, we pilfer, we rifle and loot. Drink up me hearties yo ho. We—"

"May I have a moment?" said a voice. I turned around and found Adam standing not too far away from me. His face was not tight from anger, but he was not entirely happy to see me either. Surprisingly, he arrived alone, and dear perfect Meredith was not standing beside him.

"Of course, Lieutenant," I said, though the words were forced from my mouth. Out of all people, he had to come and request a private moment with me. I looked away from him and set my eyes on the horizon, and listening to his footsteps get louder, I waited for him to speak.

"How are you?" he asked plainly, appearing as if he had no interest in me. He stood beside me now, arms neatly behind his back, eyes not on me, but on the sea.

"Very well, I suppose, sir," I answered, refusing to look at him. I continued to lean on the stones, facing the sea, as did he. "And you?"

"Good. Very good. It is nice to hear that you have moved on. I heard that you are engaged." My lips were pressed into a hard line that would break under extreme pressure, and my mouth went dry. Did he not know me well enough to know I would never get engaged to someone else in three months? What did he take me for?

"Where… Where did you hear that, Lieutenant?" I asked feebly, casting my stare away from the sea and into my fidgeting hands. "Anyone I know, perhaps?"

"You don't know her, I don't think," he replied, and I only tensed all the more.

"Miss Meredith Murray?" I mumbled loud enough for him to hear, but too soft to be taken kindly.

Silence came after that. I didn't hear it though. My heartbeat echoed in my ears, but amidst the constant thump, I heard Adam turn his head around in an aggravated sigh and grind his foot onto the stone surface of the fort. "Astrid!" he yelled at last, forcing me to finally lay my eyes on him. He was just as angry as I was, but he expressed it better. After all, I was a lady, and ladies were not supposed to show their emotions.

"Yes, Lieutenant?" I answered. It was weak, but at least I still remained formal.

"Stop it! Stop calling me sir, or lieutenant! You know me well enough to address me by my name, Astrid. Why won't you?" His eyes locked on mine in a very passionate but furious glare. His hands were balled into fists that lied frozen by his side, and his face was tight as that of a freshly carved statue. If I knew anything, I knew that Adam was fuming at me.

"Because when I called you Adam, I disappointed you." My body was betraying me. It would not hold my emotions as I wanted it to, and my eyes were swelling with the stinging hotness of tears. "And I don't want to disappoint you anymore." I would not look at him. I couldn't, and so I turned swiftly around and tried to escape him, though I knew very well he would be following me.

"Astrid!" he yelled, the constant tap of his feet rising in tempo. "Come back!" _No. I won't, and you can't make me._

A hand grabbed my shoulder and whirled me about, but I kept my head low. I was already on the verge of spilling rivers from my eyes and if I took another look at Adam's face, the whole fort would be flooded. "Look at me, Astrid," he demanded. _No._ "Look at me!" I jerked my shoulder away from him and stomped over to the edge of the fort again. The wall was much shorter where I stood; it only reached halfway up my calves.

"I am sorry, Lieutenant. But you are mistaken if you think I shall talk with you any further," I said, my back facing him.

"What?" he screeched. "Why! Astrid, I know you. If you would but—"

"Adam!" I shrilled, whisking my head wrathfully in his direction. "You know _nothing_ about what I have gone through these past few months! I danced for hours on end until my feet were sore and my toes bruised! I sang from day until night until my throat was dry and I could not speak for days! I sewed until my stitches were invisible and my fingers were bleeding! I practically killed myself trying to become a wretched fine lady!"

"But for what? Why? Why did you do all of those things, Astrid? Was it to impress another lad? Hmm? To get them flocking back to you instead of insulting you on the streets? To—"

"I did those things for _you_!" I screamed. "I wanted to show you that I could change!" My eyes could not control the water gathering in them and they leaked from my eyes and ran down my face in invisible wet lines. "Ever since you left me I was determined to prove myself to you! I wanted to prove myself to everyone, for God's sake! No one would ever see me and think, 'Oh, there is the bloody little whore,' or, 'She'll be nothing more than a goddamn weasel working at a low-life tavern!' They would look at me and be proud!"

"But that's not who you are! Why are you forcing yourself to be someone you know you can't be?"

"Because I lost myself, Adam. When you left me, I… I began to question whether I'd ever amount to anything. You made me realize how stupid I was! What good was I if I'd never please the people I loved?"

"Astrid…" His voice trailed off, never finishing his original thought. He paced about, thinking to himself, and I took the time to look back out to the ocean. The sky was being invaded by a wave of purple and glittering stars and the sun was going to sleep beneath the horizon. "You could have told me," he said at last, and I only turned my head towards him, angry and confused.

"You wouldn't have listened and you know it," I shot back.

"What makes you think that?"

"Because you don't love me anymore, Adam. How many times must I say that?"

"You've said it only once," he said matter-of-factly.

"Must you always be technical?" I snorted, looking back at the sea with a huff. He grabbed my arm, and I spun around, ready to hit him if need be.

"Tell me your reasoning behind this drastic change of yours. It can't just be me, Astrid, unless…"

"Unless what?" I growled.

"Unless you still love me." He had said the words so fearlessly, as if he was so confident that I'd say yes, but his pride only made me boil all the more. I would not give in to his wishes yet.

"I don't love you," I murmured, looking away from him and snatching my arm back.

"By the way you said it, I'm not convinced," he replied, grinning from his clear progress. Damn him for seeing the truth and being brave enough to support it. "If you don't love me, then say it to me—"

"I already—"

"To my face. Look directly at me when you say it. My eyes on your own." I gulped and faced him, knees bending, heart about to burst from my chest and eyes misting again. No one every told me loving someone would be so difficult. Bracing myself, I turned my face towards his, and I found that his face was very close to mine, and his blue eyes were wide and shining in the last rays of light the poor sun was releasing.

"I… do not…l-love you." I could not do what Adam had asked me to. I turned my head to the side and began to weep again, and he was triumphant as one would be after winning a critical sea battle.

"Why do you always lie about the most important things?" he asked, perhaps to joyfully for my own comfort.

"It's the truth! I don't love you!" I shouted in reply, still refusing to look at him.

"Must you always conceal things that way? Just as I had done so long ago when Roland first came home and I asked about your argument with him, you hid things from me. It took forever to get you to say things to me." He approached me eagerly, a grin on his face for some unknown reason. "If that is the truth, Astrid, then why are you in denial?"

"I am not!" I cried, but he hushed my anger with a finger to my lips.

"Yes, you are. If you did not love me, if you could care less about me, then why can you not look at me straight in the eye? Why won't you hit me? Why won't you beat me to the ground as you did with the other lads?"

"Do you want me to hurt you?" I asked.

"You have proven yourself a fine lady. Now prove that you don't have feelings for me anymore." I narrowed my eyes on him. Grief had fled from me and now I was affixed to pure irritation.

"You still don't trust what I tell you, do you?" I hissed. "Always must you question if what I say is sincere and genuine. Adam," I began, so fumed from anger that I was backing away from him and straight for the edge of the fort. "You are nothing but a—" Stupidly, I had taken one last step back, and my foot ran into the small little wall around the edge of the fort and I toppled over, having lost balance from the sudden interruption in my plan to get away from Adam. But indeed I got away from him. I just fell into the ocean and narrowly missed being skewered by sharp rocks in order to do so.


	35. Playing with a Shark

_Chapter 35: Playing with a Shark_

**T**he last thing I screamed before my back hit the cold, sea water was, "Adam!" and then I heard nothing more. Water rushed into my ears and I shut my mouth closed and sealed my eyes from the brackish water. My first impulse was to get back to the surface, for surely I was sinking rapidly to the bottom of the sea. But it seemed as though my thrashing and kicking and internal howling got me nowhere but further down into the deep. _Dammit, Astrid. Now you are going to drown and because of what? A stupid bicker with Adam._

My limbs felt weighed down with cannonballs and my lungs were being squeezed from the lack of fresh oxygen. My struggle to reach the surface was getting weaker by the moment and I began to feel very sleepy very quickly. Something sharp brushed against my arm, but I was too unattached to consciousness to feel the pain. My mind was turning black and welcomed strange images into my drifting and fading memory.

I wasn't sure if I was dreaming, or dead, but I still pictured an image in my head. It was of a little girl. She sort of looked like me, I wasn't sure, but she was playing in some sort of garden. She seemed very happy, dressed comfortably in ragged pirate gear and a red bandana over her curly mess of brown hair. Her laugh was light and clear and every now and then her blue eyes would sparkle with the own laughter that escaped from her mouth. I almost wanted to laugh too, for indeed it was an uplifting illustration in a time where one's mind was preparing for certain demolishment.

She appeared to be running from something, as if she were playing a chasing game. So thrilled and occupied with her own silly excitement, she collapsed to the ground, and a pair of tanned and leathery hands picked her up and tickled her. I thought I felt my own giggles bubble out. The man's hands were adorned with exotic gold and jeweled rings and on his right wrist was a tattoo of a sparrow in the sun. _Sparrow._ He too was dressed in weather-worn pirate attire, and I knew who he was immediately. He was Jack. Captain Jack Sparrow. And I had a certain feeling that I was the girl he was playing with. "I'm a shark an' I'm about to eat ya!" he cried, positioning his hands to form some sharp toothed shark mouth. The girl, or me, depending on how one looked at it, shrilled and got back up and drew an invisible sword from an invisible scabbard and struck the "shark" with a victorious blow.

"Ha!" she puffed. "I got you now, sharky!" She leapt onto his back and pretended to tie his limp hands together as if she were the greatest shark hunter in the world, and as soon as Jack was all tied up in non-existent ropes, she fell back onto the grass and tittered happily.

"Ya gonna free poor sharky here, love?" cried Jack, still pretending to struggle with his imaginary bonds.

"Nope!" replied the girl. "Sharky's never gonna leave Astrid again." So the girl was indeed me.

"But poor sharky has a ship and a crew, and without them, sharky might be caught from the bad men and killed!" said Jack, his eyes wide in fictional fear.

"Really?" gasped the girl, getting up to help the "poor sharky."

"Yeah," said Jack, falsely nodding in agreement.

"All right, I'll let sharky go." She bent down beside Jack and pretended to untie his bonds and set him free, but as soon as the fantasy knots were loosened, he leapt up and grabbed her and she let out one ear-piercing shriek of laughter.

"No fair!" she cried.

"But we're pirates, lovey. We don't always have to play fair. So, sharky's caught the ruthless captain of the Pearl!" he laughed, and the girl squirmed playfully in his arms, trying to free herself again.

"Captain Astrid Sparrow's still got her sword, sharky! So let the Captain go!" She looked up into the face of Jack and her blue eyes looked painfully stricken, as if her fun was sudden taken away from her in one agonizing swipe. Slowly, Jack set her on the grass and looked at her with dark, almost misted eyes.

"Sharky will let Astrid go, if Astrid will learn to let Sharky go." The girl was silent for once and a soft sniffling noise began to come from her wrinkling nose. Childishly, she wiped her eyes with her sleeve and whimpered to Jack.

"You're not going to leave me, are you?" she squeaked, her face already lined with the invisible streams of water. Jack seemed pained for once and held the little girl close, cradling her like a baby.

"No, I won't leave ya, love," he sighed miserably.

"Then can we play another game?" asked the girl, unaware of the pain in Jack's eyes and too much of a child to let the opportunity of another game pass.

"Sure, love. Lead the way." He stood up and she eagerly took his hand and skipped ahead through the gardens, tagging Jack along with her.

A sudden burst of noise drew me away from the sweet memory or dream, whatever it was, and I heard something erupt in my ears. "She's breathing!" came a familiar cry. Indeed I was breathing, for I took in a large breath of air and quickly sat up because my lungs and stomach were filled with ocean water. With eyes still blurred and a mind refusing to come together, I rolled onto my side and spewed out all the salt water from me, and at once, I felt remarkably better.

"Astrid! Are you all right?" came another voice. I recognized it right away. It was my Daddy. I felt two strong arms haul me up as I regained consciousness, and while I stood, wobbly on my feet and shivering from my fall into the wondrous ocean, I finally opened my eyes.

"Yes, Daddy. I'm fine," I said weakly, my head still in a daze. Dad hurriedly took off his coat and wrapped me in it to keep me from shivering, but I then realized after he had put it on me that I was surrounded by a very large group of people and Mum's beautiful dress, not to mention my corset, were not on me. I was in my underclothes in front of high-class society, dammit, and Mum's dress was nowhere to be seen and my corset was in two pieces on the wet wooden dock.

My attention was immediately seized by the odd situation I was in and I looked frantically around, trying to figure out what was going on. The first thing that grabbed my eyes was a trio of young men who were dripping wet. "What happened?" I asked, directing the question to the young men. Their heads were cast down and some of them sniveled from the cold water.

"You fell, Miss Turner," said one. The one who had spoken looked up at me, and his eyes met mine. _Adam._ "Thankfully, your brother, Lieutenant Murray and myself jumped in after you." He grinned weakly, most likely because he was uncomfortable with the situation, and I returned the smile as I laid my head on my Daddy's shoulder. I felt oddly tired for some reason.

"Thank you, Lieutenant Locke," I replied. "And thank you, Midshipman Turner and Lieutenant Murray for risking your lives to save me." The boys nodded their dripping heads and I began to drift away into slumber again. "Where's Mum?" I asked Daddy.

"Right here, Astrid," said Mummy, as she walked forward and took me by the hand. "Come Roland, Adam, Kenneth, you all follow me. Let's take you all to a place where you can dry up." Without question, we all followed my mother through the amazed crowd and to a carriage awaiting us. It was then when I noticed that the sailors at the harbor were quite drawn to the strange event that had happened, and their sunburned faces were creased in strange amusement and confusion.

But despite all the chaos that occurred because of my stupid fall, I still could not help but wonder if what I saw in my time of unconsciousness was a dream or a memory. I hated that one's mind could play tricks on oneself. It all made things too difficult to explain, explore, and verify.


	36. One More Disaster

_Chapter 36: One More Disaster_

**T**he books were closed for the last time. I was free from having a governess ever again in my life.

It was late summer, and Roland still could not go out to sea. His ship, the _H.M.S Paramount,_ was still in need of repair. Rumor around the harbor though, foretold the arrival of the massive British warship to arrive in less than a month, perhaps even in a week's time. Roland would be gone again. I wasn't sure if Adam would be gone too, or Murray, or any other lad I knew for that matter. The only thing I knew was that I would not go with them.

The welcoming party and dinner for Captain Locke had ended about two weeks ago. Adam spoke to me shortly thereafter, and he confessed some astonishing information to me. He told me he still loved me, and the ironic thing was that I was in denial of my attraction to him for so long that I never told him I still loved him when he ordered me to. And yet, he came up to me and firmly said that he still loved me, right to my face, looking me in the eye with grave seriousness and a hint of happiness. Adam had not changed one bit. I had.

It was not long after he confessed to me, did he break his courtship with Meredith. He did not tell me how she reacted, but by the way he put things, she was not happy. Adam was very open about his true intentions to me. One of the first things he said to me after he revealed his deep liking was that he wanted to marry me one day. I laughed when he said that. I called him foolish, but he only smiled in reply saying, "People do foolish things when they are in love, Astrid."

Although he informed me of his love for me, I never said I loved him back. Of course, by the way I lit up at his sight and squealed with joy when he took me around town, I was certain he knew I adored him as well. And therefore, our horrible argument and my almost lethal fall into the ocean resulted in our reunion, which was definitely most agreeable and acceptable. My Adam was mine again. The question now was if I would ever be Adam's.

On one unfortunate morning on precisely September the eighteenth, a visitor came to our home, asking for me. Mother was present, as was Roland, and Dad was at his shop. And so I came from Grandfather's study to greet the visitor, and when I presented myself, the familiar and enchanting smile of Stephen Westley sent the shiver up my spine again. "Miss Turner," he began, "it is good to see you again."

"As I am with you, Mister Westley." He bowed, I curtsied, and he approached me with the growing twinkle in his eyes.

"I came to ask you if you would mind taking a walk with me around the town." I thought for a moment, speechless of his offer and tried to remember what Adam and Daddy had always told me: to analyze my situation before making any rash and stupid decision. If I went with Stephen, Adam might spot us and be angry with me again. But I liked Stephen… as a friend. He was always very good to me and to decline his harmless offer would only make me appear very cruel and heartless in his beautiful blue eyes. I was not an unkind beast, and I would not portray a false image of myself to Stephen. A simple walk was all we'd do. We'd talk with each other, as usual, and I'd keep my distance.

"That would be lovely, Mister Westley," I answered, curtsying slightly again.

"I beg you not call me Mister Westley one more time, Astrid," he laughed. "You know me well enough to address me by Stephen, do you not?"

"I suppose so, Mister—I mean, Stephen." He smiled at me and bumped my chin up so that I faced him better, and in that moment, I realized what a stupid decision I had made.

After receiving Mum's hesitant, but confirmed yes, Stephen and I stepped out of the house and into the wild streets of town. Desperately, I tried to remind myself that taking the walk would do neither of us any harm, but Stephen's constant winking and strangely overjoyed personality were making me awfully uncomfortable. I knew he would do nothing to hurt me, but he always got his way. I was afraid I would submit to his unfathomable wishes whether I liked it or not.

For a while, we just wandered through the streets, talking mainly about the arrival of the H.M.S Paramount. He was nice enough to inform me of some key parts of a ship and life on it. At the harbor, he pointed out the names of each mast on a ship, and categorized a ship based on its size, number of guns, and all the other characteristics, whether it be a large warship, frigate, or a merchant's ship. I grew to admire his smooth way of speaking and how confident and steady his voice sounded every time he came to tell me something. Indeed he was a very smart young man, perhaps too smart, especially for me.

When our scrutiny of the harbor was complete, we did not go back to the streets of the town as I expected. Instead, he brought me to the shore, and led me away from the busy noises of society and to a more concealed area: a part of the white sand beach that was infested with several palms and other sorts of shrubbery. "Where are you taking me, Stephen?" I asked one time, unable to keep the question to myself any longer.

"Just to a lagoon I found as a boy. It's absolutely beautiful, and it will also be a superb spot to cool off in the hot sun as well." The thought of getting away from the blasted sun put a smile on my face. My itchy dress was already glued to my skin because of the sweat that seeped through my pores and I felt as if my nose was red from being burnt from the sun. My fan had gone useless a very long time ago, and now I was very eager to finally reach this lagoon of Stephen's.

"How much farther?" I asked, practically dragging my feet through the sand. The sunrays acted as translucent beams of fire that burned your skin and made you sweat like no tomorrow. My throat was dry and my mind was drifting, but I held on for Stephen's sake.

"Not far," he answered, and I tripped over the root of some tree and landed face first onto the sand, and because my face was covered with sticky sweat, the sand easily coated it in coarse saltiness. "Astrid!" laughed Stephen, turning back to help me. "Here. Would you like me to carry you the few steps we need to take to get there?" he joked.

"No, I'm fin—" It was too late. He picked me up anyway and after two large strides through bright green vegetation, I heard the relaxing trickle of water. Gently setting me on the ground, Stephen walked about the edge of the lagoon, as if examining it. While he did that, I took the time to dip my hands in the water and their brilliant cold sent a well-earned shiver up my spine. Not delaying a moment longer, I washed my sand-covered face with the water. It was so deliciously cool and refreshing, I felt like taking a swim, but after learning that it was Mum's dress that nearly made me drown the day I fell from the fort, I decided to stay on dry land. I was too much of a landlubber now.

When I looked up from washing my face, I found Stephen wading in the water. He had taken off his coat, vest and stockings, and was now dressed in just his britches and shirt. My mouth dropped in surprise but I immediately cast my glance somewhere else. It was highly inappropriate for me to gawk at a young man like that, but Stephen seemed far too pleased with himself, for he was certainly very attractive in his loose clothes. I shook away the obvious temptation and just roamed about the sand, trying my best not to look at him. "I think I can go back now," I said to him, my face looking at the ground. He laughed and I couldn't help but look up to meet his stare.

"Nonsense, Astrid," he said. "The cold water would do you good." _Indeed it would_, I thought, but quickly shook the thought away and just sat on the sand, carefully taking off my stockings and shoes and dipping just my feet into the water. Stephen was still watching me and I saw him shake his head a bit, but I shrugged it off. He was welcome to think what he'd like.

"How did you come across such a nice place?" I asked.

"I found it while taking one of my past suitors around the shore. She said she wanted to look for seashells, so I went with her, and we stumbled upon this place." _Oh dear. Did they do anything more other than looking for seashells when they found this place?_ "Are you sure you are not hot anymore?"

"Yes. Of course. I could very well…" I lost my voice was Stephen waded through the water towards me, chuckling lightly to himself, or perhaps to me. "…I could very well go back to town, with you as my escort of course, and—" Stephen cupped his hands and threw a handful of water at my face, causing me to stop speaking once again. He laughed and I heard a few chortles coming through my nose as well.

"Is that how you treat a lady, Stephen?" I asked, getting up and venturing further into the water with him. "By splashing water on her?" I whacked the surface of the water with my hand and water sprayed onto Stephen's face. He blocked it with crossed arms and I only laughed in reply and tried desperately to get out of the water, for I knew he'd quickly counter attack with more splashes of his own.

"Not with just any lady," he replied, kicking water at my turned back. "With you only."

"Well, I guess that does not give me much incentive to fight fair, now does it?" I said, turning around and kicking the water along with him. My dress was absorbing the splashes like a sea sponge and it began to weigh me down terribly. I had no choice but to get rid of it, for I enjoyed my game with Stephen and it would be a shame to end it because of my stupid dress.

Excusing myself from our fun, I returned to the shore and unpinned the back of my dress, completely and stupidly unaware that I was in the presence of a young bachelor as Stephen. By the time I noticed his eyes on my corseted back, my request for him to turn around was too late. With a burning face, I continued to take off my dress, and Stephen was a good lad and turned around, but he still saw what no unmarried man should have seen. At least I was still wearing my corset that covered my chest and back, and the skirt of my underclothes would keep him from seeing anything other than my feet, the naughty lad.

Freed at last from my heavy dress, I returned to the water, and Stephen welcomed me with a splatter of water on my face. While I tried to dry my face with the frilly sleeve of my under-dress, he grabbed my waist, put my hand in his, and playfully began to dance a slow waltz with me in the water. I was caught completely by surprise and felt very flattered that he was dancing with me in such a queer situation. "This is very nice of you," I said, a smile surfacing my lips.

"No need to thank me, Astrid. This is all for you." I turned my head to the side, away from his sure to be sparkling eyes, for I was too embarrassed to look at him while we danced.

As we twirled in unison, my foot slipped over a rock in the sand, and I stumbled into him, almost making both of us fall into the water. Thankfully, he prevented me from humiliating myself further and caught me in a tight embrace. "Are you all right?" he asked softly, tilting my chin up towards him. I gulped and laughed nervously as I tried to stand in a comfortable position again. He eased his tight embrace for me, but only enough so that I still remained very close to him. _Sly, sly Stephen._

"Yes, I think…" He beamed and leaned his head towards me and kissed my cheek. I giggled like a wee girl, and I almost wanted to slap myself after realizing I had enjoyed his sign of affection. _Stop it, Astrid. You have control over the situation. Tell Stephen that you…_

"You are divinely beautiful, Astrid," he said, holding my face with his hands. I had no choice but to look back at him and he looked divinely handsome himself.

"Stephen, I—" He cut me off with a kiss that swept through me and left me breathless after he parted his lips from mine.

"You what?" he replied, prepared to kiss me again. His spell had worked. I was mesmerized by his ability to woo me so easily and his glimmering blue eyes made me feel as if I was in a day dream. A very good day dream.

"I…" For some odd reason, I began to feel drowsy, and my closing eyelids were cutting off my vision. My vision was blurring into bright and hurtful fantasies and the last thing I saw approaching me was Stephen's mouth. Something warm wrapped around my lips again and I was engulfed into a dark world of betrayal and impermanent bliss.

"My, my," came a hideous cackle. "This is a splendid surprise indeed, wouldn't you say so, brother?" _Dear God. It's Alexandra!_ I was struck with a lightning rod of brutal reality and regret and pulled myself away from Stephen, ready to spit out excuse after excuse, but I couldn't. When I opened my eyes to meet the pleased and wicked face of Alexandra Westley, I caught the expressionless and rigid visage of Adam. _She knew,_ I thought, burning inside with an urge to lunge at her and tear her apart, but she wasn't the one who needed to get hurt. It was me. Me. _She knew… She knew…She knew Stephen would take me here and she managed to convince Adam that I…I…went stupidly with him._ Something aroused in my gut and my heart was suddenly twisted in a choking grip of taunting regret. I let out a terrible cry and my legs wanted to sink into the water and trap me in the cool but dark liquid that had only one intention for me, and that was to drown me in my own regret.

"Adam," I yelled. He didn't even look at me and flew off like a freshly fired cannonball and fled swiftly from my range of vision. "Adam! Please!" I stumbled through the water to get my dress and sloppily dressed myself. I only managed to pin the bottom half of my dress over my back, for lack of time. Adam was still running somewhere, but most importantly, he was running away from me again because I had betrayed him. _Astrid! You filthy little whore! Why? Why can't you do anything right! _With tears already well on their way down my face I sprinted away from that dreaded lagoon, away from Stephen's bewildered face, away from Alexandra's ceaseless laughter, and away from my own wicked infidelity.

I ran as fast as my legs and damned dress would allow me. But I soon found Adam walking miserably on the streets, most likely trying to get home. I ran after him, calling his name aloud and revealing to him my futile pursuit. He heard my voice and spun his head back ferociously, and in less than a second, he was off again, running like a swift bird trying to elude my explanation.

It was certain that the people on the streets were giving me bad looks at my unsightly state, but I cared not. I would lose Adam again if I did nothing. I had to find him and explain things to him, but I doubt he would allow me to explain. But my legs continued to move. I didn't know what my mind was thinking that allowed me to continue moving forward, when I was really getting nowhere. It was clear that Adam hated me to the core, but I still wanted to prove my love to him so badly. Despite the fact that Adam would surely ignore anything I said did not stop me from running after him. What silly hope did I have that he would accept me again? He was getting far from my view now, and I knew he was going to his house, for I recognized the route he was taking. My mind was clear enough of my worries and fears to know a couple of shortcuts to Adam's house. Dangerous they would be, for they would lead me through some indecent grounds, but it was worth it for him.

While he dodged left, I changed my course and went through a narrow alleyway and through a couple more. Adam's neighborhood was very close. I could see the large, black roofs of the grand homes around where he lived. I was close. I'd meet him in time.

My heart was pounding and my legs were aching from such a long run. The sleeve of my dress was slipping off my left shoulder, making me appear more of a God damn whore, and all the while, I could not stop my sobbing. I did not want to lose my Adam. I loved him still so much. My eyes were smeared with a layer of shameful tears and they would not stop falling. Every second my feet moved all the more closer to an impossible destination, the more I wept, the more I recalled the dear memories I shared with him: memories that were about to fall from their glass and shatter into a million broken pieces that would never mend. _I'm so sorry, Adam. I truly am. Please, please don't leave me. Please…_

I saw the door to his house near, and to my dismay, he was still ahead of me. His blond hair glimmered in the sunlight as he trudged closer and closer to his place of sanctuary and farther away from me. I had to stop him from locking himself in his house and leaving me outside to wonder and decay, but it would be impossible for me to catch up with him. But I had to do something! I had to! I had to! "You love this man, correct, Astrid?" I asked myself. "Of course I do. I do. I do. I do. I'd do anything for him." _Then run as if he's about to die and leave you behind… forever._

"Adam!" I wailed, picking up speed. _Dear God, how I love you. Don't go. I beg you don't go, dammit_! His feet were treading up his driveway. _No. How I wanted to fall on all fours and kiss his blessed steps! _His gentle, loving hand was on the door. _No!_ The doors were parting, ready to close and form an indestructible barrier between us. "NO!" I screamed, as I staggered on his property and ran desperately to him. His body contracted and trembled with my intrusion, but I persisted.

"Sod off my damn property, you filthy whore!" he shouted in reply, turning to me with eyes ablaze and a wet cheek. He pointed an accusing finger at me, his tone merciless and brutally harsh.

"Adam, please!" I pleaded.

"Shut up! God dammit, Astrid!" he roared, kicking at the dirt and approaching me with fierce aggression. "Damn you, you dirty little piece of—"

"Adam, I'm sorry! Please, stop it! Stop, please. I'm begging you! Let me explain!" My knees were failing me, being struck by a pain that could have never been compared to physical pain from the rod. He rushed forward and slapped me hard on my face with the same gentle, loving hand I held so dearly in the past. Memories were too powerful, and I toppled over onto the hard dirt of his driveway, weeping hysterically.

"Why the hell should I let you explain? There's nothing to explain! I saw with my own eyes you willingly locking lips with that son of a bitch, Stephen, as if what I did for you meant nothing! Nothing!"

"It wasn't like that. I… I…" My nose was dripping, my face was throbbing, and in my mind the words echoed incessantly to taunt me until I went mad.

"You what?" he demanded, unleashing the words in terrible rage.

"I'm so sorry," I wept, burying my face in my hands as I knelt on the ground before his feet. "It is never my intent to hurt you, Adam. I just… I—" I reached for his hands, but he shoved me away, nearly kicking me aside with his leg.

"Enough with the damn excuses!" he yelled. "I'm the world's greatest idiot if I will even take the time to listen to your filthy lies any longer! Get up on your feet, and get off my family's property," he growled, hauling me up on my feet forcefully and pushing me away from him with a face of disgust.

"Adam, please…"

"Oh shut the hell up, you God damn bitch!" he screamed. "Go and burn in hell for God's sake!" He stalked off into his house, shutting the door so furiously that I thought the earth would crack and split, but it wasn't his world that shook with an intention to break. Mine was being sawed in half right before my blurring eyes. All I could do was howl uncontrollably as I fought to get myself on my feet again. But I couldn't. All I felt like doing was crying until my eyes were dry and broken, and my lungs could not withhold the terrible sobs any longer. Adam had slipped out of my grasp once again, like sand through my fingers, and I doubt this time, he'd come back to me. _Oh Adam, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry… Please come back. Come back. I'm sorry I was so bad. I am. Please… take me back…_


	37. History Lesson

_Chapter 37: History Lesson_

**S**tephen found me crumbling on the streets, trying to move my feet towards home. He immediately suggested that he carry me there, for I was a pitiful sight indeed, but I declined the offer. Stephen, prideful and stubborn Stephen, would not take no for an answer and scooped me up in his arms and carried me home, while I continued to heave coughs and sobs into the humid air. _Adam… Adam… I'm sorry… so sorry…_

Upon reaching my house, Stephen kicked the doors with his feet to signal the servants to open it, for he refused to set me on the ground still weeping eternally. Maggie happened to opened it, and at my sight, her eyes grew wide and she shrieked, "Miss?"

"Leave her be," commanded Stephen, before marching through the doors, up the stairs and into my room. He set me gently on my bed and left me there to continue my mourning, sending me a kiss on the forehead before he left. _Thank you, Stephen. Don't feel guilty for getting me in trouble. It was not you. It was me. It always has to be me…_

As soon as no other soul was in my bedroom, I got up and shut my door. No person would have to hear my pathetic sobs and howls but me. Returning to my bed, I collapsed onto its physical softness and comfort, but was unable to soak it unto myself. In such a position, I sputtered cry after cry into my sleeve, into my pillows, into my bed, everywhere! Adam would never love me again. He probably wanted to see me dead, and his wish was not at all unreasonable. I had hurt him again, harder than before, and to think that he forgave me the first time was a miracle. No ordinary man would have done that to a lying, cheating partner. And yet, dearest Adam was strong enough to do so. But I knew the crime I had committed would never be redeemed. Adam made it clear that I would have to suffer with the guilt for turning back into a stupid, witless girl, and as I said before, I'd do anything for him… even suffer.

"Are you feeling any better, dear?" said a soft, gentle voice. My eyes were open, but barely, for they were dry and red from a full night of crying. My tears were spent, but my torment still remained unbearably high and my dear Mummy was kind enough to sit by my bedside, stroking my damp forehead with her motherly affection.

"No," I cried meekly, shifting onto my side and rubbing my running nose into my pillow and stuffing my mouth with the feathery softness to keep me from letting out another sob.

"Oh Astrid," sighed Mum. "Do you want to talk about what happened?" I refused to lift my face and look at her and continued press my pillow harder onto my wincing face. The pain was still too fresh and young to be handled maturely.

"There's nothing to talk about," I croaked, turning my head away from her so that I looked at the dull wall of my room.

"Your father and I are always here for you, Astrid. If you need anything, just send Maggie to us, or shout out our names. We'll come to you immediately." While my mind had drifted off into unpleasant dreams, I felt Mum's hand pat my shoulder reassuringly. The soft tap of her shoes grew fainter by the second, and at her leave, I heard my door close and the lock go into place with a 'click.'

"Has she spoke to you about anything?" said a voice outside of my door. It was Daddy, and his voice sounded so worn and concerned, desperate even.

"No, Will. She is too overwhelmed with the thought of losing Adam again to speak openly with us. I wish I could relate with her and tell her she will find her match one day, but I know nothing of what she has gone through. Perhaps… Do you think it is time to tell her?" replied Mum, her voice growing softer and lower with each word.

"At her current condition, no, Elizabeth. You and I know very well that Astrid is very emotional. She'd erupt before we had a chance to explain."

"That is true. We'll wait, but we told ourselves we'd tell her so many times in the past years, and every year we avoided the matter. We can't do that anymore, Will. That's not what a parent should do to their children."

"I promised you we'll tell her soon. As soon as she is well again, we'll tell her. I promise." Silence followed, and no more was said. From my place in my bed, my heart was eased of some of the painful pressure obtained from my argument with Adam. To know that my parents were hiding something from me did not make me angry, as I usually would have been. It only drew me away from my despair, and brought me closer to a mystery I was dying to solve ever since I read the papers from Mum and Dad's room. Who was Jack? How did my parents meet him? And what did he have anything to do with my strange, but most likely meaningful dreams?

By morning, I was back to my old self, renewed only through the desire to discover what all my dreams meant. I was up when Maggie entered my room, and she greeted me with a wide smile, probably not expecting me to be up and about after what I had gone through. "Good morning, Miss," she said, nodding her head in my direction.

"Thank you, Maggie. May I beg you to answer a question?" With a raised eyebrow, she brought me to my dressing screen and began to clothe me in another dress.

"Go ahead, Miss," she replied, fastening my corset on. "Take a large breath, dearie," she added, and I drew up as much air as my lungs allowed me before Maggie pulled on the strings and suffocated my poor innards.

"Do you know anything about a pirate named Captain Jack Sparrow?" Her hands suddenly stopped pulling on the strings and I looked back at her, wondering why she wasn't answering. "Maggie?"

"No, Miss," she sighed, resuming her work again. "Don't know who he is."

"But certainly you've heard the name, otherwise you wouldn't have stopped." Her hands came to a halt again and she placed her hands on her hips and poked my crooked back.

"Well, Miss. I have heard it, but not in your lifetime."

"Honestly?" I asked. "When? Where? Here?"

"Don't get too excited, Miss. It was just a name that floated about around the town when your parents were still a young and active twenty years or so. Don't exist nowadays." I frowned as the dress was pulled over my head and pinned tightly in the back.

"Pity," I mumbled, saddened that the notorious Jack Sparrow was barely alive in towns and cities as a great and unconquerable pirate.

As soon as I was dressed, cleaned, and brushed to appear like a fine lady, I rushed down the stairs to quickly consume my breakfast and head off to Grandfather's study to do more reading on sea life. I had improved somewhat with my navigational skills, but Roland was still by far much better and faster than me when it came to using a compass and map.

It was after breakfast, and I was happily occupying myself in Grandfather's office, when the doors to the room burst open and Roland paraded through, yelling with perhaps, too much enthusiasm. "Astrid!" he yelled, jumping up and down. "The Paramount! She's finally here! And by God she looks stunning! Come on!" I rose from Grandfather's large armchair, gathered the book I was reading, along with the notes I took from it and followed Roland out of the study and to the front doors. "Come on! Hurry! Don't bring those books, for God's sake, Astrid!" He directed for me to drop the books but I held them firmly to my chest.

"I'm bringing them. I know that you'll want me to stay and if I find the ship less than amusing, then at least I have my book to stay amused."

"Bollocks!" he muttered, making sure his collar was presentable. He was, after all, returning to the ship as a midshipman with hopes of being promoted to lieutenant. His fingers were shaking from the excitement he held and I grabbed a parasol just for show. "You want to meet the Paramount, Astrid?" he exclaimed.

"Of course I do," I replied. "Lead the way!"

"All right!" He grabbed my arm and hauled me out of the front doors, running speedily down the dirt driveway. I took it he would waste no time preparing a carriage. We'd run all the way, even though my legs were still sore from the other day from running to catch Adam. But I was finally going to gaze upon the glorious Paramount, a true, grand warship of mighty Britannia. I did not dare decline the opportunity.

Spotting Roland's beloved ship was undeniably simple. Its size, compared to the other ships at port was all too apparent. Then again, the large crowd of people gathering around her signaled that that was her, and Roland's pace only quickened all the more as he dragged me down to the docks with indecipherable shouts of joy. "Did you see... My God, Astrid… I'm just so… Look at it! My God, look at it!" he yelled, unable to complete his thoughts. The boy was never this excited over anything. I'd make sure to make his visit to his ship very good, for he had been a very loyal brother since he came home.

"Excuse us. I'm terribly sorry, sir," I sputtered, as I was being knocked all around by the immovable mass of people. Roland paid no heed to manners and simply cried, "Move, God dammit!" and the people moved for him, only to close back into a tight cluster when I had to pass. How funny the world acted towards the different sex.

"Captain Howard!" shouted Roland, as he raced up the gang plank to set foot upon the deck he so long admired. He made sure to grab my arm again so that I wasn't refused the chance to step foot on the ship with him and in one giant leap, we stood upon the deck of the H.M.S Paramount.

Standing close to the main mast was a man dressed finely in a midnight blue uniform, with a hat rimmed with white feathery puffs. He was surrounded by a few other men, who were not dressed as richly or seemed to hold a more authoritative face, and directed his crew around with a pointed finger and shouting mouth. "That's Captain Howard, Astrid," whispered Roland to me as he tugged on my arm to move forward. He's a bit rough to please, but an excellent captain he is. Come. You should meet him."

"Roland, I—"

"Midshipman Turner!" said one of the lieutenants standing by Captain Howard. "Back for another stay on the Paramount?"

"Of course, sir!" said Roland, saluting to the impending lieutenant. "I'll sign up again as soon as I get the chance, but first, I'd just like to take a good look at the improvements made on this ship. She was in terrible shape when she came back some time ago."

"Indeed she was, Mr. Turner," replied the lieutenant. "Had to take her to another port with more supplies and more space in order to get her fixed. She's ready though, to get back on the sea and give Old Bony's damned fleet a good beating, wouldn't you say so?"

"The Paramount will do any French ship what she's worth, Lieutenant Dyer," said Roland. Lieutenant Dyer smiled and gave a tip of his hat towards Roland, but paused at me, perhaps too astonished to find a woman on board.

"Well, it seems someone has been busy on land," he laughed.

"Oh no, sir," said Roland hurriedly. "She's my sister."

"Well then," said Lieutenant Dyer. "I think an introduction to our naval crew would be fitting for Miss…"

"Miss Astrid Turner," I said, smiling. Lieutenant Dyer was a very uplifting young man. Perhaps not much older than twenty five, but with a very understanding look on his face. I did not question if he was handsome or not, for physical appearance was not a large factor when it came to leadership on a ship.

"Yes, Miss Turner," he repeated. "Captain!" he called, turning his head promptly in the direction of Captain Howard and the other possible officers waiting on him.

"Yes, Mister Dyer?" replied the captain, marching with his band towards Roland and me.

"Midshipman Turner is back, and he brought his sister along."

"Mister Turner? Splendid. Good to have a loyal midshipman such as you back on this ship, but I think you should know by now that women aren't allowed on board," said Captain Howard. His voice was slightly hoarse and dry, but he still appeared fairly young compared to other captains I had heard of. He was most likely in his mid to late thirties, which made for the prime age of captains during those days.

"She's just visiting, sir," said Roland. "She admires the sea as much as I do and requested to see the Paramount," he said. _What? I never said I wanted to see the ship, brother. You made me. But… it has been wonderful thus far._

"Does she now? What book is that in your arms, Miss Turner?" asked Captain Howard, pointing to the black book I still clutched firmly.

"An atlas, sir," I replied, shaking a bit. I was not sure if the men would burst out laughing or nod in understanding.

"Now what's a pretty thing like you doing with an atlas, my dear?" said Captain Howard, grinning. The other officers began to smirk as well with the silliness of my confession.

"Roland is teaching me to navigate, sir," I said. "A lengthy process it has been and I still cannot figure out how to use a compass effectively." The men laughed and I smiled in return, relieved that I had mocked my own self before they could.

"Well, it was a pleasure seeing you again, Mister Turner," said Howard. "And also to meet your sister. Carry on."

"Yes, sir," said Roland, and at that, we bothered the officers no further and Roland began to point out the areas on deck to me, from mizzen mast to topsail, to helm, to foc'sle and several other areas. He would have shown me below, but Captain Howard did not allow him to. Still, I was pleased with the tour, though minimal, and left the ship with a very happy spirit. But the happiness would be terribly short-lived.

When Roland and I returned home, we heard Mum and Dad arguing in the living room. Immediately, my books dropped from my hands and Roland and I exchanged shocked faces. We had never heard our parents argue in our whole entire lives. "Will, I'm afraid of telling her," said Mum. "I do not want to lose her."

"Elizabeth, if we do not tell her now, she _will_ be lost to us. She'll be left to wonder about these things for years and she would never know. We can't let her believe in lies." _Lies?_ Mum and Dad had not noticed that we had arrived and Roland pulled on my arm to hide from their possible view. Side by side, we leaned against the wall to the parlor and listened with eyes focused and ears alert.

"But they are not really lies. This _is_ who she is, Will. She was raised here, she loves the place, she knows its people. That's just as big a part of her as what we have yet to reveal," Mum insisted, her steady voice now finding it difficult to speak. I had no idea what they were speaking of, or who they were speaking of, but something about their bickering was causing me to worry.

"But she doesn't know that other part of her life and she must know it, Elizabeth. I was driven to anger and distrust when Jack told me my father was a pirate. If I had known sooner, I probably would have had an easier time understanding it because I had not gone through enough to learn to avoid the truth. I don't want Astrid to have to go through the same thing." My eyes widened and I whisked my head to Roland, not knowing what to say. Our parents had mentioned Jack for the first time out loud, and coincidentally, the mentioning of Jack was somehow connected to me. And I happened to be the source of the problem in the argument yet again.

"Go, Astrid," whispered Roland. "You find out what's going on."

"But I don't want to—"

"Listen to me, sister," said Roland, grabbing me and looking me straight in the eye. "Mum and Dad would not be arguing if the thing they were disputing over was not important. It _is_ important and it is about _you_, therefore you must clarify things to yourself. Understand?" Reluctantly, I nodded and he smiled reassuringly before I decided to confront my parents.

My body was enveloped in a strange merge of fear, eagerness, and faint timidity. Too many strange things were taking place. Roland was about to leave soon. Mum and Dad were fighting. And Jack was mentioned in our household for the very first time. Perhaps it was about time I asked them about my dreams. "Mum?" I peeped, walking slowly into the parlor with heavy feet. I felt so weighed down by some unknown burden, but I could not figure out what it was that made me so sad.

"Astrid!" yelped Mum as she rose from the chair she sat in and walked towards me. She welcomed me with an embrace, though rather weak, and brought me to the center of the room where Daddy stood looking quite heartsick.

"I heard you… quarrelling and I… I began to worry so I…" My mouth was finding it difficult to process my thoughts into words. I wondered why Mum and Dad were fighting, but I also wondered about Jack in equal amount. I had no idea of where to begin, and therefore, of what to say.

"Astrid," said Daddy, taking my hand. "Your mother and I have something to tell you, but before we say anything I want you to please promise us that you won't get angry."

"I can't guarantee that, Daddy," I replied, knowing that I was a hotheaded fool and could easily burst from one said statement.

"Will you at least try, Astrid?" said Dad. His dark eyes were shadowed in uncertainty and foretold some devastating news, but what on earth could it have been?

"Yes, Dad. I will."

"All right. Go sit down with your mother." I did as I was told and Mum took my hand and squeezed it tight. I turned to her, astonished that she was fretting so much, and I found that she was crying, but she was too ashamed to wipe her tears away.

"Mum, why are you—"

"Listen to your father, Astrid," she said simply, but firmly. My eyes turned to Daddy, and his mind seemed elsewhere at the moment, focused on what he had to say. His age was more apparent to me now, for his brow was furrowed in deep thought and his lips were pursed in a hard line. I was afraid for a moment, of what they were about to tell me, but Mum suppressed my fear with another squeeze of my hand.

"Astrid," said Daddy, looking directly at me with pain in his eyes. There was something familiar about the pain seen in his eyes. It looked identical to Jack's face when he had to let go of the little girl in my dream. There was an agonizing pause, and my ears were being filled with the constant beat of my heart and the steady and calm voice of my father. Mum's sobs were heightened and she looked away from me, burying her beautiful face in her hands. _Dear Mum, have I hurt you as well?_ Dad rubbed his forehead with his fingers, his face twisted in a tight grimace. Letting out a breath that he obviously was holding onto, he said, "Astrid, you're not our daughter."


	38. Confession of Origin

_Chapter 38: Confession of Origin_

"**W**hat?" I exclaimed, slowly rising from my seat. "What do you mean I'm not your daughter?" I said, my voice rising with panic. My ears had blocked off what Daddy had just said to me. It was unreal and cruel. I was already hurt enough by Adam, and I would not open my mind and heart to more pain from the people I loved.

"Astrid, calm down," said Daddy, nearing me and placing his hands on my shivering shoulders. "You are not our true daughter. We adopted you." When I looked into that face I could not find the face of my father. He was lost to me. My real father would never tell me I was not theirs. He would tell me that I would belong to them forever, but no. This man had told me I was no one. I was not a Turner, nor a Swann. I was… nothing.

"Then who am I?" I demanded, rising from my seat again and breaking my hand away from Mum's. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because it's the truth, Astrid! And you have to know it!" Daddy looked pleadingly at me, and the strength of spirit he had represented so well in my childhood was showing a clear crack that would lead to complete deterioration, but his wounded face would not change my mind. I struggled under his grip, feeling locked in a box that I would never be let out of. Crying in desperation, I spoke my confused and swirling mind .

"No. No, it's not. I'm your daughter, aren't I? Please tell me that you're wrong and that you did not mean what you just said," I whimpered, my eyes engorged with water waiting to spill from my eyes. Eyes that were not Mum's or Dad's. No. They belonged to some unknown stranger that was kept hidden from my knowledge for so many agonizing years.

"I do not deny what I said, Astrid," said Daddy vehemently. "I spoke the truth. You are not our daughter. We adopted you through the request of a friend who was your true father. He loved you so much that he wanted to give you a better life, and he believed we could do it for him. So we took you in. By law you are our daughter, but not by blood. Your blood is not a Turner's or Swann's, Astrid," he said gravely. My eyes could not dam the liquid anguish any longer and they streamed out of my eyes in unending streaks of transparent sorrow.

"Then who am I?" I screamed. "Why have you come to tell me that I don't belong to this family? Why are you telling me that what I have believed and accepted for so long was nothing but a sack of lies? Why, Daddy? Why!"

"Because we loved you so much, Astrid!" he said, his grip on my shoulders tightening as I tried to break free. "After what you had to go through, being left behind by your own father, we could not help but surround you in happiness until your heart was content. And if we reminded you that you were never ours to begin with, then we'd fail in showing you the love that a growing child needed at that time."

"Then who am I? _What_ am I?" I sobbed, completely ignoring what Daddy had just said. His argument weakened and he stepped back, hesitating to say the most important part of the admission. And his silent, but open mouth was left inarticulate, obviously too pained to continue with the well-needed confession. "Say what you need to and be done with it!" I wailed, too confused and wounded from the dire words being sent to my deaf ears. They said what I never expected for them to hear, and therefore I would hear none of it.

"You are the daughter of a pirate," said Mum at last, sobbing just as badly as I was. "Your mother was a prostitute from Tortuga, and your father was a pirate and friend of ours. Your father was Captain Jack Sparrow, Astrid." My ears were opened directly after she said that, eating the information like a hungry beast, and interrupting the memories of a world I thought I knew.

My heart stopped, and I felt as if I was smacked severely on the head with a stone of bestial veracity.

All my questions were answered. Everything made sense at once, but the rush of truth into my brain was too strong, too painful, too powerful to endure and understand cleanly and tolerably. And to add to the torment of my parents, I rose from my seat silently and stormed out of the parlor, up the stairs I knew so well, and shut myself in the room I had grown up in one last time.

Jack. Jack was my father. I was the daughter of a ruthless pirate and a whore from Tortuga. "Splendid," I mumbled miserably into my arms. I had huddled myself on the window seat in my room and stared out into the environment that used to be mine.

When I had retreated to my room in awful silence, the first thing I did as soon as I was behind closed doors was weep, for I had finally discovered what I was, but every so slowly it came to my attention that it meant nothing to me. I was the daughter of a pirate and a whore, and yet the truth did not give me the pleasurable tingle of finally finding my place in society. It only made me feel all the more lost and low, for what type of person would be proud of criminal pirate blood and the disgraceful blood of a whore? Pirate blood was in me, but what did that prove? A prostitute's blood was in me, and did that mean that I would end up a whore as well? I had already made tremendous progress as one if that were the case, but why had I lost touch with the pirate side of myself? Why did I ever forget Jack?

_Sharky will let Astrid go, if Astrid will learn to let Sharky go._

"Was that what he meant?" I asked myself. "Did he _want_ me to forget him? To deny what I really was?" My face was dry, and my heart was finally free from any pressure. I knew what I was now, but I still did not know_who_ I was. I wished that Jack could have at least visited me or at least written to me to keep the pirate in me alive, but it faded. I did not know Jack. I could not remember him anymore, for Will and Elizabeth had doused my puny little five year old mind with better memories at that time. Memories of love and merriment that any young girl would have been thankful for, but I took everything for granted.

My eyes were fixed on the horizon I thought I would never reach, but now I rejected the belief that certain dreams and fantasies were impossible, for unquestionably anything was feasible. If I could learn that I was the daughter of a pirate, one thing I thought I would never discover, then I could very well go out to sea at last and grab hold of that horizon myself. A dangerous task it would be to finally answer the sea's call, for I was a woman. And as Adam said some long time ago, women were not allowed on ships. But Adam was wrong about many things. Perhaps not too many things, but he was wrong in his love for me. He said he'd marry me one day, and yet he had called me a few words I thought he would never say which only supported my belief all the more. _Anything_ indeed held potential to become reality.

For nine years, I lived in a wonderful place called Port Royal, full of sophisticated and grand ladies and gentlemen that gave the British port an unbreakable name and reputation. But to think I thought I belonged to this place was irrefutably a stupid thing to do. True, I lived there for so many a year, but during those years, no matter how hard I tried to be lady, I never accomplished the goal. Society still managed to find my faults and shun me for them. Well, the sea would never do that to me. I had heard its pleas to reclaim me as an inhabitant since I was five years old, and it would not dare shun what it had been calling for so long. Perhaps it was time for me to answer that call.

The sun was coming low unto the sky, and the bright yellow rays began to transform into darker shades of gold and red. A knock would come on my door, and a voice would say that it was time to eat supper, but I would not be at the table when the Turners sat down for their meal. Turner was not in my blood. I did not act like a Turner, or a Swann, despite the fact that I grew up under that household. I forgot my place in society too often. Roland never did such a thing. He knew when it was appropriate to be unrestrained and when to be conventional. He was able to control himself, while I on the other hand, found it difficult to ever let an adventurous and different opportunity pass me by. As much as I loved Will, Elizabeth and Roland, I had to draw a thin line between us. Daughter I may have been to them, but there was an evident difference between Turner and Sparrow. Sparrow was in my blood, and blood lasted forever. One particular Sparrow had already spread its wings and flown away to claim true freedom, and so would another.

Jack's blood ran in my veins but I knew nothing about him. Over the years he had slowly corroded from my memory, leaving me to believe that I was a Turner. If he supposedly loved me then why did he never write? Why did he leave me to hopelessly attempt to blend in with high-class culture? Fathers never did that to their children. Parents were supposed to love their children forever, no matter what the child had done. What did I do so long ago that forced Jack to leave me behind? I barely even remembered the man. All I had were strange bits of dreams or possible memories that floated around my head spontaneously, and I felt that the only reason why I remembered the few memories was because I focused on remembering them. The one thing I recalled with the most description was the day he left me.

"Yo ho. Yo ho. A pirate's life for me," I breathed unenthusiastically. I had known the song since I could remember. It must have been my lullaby when I was still with Jack, which would explain why it was embedded into my brain for all eternity. Whenever I sang it, or thought about it, I felt relieved, and now I knew why.

The sky was cooling to a deep shade of violet, and I already made the decision in my mind to leave. I was not angry at Will or Elizabeth. No. They had done what any parent would do. They told me the truth, and although they informed me of my origins quite late in my life, it was still better than not knowing at all. I was leaving for other reasons. I would never find who I was, or what I meant, or what good I'd ever be to other people in Port Royal. No. This place was not for me. I'd go out to find Jack. He'd tell me who I was, what I meant, what I was worth. He was my father, and he should have considered before he left me that I was like him. I'd go wherever the wind would blow me. I'd find him since he had not come to find me. It was about time that a reunion between us had taken place.

I left my window seat with a sigh and staggered to my bed. Before I left I wanted to think everything out thoroughly, for surely the quest to find Jack would not be an easy one. How on earth would I get on a ship? Would I even know what to do when I got there? Where on earth was Jack? Would he even remember me as I remembered him? I shook my head and more questions erupted in my mind. A good sleep would do me good, and so I laid my head on my pillow and closed my eyes to dream about the life that waited for me on the sea.

I woke with a gasp, for surely the possible dangers that lied on the sea were all too haunting. My brow was damp from sweat and my hair had loosened into a bush of wild curls. Swiftly, I turned my head to my window to make sure I had not woken too late to begin my journey. The sky was black as fresh hot ashes in a hearth, and the white moon revealed half of its face in the murky dark. Clouds skidded across the black mantle in streaks of grey, shielding whatever light the stars and moon could have possibly been giving. It would be a dull and bleak day when the sun rose, and there was not a moment to lose.

Assuming that the time was shortly after midnight, I hurried to my wardrobe and pulled out my pirate gear and set it on my bed. I checked all of them to make sure I had not forgotten any part of the set, for they would all be essential in my plot. There were my trousers, vest, shirt, coat, boots and hat. For a second, I was about to gather them up and stuff them into a leather sack, but I changed my mind. My old pirate clothes from when I was twelve were still in my wardrobe but I only took the vest that came with it. It would be important in my disguise.

With my pirate clothing, I took some spare cloth that lay in a basket in my closet. Maggie sewed often in my room making stockings or fixing dresses for me. The extra cloth would do me good if my pirate garb tore and ripped on the voyage. Along with everything I had already gathered, I threw in my undergarments of course, a needle and two spools of thread. Again, I thanked Maggie for never taking her sewing items out of my room and ran to my vanity to see what possessions were worth taking.

I ended up taking a few documents of Jack with me. Not a lot, but just a few to remind me of why I was out on sea, for I surely forgot my duties at times and forgetting to look for Jack would not be one of them. I promised that to myself. My hairbrush was left behind, but I did take one washcloth with me. I may have had a pirate for a father, but that did not mean I was going to be dirty. After gathering everything in my room that I would take with me, I undressed and put on my pirate clothes. The small vest I had when I was a little girl I fastened over my chest to hide what was there. It was tight and would definitely be hard to get used to, but it was heaven compared to the pain from a corset. Apparently, the small vest was not enough to hide my décolletage, but I would solve the matter later. It was the least of my problems at the moment.

Dressed like a man, or rather, a pirate, and with a leather sack full of cloth, thread, a needle, navigating supplies, some maps and papers about Jack, I threw the sack over my shoulder and headed out of my room… very quietly. To my relief, no one was awake or around when I stepped out. The candles usually lighting the hallway were blown out and the windows provided the only source of light, which was very little. I had to get to the kitchen to get food, go into Grandfather's study and grab parchment, pen and ink, and then head out of the door. But, the dark house made it difficult to complete such a mission with ease. My vision was badly impaired in the dark, but I would not risk lighting a candle.

My hand used the sleek banister of the stairs to guide me down to the bottom floor, and the smoothness of the wood reminded me of all the times I slid down it for fun. There would be no more of that now. I was almost to the last stair when I heard a whisper behind me. "Astrid!" it said. "Wait!" Shocked, I turned around and in the dark I saw Roland's pale face at the top of the stairs. If I had seen correctly, he was dressed as if he was about to leave as well.

"What are you doing?" I whispered back, irritated that my plan was not going so well.

"I'm going with you," he said simply, joining me at the stair I stood on. He held in his hands a sack and a broad smile was on his face. _Silly Roland, this journey is mine and mine alone._ "You gave me your word that one day, if Jack never came to get you that we'd go out to sea to find him. You're not going to go back on your word, now are you?" I frowned and continued walking down the stairs, ignoring his words.

"I never even said such a thing, Roland," I muttered as I snuck into the kitchen.

"Yes, you did," he answered, and by the loudness of his voice I knew he was still following me. "Remember? It was the night where you pushed Matthew into the mud and I took his side. You became downright steamed about it and wouldn't talk to me during dinner. But then when we went out to the gardens, you—"

"You still remember that?" I interrupted, poking my head into the pantry and grabbing a loaf of bread that was probably baked before Lisa went to sleep.

"Of course I do. I knew that when I read those papers about Jack that someone had mentioned the name to me before. Here," he said, tossing me an apple in the dark. I didn't see it and it landed on the floor in a clunk.

"Shh!" I hissed. "I want to leave unnoticed and you are making it too obvious that we are sneaking out."

"So you are going to let me come?" he smiled.

"Fine. I remember that I _did_ say that we'd find Jack one day. So hurry up. Get what you need and then we are out." After packing two or three more items of food into our sacks, we left the kitchen and I led the way to Grandfather's office. To my luck, it was locked.

"Dammit," I muttered. "How the hell am I supposed to write a farewell letter to Will and Elizabeth?" _Hairpins, Miss. Oh, bless you, Maggie! _I dropped to the ground and peered into the hole that was in the office doorknob. "Roland, go up to my room and grab my hairpins from my vanity. Do it quickly and quietly."

"Aye, Captain," he snickered and left to do as he was told. The lad was getting a tad bit too excited for his own good.

When he returned I shoved one hairpin into the hole in the doorknob and told Roland to shut up so I could listen for the lock. The pin became stuck in something and I pushed it harder in and there came the musical 'click.' I pushed the door gently so as not to make the hinges creak, and Roland and I crept into the dark office. "Why are we here again?" asked Roland, taking off his midshipman's hat.

"I need paper, ink and a quill, brother," I replied trying to find Grandfather's desk in the dim. "I will not leave this house until I have written my good-byes."

"I never thought of that," said Roland. "But I guess your farewells could also serve as mine. I am, after all, joining you on this journey."

"How did you even know I was leaving?" I asked, finding the desk at last and snatching a handful of parchment and stuffing it into my sack.

"Well, you forget that we grew up together, Astrid. I know you. All this time you have been wondering where you'd end up. You always spoke about the sea and how you loved it so much even though you did not know how it connected to you. And well… now you do. Now you know who your father is. Now you know where you belong." He took care of the ink and quill and handed it to me.

"No, I don't," I said gruffly, snatching the materials from his hands. "All I know is that the sea has the answers to all my questions, so that is where I am going." He shrugged and suddenly handed me a blank book. I stared at it reluctantly but did not question him and stuffed the book in my sea bag and together we exited the office. But I wasn't about to leave just yet. There was a letter I needed to write.


	39. A Lady's Farewell

_Chapter 39: A Lady's Farewell_

_Dear Mum and Dad,_

_When you find this letter in my room, you shall discover me gone, and sadly, Roland will have inconsiderately gone with me. Forgive me if my letter is brief and lacking the deep thought one should include in such a sudden farewell, but I cannot waste any time, dear mother and father. The call of the sea is much too endearing for me to avoid any longer. And so I incorporate in this letter my intentions and farewells._

_My decision to leave Port Royal and everyone I love in it was not an easy decision. For many an hour, I sat in my room, pondering the possible consequences of leaving the protection and devotion of your loving household. But I realize now, Mum and Dad, this life is not for me. True, you have showered me in undying love and affection since I became your daughter, but it did not allow me to interpret who I was or what I was. I know what I am now, Mum and Dad, and I believe it is about time I convince myself of my true origins, for frankly, the truth is not processing in my head as well as I would hope._

_You can probably guess as to what I am going to say next. I am to run off to the sea and Roland will aid me in the voyage. My intentions are to find Jack, for I know he will have the answers to who I am, what I will be, and what I am worth. He is my father, although I do not remember him, and if anyone can understand the dreams I have, then it will most likely be him. I know the search for him will not be an easy one, for his name has died out amongst the area and people are beginning to forget the stories about him. I, for one, shall not forget and I mean to tell him as soon as I find him that he cannot run away from me. I'll spend as long as I need in order to find him, and I promise you and myself that I will not die until I find my true father. But mind you, Daddy, you will forever be my father at heart, and you, Mummy, shall always be my mother. No child has ever been as fortunate as I was to have come under your care. My eyes are already swelling with tears at the thought of leaving you behind without one last embrace._

_With Jack lies my destination. That is what I am after, and in spite of the undying love I have for you, my dear loving parents, I shall not tell you any more of what I plan on doing. In fact, I am thinking out my plan as I go which may or may not be a good thing. But fear not, Mum and Dad, I believe I am ready to face such a challenge._

_On a different note, I apologize if I ever hurt or burdened you two in any way. I ask for your forgiveness for all the times I have disobeyed you and failed to honor what you have done for me, for it was never my intent to hurt either of you. You raised Roland and me very well, and it is not your fault that I am leaving. I am not angry that you told me I was not your blood daughter. You only provided me with the truth, the answer to all the mysteries and questions that have aroused in my drifting mind. And so I thank you, Mum and Dad, for telling me. It must have taken a lot of courage and love for a parent to tell their child the truth behind themselves. All you have ever been to me were the loving, caring parents that a wild girl like me was fortunate to have. I thank you deeply and everlastingly for the support you gave me and the consistent encouragement to follow my dreams. How I would have loved to hug you and say farewell to your ageless faces, but some things were never meant to be._

_Please tell Maggie, Lisa, Peter, and all the other servants of this household, as well as dear wonderful Grandfather, for their thoughtful words of wisdom and advice to me and Roland. I write this partly for Roland's sake, for he is too lazy to write his own letter to you, but I ask of you to please tell these wonderful people that they have been very good helpers and friends to us. I wish them all the best._

_Also, I know that Adam and I are not on very good terms, but please tell him and his family that I send my love and that I am again, sorry for the umpteenth time, for what I did to him. If he will not accept my apology, then that is fine. He does not have to do anything for me if he does not wish to. But tell him I love him still and that I hope that he will think fondly of me while I am away. Roland also sends his good-byes to the Locke family, and says that he was very thankful to have a good friend such as Adam to share his adventures with. Also, send my blessings to the Westley family as well. Tell Stephen that I am sorry for the unfortunate incident at the lagoon and that I thank him for bringing me home in my disastrous state. As for Alexandra, tell her I forgive her for all the times she ridiculed me, and Roland means to tell her that she was a good suitor… for a while at least. And finally, send word to the Murrays, for Kenneth and Meredith were good and friendly acquaintances to the both of us._

_I love you Mum and Dad. I send my own, more meaningful blessings to you and Grandfather. And alas, if I do not return, please think kindly of me, and my wish is that you will understand. Farewell, Mother, Father. The sea has finally called my name, and thus comes my opportune moment._

_Love, love, love, with much love,_

_Your daughter,_

_Astrid Jacqueline Turner Sparrow_

_And, Roland William Turner. I forgot to add his name and now he is angry with me._


	40. Surprise

_Chapter 40: Surprise_

"**I** cannot believe you forgot to mention my name in the letter, Astrid," growled Roland as he tied another one of my bed sheets together.

"Which is exactly why you should have written one yourself. Now, give me your chain." He handed me his chain of rope that was assembled with my bed sheets. The letter to Mum and Dad lied on my vanity, leaning against the mirror for them to see quickly when they found that Roland and I were not answering their calls to breakfast. I tied his chain of bed sheets to mine to form a longer rope. Quickly, I tied one end to the leg of my bed and flung the rest out of my window. Thankfully, it reached the ground. "Ready?" I asked. Roland patted the hilt of his sword which lay snug in its scabbard and grinned.

"All set," he answered.

"Very well. You go first." He was about to open his mouth to protest my order, but with a shrug, he lifted a leg over the windowsill and climbed down the side of the house. I watched from the window to make sure he got to the ground safely. As soon as his feet landed on the grass in a soft rustle, I followed after, taking one last look around my room before averting my attention to the ground below me. _Well, Astrid. This is it. You are… free._

My feet landed on the ground softly and I turned to Roland, who was dusting off his top hat. His hair was fairly short now, and I took it that he probably cut it when I wasn't around, which led me to wonder about my own hair. Surely it was too long for me to taken as a boy and allowed on a ship. "Brother," I said. "Can you cut my hair for me?" Roland was stricken dumb and he stopped fiddling with his hat and faced me with a ridiculously funny expression.

"What?" he squawked. "Cut your hair? What am I? A barber?"

"It's too long. If I am going to get on a ship I have to look like a lad and my hair is too long. Cut it." Roland circled me, rubbing his chin and shaking his head.

"Astrid, even if you cut your hair, you'd still look like a woman. I am sorry, but even behind all those pirate rags your womanly physique is still blatantly noticeable."

"What would you have me do then?" I asked, not in the least bit joking. Roland raised his brows at me and rubbed his chin again, his face slightly grimacing with possible ideas.

"For one… Forgive me for saying this so freely, but your chest is still definite, and I say that as a man, not your brother, for certainly that is one thing men look at." I punched his arm and he gave a yelp, the little cad. "I said to forgive me for seeming too frank, Astrid!"

"It is a good thing you are my brother, for I would not trust a lad to do this, even if he be my friend. Now, turn around."

"Why?"

"Just do it and do not turn back until I say so." With a moan he did as he was told, but not with a few muttered curses towards me. I went to my sack and took out a long strip of cloth. It was not very pliable and rather stiff, similar to the cloth of my corset, but without the dreaded whalebone. Reluctantly, I took off my shirt and under the protection of the tiny vest I wore under it, I slipped the cloth over my chest and then called to Roland. "Roland," I said. "Tie this as hard as you can." I could not see his face when I had asked him to do such an embarrassing task, but I had a feeling that he was shielding his eyes or thinking of redemption from such indecency, but I cared not. I was determined to get on a ship and I'd do anything to get myself there.

"This is mortifying," groaned Roland as he took hold of the ends of the cloth and tied them in a choking not. I underestimated his strength and did not even bother to suck in my breath before he tied the cloth together around my back, and I wheezed after he pulled inscrutably hard.

"Great God!" I said. "You could have told me beforehand that you were going to pull as hard as Maggie pulls on my damn corset! I think you may have broken one of my ribs."

"You said to tie it as hard as I could, and I took it that you forgot that I spent two years on a ship tying lines together." He gave another tug and I thought my poor heart stopped, but I kept breathing, although barely. He finished tying the knot and I buttoned up the small vest over my chest again and then put on my shirt, normal vest and coat.

"Now, is this better?" I asked. Roland was too red in the face to answer and I took that as a yes. "Now, I think I'll cut my hair, since you won't for me." After taking off my hat, I drew my sword and hacked off a good five to six inches from my hair, maybe more, leaving an uneven cut. My hair was now just a little below my ears, and I tied it back with a red bandana. Left on the grass was a pile of brown tresses that came from my head. "Would I pass as a man on a ship now?" I demanded, turning around and looking Roland in the eye.

His eyes grew wide as he looked me up and down and he gave a weak nod of agreement. "You look like a prissy boy," he laughed. "Not too masculine, but enough to convince some old hag that you were a lad. Ruff up your eyebrows a bit and… hmm… smear some dirt on your face. You still look too much like a girl, but I guess that's because I have known you as one for all my life." He picked up some dirt and smudged it on my face without my permission and I kicked his shin. "There. Much better."

"Very funny," I muttered, rubbing some of the dirt off with my sleeve. "Let's go. I have one house to visit before we leave."

With me, dressed as a rogue and Roland dressed in his fine middy's uniform, we wound our way through the streets to get to Adam's house. I knew I told my parents to speak with him in the letter but I could not leave without seeing my lieutenant one last time. After finding which windows were part of his room, Roland and I took turns throwing pebbles and dirt at them to get his attention. It was not long before we saw a light turn on in the dark room and Adam's golden hair shine in the moonlight. He took one look out of his window and bitterness radiated off him again. He opened his window and told us to leave.

"We will, in just a moment," I said back. "But I need to talk to you Adam. Just once. I won't be long and I promise I shall not badger you any further."

"Why should I take your word?" he snarled from his window. "What you have to say to me is probably just one large lie. I'm tired and I want to sleep, so if you would, please listen to me and leave while I am still in a harmonious mood."

"I wouldn't care if you were chucking axes and knives at us, Adam. I'm not going to leave until you come down and talk to me." He threw his arms in the air and turned around, muttering something to himself, and I thought he was going to ignore us for the rest of the night. Surprisingly, he did not, and he had turned around to retrieve a rope which he threw outside of his window and climbed down from.

With an angry breath, he landed on the ground effortlessly and stared and Roland and me with a very annoyed countenance. "Speak," he ordered.

"I've come to say good-bye," I responded. "I'm leaving tonight to hook a passage on a ship and then from there I'm going to look for my real father."

"Real father?" he echoed, taking a step towards me. His blue eyes had narrowed on my face and his jaw became strikingly stiff. "You expect me to believe such falsehood? Your father is William Turner, for God's sake. Don't tell me you've gone mad!"

"I haven't," I said. "I was adopted when I was five years old. Ask Roland. I'm sure he can clarify things for you since you _still_ do not believe a single word I say to you. I came to say farewell to you, Adam. But perhaps you would consider that a lie as well, wouldn't you?"

"This is no time to joke about anything, Astrid," said Adam, his voice growing bitter again. "I told you I loved you and you repay me by running off with Stephen!"

"Adam, I've let that matter go, all right? That means nothing to me now because I'm leaving Port Royal behind. I'm leaving behind everything I once knew to start a new and probably more fitting life on the sea. I've let go of everything. I've forgiven myself for the things I have done, and I know I have done some terrible things. My only hope now is that you will learn to let go of things as well."

"Some things cannot be discarded so lightly so soon, Astrid," he replied. "Even after finding you in the arms of pompous bastards like Stephen and Griffith, I still can't help but believe that you still love me. I can't let go of you, Astrid, which is why I cannot forgive you for what you did to me."

"No, Adam. You say that you can't help but believe that I still love you, but what about yourself? Do you find yourself still in love with me?"

"That is absurd!" he yelled. "After what you did to me, do you seriously think I shall embrace you with love and warmth again? I am not so desperate as to do such a thing."

"If I mean so little to you then why will you not forgive me? Why will you not let go? For certainly the things people care less about are easier to release, am I not correct?" I had put Adam to a rest of words. His blue eyes gleamed with solid fury at the fact that I had said such a thing to him. That I had defied him, but the wild shimmer died down quickly, and he turned his glance aside and stared at the ground before finally sitting himself on it with a frustrated moan. "Adam," I said, crouching down beside him and cautiously embracing him. I braced myself for his arms to shove me away, but he did not.

"Astrid," he said softly. "Why must you go at this hour?" I drew away from him and looked him straight in the eye, and I had the urge to kiss his eyelids again. Those beautiful blue orbs of his.

"I have to. I must find my father, Adam. He'll have the answers to all my questions, and I will not return until I have received them."

"But why now? The Paramount has just come in and I have signed on as third Lieutenant. I'll be leaving in three days, and I shall spend a good year on that ship, fighting off pirates and Bonaparte's French ships. And then afterwards, when the Paramount returns to port, I'll be leaving at once with my father to England if the war has not subsided yet. He has been positioned in England again and our whole family might have to move back. I may not see you again, Astrid… ever." He grabbed my hands and squeezed them tight and his face was not at all angry anymore. He appeared so heartsick and without even saying it aloud, I knew he was pleading for me to stay. "Will you not stay until I leave?"

"Adam," I sighed, lifting my hand to his face. "I would gladly stay for you, but I cannot wait another day. I must leave now. This is my opportune moment, Adam. As much as I love you, I cannot stay a day longer in this place. I am driven to leave immediately."

"But…"

"I would have asked you to come with me, but your duty lies elsewhere, Adam. I must go." I stood up and he followed, refusing to let go of my hands.

"Astrid," he begged. "I still love you. If I could I'd marry you right now." His anxious wishes brought a smile to my face. Despite having gone to a school and received a thorough education he still was convinced that marrying me would solve all his problems, but it was clear that as lovers, we still had knots to untangle.

"You are a very silly boy, Adam," I said. "And I am a very silly girl, but in all do seriousness, love, I can't stay with you. I send you and your family all my blessings and I pray to God that He will protect you on your journey. Perhaps He will be kind enough to reunite us one day. But as for now, the sea separates us." I paused and looked deeply into his eyes. Eyes that were hurt and misting with certain loss. "Farwell, Adam. If I do not return, come look for me. And I shall do the same for you. Good bye, Lieutenant." I leaned on my tiptoes as I kissed him, and he willingly took the bodily form of a farewell with a fading passion. As soon as I broke the embrace, he told me to wait and he climbed the rope back to his room. Shortly after, he came back down with something in his hands.

"It's my spyglass," he said. "I want you to have it since I know you never received one."

"Thank you, Adam." He smiled and shoved a small golden trinket into the palm of my left hand.

"It's a ring my father gave me for becoming lieutenant." I tried to put it on all of my fingers, but it was too large to stick firmly to any of them. "Something to remember me by," he added.

"I'll wear it around my neck," I told him, and he beamed back and kissed both my hands. "I haven't brought anything special to give you, but I guess…" I slipped my hand away from his and reached for my sword. Carefully grouping s few strands of my hair, I cut off a piece and gave it to him. "At least you'll remember what color hair I had," I smiled.

"This is enough to keep me thinking of you for years, Astrid. Good bye. I wish you and Roland the very most of luck on your journey, wherever it may lead you. And Roland," he said, turning to my brother. "Watch over her. You've been a good friend. Take good care of each other."

"Aye, Lieutenant," said Roland, saluting to his friend. "Best of luck to you too on your journey. Farewell."

"Farewell." He watched us as we headed towards the harbor, but I suddenly remembered something I forgot to do and I ran back to him and threw my arms around his neck. Laughing, I kissed both his eyelids and once more on his lips before finally running towards the sea.

By the time we reached the harbor, fog had found its way to the ground and hovered gently over the water and streets. It was difficult to see things, but Roland had better eyes than me and inched us closer and closer to the docked ships in the harbor. We agreed on hiding inside a merchant ship, and when the ship came to a different port to sell goods, Roland and I would search for the first British ship there and sign on as sailors. Currently, we had not found an appropriate ship that fit our needs and we were about to get closer to the ships at port, but something strange caught my eye.

Amidst the thickening fog, I thought I spied some sails, or at least the main mast of a ship coming directly towards Port Royal. On impulse, I grabbed Roland's arm and whispered what I had seen in his ear. "Are you sure?" he asked, taking out his spyglass and peering through it, though I doubted that he'd find anything, for the moving mist served as an unbeatable nuisance.

"Positive. It seemed to be coming quite fast. It's bow perpendicular to the position of the docks. It was not turned to the side as if it were about to fire its guns, if it even has any, but I thought it strange that a ship be coming so late in the night."

"What did it look like?" asked Roland urgently, already quickening his pace away from the harbor and towards the fort.

"I'm not sure. It looked a bit grayish, but it could have been the fog. The sails though were not white… they were dark…" Something was oddly familiar about the way I described the sails. _Black sails…ghostly grey ship… The Black Pearl!_

"That is indeed odd," replied Roland. "Astrid, I'm going to inform the guards on watch at the fort about this. You stay here."

"But Roland, I remember now. The ship… it's the Black Pearl! It's Jack's ship!" I cried excitedly. "Ya don't have to tell them to return fire or anything. Jack's finally come back!" Roland whirled on me in the fog and made me think myself an incredible simpleton.

"Astrid, if Jack was captaining that ship, why would he be coming to Port Royal at an unsightly hour under cover of fog? If a ship approaches an establishment so rapidly and slyly, then their intent is to raid the town. Why would Jack raid the town where he left his own daughter? Jack's not captaining that ship, Astrid. And if he is, well, then he's not much a loving parent." He continued to walk towards the fort, but I would not accept his answer. Jack would have never left the Pearl for anything in the world. In fact, he left _me_ so he could stay with his blasted ship. Not in a million years would he have given up that ship!

"What if I am wrong?" I parried. "You'd send warning for no reason."

"Better safe than sorry, sister. Listen, I know you are in disbelief at the moment, but our town is under threat of attack. Would you have Mum and Dad die, or Adam die because you were afraid of hurting the name of your own blood father, who, may I add, abandoned you?"

"Jack would never do such a thing to hurt us!" I yelled.

"Then Jack is not captaining that ship." We argued no further, for Roland had avoided any more of my possible protests by running off into the dense fog where I would be lost if I dared to follow. With a frown, I kicked at the sand on the shore and waited for the Pearl to arrive. If Jack was not captaining the ship, then who the hell was?

If I was not already burdened with the truth of being a pirate's daughter, then the realization that Jack had forsaken his beloved ship only made me dislike the truth all the more. What had gone on in nine years that could have disrupted all that was in order? For my own sake, I did not answer the question. There were already quite a number of questions that would not be answered for some while.

"Whoever took your ship, Jack," I said aloud. "I'm going to find them and reclaim the Pearl for you. Some things should never change, and by God, it is known fact that you would never abandon your ship. And yet, here she is running out her guns and turning to the side to fire directly into the town." My eyes were not fooling me. The ship was indeed turning larboard side! "My God she's gonna fire!" I screamed, and I swung my seabag over my shoulder and stumbled to the Fort, filled with the strangest and loveliest mix of fear, confusion and insurmountable… bliss.

* * *

**THE ADVENTURE CONTINUES IN ****_POWER OF THE OCEAN..._**


	41. Epilogue

_**Epilogue**_

**T**he pleasantly plump, middle-aged maid underwent the usual routine of gathering a shallow white china bowl and a matching pitcher full of cold water to her lady's bedroom. She had been well-acquainted with the shattering confession the Lord and Lady of the house told their adopted daughter, whom she served since the lass was five, and she knew well to treat the young miss with the utmost courtesy after such an unforeseen admission. But as young Margaret Reinders, otherwise known as Maggie, laid her small white hand on the bedroom door handle, she turned it and discovered it locked.

"Oh, Miss," she sighed, pivoting around on her foot to place the delicate pitcher and bowl on a nearby hallway table. With her hands free, she knelt and withdrew a metal hairpin from her straight, strawberry blonde hair and looped it through the small hole in the doorknob. After jostling the knob and prodding the pin frantically for a few moments, the door at last clicked and Maggie pushed the door gently away.

She was met with a rather cool breeze and slightly surprised at the refreshing gust, she walked in further and found the young lady's windows open, with a rope of her tied bed sheets falling from the window. "Oh. Dear God," cried Maggie, lifting her skirts as she rushed over to the windowsill, the breeze blowing her white bonnet nearly off her head. She stuck her head out the window, her brown eyes searching swiftly for any clue or sign as to where the young miss could be, but there was nothing. Nothing except a pile of brown tresses that lied on the grass nearby.

Frowning with a creased brow, Maggie turned around and surveyed the empty and hauntingly quiet room. The sun had not risen yet, but the sky was a palette of black fading into a dreary grey, sending enough pale white light into the room to allow her to see it. The lacy curtains from the windows blew around like banners in the wind, assisting in the constant flow of the ocean air. The bed was unkempt, as usual, and the drawers to the young lady's vanity were open and yellow papers littered its surface with some casually blowing around with the wind.

And then suddenly, her brown eyes spotted an envelope neatly placed beside the vanity mirror, and sparked with curiosity, Maggie hurried to the piece of furniture and seized the letter. _To the Turner Household_, it said. With another sigh and a deeper frown, Maggie took one last look at the barren room and exited, heading for the quarters of the Lord and Lady of the home.

She passed by the room to the young Mister Turner, and found the maid assigned to it looking about the room with a shocked and worried face. "Maggie," said the maid, seeing her comrade and quickly walking to her. "The boy. He's gone. His uniform and other clothes and belongings are gone, Maggie."

"I know," she replied. "They went together; the inseparable two. Young Miss Astrid and young Mister Turner."

"But what will we tell the Missus and Mister?"

"We won't tell them anything, Hannah. We just have to give them this." She showed the letter she found in Astrid's room.

"But why would they leave?"

"Because they needed to," said Maggie simply, understanding Miss Astrid's undeniable impulsiveness. The young woman would do anything at any moment if she wanted to, usually without warning.

A waft of air suddenly blew past them, and the air was not so sweet with the scent of the ocean. It was infected with the stench of smoke. "Maggie," said Hannah, whirling about and running to the windows of young Roland's empty room. From within they saw the small flickering orange dots of torches approaching. They looked beyond that and caught sight of the fort, and it was trapped in smoke. And further down, they saw the black silhouettes of flaming houses. "Dear God, Maggie. What are we going to do?"

Maggie stood still, her eyes never stopping to look at what had happened to Port Royal. "I… I don't know, Hannah. I don't know."

A sudden, startling beat crashed on the front doors of the house and Maggie and Hannah whisked their heads around and exchanged nervous glances. "Wake the Lord and Lady," whispered Maggie. "Don't let anyone open the—" She was cut off, for a gun shot rang through the house and with a shriek, Hannah ran out of the room for the quarters of Mister and Missus Turner.

_Peter_, thought Maggie, remembering the old man had woken but a few moments ago to assume his duties as butler and doorman in the hour before sunrise. Without wasting another moment, she sprinted out of the room and made means to run down the stairs, but she stopped suddenly, seeing the dark, bulky figures of a few grumbling men entering the home. She gasped faintly and retreated to the stop of the stairs, crawling close to the railing for cover and from her spot, she saw Peter lying on the floor, dead.

Something continuously banged against the doors to Elizabeth and William Turner's bedroom. The doorknob was shaking from the outside and the doors rattled with the assaults against them. "Please, my lady and lord!" begged a high voice from the other side. "Open! Please!"

Elizabeth was the first to hear the thumping of fist against door and sat up in bed, her waves of gold and vague grey coming undone from under her nightcap. "One moment, Hannah!" she called, getting up and donning a robe.

"It is urgent, Missus! The town is under attack! And your son and daughter are nowhere to be seen!" came Hannah's shrill reply.

Elizabeth's calmly moving feet were suddenly frozen at the news. Her pale brown eyes widened and her face was suddenly tightened into a mold of quavering fear and apprehension. "Astrid," she breathed through her immobile jaw. "Roland… no…" She averted her head to her sleeping husband and shook him awake, her panic overcoming her tiredness. "Will! Wake up! The town is under attack and Astrid and Roland are missing!" The mentioning of his beloved son and daughter being absent caused him to shoot up from the bed, his once closed eyes now fiery with the determination to save his children.

"Where are they? How could this happen?" he asked as Elizabeth hauled him to his feet and bade him dress properly.

"She's going to find Jack," answered Elizabeth vehemently. "Now that we've told her, she's going to find him and Roland went with her, I'm sure of it."

"Missus! Please!" shouted Hannah from behind the doors. "The pirates! There are pir—" She gave an ear-piercing shriek and something heavy knocked against the doors and collapsed to the ground in a chilling thump, and Elizabeth and Will looked at each other, worried sick at the thought.

"Anyone in 'ere?" chuckled a raspy voice from the other side of the closed doors. "Come on out. We won't hurt you. We jus' want yer treasure an' then we'll be off." Will signaled for Elizabeth to head towards the windows in their room, and she opened them quietly and busied herself by tying a quick rope out of the curtains.

Meanwhile, Will crept closer to the door, reaching for his sword that was conveniently placed for display on their wall and prepared his attack. "C'mon now," yelled the pirate, beating his fist on the doors. "We ain't got all day. I'll give ye three more seconds before I shoot the door open meself! One… two…thr—" Will let fly his plan and opened the doors and immediately jammed his sword into the pirate's abdomen, and with a twisted and groaning face, the criminal fell to the ground, only to be trampled over my his companion as the other pirate lunged forward, a raised cutlass in his hand.

"Go, Elizabeth! I shall follow!" he cried, blocking the pirate's blow and sending the tip of his blade into the pirate's neck. A few specks of blood splattered onto his working hand and his shirt, but he quickly moved his feet backwards, for more of the bandits were rushing straight for him.

Still holding onto his weapon, Will ran for the windows and seeing that Elizabeth was safely on ground, he gripped the rope and swung himself over the windowsill before scurrying down, bloodied sword still in hand. "What of our servants?" asked his wife as soon as his feet touched the hard earth. "Maggie, Peter, Hannah, Geor—"

"I don't know, Elizabeth," said Will, eyeing her with slight remorse. He knew if they did nothing, some of their most loyal servants would die. He had already seen Hannah's body lying dead on the ground outside of their bedroom doors and there was no telling what had happened to the others. "Come, we must get to the fort." He extended his arm to her, knowing such a frightful attack on their beloved home had happened some long years ago, and the attack eventually led to an adventure worth a lifetime.

Elizabeth did not waste one moment and grasped his hand tightly with a reassuring smile. "Let's go."

A sudden earsplitting shatter echoed above them, and they knew the pirates had set fire to their home, throwing torches through the glass windows. Will tugged on Elizabeth's thin hand and after waiting a moment, they slyly ran from their spot to elude any pirate's eyes and sought for a brief place of refuge in some nearby bushes. But a distant call forced them to turn back. "Missus!" it screamed. "Wait! Please!" While Will continued to move forward, Elizabeth halted her feet and because she held her husband's hand, he too was forced to stop.

"Will," breathed Elizabeth. "It's Maggie. She's in the house!"

"The house is burning, Elizabeth. We can't possibly go back in!" He wondered at what his wife could have been thinking that would make her want to go back to save a maid's life. True, it was selfish for him to disregard another's life, but there was a larger chance of all of them dying if they were to return to rescue the maid from the flames engulfing the mansion.

"She's holding something, Will! It's a letter!" Elizabeth waited no further for her husband's reply. She broke her hand free from his and ran back to the side of her home where Maggie had her arm holding the letter from a window. "Maggie! We'll get you out! Don't worry!" assured Elizabeth, but Maggie shook her head as the choking grey smoke weaved about her head.

"No, Missus!" she coughed in reply. "It is too late. Take the letter. It is from your daughter." Elizabeth stood numb and still as Maggie let go of the letter. The piece of paper slowly floated down to her, jerking and twirling with the inconsistency of the moving air. The smoke thickened and Maggie no longer could be seen from the window.

The letter landed softly on the ground like a feather, one of its corners blackened from the fire and the red wax on its seal slightly melting. On impulse, Elizabeth bent down and snatched the letter, stuffing it into the sleeve of her nightgown and hurried back to her husband who waited patiently for her in the safety of some bushes.

Upon reaching him, she extended her arm and he took her hand gratefully with a caring grip. "Let's go to the fort, Will," she said, her voice surprisingly strong and clear. He managed a thin smile and nodded at her and as if they were young again, they sped off into the night, finding the faintest thrill in all of the chaos.

The morning dawned red, and from the safety of the fort, Elizabeth and Will took the time to recap on the horrible night. Will's sword came in handy a few times as they tried to reach the fortress, but they managed to keep out of the way of many of the pirates. With relief, they discovered that Elizabeth's father, old Weatherby Swann, was rescued from their burning home through the help of Commodore Perry and a few of his men. The poor old man was still asleep in his surprisingly untouched room when they arrived.

But the Turners were not so concerned with the hostilities against the town. As they rested at the fort, Elizabeth and Will carefully opened the letter addressed to them and the others in their then burned house, and read its contents carefully, determined not to miss one word of their daughter and son's farewell letter.

"They left," said Elizabeth plainly, somewhat saddened and glad at the news. "Our children have embarked on their own adventure, Will." She took in a breath and turned to him, smiling despite the tears forming in her eyes.

"We won't follow them?" he asked, honestly wanting nothing but to get on a ship and find his children. They still seemed like the little five year old boy and girl he had protected so steadfastly.

"No, my love. We can't."

"But Commodore Perry and the other naval officers will be sure to conduct a search for them. They may think they were kidnapped by pirates."

"Then we show them this," replied Elizabeth, holding up the letter with a smile and a tear on her cheek. "There is no need for the entire navy to find them. They can take care of each other."

"They're out to find Jack then," sighed Will, running a hand through his hair. "Will we do what she asks of us in the letter?"

"Of course. We will confront the Lockes, Westleys, and Murrays and tell them that Astrid and Roland have gone and that they wish them all the best." Will furrowed his brows and looked at his still beautiful wife.

"Even Stephen and Alexandra?" he asked. "Forgive me, but I never liked the thought of Stephen wooing my daughter and I didn't like the interaction between Alexandra and my son." Elizabeth laughed and swatted him playfully with the folded letter.

"It is her request, and it shall be granted. Mind you, I thought Stephen would make a very fine husband for Astrid."

"I'd rather have her fall in love with a pirate than a Westley." Elizabeth stood up and looked down at him, grinning her radiant smile.

"Well, Mister Turner, you can very well say that to young Mister Westley's face when we speak with them. Come along now." With a soft 'huff,' Will stood up and followed after his wife who made her way down to the heart of the fort where the injured were being treated.

Several of the young soldiers and naval officers were lying atop the ground with bandaged heads and limbs. They spotted the first familiar heads they could find, and those were the heads of Missus Locke and her daughter, Stephanie. Both the mother and daughter knelt beside one of the injured men, wiping his sweaty brow with a damp cloth every now and then. The young man was bandaged across his abdomen, his shirt removed due to the blood and he appeared to be in some pain, but not unbearable agony. "Lieutenant Locke?" began Elizabeth.

Missus Locke and Stephanie raised their heads at the coming of the Turners and they each smiled at their sight. "Why, Elizabeth, it is good you and your husband came out safely from this ghastly attack on Port Royal," said Missus Locke, scooting a bit to the side to make room for the couple to kneel down beside Adam.

"Our house did not survive, but one letter did." Elizabeth gently placed her hand on Adam's shoulder and spoke to him. "Did you see my daughter and son?" she asked softly.

At her question, Adam's pain in his torso subsided a bit, and allowed him to widen his closing eyes with their usual lively brightness. "I did," he said, smiling at the memory. "They left. But… I don't know where," he lied.

"Did you speak with Astrid?" He nodded.

"She and Roland fought for a while and I was with her when I got injured. If it's not too bold to ask, Mister Turner," he said, suddenly on a different note and changing his vision from Elizabeth to Will. "May I marry your daughter when she comes back?" Missus Locke gave a small humph and pointed a scolding finger at her wounded son.

"You are too young to think about such things, Adam. Good heavens, you are only sixteen! Don't answer his ridiculous question, Mister Turner. He's dazed from the medication given to him to ease his pain."

"I am not, Mother. I am serious." Will smirked and decided to answer the young, lovesick boy's question.

"Yes, you may marry my daughter when she returns… that is, if she allows you." Adam gave a broad smile and looked at his mother, still grinning with a face that said, "I told you so."

"My son is daft," sighed Missus Locke, shaking her head back and forth. "Stephanie, daughter, keep him company while I speak with your father."

"Yes, Mum," said Stephanie, and she left.

The Westleys also happened to be at the fort, and Stephen seemed to be examining his destroyed coat and Alexandra was whining to her father about when their home would be rebuilt and so on and so forth. Will even warned Elizabeth of interrupting their rather conceited scrutiny of their clothing and possessions, but Elizabeth would carry out her daughter's wishes wherever they may lead. "Mister Stephen Westley?" began Elizabeth.

Stephen's head shot up and at the sight of the Turners he dropped what he was doing and gave them his full attention. "Yes, Missus Turner?" he replied.

"My daughter and son have gone missing—"

"Where?" he interrupted, rising from his seat on the stone floor of the fort. "Where is she?"

"She's fine," said Will. "She wrote us a letter and wished for us to tell you that she enjoyed your company and friendship and apologizes for any trouble she caused."

"Which was many," intruded Alexandra softly. Although fully aware of the dislike between Alexandra and Astrid, Will and Elizabeth acted as if they had not heard the rude remark and continued speaking with the more proper, but more haughty, Stephen Westley.

"When will she return?" he asked. "Why did she even leave?"

"I'm afraid the answer lies solely with her, Stephen," said Elizabeth. "But I am certain she will return. You need not worry."

"If she writes to you, may I send her letters?" he inquired, looking quite desperate for approval.

"If she permits them," returned Elizabeth, slightly unnerved with his fervor to win their daughter's heart. It was already manifest that Astrid was in love with Adam… and _only_ Adam.

"Thank you, then. I appreciate it very much, Mister and Missus Turner." He shook hands with each of them, for no reason in particular. The young man was just too elated to contain his own joy and for once, had to share something of his to others. "If you don't mind my asking, may I officially court your daughter when she returns?" Will tried his best not to snort with disapproval. If another man asked for his daughter's hand, he'd lose his patience.

"If she allows you to," replied Will, slightly bitter.

"But I have your permission, correct?" pressed Stephen, his eyes growing brighter with more hope at each agreeing word the Turners spoke.

"…Yes, you do," replied Will, almost at a grumbling mutter.

"Wonderful," exclaimed Stephen.

Elizabeth and Will exchanged looks and having been married for more than fifteen years, they knew what each other were thinking. _Astrid will have a hundred suitors by the time we are through granting her wishes stated in the letter,_ thought Will. And he knew Elizabeth thought the same, especially with her all-knowing smirk.

"Do not worry, my husband," she said, almost laughing the words. "Astrid will not be overwhelmed with suitors when she returns." He took her hand and kissed it, and she smiled all the more.

"Let us just hope that she and Roland come home soon." And excusing themselves from the Westley company and heading up to the top of the fort, the couple faced the rising dawn and the glimmering ocean. They had a perfect view of the sunrise, the golden and red light streaming to them in rivers of illuminated opportunities, opportunities that their daughter and son had finally taken.

"Give them that horizon," said Will, turning to his wife and squeezing her hand. She returned the mean of affection and beamed back at him.

"And a bottle of rum too," she joked. "_Drink up me hearties…_"

"_Yo ho._"


End file.
